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Trolloc63

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  1. I'm not so sure I can take her up on it, next time I saw her in class she said nothing to me about it. And according to batya, i'm just a complete loser. Well its actually quite true, I am a loser. I have been single for abouts 8 years now, and have only been in 2 relationships because I was asked out. I have grown bitter and angry over that period of time, and a part of this stems from issues when I was younger. But anyway, now i'm just indifferent about dating, until I get super depressed. I can talk and make conversation and all, but when it gets to the grey area, i'm lost, and too scared to say anything. Furthermore I do my best to completely sabotage myself. And your right, it is very safe, but it sucks. I dont have the answer, sometimes I'm in a good mood and very playful with co-workers/classmates, other times i'm super depressed and dont talk to anyone; whatever that makes me, i dont know. So there's my head on a platter, time for more flaming... Oh yeah, "talking smack" (aka trash talking)
  2. that was really nice of u to trash me like that, there will always be one like you around to talk some smack, so thanks.....
  3. Here I am again, with yet another depressing post that you can flame me for later. So here we go: I've had yet another epiphany in my many dealings with women. As you may remember, I'm in nursing school and work as a nursing assistant with mostly women. So learing about how women act and what they say and do is still tough sometimes. Basically I've so far learned that what women do and what they say are completely different. I've observed several women who flirt with me (eg. lots o' smiling, eye contact, touching) even though they are not interested or are taken. Which just pisses me off even more. You may remember I tried to ask a gal out to the movies on one occasion. Well working with her every week is just painful. Seeing as how i'm very much attracted to her, yet she still flirts with me, but then pulls her hot-cold routine and wants nothing to do with me. When dealing with these types of women, I tend to shut down and ignore them completely, no matter how much it kills me inside. Anyway, back to my epiphany. So at class, and somehow we get to discuss in a group about my pathetic non-love life. And I do my usual go off on a tangent, you know, the "i'm gonna be single forever" tangent. Anyway one of the gals is a single mom, and I could tell she was sorta interested, or so I think. So she says we'll have to hang out with her and her friends sometime. I tell her i'm down with that, and that's the end of the conversation. You see this is the problem, and it keeps happening. Women will "suggest" things like this and then never follow through. I dont know whether they just enjoy playing with me or not. Ok so she made the suggestion, and I said "ok" to it. Now why the hell do they not follow through?? She knew I was ok with it, but she said nothing. Is'nt that nice, she already knows I'm not good at this stuff because I was going off on my tangent earlier, yet no details, no "lets do this on this day". No, instead she just leaves me hanging, cause i'm the guy, and I have to magically pick up on everything, and have to do everything because i'm perfect. Well i'm not perfect, in fact i'm so pathetic that its just sad. I have never been comfortable with meeting women, and I never will be, and no matter how much flaming i'm gonna get from this, i'm sure i'll never change. So I guess the epiphany is this: even if women know that you want to hang out with them, and that you are available, you still have to do everything. Could my life suck anymore than it does right now. I sometimes wish I was a women so I did'nt have to do anything to attract the opposite sex.
  4. Thanks guyz for the understanding, i'm slowly learing that I need to just shut up about my problems and not air them out for all my co-workers to hear. The minute you tell them how you feel about yourself, you look weak and like a loser. Anyway i'm still 'into' a few of my co-workers, but i dont think anything will happen. The one I went out to the movies with i think was just being friendly and decided to do a little too much flirting with me (harmless to her anyway ). The other one has been sorta flaky as well and currently is in a serious relationship. She only seems to really want to talk to me when her and her man are fighting. This gal and I were supposed to be good friends at one point, but over xmas I cut her off for something that happened. We were to exchange gifts while working during xmas. I gave her my gift on xmas eve, a harmless gift cert., no biggie there. She completely forgot to give me one, and has still never given me a gift, despite me giving her crap about it. Now this is kind of petty for me to not be her friend just for this, but its not about the gift. It's really about the principle of it. You see, were supposed to be friends, and I remembered to get her a gift, but she just can't remember?? No, bullcrap... She does'nt even care enough to get me a gift or to even give it to me, so that was the end for me. And they wonder why I try to keep away from them at work. I guess it does'nt help seeing as how i'm the only male nursing assistant in the building, and the only one on night shift. And it really does'nt help that my co-workers are really hot and i'm into them. All this relationship stuff is still new to me, and I need to determine when women just talk to you and not hit-on you, its all very confusing. Anyway sorry I got all suicidal thoughts on you, that happens when I get really depressed.
