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  1. My husband claims that his worst nightmare would be more me to leave him. He admitted this through tears during our first session of couple's counseling, which he hesitantly attended at my behest after I'd gotten fed up with his behaviors for the umpteenth time. Apparently one session was enough for him, because he would not go back. We've been together for 11 years, married for 4. I'm in my late 20s. He's in his early 30s. I don't need to go on and on about how much I love him, how great he is when he isn't being 'like that' etc. I'm sure most of you have heard it all a dozen times. But I will say this - Marriage is not an institution I'd go frivolously into and it's not one I'd leave unless there was literally no other option. But goddamn if he hasn't had me considering serving those papers at least once a month. He was my forth serious boyfriend. I was his second girlfriend ever. The problems didn't really start until around 2 years into our exclusivity. He'd tell me often that 'he wasn't like this before' and that only I could make him this jealous. I never found it flattering, but then again I don't think he ever intended for it to be. Ever since then we've fallen into a cycle, fueled by his fragile ego and inability to work on himself. My husband has good qualities. Lots of them. I wouldn't have married him if he didn't, but they've all become steadily overshadowed by the giant raincloud of self-hatred. Defeatism and fatalism. It's so odd, he's like a pendulum that swings between deep loathing for himself and an almost narcissistic grandiosity. He convinces himself that he's entitled to things he didn't work for, but once he realizes it he flagellates himself until he's mental gore. And I'm expected to whip out the mop and hot cocoa to clean up his mess and soothe his soul. Because that's what I'm supposed to be, right? His therapist. His sexy therapist. There is to sitting down and thinking things through with this man. If he thinks it, it is true. He doesn't grasp the reality of Thoughts and Feelings =/= Fact. Any and all thoughts, so long as they're negative, are true and that's the end of the story. He believes himself to be repulsive and impossible to love? Guess what, I get punished for it. Without even talking to me, he assumes that I look at him with 'disgust' in my eyes, and that I'd sooner run to another woman or a fictional character just to be away from him. When I feel insecure about my body, then it means I do not want to share myself sexually with him, therefore I hate him. If I don't memorize the minutia of his hobby, then that means I find him a pathetic manchild who needs to grow up. So on and so forth. You get the idea. There is no winning with this man. And I know there shouldn't be any 'winning', since this isn't a competition... But you know what I mean. Nothing I do is ever enough. There are always caveats and stipulations. And when I'm lacking, it means I hate my husband. Of course, I know that's not true. I know I love my husband. And deep down he knows I do as well... But he needs a scapegoat. An out. He needs something to project feelings he can handle onto. That person is me, since we're the closest and all. I just... I feel so overwhelmed. Whenever I bring up separation or divorce he goes on the defensive, calling me out for wanting to 'abandon our vows' and give up on him so easily. But, he must know this has been years and years in the making, right? I can't spend the last bastion of my youth with some sad sack that blames all of his failings on me. I've tried to help him in the past, but there's only so much I can do as an outside entity. I'm his wife. Not his therapist, mother, security blanket or teacher. When I felt I had problems that needed to get sorted and addressed I seeked out a therapist. 5 years later, I graduated from said therapy and walked out a significantly more stable person. He was there the entire way to watch me transform in real time, yet he absolutely refuses any sort of mental health counseling himself. I haven't given him the 'therapy or I leave' ultimatum, since ultimatums are unfair... But Dear Lord am I close to it. I want this to work out, and I know he does too. We both want to start a family, but I told him that I am not procreating with a man who can't regulate his emotions or take responsibility for his actions. Of course, that sent him into a downswing but at this point I don't care. He's hellbent on dragging me down into depression with him and I fought tooth and nail to climb out. I am not going to be his miserable company. That said, I would want to understand him better.
  2. I don't know if I should bring it up to my family doctor or my therapist... I brought it up to my therapist in passing and we didn't expand on that, but I feel like I'm having physical effects from the memories of the past year in particular. I believe my husband is narcissistic and was emotionally abusive to me... I feel like I should feel relief during the divorce process, but I continue to have disturbed sleep, feeling like I'm back in the moments of being bullied, and extreme fear at even seeing his family members texting to check on me. Also, I lost about thirty pounds before leaving my husband. The last several days with him, and the first few days away from him, I couldn't keep food down. I have since put on some weight again, and I'm eating well again, but I lose my appetite at times when I get too deep into the thoughts. I also feel of two minds... one mind is thinking typical victim stuff, like guilt about my fear and confusion over how my husband could also have a good side. But the other side is on autopilot and is thankfully winning. It's strongly pushing me through the steps of getting a divorce and moving on, it's telling me that there are other people outside of him and a whole world to enjoy whenever I'm ready for it. My main concern is the possible PTSD. Is it even possible that I have it, and if so, should I be seeking any treatment? I speak to a therapist once a week, and my family doctor calls me once a week. I take an antidepressant which should start helping me soon, as it has helped me in the past. I also have a sleeping pill that I take as needed- I'm doing my best not to take it daily but I definitely struggle to sleep the nights I don't take it. What else can I be doing?
