Dako
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Everything posted by Dako
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He gave you his computer not to micromanage his past mistakes and recycle them to destroy your trust, but so you'd help him avoid temptation. Unfortunately, DN is right. Playing detective only gives you the illusion of control so you can trust without having faith in his honesty. If you need to track every small detail of his past to square it against his explanations, that's not trust, it's an interrogation. He trusted you with his computer.
- 16 replies
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- 1
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- online relationship
- long-distance relationship
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Not sure I understand your question. Are you asking about how people get to the point of having threesomes, for example?
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That's a pretty extreme situation. I was in that situation with a co-worker for almost two years, and it was really hard to swallow my feelings. I doubt I'd have endured it if she wasn't a co-worker. Luckily, few of my friends had such an effect on me.
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Wow! You must feel trapped in this nightmare, and I really am sorry you got this involved. I's hard to find yourself at the focus of someone's life with all their baggage and drama. Some people are incapable of building a life around themselves. I wish I could think of a way to break this woman's grip on you without simply breaking it off abruptly. You're obviously a caregiver at heart, and would feel horrible if you dumped her. Does she respond at all when you clearly state your need for autonomy? Is she able to seaparate your life from hers?
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If he speaks English let us check him out.
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Are relationships an innate need or a created one?
Dako replied to Bijoux's topic in Relationship Advice
I was sterile when I married. I never considered it "wrong" for me or my gay friends. -
I've always taken, "I'm busy that week...maybe some other time...I'll call you" lines as the polite way of saying "No way!!!" Some boneheads don't get it. Some women are happy to go the other route, and sneer or laugh while turning you down. Some guys must love abuse. A woman doesn't owe anything to a guy who asks her out except civility.
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Are relationships an innate need or a created one?
Dako replied to Bijoux's topic in Relationship Advice
I'm monogamous by nature. One woman is more than enough to torment me, but I can do well without a relationship, I also find it odd that teenagers obsess about this. I've never sought a a relationship, it just happens when I met someone special. -
I suspect it's just too confusing for some guys who see avery smile, joke or touch as an eagerly awaited come-on, especially those guys who don't really like women except as sex objects.
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Peer pressure is strong among insecure young guys, and they can be pretty vain. If one of the herd finds a nice GF, they tease him out of envy.
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I've had many friendships with women, and will have many more. For some reason, some guys claim it's impossible to do. Their loss.
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Now I understand, Bijoux. When I was 16, I decided to get a vasectomy when I was old enough, and I did it in my early 20s. Some relatives disapproved. Whatever. I think it's a shame to be driven by approval
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I once worked in a high pressure defense job, and was so used to being criticized and badgered, I spent 15 years just content if no one screwed me over that day. I became immune to the toxic atmosphere until I blew the whistle on someone and was promptly terminated. My next job in a small company was the exact opposite, and people treated me well, praised my work and gave me wider latitude in my tasks. It was so cool I was always happy to go to work. I guess I respond better to the carrot than the stick.
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It's hard for some to give up unconditional love for that troublesome romantic sort. When I encounter a bickering couple, I think of how a fine partner could be found at the pound.
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Breathe and think about alternatives. You have power to do a good thing by denying your urge and enduring this rough time. Doing so will make you stronger than you thought possible, and most of all will protect those you love from a terrible fate. Emerging from a time of despair is like recovery from a major illness. It makes life so much sweeter. Please don't lose sight that you once had better days. You can get past this and see your son grow into a man. My father was my anchor in life. You son deserves that joy.
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Whenever I've lost at love, I chalk it up to fate and move on. No need to get angry, just a deep breath and hope for better things to come.
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Marriage involves compromise, but if guinea pigs are the dealbreaker, there must be other issues. I'd give up cigars for a woman, but if I had a good dog, I'd keep the dog. Never had piggies.
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I'm sure his friends have warned him about you already.
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Of course this forum is a gathering place for heartbroken people, but I suspect people staring a new year in an unhappy relationship in a cold gloomy season just feel the urge to snap right now.
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Welcome to the forum. Of course you should seek therapy for this. What you did was wrong, but your were awfully young yourself. That's certainly no excuse, but contrasts sharply with who you are today, especially since you feel such remorse. Before broaching the subject with your brother, who may want to avoid the subject, try to sort your own emotions first before starting something that could have unforeseen consequences. A therapist can give you the guidance to cope with this.
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What if that one perfect soulmate lives in Seoul, and speaks no English? You'll never meet them. We fall for the best choice we meet, not out of the world's population, but a smaller group we encounter.
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When we get dumped, we think the whole world sees us as a loser. If you consider that almost everyone gets dumped, you're in good company. When my wife left me, I was surprised how many couples admitted their own struggles to stay together. For years they seemed to have perfect pairings. There is no shame in being dumped. None at all. If you believe otherwise, you're giving your ex the authority to judge your value. He's just a guy, with no omnipotent insight.
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Just the usual, like what brings it on, how it manifests, length of the attack, what eases it, what's going on in your life, how you react to the anxiety as a problem. Sometimes an objective opinion can clarify things.
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Oh man! That's a keen observation! Nothing like serving as raw material for a lady to tweak into a man.
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He sounds like a keeper. No troublesome habits.
