LostInMyThoughts
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Everything posted by LostInMyThoughts
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You might not know what you're looking for because you've only had one boyfriend. Time to get out there and start dating. The more you date, the more you find out about what you want. As an aside; do you think it's possible that your expectations are too high? Another aside; being beautiful has little or nothing to do with being happy and finding someone to share your life with.
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Well I guess it comes down to trust. You said yourself that your gf has shown that she is willing to cross the line with them, whats to stop her from continuing? You have a couple choices, proceed cautiously and look for more signs. Clearly if this guy keeps calling, it's a pretty good indicator that they're still talking. You can attempt to breach her privacy and see her cell-phone call log, and know for certain. You can forget this whole thing, and try to move past it. Or you can break up with your gf, and find someone who has similar ideas for how you conduct yourself in a relationship.
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You have every right to be angry. What he did was terrible. I also don't think it's stupid that you still love him. It's not like you can turn off your feelings like a switch. What's stupid is the choices your husband made. As long as you support your anger, and release it constructively, the anger will fade in time.
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You're welcome. So what do you feel is your issue with porn; or rather, your issue with a sig. other looking at porn? What are your thoughts about porn in general?
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Now you've piqued my curiosity. What is your idea of a secure woman?
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Yes. But that's an unfair question, because it's completely unplausible. If a man paid you 1 billion dollars, and offered to cure the planet of HIV if you slept with him, would you?
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Serious is how you define it. I wouldn't have quit my job for my ex, but I was "serious" enuff to want an exclusive relationship. Believe me, this wasn't a decision I made lightly. I gave it a lot of thought, talked it over with my friends, on here, and with myself. The time matters because that's how much of one's life was invested. If it was 3 years, I would have more than likely made a different decision. I've also been where my ex has been, except I was married; and the relationship was 3 years, and my ex-wife didn't have the character to end our marriage before she got involved with someone else. I never blamed my ex-gf for the lack of spark. It takes *TWO* people for a relationship to work. I gave it thought; if I were to give it 100%, I felt like I had to give up my friend. I didn't want to do that. At that point, I realized my relationship was in big trouble. I ended it. Prior to all this, I had been single for 4 months; after 3-weeks, I didn't feel that I needed a break. I should mention that I spoke with my therapist, about an hour after I ended the relationship; we talked about my feelings about how it went down, and he (like a few others) felt that following my heart was the right thing. He also felt that I didn't need any real down time. He then gave me a hug and said he was excited for my new relationship. Thanks for the comment about giving it my all; in my heart I feel like I can give 100% (except at work) to this relationship. I feel really good. Like a kid. It's so great. I'm sorry for everyone that got dumped and felt like they had to take it out on me. One day the bitterness will end. Till then keep up the hate. I don't mind.
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Hehe. Corrected. My ex-wife liked quickies too from time to time. It boggled my mind (though I didn't complain).
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I don't know if it's universally true; but it is true for me. Personally when I'm having sex, I like to ensure that my partner is being fulfilled. Sometimes, though I just want to get my rocks-off. Thats when I turn to myself. Porn helps get that process (sexual release) started. With porn and masturbation; it's like 2-3 minutes. No foreplay, no after cuddling, no anything. It's like a wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am without using another person. Now I'm not saying people should be okay with their sig. others looking at porn. If it's an issue; find someone who feels the same way. Don't try and change the person.
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Really? You'd let your bf have his way with you instantly, get his gratification without foreplay or anything, then walk away when he's finished, at any time he wants? Wow, your husband is really lucky.
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I caught my ex-wife looking at porn; she was really embarrased. I thought it was funny, and went back to bed. I was tired. I didn't want to have sex. I guess I could have taken her computer and thrown it out of the window as a "respect" thing...
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I really think this boils down to two issues: 1) Self Confidence 2) Difference between the sexes. I've found the more confident a person really is with themselves, the less likely they will want to do something foolish like compare themselves to dirty pictures. Insecurity is what motivates statements like "If I'm all the woman he needs, why does he look at porn?" Any secure individual would say something more like "Hey I'm the bomb. If my bf would rather take care of himself with some meaningless pictures, to hell with him." Secondly difference between the sexes (begin generalization)... I think men, generally, are visually stimulated. Images turn us on. Women, seem to be turned on mentally. Womens erotica is usually written stories (just look at how popular romance novels are). To men, porn is just like a romance novel. It's just a cheap thrill. It's nothing more than instant boner material. No man in his right mind would take sex with a picture over sex with a person. We all need sexual release. Porn provides men with an easy, quick release. For some, porn can be an obsession, even so far as being an addiction (just like sex can). The more confident you are, the less threatened by porn you will be.
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Good questions Bachinit. I probably would not have ended as soon as I did. My coworker helped me see what I really wanted in a relationship. I struggled with making sure I was breaking up because I didn't see a future with her, instead of breaking up to be with someone else. I understand no relationship is perfect (I was married less than a year ago); but that has nothing to do with commitment. How do you define commitment? If I got laid off tomorrow (good possibility actually), would I stick around just for my coworker? Probably not. Do I want to date other women? No. Would I give up my dreams for this person? Right now, no. I am my own person and until I die, my duty is to myself. That sounds selfish, but in the end, I am responsible for myself and only myself. My level of commitment changes as the relationship progresses. I'm not going to tell my s.o that I will give up my life for her; because our relationship is new. I think thats being dishonest. Later down the road, we're still together and marriage is a viable option, then yeah I might say that. Regarding the feelings for this person; I've posted about this before. I thought I had gotten over my feelings for her. I felt like she didn't want to have a relationship with me, because she didn't have time. I thought that I could just be friends with her. Once I had made up my mind, I determined that it was okay for me to date other people (believe me, when I was actively courting my coworker, I didn't see any other girls). Prior to being exclusive with my ex; I asked my coworker to go to a party with me, just as a friend. Then after I was "exclusive" with my ex, I went to the party and realized something was missing from my relationship. I gave it a week to see if things would change; it didn't. Like I've written before; I may not have given it enuff time, but how do you know enuff is enuff? I felt like I would have to cut ties with my friend, or cut ties with my ex. Obviously I chose the latter.