  3. Hi to everyone reading this post! I really need some advice with this. I have been friends with this guy for over 8 years now since we were in highschool and we all were 14. We know his girlfriend quite well and she became a part of our group since he has been with her for over 4 years now and she has been really opening up to us for over a year because she was shy before. I became good friends with her since her and me have alot in common. It began like small fights they had in our discord voice chat. Little arguments about stupid stuff one person said and the other person took it the wrong way. He would stay mad for a bit but not long and the rest of our friend group and me wouldn't say much about it. But then the arguments started to be like fights. He got really passive agressive with her while she would not be doing anything wrong. For example: they would be playing a game and she would laugh about him dying or something and he would get mad and start degrading her. That's when she started sending me DMs. I got alot of DMs of her asking for help because he was getting mad again. 2 months ago she send me a message to ask if I could come into the voice chat because he was so mad and was screaming at her, so I did and when I came in the call the just instantly shut up and left the call. I got so many DMs after that with her showing their text messages, it felt so wrong that she was showing me all these private messages and I of course just wanted to help her but I felt like I wasn't supposed to read those. She said she needed someone to talk to and vent because she had nobody else and I know how that feels so I did not want to abandon her just like that, she had become a very good friend of me. One day their fight went so far that I just stepped in, I know not the smartest thing. She was crying and telling me she was scared and I got so mad at him for doing that to her that I confronted him. My boyfriend (20M) was with me, he is a part of our friend group too so he knows, but let me tell you, my boyfriend is straight up with people and just tells his honest feeling and thoughts to them, and when he doesn't like something he will just say it. Back to the confrontation, we told him that we as his friends just wanted to confront him in a normal way and if he and his girlfriend were fighting they should take it elsewhere or he should just go calm down if he was gonna get mad anyway and not ruin the vibes we have in our voice chat. But our friend did not take it well. He went to his girlfriend and started blaming her for everything we tried to reason with him again but it ended with them breaking up and him stepping out of our friendgroup. Then he started to say he was going to kill himself because nobody loved him. So all of us started sending him messages to tell him we care about him and we just want him to get some help with himself, we didn't do it out of hate but just to make him realise something. He told us he was gonna try his best. 3 days went by and then he send my boyfriend a message that he finally knew what was wrong and he said his behaviour was like that because my boyfriend and him did not have a good friendship anymore. So he just said him and my boyfriend should talk it out. This was really weird, my boyfriend did get kinda mad at him when we were doing the confrontation but he apologized after that. Also he was back together with his girlfriend and she was denying that she ever asked for help and was saying that she wasn't allowed to talk to us anymore. And the worst was she wasn't allowed to send me Dms anymore. I understood why, my friend was obviously hurt that she send their private messages but no contact? really? But we were so tired of all the fighting so we stupidly forgave him and he came back to our group. Now he had told us he was going to get better and went to therapy. But then he came into a depression. He was talking with us about it every day and he said he just felt really depressed and he didn't know why. We talked with him about it and just tried to support him best we could and he kept going to therapy. He seemed better after some days but he was at it again with his girlfriend. It wasn't as bad as before and she started to message me their Dms again because she has nobody else but him, she asked for help again twice. I thought it wasn't gonna get worse but I was wrong. Some days ago it got worse, so my friend is in another group with friends of him he has known for over a year. It's a group were they make fun of older people or they laugh at how they struggle to post on Facebook, the old people making posts about how they are fans of singers or actors,etc.. and mind you those older people are disabled most of the time, some of them have severe autism which is not really a laughing matter. They see laughing with those old people as wholesome fun but it's mostly cringe and a waste of time. Today our group and me were laughing about that group he is in and laughing about how