rightfromthestart

omg - that's whacked. i wonder if they web cammed? ewwwwwwwwww

i would definity agree that 3 months is too early but we have some wisdom and experience behind us. and by the time that actually happens, we will be close to 7 months together. i am more worried about rushing from one thing to the other. i've spent a good chunk of life doing what was needed to take care of business and now i think its time to relax a bit and enjoy life. btw, we are both musicians [she's waaaaaaaaaaaay better than i am] and we are going away this weekend so i was thinking about bringing it up then.

when all others fail to reach out, and you recognize someone or some people that do - don't let the fear stop u. kindness makes no judgements. trust in the people that stop, not the ones that pass u by.

i must be the only one that believes NC is the worst thing for healing and reconnecting. i went thru a 6 month period of that, not of my own doing, and all it did was erase things instead of healing. see, i kept being vocal and inclusive, engaged third parties for unbias answers, i didn't let that wall silence me and i think someone heals and forgives when they are faced with the outcome of their decisions on a daily basis. that way u have to own up to your faults and weakness not just internally but externally. i don't think i would be where i am now if i had been the dumper and went directly into NC. Just my 2 cents.

hi there E-folk, i would like to get some advice on marriage. first some background, about three months ago, i met this wonderful woman and well, things just clicked in the way two people do that have gone thru similiar experiences and have a similiar background. we are the same age, make the same amount of money, her kids and mine hit it off right away, we communicate and work thru everything and we are planning a life together. we both took care of the fininacial side of things early in life so that is not a problem and our kids are getting close to the age where they will be chillaxing with their friends more than with us so her and i have planned to take a winter vacation to paris and i hahve been thinking, what an opportunity that would be to 'pop' the question. the only thing that is bothering me is that we both have decided to buy a cottage this summer. i was wondering if doing both in such a short span of time, would it take the 'luster' off the the paris experinece too soon or should i push back the cottage thing until next fall. any thoughts?

just nervous because .

if they can cover off all the bases. a confident man, has a certain walk, and posture. when they talk it makes u feel at ease, u listen, and a confident man actually is aware of his surroundings, doesn't panic under pressure and shows grace and empathy while always being able to cut to the chase. a confident man can wear different coloured socks while mowing the lawn, can book a trip for two to german, and can lay pipe and be tender with children. he knows who he is, what he wants, and makes sure he understands what his partner needs. much more?

my 2 cents...first of all, back off the power trip...u dumped him, he is making an effort, u turned away again, he said piss off, u reconsider...why don't you both act like bleeding adults and show each other respect...and try this...leave the 'big discussions' for later...just meet and grab a pint and relax because until u do that, nothing else will get decided...and this 'should i let him' - stop treating him like a dawd on a leash and maybe he will stop flipping an flopping...just my thoughts

isn't that a normal thing?

and i end this game of cat and mouse with a few words from one of the bands she turned me on to alle the best sweetness - may yer travels take you many wonderful places loved every minute g Stand up sit down baby Gonna be a formal dress down hey day We decide why not go downtown How about you and me we go get wasted You'll have, you'll have to excuse me Please please, please excuse me You'll have, you'll have to excuse me This will be my first time By definition from grade school to English 30 We quietly become strong so early Take it or leave it They can't believe it They go from kindergarten to killing sprees They go from heartache to inner peace 100 foot ceilings 100 percent deceit He said let's leave this between you and me My cats watch my stuff leave my house Between you and me the cat burglars are What did you see what did you steal Tell me baby how does it feel Yeah how do you feel It's a top ten list of Things that move me the most It's a top ten list of Things that bother me the most A top ten list of Things that scare me the most I'd have to say that the future Wasting time in the fast food line I decide to walk the fine line And celebrate life celebrate death I choose to celebrate the first I celebrate the first We decide to go out walking The whole time that we're talking Convinced that we're living The whole time that we're dying We decide to go out walking The whole time that you're talking Convinced that you're living Whole time that I'm dying Keeps me on my toes Where did the time go You keep me on my toes Where did the time go On the edge of town where the gravel's thin They're gonna wear you down Until you're thin and tired tired tired Of wasting time in the fast food line I decide to walk the fine line And celebrate life celebrate death I choose to celebrate The first to come the first to go The first to say yes the first to say no I'm gonna seize this moment The first to come the first to go The first to say yes the first to say no We decide to go out walking The whole time that we're talking Convinced that we're living Whole time that we're dying Keeps me on my toes Where did the time go, yeah Keeps me on my toes Where did the time go You keep me on my toes Where did the time go You keep me on my toes You keep me on my toes You keep me on my toes You went away Cos you said that you can't stand me So I went away I was sure that you can't stand me Well I don't think we have to be like this forever Is there more to life than love and being together? You went away Cos you said you couldn't love me And I went away Cos all I do is love you Well I don't think we have to be like this forever There's more to life than love and being together When my loud guitar comes in When my thumpin' drums come through When my loud guitar comes in When my thumpin' drums come through My loud guitar comes in My thumpin' drums come through Well I don't think we have to be like this forever There's more to life than love and being together There's more to life than love and being together Is there more to life than love and being together? I went away There's a war inside of me Do I cause new heartbreak to write a new broken song Do I push it down or let it run me right into the ground I feel like I wouldn't like me if I met me Well I can't stop talking for fear of listening to unwelcome sound And you haven't called me in weeks and honestly it's bringing me down I feel like I wouldn't like me if I met me I feel like you wouldn't like me if you met me And don't you worry there's still time There's nothing to live for when I'm sleeping alone And I wash the windows outside in hopes that the glare will bring you around Sunshine is days away I won't be saved I know all the words I can't say that I'll love you forever I won't say that I'll love you forever

