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LostInMyThoughts

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Everything posted by LostInMyThoughts

  1. LostInMyThoughts
    I'm so sorry to hear about what happened to your friends mother And I'm also sorry that you're having to deal with the guilt. Have you tried to talk with your friend Tessa and explain your feelings to her? Let her know that you feel guilt because you didn't go see her mother. Explain your reasoning about being afraid. I think it's okay that you were afraid. Death is such a hard thing to deal with, and I think we all find different ways to cope. I don't think you have anything to feel ashamed for. Tessa's mother is in heaven now and knows why you didn't come see her. There's no way she would find fault in what you did. How come you still do?
  2. LostInMyThoughts
    Mine is too complicated to write about. Two words that might help you though: couples counseling.
  3. LostInMyThoughts
    There really isn't a difference between "drunk" and "buzzed." Once you feel the effects of alcohol, you are intoxicated. Depending on your Blood Alcohol Level, you may be legally intoxicated before you ever feel a buzzing feeling. 4 shots, is the same as drinking 4 beers, is the same as 4 glasses of wine. If you haven't done much drinking, I would be pretty confident in saying that after 4 shots, you were drunk. As for wanting another shot being bad. Well it's not bad, in the sense taht you enjoyed the fun feeling of drinking, and you wanted to either continue it, or you wanted to make it stronger. I think thats okay. When it becomes bad when you continually want more and more, even though you really should stop. I don't see that as being the case here. Finally if you had a headache, you were probably starting to be hungover. Thats definitely a sign that you were drunk last night. The fact that it was mild and you still felt a little tipsy meant that you were still intoxicated a bit. As for whether you should drink, and reasons to avoid it, well all I can say is, with alcohol comes responsibility. Drinking is fun, i love to have drinks with my friends and have fun. Sometimes I go out and get rowdy. Thats okay. Drinking to escape feelings, thats the first sign of chemical dependancy. Drinking and driving is bad as well. Alcohol is known for lowering your inhabitions. Even if you want to abstain from sex, after a few shots of "liquid courage" you could find yourself in a situation you might not necessarily be in, had you remained sober. Sorry for the lecture, I just want you to remain safe, while you enjoy yourself.
  4. LostInMyThoughts
    I have to disagree. It's not about respect. Saying "If he respects me, he wont look at other women" is setting up a test for your relationship. From what little I know about relationships, those tests are always wrong. Consider this outlandish example. "If he respects me, he won't get an errection when I make him watch porn." An errection is a physiological response to sexual stimulation. Does it mean he wants to have sex with the porn stars and leave his fiance? I doubt it. Looking at someone, isn't necessary a conscious decision. It's almost like a reflex. Just like turning around when someone yells out your name. Something catches your eye, you look. Again I do want to emphasize that the OP does have every right to not feel uncomfortable. However that on the surface, the behavior of the OP's fiance isn't what I would describe as being disrespectful.
  5. LostInMyThoughts
    Not really. I appreciate it for what it is. However, analogies are always a poor way to make an argument... Now that's just dumb and insensitive on his part. His response was just the typical dumb guy response. The type of response you get from a guy when you ask the question "Does this dress make me look fat?" He shouldn't have said what he said. I think it's good that you realize that it is a form of control. Thats pretty wise of you to recognize. Do you think that your problem might stem from self esteem issues? I know as I battle self-esteem issues, I have a tendency to overreact (not implying that you are overreacting...) to certain situations. My hunch is that people with healthy self-esteems would not be necessarily threatened by your fiance's behavior, and even have the attitude of "well he'd be a fool to leave me for some floozy..." One thing my conselor suggests with me, is when I feel threatened, try to go deeper past the initial feelings and see what the issue is. Usually for me, it's feelings that have to do with my self esteem.
  6. LostInMyThoughts
    What did your therapist say to you? Have you tried going to therapy together (you and your fiance)? I'm always torn when giving advice in these types of situations, because if the behaviour is making you uncomfortable, then it should stop. On the other hand, as a guy, I do this, and it's harmless. I appologize in advance if this comes accross as me disregarding your feelings, thats not my intent. For how long does he do this? Is he staring/gawking at them, or is it a casual glance? Gawking is clearly something I would say is disrespectful. Does he ever say something like "Wow she's hot." Thats also something I would say is wrong. How do you know that the sexual desire is there? I might look at a new Bently, but doesnt mean I have any desire to buy a $200,000 car. As a guy, it's just a natural habit to look at women that are attractive. It's just something I do out of instinct. It's almost subconscious. For me, its harmless. I see something catch my eye, I then look to analyze, then I refocus on what I was doing. It really is harmless. When you look at a guy, do you think about having sex with him? Probably not. It's probably the same with your fiance. Here is how I look at this situation. You can't change your fiance's behavior, but you can change how you react to it. If you feel like you're competing with a girl he just checked out, ask him about it. "I noticed you looking at that girl, and I'm feeling like I have to compete with her, that you'd rather be with her. What do you think?" If it becomes too much, then you'll do what you have to do, and possibly end the relationship. Just from personal experience, I know that guys don't become blind once they get into a relationship.