cringe it is that they laugh with people. He was laughing with us. We have laughed about this group before so this was not something new. But when he left the call *** went down. He send a message to his girlfriend extremely mad that she was laughing with us and that he was dissapointed in all of us. Then he proceeded to get jealous that his girlfriend laughed with a joke MY boyfriend made. And then he blamed my boyfriend for making everyone laugh about his weird group. He was saying my boyfriend was laughing at his other friends and trying to shame them for their looks, which didn't happen, he only made a joke about someones name. So then he just told his girlfriend he wants to choke my boyfriend because he was so mad and that the people in that other group have done more for him than we ever did in 8 years. When I saw that I was hurt. I know that it's not true. We have been there for him since he was 14. So I couldn't believe he would ever say something like that. Not even that he was saying psycho stuff about my boyfriend and getting jealous for no reason. I felt very uncomfortable by that. He send my boyfriend a message about how dissapointed he is in him and that he should never laugh with his friendgroup. Meanwhile he does the same thing but with older people? His girlfriend was crying again and went to bed because she didn't know what to do anymore all she said was that she is sick of it. Now what he did next is, he told those people he knows from that group everything that happened but twisted the story to make him look better and my boyfriend like a total lunatic. He even slandered his girlfriend to them and send her the messages those people were saying about us and her. His girlfriend told me everything of course but she was having an extreme panick attack that night and did not sleep. Now he is trying to bad talk about all of us but especially about my boyfriend. What do we do? How do we proceed futher? How can I help my friend (his girlfriend) the best in this situation? I want to get her out of this relationship and I want to tell my friend he went too far but I dont know how to do this.
  4. Hi, Does this sound like an emotionally abusive relationship? 2.5 year relationship (cohabitated for a year) - 30 me (F) and 32 (M). Actually met through his cousin 3 years ago, his cousin always liked me and wanted to be with me but we ended up having a connection and got into a serious relationship instead. Now I’m doubting our connection my sister said he seems emotionally abusive, but she’s always been known to be over dramatic. Examples of things that make me unhappy in this relationship: - Secretive conversations will his female friends (would have video calls with them once a month when I wasn’t around) - only saw this because he left his phone on the chat screen once and I saw it open, nothing dodgy in the conversations, very friend like.. and they have known each other for many years prior to me being in the scene. ^ I don’t have an issue with female friends, but double standards I do. If it were me having those secretive video chats with a guy, I know it wouldn’t fly with him. - Angry over small things, yell and loose his temper. Never hit me, but has yelled at me many times. Apologises afterwards when I make a point that it wasn’t acceptable to speak like that.. only after having it escalate and blow out of proportion. - Shutdown and get angry whenever I mentioned how I was feeling upset about something in the relationship. - Would say things like “don’t say another word or I’m going to loose my !” If I was bringing something to his attention that I didn’t like, in hope of discussing it. Avoided communicating about things. - Get drunk alone while I was sober on a Saturday night when we were meant to be spending it together chilling out, instead spends it calling all his boys while I sit there waiting for him to be done.. hint at him talking to his friends another time so we can spend time together, and get told I’m being controlling and he starts to get angry and tells me not to start a problem. - Would always ask who messaged me when he hears my phone go off, but if I ask him that I get told I’m being nosy. - Was alright for him to have drinks with female colleagues while away at work conferences, but if I were to have a beer with a male colleague he’d get all paranoid (I broke his trust once in our relationship) - so this I understand. He works in events and when away at big road shows would be out socialising with a lot of people. - Would ask for a back massage which I always gave, but he would never massage me when I asked - his excuse was “I’m not good at giving them”. Ask me to do things for him and I did, when I asked for things he would get annoyed and do it reluctantly. - Would speak with a tone and aggressive manner sometimes, when called up about it would get angry but if I speak to him that way he looses it and demands an apology. Do these sound like emotional abusive things? Thanks in advance!