she was the 'one' that moment in time in your life....think of how many other moments you will have move ahead

hard to pick sometimes eh i'm the kind of girl who is much better off ignoring her old flames, and pretending they don't exist. even though i hate going that route, i think it's healthier for me. that's why i cut kris out of my life, and i'm lucky darren never replied to the email i sent him. in the list of my old flames - boyfriends worth mentioning and significant crushes - here is the breakdown of noteworthy or recent relationships: darren: his naivete drives me insane, but he is damn fine, and i have trouble ignoring that. if i started talking to him again i'd only want to get back together with him. BAD idea. he can't deal with a woman that is scared and a mess, but is not wating to be saved by someone else from it. nick: he's not as spoiled as i thought he was. he was arrogant. still is probably. talks WAY too much. thinks he knows more than i can deal with for very long. but since we've broken up he's gotten fine. and i don't think it's just a change of perspective. there is some physical evidence of it. but aside from the above, there is the detail that made me stop thinking he was spoiled - i CANNOT STAND his sister. jesse: the man is loaded with charisma. he has a good heart. and he's smart. but he ain't wise. and he's been known to think with his penis. he's got no passion for anything. in hindsight, there was no passion in the sex either. the danger in any significant interaction with him is i'd end up very sexually frustrated, or we'd end up sleeping together and based on his lack of passion, i'd STILL be very sexually frustrated. 8 foot tall boy: okay, it's not an emotional thing. it's purely a sexual thing. he's immature, and inarticulate, and he doesn't realize just how much he has left to learn. actually, come to think of it, that's true of him, and all the previous boys mentioned. i seem to pick them that way, i gotta watch out for that in the future. but being in contact with him at all makes me think i should just jump him and relieve myself of some of my sexual frustration. use him like a vibrator, basically. but unlike a vibrator, he'd be upset when i didn't call. too bad, he's cheaper than a vibrator. kris: i think this is self explanitory, but it's a simple case of keeping in contact with him keeps me believing there is a possibility that he could care about me the way i cared about him. and everytime i think i'm over him and try to be friends again, i just end up right back where i started, so that's enough. no more of that. i don't need the disappointment. he can't love me and i can't not love him. yes, i'm sure that thought makes lexie shudder. and then finally, there is graham: i am two and a half years older than this guy. and i've wanted him since the day i set eyes on him. granted, when i set eyes on him, i didn't realize that there was any kind of notable age difference between us. maybe i was a year older, but two and a half? he does NOT look it, and he doesn't act it either. the way i described him to my sister, he has the face of a renaissance angel. he is gorgeous, easy going, and he also has a passion for volunteering. he just finished up being akela of the 8th ottawa cub pack. akela is a big deal. big job. he's gone to laurier now, for percussion, and we're talking more over the internet. and we shouldn't, because talking to him makes me want him. i hadn't seen him since christmas, and i wanted him then, then i started seeing nick, and put him out of my head, and now, i'm back to wanting him... the moral of this story is i should stop talking to the men i've had a history with. seriously. all it does is make me want them back. no matter how many reasons we had not to be together.

is this finally the year the leafs win the cup? could it be!

maybe u should ask carnak the all knowing. think i saw him/her earlier

did she packed up my drill screwdriver and patio furniture by mistake...? hmmmm...i wonder

on how [and the tone] she said 'omg' - lol was it? omg [low voice - i waited all this time for that! ripped off lol] or was it? OMG FREAKING GAWD! AGAIN! lol or was it? omg - sigh [finally] or was it? OmG - time for planB or was it? OMG - did we leave the windows open? or was it? oMg - what have we been missing? or was it? omG - i think i fell asleep...did we ----k? or was it? oMG - darling, do u have a permit for that thing and on and on...lol

wow...not sure who that was intended for but anyway u slice that apple - the person you are referring to would have to say DEEALLLLLLLLLL! however, i am not a registered dealmaker agent having been recently decommissioned - i was just adding my 2 cents and thought, what a fiar exchange rate.

