young_wife

I was never ready for the commitment, which in turn led me to resent him. Furthermore, I believe that by the time I married him, I had already fallen out of love with him. Why? Well a lot of things contributed to my change of heart; I felt pressured to get married, I felt badly because I knew how much he loved me, and I had a clouded perception that things could get better once we were married, but obviously, that didn't happen, it just made things worse. I was unhappy overall for everything I've just stated, not to mention the fact that I did not want to be with him anymore. It's something that slowly began to occur before the wedding and got much more intense as the days progressed. Eventually once I was married, it was very difficult to deal with so I couldn't take it anymore and confronted him about it. Thank you all for your comments and thoughts they are immensely appreciated.

Hello all, Sorry I've been so MIA, i went away for 2 weeks to California after the break-up. I wasn't running away, I planned a vacation prior to telling my husband I wanted out and I guess I just did it before I went away so that I could clear my head completely and relax. There's a lot to tell but I'll make this long story short. He was obv devastated but glad I was honest. I told him I wasn't in love with him anymore and needed to get out because I was misreable. He understood. He is very understanding. Two days after we called it quits, I went away for 2 weeks to Arizona to visit family and get away. The new guy I had mentioned came with me for a week because he too has family there and took a week off from work, but nothing sexual happened between the 2 of us, we just flew to the west coast together and back. We went out several times and did get very emotionally attached to one another, but there was no sex, I did not want to do that with him because if I did, I knew it would complicate my life even more and I was way too vulnerable. It would have just messed things up as much as we both wanted to. We kissed and stuff which was enough to mess things up. He got scared and things got weird when we came home. I was too emotionally vested so I decided to stop any physical relation we had. I found out he's involved with someone emotionally, but she's not his girlfriend. He's not the nice guy he seemed to be at the beginning so I'm trying to discard him from my thoughts because I was falling for him, since I was so emotionally vulnerable. He plays mind games, is a liar and simply wants to sleep with me. However, despite my divorce and the great disappointment with who I thought was prince charming, I'm happy with my life at the moment. I'm finishing school and have dedicated my time to the growth of my personal self. It's been a very tough time because my parents have just since begun speaking to me again. They stopped talking to me for a month after everything happened because they were quite devastated and felt I made a mistake. Things have since turned around and we're back on good terms. My ex-husband and I are still great friends, because after all, that was what united us. He's a very understanding individual and though I know this has been difficult for him, I am amazed at how good he's been to me because he knows I've been burdened with this for months so he's been supportive, as much as it has hurt him. Ultimately, I am at ease with myself and feel good. I've regained my freedom and have the support of a very close group of friends who have been there for me throughout this whole time. I'm grateful for that and to everyone here for their thoughts and opinions. I hope everyone is doing well.

i did it. i said i wanted out and he left. i will update further as the days progress. thank you all for ur help.

thanks ghost for your thoughts. haha, he's not gay but this guy claims he's just helping me and wants to see me happy, which at this point i may believe is true because he's dealing with relationship issues of his own. He's stuck between two girls whom he dated in the past but neither are exactly what he wants, and according to him, i'm the perfect match because i have all these wonderful qualities all in one that both lack. however, he's in love with these two girls and can't decide which way to go. and he decided to throw in the fact that i'm not even an option, we're just each other's "escape" which really threw me off, unless he's just saying that so i don't cloud my judgement from his comments. but i like him a lot. when he confided in me and told me the issues he was having I have to admit I was a little upset, but the reality is I have to take care of my own situation before I get myself into another one. he's been great in trying to help me deal with this and i'm afraid i'm falling for him. but the good thing is i'm trying to get out my marriage soon, like within the next few weeks because my spring break is coming up and i want to go away from this area (nyc) for a while to clear my thoughts and come back start fresh. thanks again all. hope every1 is well and God bless. young_wife

