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Trinity1607306450

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Everything posted by Trinity1607306450

  1. Trinity1607306450
    Hello again Sonja All I can say is thank GOD you left when you did .. you trusted your instincts and I'm so glad that you did. Yes as the previous poster said JUMP FOR JOY .. think of the pain and anguish if this relationship lasted longer than it had .. I know it hurts .. you wouldn't be human if it didn't. But try to keep things in perspective, as difficult as that can be. Keep us posted on here and keep your chin up .. brighter days are ahead for you .. I can feel it. Take care hon.
  2. Trinity1607306450
    Gilgamesh I laughed long and hard at your reply .. well done my friend .. and to the lad with the minty member .. get a life!
  3. Trinity1607306450
    Hi Conanh You didn't say how long you had been divorced for. It's very difficult when someone fails to play by the rules, in this case a restraining order, but that's when you have to worry about your side of the street, and not hers. Perhaps now isn't the time to get involved in a relationship? Maybe a little bit of time is what it will take for your ex to leave you alone. Failing that, perhaps you need to be a little more careful about who you see and when/where you see them. Last and not least, document each and every time your ex breaches the conditions of her restraining order, and report her to the police. Her actions will eventually catch up with her. This has got to be hard on your son, too. I know you'll give him lots of love to sustain him while you both go through this. Hang in there and God Bless.
  4. Trinity1607306450
    Hello Tears .. My Dad always told me that when I went through dark times, it was okay to lie down and bleed awhile, in a manner of speaking, so long as I always eventually got back up. That helped me. I've learned that for every dark valley in my life, I eventually climbed out on the other side into the light and things were okay again. The peaks and valleys of life can be inordinately painful, but ultimately necessary in order to grow. I agree with Cookies, I too think you have a huge heart, and I think it's wonderful that you are there for so many others. As hard as it is, trust that when it is time for you to fall in love with that special someone, it will happen, and I'm willing to bet that it won't take much effort on your part for it to happen. If you can, try to put energy and focus into other things which give you life right now, and live life to the fullest. Love can be grand, but it's not the be-all, end-all of life. That's the beauty of life; opportunites, so many of them, are there for the taking, if only we reach out and grab them. God Bless.
  5. Trinity1607306450
    Hi Bishop. Welcome. I'm not a doctor but you sure sound depressed. You didn't mention in your post whether you are under a doctors care. Three years ago I took 9 weeks off on a paid leave of absense due to stress/depression/suicidal tendencies, and while initially the break was good, eventually the monotony got to me and I started to sleep around the clock. Taking time off didn't ease my depression, it made it worse. But what works for one doesn't necessarily work for another. Do you have a good relationship with your employers? Would they be supportive if you were able to tell them how you feel? Do you have family or a significant other who are able to also support you? You need compassion and reassurance, and it's good to see you reaching out here, but try to do the same out in the real world, too. I believe that a problem shared is a problem cut in half. Don't give up on life. Do what you need to do to make things more manageable and just take it a day at a time. I hope this helped some. Hang in there and God Bless.
  6. Trinity1607306450
    It's very difficult when someone you love expresses the need for time and space but doesn't communicate on a deeper level than that. You are left with a lot of unanswered questions, and I sympathize with that. I'm a big advocate of honesty, so if you are missing her then I would tell her that. She is definitely going through something; maybe she feels that the two of you are growing apart, it's hard to say. I've been in relationships where I seemed to put all my focus and energy into it and very little on outside pursuits and I believe that kind of focus is unhealthy. Balance in all areas is key. If you can, try to let go of the outcome for now. You can't control what happens, so don't try. I think you are doing the right thing by spending some extra time with your own friends. Hopefully your girlfriend will come back to you renewed and more than ready to move forward in your lives together. You sound like a terrific guy with a good head on his shoulders. I'm sure things will work out as they are meant to. Hang in there and God Bless.
  7. Trinity1607306450
    Keep it to yourself, and be true to yourself too. Don't do it again. Think how you would feel if the shoe were on the other foot.
  8. Trinity1607306450
    But what is normal for one woman, isn't for another. Go see your doctor, and let him/her advise you.
  9. Trinity1607306450
    He cheated on his wife to be with you .. what makes you think he won't cheat on you to be with someone new in the future? Listen, I do sympathize with you. I know that sometimes love seems to fade and we fall into an easy complacency with our partners, but DON'T fall for it. Three years down the road with this new guy, you would probably encounter the very same thing. It's so easy to lean towards instant gratification, but why not invest some time and effort, not to mention LOVE in your life-parter -- your husband. Forget this new guy; infatuation is intoxicating, but it's also usually fleeting. I don't mean to be a naysayer .. I just happen to have been there .. and am today a strong believer in commitment. Work it out with your husband. Try to rekindle that passion with him -- I'll bet it's there if you look hard enough. Good luck and God Bless.