  5. Long story short. Enjoyed the company of a 'friend' who I think, might have been emotionally abusive. I didn't realise it at the time, but i endured yelling, put downs and humiliation in front of others. Their behaviour suddenly turned around at one point, and i took this as a clue that they were romantically attracted to me, like i was to them. Then suddenly this person leaves without a goodbye and i have never heard from them again. I feel used, disrespected and a fool (why wasn't i smarter?). This hurt me as i thought i cared about this person, thought i was building a rapport with them (how wrong can you be?,), let them in and took their behaviour reversal as an attempt to make amends (and increased my trust for them), only to be dumped and discarded. Each time i tried to withdraw from this person, they'd seek out my attention and actively pull me back in. This made me think maybe they were committed to building a friendship / relationship with me, as in, our connection could have developed in the future. This has been a large part of my depression lately and i have struggled to make sense of it. I don't have any contact with this person, but still have some mutual contacts, which i can't really avoid right now. I felt we were building a rapport, but it all feels false now and it has all dissolved to nothing. It just makes me feel so used and disrespected. How do you get your self respect back and build your resilience again? It feels like i have broken up with someone. I will be extremely careful before letting anybody in again in the future... I'd like to seek counselling, and will slowly look for one. Mods: does this belong in a different forum? Thanks for reading.
  6. I recently got out of an emotionally abusive relationship and was moving on nicely until a month later a saw that my ex was in a relationship on facebook. I suddenly felt obligated to warn her. He blocked me on facebook shortly after (probably to keep me quiet), and I blocked his number. I feel that I should message his girlfriend and warn her of the abuse I experienced and to look for signs. Should I go forward with the message or leave it be?
  7. I've been writing about my life, and it's made me revisit the past. Injustices. Emotionally abusive relationships. Rape even. Parental neglect. Narcissistic parent. And suddenly, I've become so internally anger. Yes I know to visit a therapist- I will. Yes I also know anger can be a positive thing, it means one step towards healing. And yes I know anger is probably repressed hurt. What I dont know how to do is cope with it. I live with someone and can't comfortably punch my pillow in private. I'm already writing about it. It's just all consuming. I wasn't ready for this. Have you ever had anger towards your past impact your life? I have to be careful even now opening myself to you because sometimes, strangers can be insensitive or imply you should just get over it. I thought I was over it. I'm in my late twenties. this was childhood, high school and some college years. I had people belittle me. But boyfriends emotionally abuse me. Yell at me. One raped me at thirteen. I didn't have power over myself or my relationships til my mid-to late twenties. And I'm scared of this anger. What would you do? Thanks for reading.
  8. Now this doesn't pertain to all the good men out there..... but it does pertain to why women accept men that aren't good. It is all statistics. If there were more men than women- many more men would have to compete for women and be respectful and nice in order to gain a partner. Unfortunately, this isn' t the case- many cities have 3 women to 1 man ratios- or even worse (5 women to 1 man in DC and LA area). Many of these men are gay in these areas (so i am speaking of those interesed in heterosexual men). One researcher discusses how so many men realize this advantage they have especially in areas where there is a significant advantage in numbers. At one particular college, there is a population of 65 percent women and 35 percent men. During orientation, several of the freshman men were were identifiying women as number 1,2,3, 4... because they were so outcumbered that they knew they could have any woman they wanted. A good portion of the females at this college had relayed they hadn't been on dates for several years . Women put up because they are socialized that they will and should have a partner. Women want to be held at night and often have to share men because they don't want to live their life alone (they cherish even 1 hour of sex with a desirable man - it feels good to be with someone). I truly believe that much of the emotional abuse and uncommitted behavior women receive is because of the statistical inequality between men and women. If the reverse were true (and there were generally more men than women), believe me- men would be sharing women at the same rate we share men. It's merely economic theory of supply and demand- typically related to products we buy. As demand is high for a product (men) and supply is low for a product - quality goes down. The same would be true if men outnumbered women (quality of women and how they treated men would go down). Annagladys
  9. My girlfriend of 4 years broke up with me over 2 months ago. Her main reasons for doing so were because during our relationship I displayed a lot of emotional abuse towards her. Even though I believe she played a part in that, that isn't the issue now. I really want her back. For 2 months now, I have done a complete turnaround in my attitude towards her. I treat her like a queen. Call her, compliment her, do such sweet things for her, and respect her to the fullest. While I am being the perfect guy, she puts me down, and our future together. Every once in a while on the phone she tells me she doesn't think I can ever change my ways. She believes I will always be the mean guy she believes I always was. I think she just is afraid of giving me a second chance because she doesn't want to get hurt. A few weeks ago she said, "If I gave you another chance, you'd just be nice for 2 weeks, and then start being mean again...people like you don't change." But I love this girl so much, and I know if I can, I will marry her one day. She just doesn't believe I am for real, that I love her and will never hurt her, even though I have been smiling during the hurt she has been putting me through! I guess what I want to know is how can I show her I have changed? I have been so nice but it seems to backfire. Is it a matter of time? It's really hard to convice her. She cannot forget about my stupid mistakes. What can I do?