  5. Well as predicted, my movie date with my co-worker was a bust. As you may remember, she blew me off the first time. The next time I saw her at work she asked me out to a movie the following Wed, with great use of smiling, eye contact, and touching. And then the day came and I met her at the movie, and she did'nt seem to want to be there. Maybe it was just me, but she barely talked to me, did'nt look at me, nothing. And then later at work she told a mutual co-worker that we had a good time. Well I did'nt have a good time, in fact, I had a bad time. Flame me all you want for my post, but i'm tired of this. I'm tired of flaky women and women who just flirt to piss me off. I wish I did'nt feel anything anymore. I wish I could cut myself off from everyone I know. I'm tired of having hope then it blowing up in my face. Its the same crap everytime and it will never change. And seeing as how i'm good and depressed right now, all I want to do is die.
  6. Working as a male in the nursing field, you tend to work with a mostly female population. I currently work at an assisted living facility, which is mostly female. I know i've complained on my last few posts, and up until last tuesday, everything was the same. On tuesday's shift, a co-worker and I were having a discussion on how I would probably never meet anyone. I went off on my usual rant about how it would never happen. And she made the comment that she was also looking for someone, whether that was a hint or not, I dont know. Anyway this co-worker i'm discussing is new, she was just hired a week ago. We have worked together the last few days, and she seems to be interested in me. She is very friendly, smiley, and always seems to be interested in conversing with me. Anyway on tuesday night we were working, and we were watching tv. A movie trailer came up during commercial and we began discussing movies and how we like to see movies, cause seeing movies is my thing. Anyway I finally had the guts to ask her if she wanted to see that movie on friday. And not only did she say yes without a pause, she offered up her #. She also reminded me at the end of our shift as we were leaving to call her on friday. Ok so she obviously seemed interested in hanging out with me. Anyway, got some extra sleep on friday, got all ready to go, and called her up, and......... NOTHING. No answer, just voicemail. She did tell me to leave her a message, so I did so. Long and short of it, nothing happened. No return call, no nothing, I even called her later that night, straight to voicemail. Ok so maybe something happened, like an emergency. But if I see her at work the next time i'm there and she has nothing to say i'm gonna be pissed. I dont appreciate being jerked around. I'll let you know what happens peeps....
  7. Interesting posts thus far. I'm 28 by the way. I know its not all that old, but it can go on this way for a long time. I know I need to change things myself or its my own fault. But i'm not at that point yet. I have gotten better, I am more comfortable with talking to women, but just can't take that next step yet. Who knows, maybe someday, or maybe not.
  8. Honestly, most people do not understand our plight. Many of you do however, seeing as how your posting on this forum, so let me try to explain mine. I have already posted here about my non friends and single forever posts. But I must add that people do not understand. Your family and friends give you advice to just be happy and things will happen. Well this is not the case for me, as things will never happen. I posted earlier in another thread about feeling stuck in a cycle that I will never get out of. Now last time I posted, I was very depressed. And when I get depressed I get very negative, you know, the 'I hate my life' type of depression. But now, speaking from a calm point of view at the moment, I can truly say that because I'm stuck in this cycle, I will never meet the right one. The cycle goes something like this: meet new gal, interested in her, talk to her if possible, be nice, that sort of thing. And then, for different reasons, it all fails (eg. sabotaging myself on purpose, they are not single, they flirt with you then ignore you later). And then the failure + depression _ + failure of not saying anything cause i'm too shy = I hate my life and dont want to do this again. unfortunately I sort of old school, especially when it comes to friends and helping people. I believe that if people are good, and they treat you right, then I care more about them and thier problems than some stranger. I would tend to want to be thier friend are care about thier problems more. unfortunately, this is'nt the case today as I learned with my current nonfriend co-workers. I guess what i'm trying to say is that people today say they care and they really dont. They care about thier problems, and the heck with you. I'm discussing more of my feelings on this forum than anyone else, cause I have no one to talk to. So it T's me off when people say its no big deal. But I know what kind of a deal it is, cause I know i'll be single forever, and 20 years from now lets see what they have to say when i'm still single. Single forever sounds like a death sentence to me.
  9. I feel for you, i truly do. I would be that kind of guy, that would totally like you and not say anything. I would probably pick up the hints, but I may not say anything cause i'm too scared too. Having grown up a bit over the years, i've become more comfortable with women, but some stuff is still too hard to do, like picking up on women. I've had several women that I was totally in love with, and never said a word to them because I was paralized with fear. That coupled with my bouts of depression makes me feel like a real loser sometimes. I honestly feel locked in a cycle I will never get out of. Anyway sorry all the same, hope things work out for you.
