luckymaria

I'm not against porn per se. I used to look at porn alone and with my partner. For me porn is about action, that's all. My problems with porn started when I realised that for men, porn in essense, means fantasizing about having sex with the women in the pictures/movies. And the desire is based on the way they look. Now, I'm not the most secure woman on earth, but I know I'm attractive. But knowing that for him, I'm just one of the girls he would have sex with, who just happens to be there. Does he have to restrain himself and resist temptation to be with better looking women? I think that feeling made me insecure, rather than the other way round. The fact that I don't want to be (sexually) with anyone else but him, doesn't help either.

Someone who knows their own values (as well as shortcomings) and whose opinion about themselves is not easily changed by external influences.

Well, maybe, but in that case it would be my decision, not something I wanted to do. Not my desire to do that, but more like a way to achieve something else. For me, there is a big difference. But, I’m not picking on you; I’m not saying that you are bad for feeling that way; I am honestly trying to get some answers to help me understand the issue Thanks for an honest answer

That makes sense. But hypothetically, if a woman from the picture suddenly appears in front of you, wouldn’t you want sex with her?

Although I understand your point, my idea of secure woman is pretty much completely different from your definition.

IMO, the reason women have problems with this topic is the preasure on women to 'look', women tend to measure their own value by how they look.

I’m almost 15 years older than you (and my feeling may have something to do with my age, but not in the way you had in mind Besides, I how I see it, it's not only to "see" the bodies of other women, it's more to "search for and desire"... Well, when I think about him getting off to other woman’s body, I’m not really confident, no … in fact, I feel he would rather be with her, especially if she is better looking...

That's how I feel! With the emphasis on 'want'! And that is the reason I'm trying to understand.

Oh, you got me wrong - I never asked anyone to stop for me, let alone demand! Simply because it would only be a change in behaviour, basic desires would stay the same. I just want to feel special for him, it's hard knowing that he fantasizes about so many different women.

I've been lurking in this forum for a few weeks now and finally decided to join and post a question: Although most men state porn (and looking at other women) is not a big deal to them and is only a fantasy, when asked to stop, most of them either refuse and start defending their 'rights' to continue doing it, or (unwillingly) agree, but find it hard to keep the promise. What I don't understand is: If porn is so insignificant part of man's life, why is it so hard to give it up for something/someone much more important? Any answer will be appreciated