LostInMyThoughts

Hi NM, I think some of us (me especially) tend to think too far ahead about things. With the first girl you wrote about, you probably did scare her off, but I think it's okay: you learned that it's probably better to take things slow. The thing is not to beat yourself up about making a small small teeny mistake (which thats all it was). There are so many girls out there, so freaking out over one, is like thinking you're going bald when you find a single strand of hair in the shower. You just met this new girl; I say take things slow. When I was on a dating site, I learned that the time it takes for someone to be okay with meetting in person really depends on the person. I'd wait a while longer. Not like 6 months, but at least a month or two. But you never know, she might suggest meeting up with you. Make sense?

Yes it's very normal. If you want to mitigate it, first warm up by doing light-moderate cardio. Then stretch, especially the muscles you plan on working. Then after your weight routine, do a full set of stretches again. Stretch before you go to bed, and when you wake up in the morning. Eventually, you won't be as sore, and sadly, you'll start to miss that sore feeling.

Understandable. If I had to hear it constantly, I'd be really annoyed too. It's just the thing about living with people. Have you thought about talking to him about being a little more discreet when he's on the phone? Like letting him know that you hear his conversations with his gf, and you don't like prying into his business, but that it's too hard to stop listening. But for the record--I answered the question, *THEN* asked a question. Answering a question with a question is just rude ;-)

Personally I would never baby talk to a baby, but I do baby talk to my cat, and my gf's dogs. I think if the two of them like baby talk, what does it matter?

I think it's okay to vent verbally in the car, but you might want to think twice about doing it when your bf is in the car. It's okay to express your anger/frustration the way that you're doing, but it sounds like doing so with him in the car is making him uncomfortable. A lot of people aren't comfortable with thier own anger expression for a variety of reasons, and might not fully understand that what you are doing is healthy.

I agree with a lot of what you wrote. I think that if people are ready for marriage, and feel that their choice in partners is correct, cohabitation is not a necessity. For others though, it might just be to answer the question "What is they [grammar bad on purpose] like when I'm around all the time?" Like you said, a trial. Perhaps its a sort of pragmatism; to know that while love is fantastic, it alone will not solve all the problems in a relationship. Seeing that person on a daily basis might give more supporting information to the idea that a person is marriage material. I think that you can know this information about a person without living together, but the act itself isn't bad. I think cohabitation can slow down the process of marriage for people. If you've got a majority of the benefits of marriage (this can be argued) why get married? I lived with my ex because she was out of state, and it was how we could be closer together. Eventually we got married, then divorced, but I don't think cohabitation played a role in that. For me now, I wouldn't only live with a gf if I knew marriage was in the picture, perhaps only after I proposed.

Even though I went through a real tough time, I would do it all over again. I've found a whole new sense of strength, and confidence from having gone through what I did. I'm not happy I had to do it, but I know now that I'm happier and better off for it. Now would I get back with my ex wife now? Heck no, I still hate her and want to take a chainsaw to her face, GOW style.

I wish I could give you words of encouragement, but the situation is what it is. The best you can hope for is to move on and learn from this. If you were in her shoes, how would you feel? Would you want a letter of an apology from her? Did you really think a person could be forgiven so easily for something like this? I'd send her a short letter telling her how sorry your are, but don't make it too long. She needs time to be with her feelings; you at least owe her that much. I know you want to make things better, but you can't. It's been done. Try to put it past you.

I agree with the others, he's not right for you. But don't take what he says *too* personal. That's his piss-poor way of saying that he doesn't see a future with you. He could have said it better, and not made it your fault, because it really isn't your fault. Sorry that us men can be dummy's from time to time.

Yeah that is painful. But if it's any consulation, I was dumped 1 year after a marriage

I wonder given those numbers, of those couples who stayed together, how many of them are *truly* happy?

Prober, So sorry to hear about what you've had to to endure. I know the pain. It sucks so much. I think her new relationship will fail, big time, and she'll probably learn a hard lesson. Meanwhile you'll move on from this, grow, become a better person, and eventually end up with someone who is worthy of you. You'll be happy, and she'll be miserable.

