rightfromthestart

my 2 cents i hope this helps...see part of this post? therein lies your answer. "to go yesterday and held back the tears while I was sitting in church and prayed to God and asked for his forgiveness and help aleviate the pain I have inside" you don't need forgiveness from anyone - but yourself. and u don't even need to forgive yourself. if u just shift your focus, and reverse the negative thoughts to positive ones - you will be fine. after all, look at the big picture. did anyone die? are you smarter and wiser now than before? have u done things to improve yourself and your life? of course. so, be grateful. you made it thru all that.

"She wants space in order to do that and needs you to 'let go' so that she can be sure that she isn't acting on guilt. If she comes back to you, she wants to make sure she is doing it for the right reasons." my 2 cents. if i was the person she is referring to i would tell her this. u have always had space. and that the moment she left, i let go. and, i would tell her that she knows i know her so well, that she would never come back for reasons of guilt because she that is not healthy and related to the relationship - that feeling belongs to only her and she knows i wouldn't let her do so for that reason anyways. i would tell her stop and think about this guilt feeling and to think back to when she decided to leave and everything about that time and what occurred. and ask - did u feel guilty then? probably not - or you would have stopped what you were doing just as you are now. what i am saying, is don't feel guilty towards the other person - just accept the fact that what happened, happened. the only person you need answer is to yourself and no-one else. and i would tell her, the last thing she should be thinking about is having a relationship with the other person again because what this has all been about is not that...but supporting and helping each other grow and understand and not repeat mistakes. see, i can say this because the one thing my ex taught me was how to be honest with myself. and that is a gift that is more than enuff. so, i would say, the space is yours, become who u want to be, be with people that u love and nuture your mind, body and soul - and all that is required is that u love yourself and know that others see worth and require nothing in return. all the best.

"I'm not trying to downplay his part in the breakup, but he's been hearing that he was the cause of "our" problems for years. I just never realised how important my part in the downfall of our relationship." wow. do u realize what a huge step u have just taken in your healing process? congrats! i want u to think about this for a moment - how could u possibly understand his behaviour, if u did not understand your contribution? i mean, the best way to 'know' someone else is to understand yourself first right? see, now u can do many other things that will help you. when u can see both sides of the coin - it is much easier to focus. i suggest you try this one little experiement - pretend you are the other person? what i mean, keep your own thoughts but just trade places. everything they did is now u doing it, and the same for them. how would u view things now? how would u react? this is really about finding out how well u know the other person and whether or not u would have reacted the same way if the reverse had happened. and of course, i have a ton of other suggestions, but, i think you are well on your way to finding peace of mind within yourself. best wishes.

does this person have an answering machine? just call and leave a message - and if u don't want to talk on the phone - just tell them to unblock the addy. maybe its just me, but it doesn't sound like hard stuff. i wish u much success.

my 2 cents may i add the word 'honest' before good and communication?

i don't understand how the 'blocked' email thing works [so non-techy]. i know this sounds dumb but what about using the phone? leave a message. just an idea.

give each other a round of apple sauce! lol good stuff - both of u! well done

i think everything is connected. lets say u see this guy, and you notice he has great shoulders, and you think, mmmmmmmmm. then the first time you rest your head on those shoulders, it just feels right - the fit is perfect and u go...ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh or you notice his hands...they look rugged and strong and you like that...but when you hold hands, u notice the embrace is tender and assuring...and u go....ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh connectionssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss!

"This guy 'felt' so right. Being with him 'felt' so right. So how can i get it soooo horrible wrong????????" i am confused. what did u get wrong? sounds like he got it wrong. remember u didn't dump him - he did. r radar was right, he is the one that got it wrong. don't blame yourself for him leaving. that's his buzz.

i think people sometimes get confused between love and attraction. i think it u can get attracted to someone without meeting them [attraction caused by the use of just some of your senses] but you fall in love with them when all senses come into play and when you start sharing and building experiences and memories together instead of in isolation. i think relying on all senses [taste, touch, etc.] and knowing it feels right then - that is the litmus test. for example - have u ever seen some that looks ok, not totally dreamy, and have written back and forth and it makes u want to discover more? then you here their voice and suddenly that ok person looks dreamy? just curious.

the main reason my last relationship failed is really because i loved the leafs and my partner loved the sens. the strain from playoff hockey became too much. damn that tie domi - relationship ender!

my 2 cents as soon as i stopped focussing on myself - poor ol' me - why me? lol - and started focussing on 'life' around me - i felt better. because the old saying is true - 'its not just about you'.

hey 27...u shouldn't feel bad about saying something like that...maybe u did feel he was like that...maybe he was...just remember, that comment is attached to the emotion - and not taken personally [something an ex taught me]. as for qwers comment....saying you love someone everyday is the best...but if u don't feel that way, then that's why u don't say it...but remember, telling someone u love them doesn't have to be vocalized all the time...what's that old saying? actions speak louder than words....u can say you love someone in so many ways...say your partner is sick - and without them asking you, u bring them in some chicken noodle soup....the look in their eyes will make u melt.... make sense?