  10. My girlfriend of 4 years broke up with me over 2 months ago. Her main reasons for doing so were because during our relationship I displayed a lot of emotional abuse towards her. Even though I believe she played a part in that, that isn't the issue now. I really want her back. For 2 months now, I have done a complete turnaround in my attitude towards her. I treat her like a queen. Call her, compliment her, do such sweet things for her, and respect her to the fullest. While I am being the perfect guy, she puts me down, degrades me, and never calls me. Every once in a while on the phone she tells me she doesn't think I can ever change my ways. She believes I will always be the mean guy she believes I always was. I think she just is afraid of giving me a second chance because she doesn't want to get hurt. She said the other day, "If I gave you another chance, you'd just be nice for 2 weeks, and then start being mean again...people like you don't change." But I love this girl so much, and I know if I can, I will marry her one day. She just doesn't believe I am for real, that I love her and will never hurt her, even though I have been smiling during the hurt she has been putting me through! I guess what I want to know is how can I show her I have changed? Is it a matter of time? It's really hard to convice her. What can I do?
  11. I have practically no contact with my mother and any contact I do have is her emotionally abusing me, it's been on and off like this since I was 5 and my parents split and I moved in with my dad- when I was younger physical abuse too. I've lived with my dad since and he seemed to stop caring or 'parenting' me around 1-3 years ago. He is also emotionally abusive. I want to not care about my relationship with them but somehow I always do and just continually end up upset, it's effecting my personal life more and more. What can I do to stop caring?
  12. Do all relationships have to be slighly emotionally abusive? Ones with family, friends, colleagues. Is it possible to have these without people being mean on purpose, just to hurt you, from time to time? Intentionally hurting or belittling? Doing something mean just to show someone their place ot teach them a lesson? Or taking it out on them without apologizing later? Is it possible to be close to someone and not do that passive agressive thing at all? Every time that happens, I feel like just leaving. In a relationship, in family, at work. People normally just let it go. But should I let it go, if I pay the price in my health? I don't like myself too if I do that. I try to apologize and hope it's enough. But in every place there are people who don't do that. How to deal with it? I can't stop caring.
  13. i am going through a recent break up and it hurts like hell. i know it's for the best. we had an unhealthy relationship and i always knew at the back of my mind i wasn't going to end up with him. although we cared for each other, we were incompatible and we found it hard to get through to each other. our relationship has become emotionally abusive and draining. now that it's over, i know it's the right decision. but still, i miss him so darn much. time seems to drag on forever. although i am able to function at work, i am able to eat and sleep normally, i just feel so lonely. i am consumed by thoughts of him and the future that we will never have. i am sadenned by the fact that from hereon, we will lose that closeness we once had. one day, he will be a mere stranger. i just want to vent it out because the pain is just too much to bear on my own....
  14. Hi. I really don't know how to say this, but I'm shaking (and having trouble typing!) and could definitely use some support/advice. My boyfriend and I have been together for 2+ years. I didn't now that he was an alcoholic until we were a few months into the relationship--he hid it from me well, but it got worse about a half a year into the relationship, and it's still just as bad--if not worse. I wrote a few-hundred-word rant right here, but I deleted it (it's been a while, and I just talked to someone), so I'm going to make it short: I feel upset 50% of the time, almost, because of my boyfriend. He treats me horribly sometimes, but usually only over the phone, and usually only at night. It seems like he tries to only drink when he's at home (away from me) at night, but then he'll take his anger out on me over the phone. It upsets me very much (no one else in my life has treated me as badly as he has at times) and I didn't think that I could take it, but I still thought that I loved him and because he'd usually be nice the next day, I somehow "ignored", persay, it for 2+ years. Maybe I became numb to it, I don't know. Sometimes I think our relationship ended the first time he did it, because it upset me and I became depressed and no longer willing to do little things that would remind me of our relationship (I took down pictures of us together that day years ago). He upset me this week and I told him that I was depressed and that he upset me and he didn't seem to care. I brought it up three times on different days (one day I skipped it because I didnt want to start an argument...I always do this...let something he did hurt me because I dont want to bring it up and start another argument or cause more trouble or upset him at all), I usually just let it hurt me. Well today I was still upset and thinking "maybe I should try to talk to him" since I was feeling very sad, but then I talked myself into not saying anything. I said to myself "he's being nice right now, maybe I should just pretend he never hung up on me or treated me badly the other day...I'll forgive him by not saying anything about it...I'll put it past me" so I did, I put it past me. But