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Okay calm down dude. I said it wasn't serious. She and I both have an understanding about the level of our relationship. What do you think relationships are? Some magical puzzle that just fits? It takes time. You feel each other out. If she wants something serious, and I don't want something serious, then yeah the relationship will probably end. You need to realize that just because you don't agree with how I define my relationship, it doesn't make them more or less wrong. Once I saw my ex and I weren't on the same page, I ended it. I *thought* I wanted a serious relationship going into my previous one. I found out that wasn't the case. What do you expect me to do? Hang out by myself and have a crazy party?
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Please explain to me how I was using my ex.
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I understand your point. Right now my relationship with my coworker isn't that serious. We haven't really talked about family, and kids (my ex gf had talked about wanting all that stuff--which might have scared me). My ex also said she didn't want to waste time with people if it didn't lead to something serious. My current gf and I haven't really talked about it.
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Yes Day two, and so far so good. She's coming over tonite. I'm really excited
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It wasn't that I was ambivalent about her. I cared about her a lot. After we were dating for 2 weeks; I had said to her that I wanted to be exclusive (which is true I didn't have any notion of dating other people)--I think I jumped the gun with this one. That weekend however I had plans to hang out with my friend. After I spent the weekend partying with my friend I realized I had a lot of fun hanging out. I wanted to see if I could have the same fun with my ex. I tried; but I just didn't feel that connection. Granted I only gave it one week. I thought maybe I should give it more time. Then I struggled with whether or not my friendship would ruin a budding relationship (I even posted about it). I finally realized I had a choice. If I wanted to keep my relationship; I would essentially have to give up my friend (and probably quit my job). I've known her for 3-weeks; Jade has been my friend for almost a year now. In the end I knew I was with the wrong person. I sat her down and I told her my feelings. I had every intention of taking my relationship with my ex forward. It just didn't turn out that way. I'm sorry that it took me a week to figure out I was with the wrong person. I wish I had everyone else's magic crystal ball to help me predict the future.
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I wasn't wrong for pursuing the relationship; I was wrong for moving forward so quickly. I appologized for that; but if my ex had more "invested" in a 3-week relationship I don't feel like I can be blamed for that.
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I never had that intention from the begging. I never intended to break up. Breaking up with someone is something that is really hard for me to do. I'm the type of person who would rather sit in an unfulfilling relationship, instead of hurting the person by breaking up with them. But I knew that if I stayed I would have ended up either unhappy, or end up really hurting her later in life. I manned up and did the right thing. I never dated this girl thinking I was just waiting around for someone else. I had every intention of giving it my all. I found that no matter how hard I tried; I couldn't. So I ended it. It sucks. If my ex is *that* devastated; I'm sorry, but it was only 3-weeks.
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I understand that it was painful. Life is painful. I tried my best to not make it worse that it had to be. People get dumped, it sucks, but I did what was best for me. I wasn't a jerk about it. I told her my feelings and was honest with her. I didn't use her at all. I *wanted* to make a relationship work with her. It was a struggle for me to end things; but in the end I chose what I chose. It sucks, and I felt really bad doing it; but in my heart I *know* I did the right thing. What I don't like is being called a jerk for standing up for my feelings and being honest. If you don't like what I did; fine you are all entitled to your own opinions; don't judge me and trash me on this forums. Especially by saying I'm a user, jerk, inconsiderate, etc. Cuz thats BS and anyone who spends 5 minutes with me knows thats the case.
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Get of your high-horse. You're making a whole hell of a lot of assumptions, and they are all bogus. I didn't get into a relationship having any intention of ending it. How dare you accuse me of that. When I met my ex, I wanted a relationship with her. After some time, I realized that was a mistake and I ended it. How is that wrong? I didn't start a relationship thinking "Well I'll try this out just cuz I can't have this other person." You don't know anything about me, so don't you dare say I don't know what it's like to be hurt. I know very much the pain of *REAL* betrayal; like finding out my ex-wife had an affair while we were still married.
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bleeding: I feel for you. Have you considered seeing a therapist. You've got issues, but nothing so insurmountable that death is the only way out.
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But keep in mind that the decisions you make are *never* set in stone.
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T.R.S. has excellent advice. My father is retired from the US Army; and it afforded me the luxury of traveling all over the world. But it was also a hard life in that ever 3-4 years you had to move. That makes keeping friends, and relationships very tough. Additionaly he was lucky that his MOS (job) was something that easily translated to the civilian world. Thats not necessarily true for all jobs in the military. Me on the other hand, I went to college and was in the ROTC program; but for me, my individuality/rebellousness was something I wanted to embrace, so I didn't go forward with a career in the military. What it comes down to is; if right now you are having doubts about the military; don't join up. Go to school. It's common for people to enlist after a few years of college if/when they determine college isn't right for them. A good friend of mine was studying to be a doctor. When he realized it wasn't working for him; he dropped out of school and joined the marines. He did two tours in Iraq; came home and now works for the NSA--set for life. But even if you do join the military; know that you can still go to school during or after your service. So while it looks like the choice you have is mutually exclusive; its not. Good luck