  7. LostInMyThoughts
    I sorta know what you are going through. I have a total crush on a girl who is hopefully going to be available sometime in the spring, so I'm hesitant to get involved with anyone else. A couple things...even though I would like to be with this chick, I'm still going out and meeting other girls. Even though it doesn't work out, at least I know I'm not putting my eggs in one basket. Not wanting to date because of other priorities (such as applying to colleges) is a good idea. Not wanting to date because you are waiting for a specific guy, well not such a good idea. As to telling him your feelings, again I know what you're going through. It sounds good in your head, but it will probably come off way to strong. If you like him, just make it obvious by flirting with him. If he doesn't respond, then ask him out, and use that as a chance to make the moves on him. Obviously if he doesn't go for it, he's not interested, and you haven't complete exposed your heart and soul to him. PS: You're not being stupid.
  8. LostInMyThoughts
    laboheme is right. It takes time for people to warm up to you. By all means if you find yourself in a similar situation for lunch, feel free to go and sit by them. Here is your assignment for monday. Go up to the guy you sit next to, and ask him how his weekend was. It's a good 5-10 min conversation, and if he is a total stud like you say he is, he'll ask you how your weekend was. Make sure when you ask him, and respond, you do it with some enthusiasm. Even on the weekends where I hang out in my boxers and drink soy-milk, I recant the story as if it were the greatest thing that I've ever did.
  9. LostInMyThoughts
    It's possible that she's trying to keep tabs with you, but if she was, she's pretty stupid to try your best friend. It could be that your ex just meant what she said. Last year me and my soon to be ex-wife went out with my sister and a bunch of her friends. My ex wife hit it off really well with one of my sisters friends and wanted to keep in touch with them. After we got divorced, I guess my ex contacted my sisters friend wanting to hang out, but since my sisters friends tend to think of me as family, my ex got a very polite have a nice day and go shock yourself.
  10. LostInMyThoughts
    This isn't necessarily an answer to your question, so I appologize in advanced. Is your marriage counselor also a family therapist? If so, try asking them for books and advice. They should be a major resource in dealing with the emotional aspects of a divorce. As a person who has gone through a divorce, I found that the hardest parts are leading up to the divorce. Once all the property/custody stuff is settled, it becomes much much easier. I really am sorry to hear that it's come to this, and I wish you and your children the best throughout this difficult time.
  11. LostInMyThoughts
    I'm not sure why I do this, but I tend to get all bent out of shape because of something so minor. I start feeling bummed out if a girl doesn't return a phone call right away, or respond to an email. I sent a message to a coworker (with whom I have a crush on) to asking her a question. Sometimes I can be a little obnoxious at work, and I was thinking that maybe it was becoming annoying, so I wanted to check it out with her. Anyway I know she had an opportunity to read the message, but she didn't respond. This sent me into a slight depression. Why? I don't know why. Logically I know in my mind that these things are minor, but some how these things seem to really knock me down. Major rejection doesn't seem to affect so much as these minor things. Any advice, or thoughts would really be appreciated. I'm struggling here.
  12. LostInMyThoughts
    Not quite. Mondays and thursdays, 3 hours of jiujitsu muay thai and boxing. Tuesdays and fridays 20 minute 2.5 mile run, Wednesdays 2 hours of boxing. So thats about 8.75 hours of exercise in 5 days. Compared to your 10 hours of exercise in 5 days. At anyrate, I asked about what exercises you are doing because weight training increases your body weight. Secondarily, have you worked with a personal trainer? From the sounds of it, you're plateauing. The problem is, you're also killing (figuratively) by not taking proper nutrition. It's time to be scientific with yoru approach. Have you had your Basal Metabolic Rate measured? That tells you how much calories you burn normally. Once you know your BMR, add the amount of calories you burn via exercise. Weight training doesn't burn nearly as much calories as cardiovascular or plyometric exercise. Thats the amount of calories you burn in a day. From there you should have a good idea about what your calorie intake should be to produce healthy weight loss. It's possible that you're starving your body by eating such few calories, so that when you do eat, your body is immediately converting the food to fat and storing it. This is why people who starve themselves to lose weight, end up gaining the weight back quickly, and then some, when they start eating normally again. My suggestion: talk to a doctor, then talk to a personal trainer.