tonight he started acting like a *** again. Yelling at me over the phone for no reason at all, ahgning up on me, starting arguments over nothing and treating me in a way that even with my low self esteem I still know I DO NOT DESERVE TO BE TREATED. I let people walk over me but I know when to draw the line, so I told him "I'm feel very ill, I need to go" because I've never hung up on him but couldnt talk any longer because he was upsetting me too much and my heart was racing. he refused to hang up so i kept telling him i didnt feel well and that i needed to hang up. finally we hung up, he called back and i felt bad not answering so i did, thinking he might be calling to appologize (why do i think that lately? all he ever calls for is to make me feel worse), but he just made me feel much worse and now here i am. he tried to call at least five more times since then and i didnt answer because i cant take it anymore if hes calling to treat me like that again. i just dont even want to talk to him ever again now, and i dont know what to do. i dont know how to end it. please help me........i really dont know what do . i tried to break up with him before and he told me he'd never ever do it again (upset me over the phone or drink and treat me like crap) but he did do it again. when i tried to break up with him he cried in my arms and said he didnt know what hed do without me, but he makes me feel so horrible and i cant be with him. i dont know how to end it. i really dont. its like he wont let me. i feel so horrible right now....
  15. Well, after a few weeks of NC, my ex called me yesterday to tell me he was bored. He said, "since I can't call my current gf and I cant get ahold of my friends, I was stuck calling you. So, what do you think about seein a movie?" Isn't that just so sweet and romantic? Just what you wanna hear a guy tell you.. that your at the bottom of the list but he's lonely enough to go out with you. I was offended and shocked he said this to me and of course I said NO. I hate that he even feels like he can just call up my house whenever he pleases and be cruel to me. It muust amuse him somehow. How do I get this LOOSER outta my life? It is so painful, I wanted to be everything to him and he treats me like trash. I am getting stronger everyday but when he calls, its a major set back. Ohh, and I stillo have a few things at his place that I must get out.. I have a key so I can go when hes not there but I can just write him off yet, not till I get those things out.. He really messed up my head and my heart, I was in such an emotional state while dating him.. I realize now its because he was emotionally abusive and constantly made me feel worthless. I began to believe it. The only thing that gives me relief is knowing he was all alone last night, just him and his lotion and porn. I hope that keeps him warm at night. Im sorry, I am so upset, I had to vent.
  16. i get so sick and disgusted at myself because i cave in easily to pressure. it's like i have no backbone, well, rather my backbone is so weak that i just do what people want to please them and make them happy without thinking about what i want and my own needs. i try so hard to be nice and to give....i've done some sick and gross things that i didnt want to do but gave in to because of the pressure. particularly some sexual stuff...when i think about it i feel deeply ashamed. this is especially after the abuser. he erased my identity, robbed my of dignity. and i was always always fighting against all the pressure, pain and hurt he put upon me. when i met other ppl after him, i caved easily into their pressure, especially if it was the same type of pressure. the same type of abusive, hurtful punishing, do-as-i-say-right-now-you-arent-allowed-to-do-what-you-want pressure, i caved in really easily to that and didnt stand up for myself. especially with men. it makes me sick and tired and grossed out at myself. to have come out of a bad situation like that only to cave in to the same type of pressure, the same types of abuse, and to injure myself and not protect myself. i had to write this out. because im never doing anything i dont want to do ever again. i will never cave into pressure or do something to please other ppl. i will only do what i want to do and what i think is right, correct, and morally acceptable according to my own standards. i will not be manipulated, used, abused, vulnerable, so open, naive, stupid, pressured, hurt, or tormented by shame, rage, anger and psychological, mental, emotional abuse and hurt again. never again. i will tear the person who tries to inflict anything upon me from limb to limb before one hair on my head is ever touched again. so help me god.
  17. hello everyone. I am curious about one thing. People that emotionally abuse you, do they ever understand or realise that they are wrong/rude? Or do they always only see everything as your fault? Is it possible to change a person by talking and discussing, letting them know its wrong or anything like that? Thanks
  18. Well this is like my 10th post about my ex and we are hitting on 4 months now since we broke up. She is going to be going over to the UK later on in this year and i cant get the thought out of my head that shes going to meet up with so many guys she met on the internet. She was very pretty and for some reason she liked me. She accepted me for who i am... im a pretty hairy guy (even though im only 18 and still gettin harier) and it didnt phase her one bit. Theres alot of other things about me but she didnt care. She did accept me for who i am but we have a very emotionally abusive relationship. I keep on thinkin bout her with these uk guys and never finding anyone who will accept me for me. help me out one more time, please?