  10. Trinity1607306450
    Sonja I can't tell you how proud I am of you! Your resolve and determination are apparent .. you made my day. God Bless! Trinity
  11. Trinity1607306450
    Hi Sonja I wish there were something I could say. I had to reply because the pain in your post was so evident. You seem like a very intelligent, kind and forgiving person. Your boyfriend was unfaithful and you obviously have enough self-respect that you couldn't carry on in the relationship after finding this out. Long-distance relationships are hard! I think it's terrific that you remained faithful to him despite this hardship and you should be proud of yourself! You held yourself above reproach; not many can claim this I'll bet. Suicide is not the answer. I work in a field where I see many families and young lives destroyed because of this. You feel all alone but you are not, I promise you this! Take it real easy on yourself right now; eat your favourite foods, sleep, take long baths, whatever it is that gives you comfort. If these suicidal feelings persist, please call someone at your local mental health crisis centre it would be completely confidential and it might help for you to talk to somebody about how you are feeling. Please let us know here how you are doing .. I'll be watching for your posts. Hang in there and God Bless.
  12. Trinity1607306450
    First of all Mermayd, congratulations on reaching 10 months! What a milestone! I have been sober for 19 months and remember what it was like in those first few months. Are you affiliated with a recovery program like AA or are you doing it on your own? I go to AA and it has made a world of difference to my sobriety. I was the opposite to how describe your drinking and drugging days. In the beginning it was all parties, but the last few years I drank alone. It was a very lonely time for me, and today I enjoy socializing more than I used to. However, I still choose my own company over being with a crowd, or spending time alone with my boyfriend. I don't think there is anything wrong with this, it's what makes me happy and comfortable. That, I think, is key. You shouldn't force yourself to be in a situation that may cause you undue anxiety. Be yourself, and spend time with people out of desire, not obligation, is my advice to you. If you truly are meant to be the social butterfly you once were, trust that you will naturally gravitate towards that when you are ready. It's a huge deal to suddenly find yourself sober and dealing with a lot of emotions that you had bottled up for years. Give yourself time to heal. If at any time you would like to talk about recovery, please let me know. God bless.
  13. Trinity1607306450
    I'll bet it would make you feel so good to set a goal for yourself and to subsequently accomplish it. You are feeling so confused by this guy and he's manipulating you through guilt over sex .. I agree with the post that said to run from him! Make a decision to not have sex with him again .. and stick to it! If you feel like you are missing him in an intimate way, then find ways to make yourself feel good .. think about it. I know what it's like to confuse love and sex .. and it is confusing! But learn to separate the two -- until you KNOW that it's love you're experiencing. If this is the guy for you, he will respect your decision to not have sex. If he continues to push, push back, girlfriend! Now grab your board and go do what you do best! God bless.
  14. Trinity1607306450
    Hi there. I was once in a relationship where I wanted to move forward and he was happy the way things were; I didn't doubt his love but I did doubt his ability to commit. I chose to move on and eventually found someone who loved me and was willing to make a commitment. As women, things bother us more at certain times of the month than at others. I've read that women are at their most intuitive at these times and shouldn't ignore these instinctive feelings. No one can tell you what to do because they aren't the ones who would have to live with the decision. Only you know what to do, despite your confused state of mind right now. It's obvious you love this guy and it sounds like he loves you too. But it sounds like this isn't enough for you, and that's pefectly alright. I wonder why your boyfriend tells you that he would be perfectly fine if the two of you were to break up? Does he truly mean this or is he trying to protect his feelings? If he really means what he says then it sounds like maybe you deserve someone who holds you in a much higher regard. Just my opinion. Good luck and God bless.
  15. Trinity1607306450
    Betty Boop .. I suggest you print your posting, and the replies you received. One day in the far off future you will perhaps be that tired wife, the overworked mother to three children. Your looks won't be your greatest asset anymore. Your confidence, which I suggest is shrinking rapidly, will continue to deteriorate. What you are doing is morally wrong, and only time and experience will teach you that. My hope for you is that you learn to love and respect others, and to love and respect yourself. As children, our parents or guardians are responsible for how we are raised. As adults, we are responsible for who we become. God bless you.
  16. Trinity1607306450
    Hopefully today is a better day for you. Personally I would proceed as though you hadn't heard anything about this other guy. Yes, it's possible and quite likely that your emotions are clouding the issue. There is nothing wrong with putting her on the spot and telling her how you feel, and asking her out. Regardless of the outcome, at least things will become more clear to you and you'll be able to, hopefully, move forward from there. You have a lot going for you! If this girl doesn't see that, move on! Don't settle for less than what you deserve. GB
  17. Trinity1607306450
    Hi there .. What I always tell my children is that if they are telling on one another to protect them, then that's ok. If they are ratting one another out in order to get them in trouble, then I punish them both. When it comes down to someone's health and/or wellbeing, you have, I believe, an obligation to tell the truth. Your sister will probably be mad but eventually she'll understand why you had to tell your Mom. Good luck!