"there is nothing I want to do more" follow your dreams. that is what anyone that ever cared or loved you would want you to do.

I Have already post a piece on my adventures as an online doctor phil, the cell phone travesty, and now for another thrilling tale..... Viva Las Vegas [how elvis got junk in his trunk]

[probably doesn't go with this post tho] the cell phone !

the cell phone was my first and last cell phone!

true story [my online adventures in la-la land - simply one of many chapters in this novel] many, many years ago i found myself face to face with something extremely powerful - love. i had never been in love before and when u haven't, then u are, u recognize it immediately. u can't fake it. u either know or you don't. well, i was in love. repeat i was. and i do believe the other person was as well, but i think her stay in that state of mind was extremely brief. and when that shift started, i felt it. and, trust me, there is nothing in the world that you can do to halt that decline. that is there buzz man. but, what happened was this. how does one react, when love reached love together and one grows from it and the other withdraws. i can tell u from my experience it is an amazing adventure. being with someone where loving them turns from promise to disaster is rollarcoaster ride without seatbelts. what happens is as one love shines and the other diminishes, the star that begins to fade starts to feel guilty that the other star is still shining and so slowly they dismantle the atom bomb. tear away at the other, piece by piece, core by core, because when somone loves u and u don't - that's not fair they think. and without even noticing, the inflict pain on others because they feel worthless. now from the side i was on, all u can do it take the hits until you are numb enuff where the other person can walk away. how do they do this? easy. they know u. they attack the places you had opened up only to them - your sexuality, your reason, your strengthes - and that's the weakness of love. it leaves u open to attack. but it is it strength too because love will not let you die. this is what happened to me. this attack was not intended to hurt or scar, only to allow the other a way out. but when u realize that u love someone more than they love u, it tugs at your heart and you want it to go away because it is one-sided. and the more the other chops you down, the less energy you have to remove it. when u have been doubted, distrusted, embarrassed, etc. by someone you love - it leaves u in a coma with only the sensation of pain. that makes it easy for depression and addictions and lack of judgement to roar inside because a negative is taking over a positive. so, one day, after placing my hand on the small of her back and feeling her connective pulse missing - i only had two choices. put the barrell of the gun in my mouth, a la kurt cobain, or find the company of misery enjoyable. this is where my online adventure began. i had never been on a chat site before and i don't even remember how i found it but one night i was simply 'listening' in as 'perfectly normal' people used icons and fake names to act in ways they would never dream of in real life and after 2 hours of this, i texted a few words in the 'lobby' and said - holy cow batman! what is wrong with all you folks?" and this person sent me a message and asked if i was ok. i said i was just tired and she said, you should really get some sleep. and it was strange that someone i didn't even know was taking care of me while my ex was sleeping upstairs. so, i ended up talking with her about her life and because for some unknown reason people seem to naturally open up to me [usually not the ones that should] and i can read between the lines. this person stopped, saw blood on the tracks and cared. and to do that, i knew they were in pain as well. so, we talked for a bit and suddenly i found a way to remove the gun from my mouth by helping her. she was as lost as i was. easily given to love but being punished for doing so. and she told me about men who led her astray because of her wanting to be loved. she told me she had just meet someone on that chat room and after two weeks had 'fallen in love' and was going from the states to spain to meet him. and suddenly i found i had a purpose again. what had been taken away from me in my home, i was able to give to someone, a stranger thru an abstract medium - so i would try and help her find her path as she fell for man after man until finally we both had helped each other to see our own self worth again and then i stopped going to any chat rooms. see, i think such environments are harmful to the soul because the allow people to suspend reality but for me it validated my ability to care and save me from drowning. oh and one last note, this person had the same first name as the person that was sleeping upstairs so in many ways it now feels like what i was doing was trying to stop something that was really happening in my life but i did not know was actually occurring. life is spooky at times. that is just one chapter.

its amazing how clear the written word appears when u take pen in hand with honesty. and unfortunately, or fortunately, that is but one of many experiences i had over an extremely short period in my life. so much happened in the blink of an eye, but my mind is a camera, it takes snapshots constantly and sometimes it takes a while for the film to develop - but it always does. i am at a place now where i can recount these events without bias or lack of focus. it has been a nice reward.

another side of guilt, shame and pain can be seen i left a post in the cyber section...email accounts... enjoy

true story [my online adventures in la-la land - simply one of many chapters in this novel] many, that is just one chapter.