clarification on my "illusion" post. i used the word 'illusion' to simply state - when we enter a relationship at the beginning, everything ususally happens naturally and it just feels great. then life slaps u upside the head and reality sinks in and reminds you that, a relationship, like everything else in life takes hard work [in a good way] to maintain. but if we hold on to the illusion that it 'must' always be as it was at the beginning - the relationship is doomed. this 'wanting' or 'longing' for the feelings one has at the beginning is what usually leds people to having many short term relationships and repeating past mistakes. it is an emotional attachment to how that 'period of time' makes them feel and when it is repeated over and over again - it is usually related to an event from their past and is an indictor that they haven't learned how to move and grow past that point and they don't because the 'value' of that is unknown to them. they stay with what they know and feel secure in only 'investing' themselves that far. in many ways, it is associated with the 'pleasure principle' - the best way to break out of that cycle is to take time away from relationships and examine what drives that inside them and whether or not it is what they honestly need in life. one way to find out is check out older couples. hang around couples that have been married for 40 or 50 years - and see if that stirs something inside that is more powerful. if not, stay with the rush thing and enjoy life.

total opposite for me. when i first saw my ex i thought omg! wooo hoo. then reality sunk in. teasing. what attarcted me first was the written word, then voice, then seeing her. we actually started dating in reverse. we ended as most relationships do - but i liked the way it started. for me the attraction was based on the person - but when the ex wore those f--k boots one nite, that was pretty sweet 2! lol

"and sometimes even not talking about gloomy stuff brings back those negitive feelings felt during the break up. even clean break ups..there is still a bit of sad feelings involved." my 2 cents. if any conversation at all brings back negative feelings, maybe its because they haven't healed yet. my best advice is this - turn that frown upside down. don't let the past influence your present. "in some cases, the dumper may think talking about random stuff every now and then is a way to start a friendship. but to the dumpee, they dont always see it that way, and shouldnt be expected to." all i can tell u is this - if the dumper thinks talking about random stuff is friendship, chances are the dumpee feels the same. remember, the dumpee is the one that was dumped so they should not see talking as an expectation of getting back together. they realize they have been given their 'pink slip' - so i think they would simply see it as the dumper simply not have the negative feelings towards them that caused the dumper to dump the dumpee in the dumpster. make sense? lol.

my 2 cents if u think someone is contacting u for any reason that makes u feel negative - tell them to stop. if u are 'outside' of the situation [third party] stop making judgements because u are not them. and last, maybe, just maybe, they just like each other and are simply 'talking' like they used to before the atom bomb went off and showing each other - its all kewl. not everything has to be complicated, u know. its possible to just enjoy talking with someone about things other than gloomy stuff.

i disagree [as usual - lol] regarding watching the movie because all it is a great love story and shows u the power of love....but its just a movie...the best part for u, is u get to write your own ending....some of the best movies don't have happy endings [american beauty comes to mind] plus, kate winslet is so............lol

"Yeah, you have to be aware that not everyone you sleep with wants a relationship with you." her actions back up her words. so, just let her be herself. nothing wrong with what she is doing.

"So how do you stop worrying about something? What do you do to ease your mind?" worrying is either related to something in the past or something that might happen in the future...try just living in the moment

"When I ask her why she feels this way or why she does this, she just says she doesn't know why" totally normal. matters relating to one's sexuality are always confusing. sounds like she knows which team she wants to play on but is conflicted perhaps because what others might think. screw what others think. if i were u, i would help her by talking with her about it and maybe suggest that she should try being initimate with someone without strings attached first. if she agrees, help set her up with a hottie - get them a hotel room and pay for the bubbly and get her to have a blast.

hmmmmmmmm....hooking up yet treating it extremely casually....hmmmmmmm....being impressed because someone compliments your physicality [surface - nice hair - lol] - sounds like u both are just in a place where u are carefree and just wanna have some fun without strings attached....nothing wrong with that...lots of people do it that way...enjoy

C- "As the "dumpee" - My current wife said that her feelings for me eroded over time because I was depressed and not doing anything to help myself. She's not in love with me anymore. I made changes - new career, exercise, positive attitude! Now I'm a new man, but she says it's too late..." think about what u just said...you were sick and in a state where u couldn't help yerself and so she stopped loving u? now that u are a new man, don't go back to someone that runs away when the going gets tough...rem,ember - for better or for worse...its easy to stick and stay when everythings peachy...the test is when u hit the ditch...because trust me, life will always have ups and downs...consider yourself...new and improved and available...now work that new mojo man!

"I never did fall out of love with a certain person - I only ended it because I couldn't take it, knowing he'd have done it soon anyway." anti! not to be mean, but that makes no sense! why in the world would u think something like that? can u explain?

"That he is doing things to hurt me when he isnt..." ok first u need to figure why u feel like this [be honest] and second, he would sense you are like this so maybe that is why he is down. my advice.....get out of your routine and do something where u both can figure what the heck is going on best wishes