socal

Sounds like things are progressing and getting more serious. I agree with other posters that the question will eventually need to be addressed. Talk to her about it... what's anything without communication?

I think given a little time I can be friends. I think the part that bothers me more is not knowing what we could have had... we have an incrediable bond as partners. (as I could tell after a few weeks) As for staying and relocating... I think if I don't go back to my home office I'd lose my job and I see myself working for this agency for decades to come. Way back in the beginning, I remember asking him if he'd ever move away from here since he's lived here all 26 yrs of his life. He said, he would, for the right job or for a good woman. From my brief observation, he doesn't have much commitment here other than friends and family that would be difficult to move away from of course. He graduates in May and even spoke about traveling a bit for a while. My thought (and this is only a possibility!) is that he comes and lives with me on the west coast for a few years, and I can put in a request to transfer if he ever decided to move back... granted the relationship would go thus far, I wouldn't mind rasing a family in the midwest. But of course, that's taking things to the ultimate level... but also probably the only reason I would do such a thing.

So due to my new job, I had to pack up and move 1700 miles from home to where I don't know a soul for hundreds of miles. I'm here for 8 months and it's been about 5 weeks... and I'm trying to make the best of what this place has to offer. About a month ago, I made a friend and he was kind enough to welcome me and show me what the city has to offer. Introduce me to his friends, take me out for drinks, and rescue me because I'm not use to driving in snowy conditions. But this wasn't until 2 weeks ago. Prior to this, I was busy working and getting settled so we spent a lot of time texting, emailing, and getting to know each other that way. By the time we started hanging out, we were really comfortable with each other. I had no intentions other than friendship, but we hitted off from the get-go... faster than I knew I was falling for him. And here I thought I was emotionally unavailable and going to be celebate for the next 8 months. We spent the whole weekend together from friday to sunday both weekends. He took care of me when I felt like I had a little too much to drink, breakfast when I woke up, kisses on my forehead CONSTANTLY to make sure I was comfortable wherever I was at because I didn't know anyone... he even does it in the middle of the night when I'm sleeping. Monday morning while at work he tells me he thinks we should be friends. It's not fair to get emotionally involved and then have me move away. Everything happened so quicky I haven't even had time to think about it... but after that statement... I couldn't think about anything else. I know he's right. It's just logical. But it sucks. I was really bummed and the next day he told me he didn't sleep at all because he felt really bad for everything that has happened and for hurting my feelings... for "giving into temptation." He doesn't sleep much and I can tell he's a "thinker." He said he had 10 hrs of sleep the past 3 days and that he'd sleep better if he knew I didn't hate him. I don't hate him... but I'm naturally hurt. Then he confessed that although me leaving is the biggest reason why he's calling it off, he's been talking/dating/hanging out with another girl for a while now but then I came into the picture and caught him off guard. I don't know anything about this other girl or the status of what they have going on. I told him "don't let me stand in the way" but he said, "i'm not going to rush into anything. She's a nice girl and she lives here. but I didn't expect to have all these feelings for you." That was the last conversation we had a few days ago. I haven't seen him since this past weekend and don't know how to approach this... should I bite the bullet and try to be friends? should i try to win his heart? i don't like the idea of standing around playing 2nd fiddle to this girl. If he's interested in her I wish the best for them. If we start dating where will we be months from now?

I see. Well how about looking at this from a different perspective. It doesn't sound like you're very outgoing, which is perfectly fine. However, your friends perhaps are only trying to get you to be a little more open, wild social... Or maybe they just want to celebrate your birthday and they really thought a stripper would be a nice gesture for turning the legal age. Instead of telling not to, maybe you can tell then what you would prefer... such as a guys poker night or whatever floats your boat.

that's how i feel, like she's taking it a bit far. but considering the fact i was part of the reason why shes upset, i figured i'm in no position to make that judgement. i don't expect her to be my friend or speak to me anytime soon or permanently for that matter. i really want to send that letter of apology- weather she takes it to heart or throw it away.. also to possibly clear up any miscom. I'm getting the impression from her friends (her friends, not mine or mutual) that it's starting to spead into the telephone game.. where the kiss is turning to making out.. to god knows what. But I can also see this letter coming back at me with even more anger. I'm thinking about ignoring the whole thing, but I also don't want her to think I simply don't care.

My ex and I broke up exactly 2 years ago... and this is the realization I have come to (at least in my situation). The healing process is long and drawn out. You may feel that you're progressing and moving on. But when you look back at the 3 month mark when you're at 6 months, or the 6 month mark when you're at 1 year... you realize that you weren't as healed as you thought you were and you're more healed at the present moment. There are still times when I look at something and it brings back the memories of that person. I don't think that will ever go away, but with time you learn to deal with it and shake it off easier. As for letting go... I think it all varies depending on the reason for the break up. For me, it was deception and infedility, so I needed to keep reminding myself that it wasn't going to change. Though we don't really speak anymore, I have learned to forgive him within myself and has taken a remarkable weight off my shouldersto not have that anger bear inside me. If you broke up on good terms, my suggestion is to believe that if it was meant to be, your paths will cross again naturally. Just remember, there's a reason why it didn't work out the first time... hope that helps.