  18. Trinity1607306450
    Your g/f sounds pretty insecure and needy. You have the right to be friends with whom you choose, male or female, period. Masturbation? Not a thing wrong with it. What seems odd is her need to talk about it. If you have your eye on another girl, why not go for it? Trust your gut. Remember, my friend, that you have CHOICES. God bless.
  19. Trinity1607306450
    I have certainly dated men who were touted as 'nice guys' only to find them too accommodating. Personally, I enjoy a challenge. By this I mean that I like to be stimulated intellectually, and like a man who has his own beliefs and rituals. I have dated men who were like 'sponges' and seemed not to have a personality of their own. Despite liking a challenge, there is nothing more endearing than honesty and vulnerability. I love when a man is able to say that he is falling in love with you or that he may feel threatened by a situation. This encourages communication which is HUGE in my book. Do nice guys finish last? Sometimes. All depends on your perception of things, I suppose. GB [/i]
  20. Trinity1607306450
    Hi Janey. I identified strongly with your post. My boyfriend has a very wild past also, one involving stripping, drugs, alcohol and illicit sex. I also have a wild past, although I wouldn't say I have experimented as much as he has. I understand what it feels like to feel threatened or to feel that you won't be 'enough'. I have a double standard sometimes; I feel that I can monitor my own conduct, and feel that I am free to do what I would like, yet sometimes become obsessed with what he might be doing when we aren't together. But that's as far as I let it go. I try to practice detachment. I also stay focused on positive things within the relationship. Worrying about something that hasn't happened, or before it happens, won't help. Controlling or obsessing doesn't work either. Personally, I think it's a huge turnon for men as well as for women when their partner has healthy self-esteem, and feels good about who they are. Try to demonstrate that by respecting not only your b/f but yourself. Stay active outside of the relationship doing things that you enjoy, and it's possible you won't obsess so much anymore. If nothing else, practice acceptance. Some things just are. Everyone deserves a second chance. Enjoy yourself! God bless.
  21. Trinity1607306450
    Hi. I wish I had some advice for you, but I will leave that for someone else to do. Instead, I wish to offer my condolences on the loss of a girl who obviously means a great deal to you. Just hang in there .. and trust that things will become more clear .. GB
  22. Trinity1607306450
    My boyfriend is in the midst of moving into my house. I thought I was doing the right thing but I am so filled with fear and anxiety right now I don't know what to do. You know how it is when you are dating .. you feel fresh, youthful and exciting, right? Suddenly your role changes and you are the housewife, the caregiver, the .. I don't know .. I feel so dull and to be truthful, I feel very alone. He knows how I feel and he is anxious about the move too, but is trying to be strong. Those who have read my previous posts know that I am a recovering alcoholic, as is my partner. Tonight I took several muscle relaxants .. it's all I could find. This overwhelming desire to escape from myself overtook me and I felt powerless over it. I am 35 with two kids and I hate the single life .. yet, my self-image suffers considerably when I am in a committed relationship and I become very needy .. quite the opposite of who I am when I am single. Help? Can anyone identify? Thanks for listening.
  23. Trinity1607306450
    Hi Neo. I suspect that no one but your ex knows the answer to your question, so why not ask her? Could be she was feeling nostalgic, or maybe something deeper. In the good old days when I used to reminisce with my ex, it was usually in an attempt to remind him of happier times so that he wouldn't behave so bitterly towards me or our children. Sorry I couldn't be more help. God bless.
  24. Trinity1607306450
    I was dating a man for 4 and a half years. Initially it went well, but he got cold feet eventually and wanted a part-time relationship. I thought so little of myself that I accepted this arrangement. I identified with your post in that my boyfriend and I also broke up many times, sometimes for extended periods, before getting back together. Each time, I thought that if I really behaved, if I didn't do this or didn't do that, I could win him over. End result? We broke up for good. Today I find myself in a mutually respectful relationship with a man I love dearly. Being in a relationship shouldn't cause you so much pain or anxiety. If you decide it's really time to move on, then DO IT. Believe in yourself and trust that you deserve better. I'm sure he's a good man but it sounds like he is playing games with your heart and that's just not right. God bless.
  25. Trinity1607306450
    It sounds as though you are suffering from 'analysis paralysis'. I agree with the post that suggested you may need to feel good about yourself before you can be in a mutually healthy relationship. I remember the fear I had in relationships, the very same fears that you describe. I always expected my boyfriend to love me enough for the both of us and that just wasn't fair to him. Try to get involved in the community or just with other girlfriends. Don't isolate in the relationship, that's not healthy. Maybe check out some books in the library on self-esteem too. In the meantime, enjoy the relationship for all that it is, believe in yourself, and try not to worry about tomorrow. Finally, what about some volunteer work at a hospital or drop-in centre. Nothing helps me to put things in perspective better than to get out of myself by helping someone less fortunate. God bless.
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