hello all. i still haven't been able to put an end to my misery but am hoping i will. but i have some updates. don't know if they're good but i wish to comment about them. i met someone. a very nice guy whom i share many interests with, particularly in the area of our careers. i've known him for a long time through a mutual friend but we were never friends. we've been talking for about a month now and things seemed to move pretty fast in a very odd way. he blatantly asked me if i was happy in my marriage because apparently i'm quite transparent and obviously unhappy to the world because everyone but my husband seems to realize i'm uhappy. anyway, in the short amount of time, i opened up to him. i don't know if that was a mistake since there is an attraction between us, but he states though he likes me, he wants to help me and wishes to see me happy. he says he expects nothing of me and is not waiting for me to get a divorce so that he can be next in line. he claims he wants to just help me find happiness. i'm pretty caught up with him, although i made it clear from the beginning that nothing was going to happen and as much as i was interested or attracted to him, things were going to remain strictly friendship. but we talk everyday and i see him all the time. he is very on top of things with me and is constantly concerned for my well being. this just kind of adds to the pot. i haven't been happy for a while but i don't want this person to cloud my judgement. things are so bad for me now that everyone around me is now asking what is wrong with me. my mother is very concerned. and as we all know, mothers always know best, they have that instinct where they just know. her argument is that he loves me very much and i should not throw away a relationship simply because i'm not happy, which obviously is ridiculous. she says that "there are many people whom we can love, but very few who can love us." it's stupid to look at things that way i know, but i feel like she's more worried than anyone about this. yet i have not spoken a word to her about anything, this is what she says not knowing a thing. sorry about the long message, just wanted to post the update but i wanted to comment on this new person/confusion in my life. i like him because he understands my career goals, and is motivating me to pursue my lifelong career dream of being a doctor which my spouse does not support nor thinks i'd be successful in doing. so thats the story. i'll add a few more details at a later date because this message is already much too long. thanks again all

i wish i wouldve cancelled my wedding when i had cold feet... you did the right thing and i commend you for having the courage to do so, not everyone is that strong and unfortunately i wasn't and here i am suffering the consequences. give yourself as much time as possible, don't close your options and make sure you explore the world and possibilties before you delve into marriage. if it is meant to be she will wait for you or your paths will cross but do not push things or rush them again. take care of your own insecurities before taking this step. you've delayed this now so take advantage to see what it is that's really bothering you. visit a counselor and speak to them one on one, they will provide better insight since they are biased, and will be able to identify the source of your worries and/or issues. good luck to you and you've made the right decision.

Dako, i really appreciate your thoughts and opinions. thank you. i'm glad i can come here and express myself w/o being judged. I'll keep posting periodically and will hopefully be able to say one day that I've liberated myself. But for now I'm a prisoner in my own home. Thank you tho. Valentine's day was horrible. I feel so wrong for being in this lie. But hey, all one can do is hope things will get better. Obviously I have to do something but I hope I'll have the strength to do so.

i daydream of being happy because i'm not and can't remember the last time i was. being single. living my life to the fullest at my young age. just doing a lot of things that i can't do now and won't get the chance to do with him. he's the only man i've ever been with. so i've had no other sexual expericene with anyone ever. perhaps meeting other people which i've already done but i've never cheated, and don't think i'd be able to as much as i'd want to.

yea i loved him. we dated for 3 years before we married and were engaged for 1 year of those 3 years. about 8 months before the wedding is when i started to go downhill and i've been down ever since. it just kills me to have to even remotely suggest anything to him about me being unhappy. it's like everyone else is happy for me except me.

thanks to all for ur reply. i was extremely hesitant about doing it before and called it off but we agreed to give it a shot, so here i am. i just feel really bad becaus he loves me very much. i love him but i dont want to be in this relationship. the reason i can't get out is because it's too complicated, its easier to live like this, as bad as it sounds, then to have to split up. i try to take everyday calm, and see if things get better but honestly, i don't want them to. i don't want to be in this. i know what i need to do, and i need to get out of it, but i can't, not yet at least, it's too soon and it would be too messy. and like i said, he loves me and i feel bad leaving him like this. i know i sound like an idiot and many of u would want to slap me or knock some sense into me but its a tough situation to be in. i'm glad i found this forum so i can vent. i'm seeing a therapist and she says i need to leave.

hello all. happy valentine's day. i'm a 20yr old female, been married for a little under 6months. i'm miserable and i hate it. it's sad because i'm living with this everyday, everyone thinks everything is great including my husband but inside i'm dying. on a day like today, when it should be happy, i'm not. it's our first valentine's but it's like i try and avoid every waking moment with him. at night, i can't even sleep. it's like i lie in that bed thinking what did i do? why am i here? i just needed to vent, so i apologize if anyone is disturbed by my comments. i guess the worse part of this is that i can't get out the relationship so all i can do is talk about it to people who don't know me and will hopefully understand and make living with this easier. thanks.