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Dako

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Everything posted by Dako

  1. Dako
    The big question is your number 4. Once someone is an ex, it's over. All your attention to what they do is pointless. Let go of him and the jealousy about his new squeeze.
  2. Dako
    My ex and I are friends, but we'd NEVER call each other on this day. That's so tacky.
  3. Dako
    You don't need to cheat. That's the worst way to cope with unhappiness. You may think you'v entered an impossible situation and there's no way out, but believe me, it's just a feeling. I'm glad you have a therapist to help you, and folks here can help you as well. Some people get swept up with social pressures to marry or stay in a sad marriage. Don't let it take over your life. It's the only life you have.
  4. Dako
    Don't let him dissuade you from your choice. FTD has flowers for all occasions, but not this one.
  5. Dako
    What do you daydream about as an alternative to this?
  6. Dako
    At first I took the original post literally, and since I don't believe in sin, I couldn't equate it with suicide. I do believe suicide exists, and have seen the aftermath as it harms others, so ethically, it's a bad thing. I also feel suicide insults those who cling to life despite grave challenges. I've gotten close to the edge many times, myself, and don't condemn others for harboring the urge. I just hope they find a different path and save their friends and family some pain. Hi Timboo.
  7. Dako
    I'm sure every marriage is pretty complicated, but it's your life. If this guy loves you, he'd want you to be happy. My wife was unhappy while I loved her completely. When she told me she wanted out, I agreed with her choice. Marriage isn't a prison sentence, but an agreement between two willing people. PLease don't give up on yourself.
  8. Dako
    Long after a breakup, you may see your ex in a different, less-flattering light, and once again find yourself gaga over a new flame. Your ex may be a wonderful person, but don't forget there are some amazing women in this world.
  9. Dako
    Why would you stay married if it's so bad? What could possibly force you to stay?
  10. Dako
    Even if he caves and boinks you bigtime, don't you think he has major sexual issues to deal with? Do you think he'll instantly be what you want? Most couples take a while to discover incompatability, but this guy's waving it like a flag. I'd decide if it's worth fighting a partner who's not into a physical relationship, regardless of their reasons. Imagine you have a GF and her new BF is pushing for sex, but she's not ready. Wouldn't you side with her? Give this guy a break.
  11. Dako
    In the 70s, the pill had liberated a lot of people to fool around, and psychoactive drugs were very commonly used. My friend Edward had New Year's day Mazola parties with dozens of people. A lawyer and his wife hosted Sexual Freedom League meetings , and one fellow I know had a group of women who waited their turn outside his bedroom each night. I worked with some women who routinely and matter-of-factly would ask me to ____them, and one woman there had sex with more than 6 of the guys. I got a vasectomy about then, and put almost a hundred condoms in a salad bowl on my desk, and they were all taken by day's end. All week, condom wrappers were appearing in the trashcan in the photo darkroom. I was a prude and behaved myself. Yeah, things are wild these days...
  12. Dako
    Look at the problems of STDs and unplanned pregnancy, infidelity and consider it's the tip of an iceberg. I've seen friends and family do some bizarre things, and have had offers, but I'm a prude. I think it depends on your surroundings, drugs, alcohol and subcultural trends.
  13. Dako
    To really solve this, you both need to put the reactions aside and clearly present your views without anger. Many couple react to each other with pre-set phrases and let that adrenaline do the talking until both are exhausted. I may be reading too much into this, but if you can't take turns clearly expressing and responding in a constructive way, assigning blame won't help at all. Have you ever discussed how you'd both prefer to solve disagreements? Waiting until you're angry isn't the time. If he has such a weak grasp on reality, he's either baiting you or simply not worth the trouble.
  14. Dako
    No offense intended, but that email is a rant. Ranting isn't a good way to communicate. I'd condense the email to basic points, then tell him those things in person, and allow him to respond to each one. As you said, he doesn't let you get everything out in a converstion, and you want no interruptions so he listens to everything you say. Do you let him speak his mind and listen without interrupting?
  15. Dako
    T, Look at yourself, man. You just had a smart woman give you good advice, but you don't want it. What do you really want?
  16. Dako
    He knows he has to make you comfortable, and should offer to meet in a public place, introduce you to family or friends, and make himself somewhat vulnerable to you as well. Does he offer these concessions to your safety, or do you bring them up?
  17. Dako
    Quite a dilemma. If you push him to quit, you may be setting a precedent for the future. If you push him to make his own decisions, he'll feel pressured. I'd suggest asking where he wants to be, and let him come to his own conclusions. It might help him redouble his efforts or cut his losses.
  18. Dako
    He seems miserable. Can't he return to the old job? He sounds like someone I know. Maybe he fears he's an imposter and afraid to make waves lest he be found out. Therapy might help, but marriage could be a rough road. You may end up as his mother.
  19. Dako
    If I had a job requiring 100+ hours per week, I'd quit in 2 seconds. He obviously needs to quit this job and find a position without a crew of tormentors, impossible hours and pressure to perform. Was his previous job any different? I suspect his problems traveled with him.
  20. Dako
    I got a huge laugh from your post. It's so true! That really defuses some threads here assuming quiet guys are all compliant doormats. The same goes for sweet, shy quiet women with fangs.
  21. Dako
    One step at a time. Get a job, something that gives you a place to go daily. At that job, you'll meet people. When those people ask you to do lunch, do it. And so on. Letting go of your guy is another matter. Time will help, but so will getting out and walking, meeting new people and exploring the future instead of reliving the past.
  22. Dako
    Oh, I agree about the fertility treatments. That's especially hard for people when it reaches a dead-end. My mom's diaphragm was faulty. I'm the result.
  23. Dako
    No offense to anyone, but the effort needed to adopt is much higher than that required to get pregnant. You cannot accidently adopt.
  24. Dako
    I think that's covered in Volume Two for $19.95
  25. Dako
    MS, Your observations are valid for non-married couples as well. It's easy to tell people in a bad marriage it's their fault for tying the knot, but those problems are usually unrelated to the marriage license.
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