  10. Single forever….Yes that’s right, I will be single forever. And I will tell you why. Some guys are just naturally good at picking up women. I knew a guy like this, we always went over to his place and there were women there, it was amazing. They always exhibited confidence, class, and a lot of guts. And that was never me. From growing up with an alcoholic, while my parents were in a crappy marriage. I hated my life, and still do to some degree. I am happier than I was, but I still feel lost somehow. A lot of how I interact with women came from my father. He was an alcoholic and would emotionally and sometimes physically abuse us. The whole nightmare finally ended when my mom had the guts to divorce his , but even then it took a long time for that to happen. Now granted my father was not all bad, there were many fun memories in my old house, yet somehow I seem to only remember the bad. My dad would say horrible things about people and especially my mom. He was also very good at belittling us and making feel like dirt, all the while keeping us under his thumb. He had several issues and the alcoholism only made it worse. He was very angry inside, very vindictive. And basically that’s what I learned, anger, spite, vengefulness. For a long time I was very hostile to women, for no reason, this was a big part of it. And for a long time things compiled on top of each other, making dating and meeting the right one very difficult. I was very shy, and maybe even socially inept in Jr. High and High School. This complied with the hatred brewing within me made everything worse. And because of this, I never learned those skills of dating. I have had 2 relationships in my life, 1 long term relationship and 1 shall we say ‘casual’ relationship, and both came from being asked out. Today the hatred for women is not there, I have calmed in my 20’s and am now at a point where I am indifferent. Oftentimes I think about the possibility of a new relationship, and I know in my heart that it will never happen, because I know the truth. And the truth is; I am a loser. I am terrified of meeting women, I don’t know what to say or do in situations like these. Women sometimes do not understand this, as all they have to do is flirt a little and the guy is just supposed to pick up on it and ‘spit game’. Well I can usually pick up on some of the signals, but the words never come out; I’ll never know what to say or how to say it. Sex is nice, but a relationship is better. I don’t want sex per se, but something meaningful. However with my own shortcomings I don’t think anything will happen. My family knows better than to ask me if I have a girlfriend because they know the answer. I have been single since my last ‘causal’ relationship ended when I was in school at metro community college. I don’t recall the exact length of time, but lets say its been about 8 years or so. So there you have it. You may think I’m a whiny loser, but it has felt good to get this out and to post it for everyone to see. I estimate I will indeed be single forever since I have zero self esteem when it comes to women. So i posted this on my blog on myspace the other day, and my friend told me that I needed to just relax and be carefree. That I should just be happy i'm single and not tied down by a relationship. I love it when people think they know what your going through, and that its reallly no big deal. But the reality is, i'll be single for the rest of my life, so yeah, sorry if that depresses me a bit, or even a lot!!
  11. I remember a time when I had a circle of friends. This was of course back in high school. We all hung out together, talked all the time, and did things together all the time. And slowly one by one, I lost all my friends. Some got married, some moved, some went into the armed forces. And still some I had a falling out with as I got to know them for the rotten turncoats that they really were. Just this last year, I lost my last friend to a woman. It was his first relationship, and he was very excited. I wished him well and off he went with her. Unfortunately he never came back. So after a few months of being ignored I moved out and vowed it was over. I can truly say I lost most of my friends to “significant others”. Some of my ‘friends’ still try to stay in contact with me, and still want to talk and hang out with me, yet somehow its not the same. I’m sure most people would be happy to have friends like these, and yet somehow I don’t think so. Honestly, I felt betrayed. How could some woman take my place? And better yet, how could my so called best friends just forget about me completely, then try to come back a month later and be my buddy? It is refreshing nowadays; I can say I have no true friends. A coworker of mine is my only friend, although I wouldn’t qualify us as close friends. She is in a serious relationship herself, but we talk a lot about different things. It is nice to talk to her, as I have no one else to talk to, and I sure as heck am not going to talk about my feeling with my mom!! But today I think that the idea of friends is different. I used to think of friends as those who hung out together, and could talk about anything, and were there for each other. But nowadays it’s not like that. To be honest, I think people only care so much, and then they don’t care. I often times am a loner, and enjoy it to some degree, but I still miss the connection of friends. Often times I have plenty of spare time, and no one to hang out with. The concept of friends has definitely changed.
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