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Rabican last won the day on October 29 2011

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About Rabican

  • Birthday 02/08/1980

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  1. Sit him down and simply say look, you need to get over this or we're done. It's that simple. You don't have a time machine, you can't undo it, maybe you would if you could but you can't. But you can decide not to spend the rest of your days being berated for doing something that wasn't technically wrong at the time.. This issue is his issue and his burden to get over. Not your burden to deal with for years. Tell him simply it's me, or your endless hang-up on this old hookup. You can't have both. If he picks you, tell him you never want to hear about it again. Ever.
  2. Sounds like you place a lot of value on material things. That isn't really important once you get past the basics of having a house in a safe area, and decent clothes, reliable car etc. Have you ever spent a day, two days, a week at home with your three kids alone? Maybe you should try it. I grew up poor. I struggle now as a father of three myself. But I spend a lot of time with the kids, going to the beach, scouts, hiking, camping etc. I help a lot with the chores around the house. Maybe instead of buying your families affection spend more time with them. Buy your wife a spa day and a nanny for a day a week to help with the house work. I can spend all day cleaning and my kids can destroy my house in a minute leaving me wondering what the hell I just did all day. When I think back to my childhood i don't remember the toys my parents got me. But I do remember my dad taking my brother and I to cut down a Christmas tree, learning to shoot, to fish etc. Maybe try to re prioritize your efforts towards time spent instead of money spent and see how that plays out.
  3. Rabican

    Help. So lost.

    So I have three kids. So I know a thing or two about rules and discipline. Give you an analogy. If you have a dog at the table and you say "no begging" and then hand it a steak? What does it learn!? That your words have no meaning. That your actions still give it a steak. If your partner is disrespecting you in your house and you allow it to continue then you're allowing it to continue. If your partners kid is in your house, she plays by your rules. Period. Otherwise she can't visit. That's how you need to play this. Next time she comes over hand her a bucket and paint brush and say here repaint the wall. You need to enforce rules within your house. How you do that is up to you. I've done everything from taking ALL of my kids toys away (took them to my work and left them in the back of the warehouse) for months. To taking them camping just so they could see the other kids having fun, and then said ok i just wanted you to see that you're missing now we're going home to clean your room. Turn off your WiFi. Turn off the TV. Don't cook them dinner etc. Stop enabling bad behavior. Don't tell me you've set rules if you don't follow through with a punishment for breaking them. Kids of all ages, and your partner and some adults will get away with whatever you allow them to. It's up to you to set some standards. I mean I would simply end this relationship if I were you. But if you don't you sit then both down and say there's a new sheriff in town starting today and a whole bunch of rules to be followed or we are done tomorrow. Otherwise just find yourself a way to be happy being miserable because you've given them no reason to change their behavior.
  4. Rabican

    Help. So lost.

    Run. (Tried to just reply run, but reply was too short).
  5. Uh ... He's not just talking to her at her house you can guarantee that. I would file for divorce. That's just me... Way too much bs here for me to stick through. He wants to hang out alone, b with an ex, at her house, after she said she'd steal him away from you. Did you even read your comments? What's there to decide? Stay and be a doormat, or leave with your dignity and half his money.
  6. Wow if you can take one for the team and keep it together for someone else's kids... Good for you, you're a better person than I. Nobody could blame you for not going through with it though. You're raising another woman's kids as your own (sort of) and this is how he repays you!? I'd probably end it and consequences be damned. Or at the very least tell him that you need full disclosure regarding anything he's ever done. Going forward no more travels, no trips without you, no more late nights etc. He's either a fully committed family man who spends the rest of his children childhood years making amends or he's gone. Typically I would have zero tolerance for something like this but the kids have me thinking maybe if he bends over backwards to regain your trust it could be worth trying again... But that's a big big if.
  7. Jesus... He sounds awful. He's an emotional abuser and manipulator. I'm not sure how you're so twisted up to think that you have this great emotional connection but trust me you do not have any such thing. Ok look I get it everyone fights, it happens. But normal relationships, and loving people do not go out of their way to treat their partner the way he's treating you. He's responsible for his rage and attacks. Not you. Don't blame yourself and don't let him blame you. Stand up for yourself. If he really loved you he wouldn't treat you so poorly. Run! Do not look back. Trust me that is not normal behavior. And not love.
  8. Two things. Bluecastles advice is 100% spot on. And "oh poor me I slept with my pretty female friend life is bad" said no man ever. He's friends with her because she's fun, and he's keeping her around because she's "fun!" He's telling you because technically if you know and don't put your foot down you can't blame him for being dishonest.
  9. If you were over him you wouldn't care what he did or thought. He would hold no more thought in your mind that an ant you stepped on.
  10. Eh, I'll just be blunt as usual. If my wife wanted to start playing the role of a dude I'd tell her to take a hike. I'm not down with dating dudes, or women who act like dudes. Marriage or not that's no go zone for me. I'd simply tell her (him in your case) it's me or the nail polish you decide. I mean yeah nail polish isn't that big a deal by itself... But this train is likely headed downhill fast. Edit.... Read the rest. Dresses, makeup, etc. Yeah train is runaway with no brakes.
  11. You could simply explain how you feel, and then offer to pay him back some of your expenses over time... You don't have to but it would certainly eliminate the idea of jumping ship for money.
  12. Run. Don't walk. Run. Yeah you're doing the right thing. As a guy, father of 3, and married for 10 years take it from me he sounds like a man child not a man. He wants a mother and not a wife. I do dishes, Landry, help with kids, take them to school, take them out all the time etc. I get myself ready for work, if dinner is ready great. If not, I cook for myself. That's stuff he should be helping with not just ridiculing you for not doing it all yourself. Not only leave him, but file for a protection order as well if he's smashing up your place.
  13. Move closer. See each other more. Talk less online/ phone.
  14. I think I'd put my foot down and simply say I can't make you like me. But I can say you aren't welcome in my house. Period. You are the man of the house and entitled to have say in who visits. If she wants to visit to see your grand kids then get over herself and treat you with respect in your own house, and stop trying to sabotage your relationship with your wife who's the mother of said grandkid. You can't make someone like you. But you can decide not to host an I hate you party in your own home.
  15. Agreed. Plus pursuing anything with the coworker gives them a seat to witness your duplicitous behavior.... Not a good foundation to build upon.
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