You don't have to be religious to be into the spirit of the holidays. My gf loves christmas, and she's agnostic (or athiest depending on the day). I'm also agnostic and I love christmas. I'm fairly spiritual, but I don't particularly like people who are so obtuse that they see that not every has to believe the same way that they do.

I don't think it's 6th grade girlie at all. If she is your friend she'll wanna help you out. Go for it!

That's understandable. I think if you do misread him and he's not interested, it wouldn't ruin your friendship. Not if it's as strong as you writen about. He'll probably feel flattered (maybe even give him a little confidence boost), you might feel embarrassed (though you really shouldn't cuz you followed your heart and that's never wrong), and it might be awkward for a few days, but things will go back to normal, and you two will probably look back and laugh about it. But. If you read him right, you have the opportunity to take your relationship to a whole new level. Seems like a win-win situation.

and So, if you know you'll have to make the first move, and he hasn't made the first move, is that really a surprise? It also sounds like he does like you. Ask him out.

Have you helped her before. Is she a friend from work? I would help out, so long as it doesn't impact your work, and as long as it's not a burden on you. Make sure you're helping her, and not doing her job.

Well, it's like watching a porn, only you get surround sound, and force feedback as well. Ditto about us men being visual. I can understand turning off the lights for a while, but after you two have been getting intimate, why do you hold your insecurities?

Ah man, don't get down on yourself for not meeting girls at a bar. Yeah it sucks to feel like other people aren't interested in you, but why would you let how well you do with picking up girls at a bar be the measure of how you define your self worth?

Both suck and I wouldn't put up with either behavior. While I think a relationship can bounce back from both abuse and infidelity, I'd say it would have to be a really special relationship to do so.

It's okay if your wife doesn't really have a problem with it. I wouldn't want to marry a stripper who was still stripping (i did date a stripper for a few months). If my wife wanted to strip, it's her choice. I probably wouldn't stay married for very long. And being a stripper is much different that going to a strip club.

Since you all asked nicely, I'll share my experiences =) I started on eHarmony a little less than a year ago. A friend said I should check it out. It's true that they put you through the paces with thier questionaire, but I think if you attempt to answer it honestly, it works. I took some time to fill out the questions, to spread the pain over a few days. I started to get matches that were all over the spectrum. I've only tried Yahoo! Personals and Craigslist, and eHarmony was far superior at sending me matches. I would catagorize the matches that I moved forward with, as good. You can see their personality types, what they like to do, etc. eHarmony also has a guided communication system which I thought was cool. You didn't have to worry about writing your first "email" until after you have established some mutual interest. I ended up talking to a few matches, and eventually made contact with one. We hit it off suprisingly well. We made plans to meet just for coffee, and it ended up lasting 5 hours! We met up a few more times, each time I had a great time. Unfortunately she was an Officer in the military and had just found out she was going to be stationed overseas, so it didn't work out. Then I met another girl who was an okay match, we talked for a bit, met up for drinks and a snack, but it didn't work out. I met two more girls and ended up having dates with them both in one weekend. Distance prevented me moving forward with one, although the date was a total hit, and the second one eventually became my "girlfriend." With her though, my feelings were torn (you can read a few of my other posts) and I ended up realizing I wanted to be with someone else. Of the 4 people I chose to meet, I would say that all of them where high quality matches. For various reasons it didn't work out, but I was really satisified with the people I met through eHarmony. It's not really geared towards dating; I think that eHarmony is better suited for someone who wants a more serious relationship. eHarmony is probably a hit and miss for many, and I think the area where you live determines the number of matches that are available. Overall, if I were to do it again, I would, and I wouldn't hesitate to suggest eHarmony to other people. I should add, meeting (in person and with the option of more dates) 4 potential partners in the span of less than a year is pretty darn good odds.

I had really good luck with eharmony, but in the end I went out on my own. If your finding your age preference not inline with your match preferences, then try looking outside that bracket.

It's possible to reconcile your friendship with her. But do you want to do it because you want her as a friend, or is it because you don't like people not liking you? Your former friend seems really crummy, and she ain't worth your time. Real friends don't turn their back on you. I would say to hell with your ex, and this lady.

Beec has a good point, try reaching for her hand. That might be a nice subtle way to test the waters. Look her directly in her eyes, and see if she does the same. Move in and give her a kiss.