For the past few days I could barely get out of bed or leave the house. I feel horrible, disgusted, embarrassed, and plain out sh*tty for what I did new years eve. I barely got out of the house today, but only because I had to. I'm avoiding nearly everybody because I am so embarrased. (Please read the previous post to find out how rotten I am.) So finally when I got home this evening after playing catch up for the past few days, I checked my email and there was a post on myspace. (yes i have a myspace- though it's seldomly used unless i get a message). The post was from my friend (or former friend)... and it was aimed directly at me. I took a deep breath and read it. I know how hurt she is and I can understand her anger. I deserve everything I'm feeling, the guilt, the misery, the embarrassment, everything. But it was the biggest slap to the face when I read what she wrote. In short.. it pretty much said that she wants everybody to know what I did, how horrible I am, and how she wishes nearly everything but death on me so I can feel torture. Her goal is to embarrass me as much as she can... and encourage people to bid me good riddance as she has. I guess this is a shock to me because I always felt she was the type to be the bigger person in a bad situation. I know she's hurt and if i could do anything to take away her pain I've caused I'd do it in a heartbeat. I haven't spoken to her since the day it happened (which is also the day we told her). I thought it might be best to let her cool off for a few days and I would write her a long letter of apology (only b/c I know she wouldn't pick up if I called). In fact, I was going to write it tonight until I saw her post. I really thought that it would be better to live with the guilt of what I did than live with the guilt that nothing happened. I figured a real friend would come clean rather than hide the truth. But this is becoming nearly unbearable... and I don't know what to do to make the situation better.

I think it's too soon. A kiss can't even be given freely quite yet needless to say a commitment.

Our friends got married this summer in Ireland and as a bridesmaid and groomsmen, we met for the first time. I had quit my awful job and needed a break- by the time Ireland rolled around I was finishing up a nearly 6 month vacation abroad and the wedding was my last stop before returning to the states. He on the otherhand was in a similar situation. He quit his job (as a structural engineer) right before the wedding to start his unknown adventure. I adore him. He can entertain and make me laugh for hours. Not to mention he's one of the few who can understand this period in my life where I can justify being irresponsible and venture off into foreign lands, travel, and volunteer. As he said last night during out 2 hr conversation over the phone... "I love talking to you. You're the only one that doesn't think I'm a loser for not having a job." We both lived in the same city and although our friends dated, we never met each other until the wedding. After I quit my job I moved back home- about 100-115 miles away. After the wedding in late July, he took off around Europe and came home right before thanksgiving. That's when I saw him last. If we were only 100 miles apart I don't think it would be a problem. But he's been in Boston (I'm in Southern CA) since Christmas and by the time he returns, I'll be temporarily shipped to Omaha for 8 months (After a year off, I got a job) and my new permanent home will be Northern CA when I return from the midwest. To top that off, he'll be Australia for month, possibly longer when he returns from Boston anyways. I encourage his adventures and I'm so happy that he's taking this time off to travel. After all, I did the same thing. But I'm sad that with all this traveling, we'll loose touch. We barely know each other as it is so it would be easy to let it slip away. I'm not sure how to approach this situation. Should I tell him how I feel? Should I just let it play out? Any and all inputs, stories, advice, and comments are appreciated.

it makes sense that you are losing friends. how can you be friends with someone who barely knows you? you're not letting other know who you really are! more importantly, it sounds like you're hiding from something or you fear something. what is it? what's that worse case senario that's playing in your head when you lie, hide, or say "it's none of your business." what's so bad about the government reading this anyways? just a thought. has something in the past triggered your paranoia?

I did the worst thing a friend can do to another. I kissed her boyfriend. We were under the influence, it was New Years, and made a huge stupid 3 second mistake that's unexcusable. I wish I could say it was a New Years kiss, but it wasn't. It meant nothing. We have no feelings for each other whatsoever. I'm so upset with myself. She recently moved back to her home town and as a friend, I had the job of "keeping an eye and ear out" since I'm good friends with his best friends. That's how my girl friend and I met. Their relationship was somewhat on the rocks because they didn't know if a long distance could work. We haven't been friends very long.. about a year and a half- but managed to become pretty close.. we even traveled abroad for 2 months together. He decided to tell her what happened and he did. To my expectations she never wants to talk to either of us again. I don't know how their relationship will play out from this point on because he kissed someone else earlier in the night as well. Though it's only been 12 hrs since it happened but I really do think she'll never speak to me again. I believed it was the right thing to be honest rather than covering a wrong with awrong. But I somewhat have regrets because now I lost a friendship I really valued. But at the same time I he didn't discuss it with me before telling her so I guess there wasn't much I could have done anyways. Please tell me telling her was the right thing to do?!