  13. LostInMyThoughts
    I got my technique from Ron Jeremy. Plus how you gonna learn new stuff by watching two girls?
  14. LostInMyThoughts
    Awww Sorry that you had to be so privvy to sucn immature boys. I'd bet you money, the last time those boys saw vagina in real life, was right when they were being born. Those boys were idiots.
  15. LostInMyThoughts
    Stinkweed, you sound a lot like me in many ways. People hold their fat in different areas, at 15% body fat, you would think I wouldn't have much fat, but I do. I have a flabby stomache. It's just the way it is, some people just aren't going to have six pack abs without *A LOT* of effort. When you say average atheltic build, who are you basing this after? I think a lot of what you see in magazines is unrealistic. Those models prepare for their shoots by not eating, losing water weight, and working out right before a shoot. It's like some girls who grow up and thinking about having bodies like supermodels. When you say you're gaining weight by exercising, what exercises are you doing? 2000 calories is not much. I generally have to eat 3400+ calories a day to maintain my body weight given the amount of physical activity I do (I'm a Mixed Martial Artist). I know what you mean about being self consious. I'm 199lbs of almost pure muscle, but because my stomache and love-handles, I feel like I look like crap. There are exercises you can do to help tone and firmup your stomache, but it's going to take a good deal of effort on your part. In the end what it comes down to is why does it matter to you that you have an appealing body style?
  16. LostInMyThoughts
    Yes go see your doctor. I'm 5'11 and 199lbs. According to the BMI calculation, I'm obese. According to the body fat percentage test I just had, at 15% I'm Fit. So, go see a doctor. Find out what your cholestoral is, what your resting heart rate is, what your body fat percentage is. Those determine if you're healthy. Not how much you weigh.
  17. LostInMyThoughts
    Well I don't think you are over reacting, but I do think you can approach this subject a bit better with this guy. Just tell him that you would prefer he not show your photo just yet because of the pending divorce. He should respect that. It seems like it was an honest mistake, and so I wouldn't blow up at him about it.
  18. LostInMyThoughts
  19. LostInMyThoughts
    I'm not sure I follow your post. So it's okay for guys to wait for you, but not okay for girls to wait for their guys? Secondly, just because a lot of guys say she's a * * * * doesn't mean she is one. And even if she did enjoy having sex, whats wrong with that, if she is emotionally stable, and takes all the necessary precautions. Guy who has a lot of sex = hero. Girl who has a lot of sex = * * * *. Just another dumb double standard.
  20. LostInMyThoughts
    Needing someone is possibly a sign of dependence, and it doesn't seem healthy. I think people believe that love will keep a relationship together. That if it were "true love" everything would work. I don't know if I agree with that. I think that love is important, and two people have to work to keep love alive, but that it's work (and the commitment to keep up that work) that really keeps a relationship going.
  21. LostInMyThoughts
    One thing you can do is to try and get hobbies that are easily enjoyed by yourself. If you keep yourself busy with stuff, it can help keep your mind from dwelling on contacting friends. If you feel like you are calling someone too much, check it out with them. Ask them directly, "Hey I sometimes feel like I'm bothering you when I call you. Is that how you feel?" Get more friends. The more friends you have, the easier it is to distribute the calls.
  22. LostInMyThoughts
    Thats most likely the problem. Just try to put it out of your head, and not dwell on it.
  23. LostInMyThoughts
    He may have said those things to other women, that doesn't mean his a player. If you don't like him givng you verbal cues, tell him when things aren't hot and heavy, that you would like him to not be so verbal about his thoughts. The girls I've dated, loved hearing stuff like "You make me hot." when things were getting steamy.
  24. LostInMyThoughts
    I agree with FW. It sounds like she does like you. Play it cool partner.
  25. LostInMyThoughts
    From what you wrote, his lines don't seem cheesy at all, just direct and not all that creative. Would you prefer lines like "If I made the alphabet, I would put U and I together?" I'm not sure what you are expecting a guy to say, but I dont see anything wrong with what he's said so far.
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