  19. I have a friend who has a father who is emotionally abusive to his kids and wife. 10 years ago he was in a motorcycle accident that caused him to have mental problems. He is bi-polar and has the mentality of a child. He is on medication and every couple of months he drinks a lot for 3 to 4 days at a time and becomes very abusive, yelling and throwing things, slamming doors and acting crazy. His behavior is also the same when he is not drinking. When this happens my friend calls the police but they say they can not do anything because he has not physically hurt anybody. But he yells and throws things and spits at his wife, calling everybody names. When the police come he acts calm and is quite so the police don't see his behavior, when the police leave he starts again and he acts worst because my friend called the police. This happens every couple of months. My friends family can't take his behavior anymore but they don't know what to do. They think that he should be in a mental institute, where he can get the help he needs. His behavior is causing health problems for my friends mother and the rest of his family. What should my friend do? Who should he contact to get his father the help he needs? They have called the police many times but they do not do anything. Would a restraining order help the situation? I am very worried about my friend and his family. Can anyone help?? Thank You
  20. I look at the cuts on my wrists and see, the pain, rejection being hurt constantly. The emotional abuse, and same lines I hear, I feel so ugly it's perfectly clear. My heart's been broken, torn, ripped out and shattered. but who really cares. I walk in the shadows I cower in fear, but no one understands the pain that I feel, the pain that's so real. My cuts tell a story, but as you can see, the cuts on my wrists are just a part of me. Musicguy © Dec.2008
  21. So this is going to be a long post. So I have now known my ex for a few years (We are both in high school- I'm a senior and she is a junior) and we started really talking about a year ago. I was in a very bad relationship at the time, and eventually got up the guts to break that one off. (Best decision of my life) Well, Lindsey had been interested in me for a while, but I already knew I didn't want to use her as rebound- I could tell she deserved much better than that. This was odd, because although she and I had a lot of chemistry I wanted to be single and recover from an emotionally abusive relationship. She was more than understanding about this this, and waited patiently for me to heal and be ready. I am thankful that she was so wonderful about the situation, and was always perfectly hinest about how I felt. I told her how attracted I was to her, but that I didn't want to use her as a rebound. It hurt her a little, but she thanked me for the respect. So we started on a good honest foot, and we eased into things. We gradually became an "ideal" high school sweetheart relationship. Things ran their course, and we grew close. She made me feel like I belonged, and I feel I did the same for her. I treated her like a queen, and she treated me like a king. Life was wonderful, and our relationship was healthy. We each had separate lives, and NEVER argued about anything. That was odd because we are quite diffent, although it felt more like a "Yin- Yan" situation than a clash. We just clicked, and things were amazing. We both entered the relationship virgins, and when the time came, the moment happened. It was wonderful for us both. Candlelight, afterglow, no regret. It brought us closer, and we eventually became best friends. Our relationship was, of course, based on friendship, but this felt even closer. I trusted her completely, and she and I told each other things we had told no one else. A bit of my history. I had been in a year- long relationship before Lindsey. It was terrible, with constant fighting and a lot of misery. I always felt insufficient and hated being around her. I had originally felt like I loved her but soon realised that that wasn't true. When I broke up with her, I felt no regret of the break. I was happy, and in fact didn't want her in my life at all anymore. I talked to a lot of people, and got a resounding "good job" from everyone I explained the situation to. So I have a bit of dumping experience, and sort of understand the perspective. Now for a little history of her. She had never been in a long relationship before, and had only had "puppy love" dates and such. Her family life was not exactly good, her father as and still is emotionally abusive. The remarkable thing is that as she grew up in this environment, she made herself wonderful to make him wrong, and she did a damn good job. She saw things in a helthy way, and talked about things when the situation got rough. More to this story- Ill post the rest right now
  22. From the Book "When Men Batter Women" By Jacobson and Gottman. Emotional abuse-Degradation 1. My partner tries to catch me at inconsistencies to show I'm lying. never rarely occasionally very often 2. My partner tries to convince other people that I'm crazy. never rarely occasionally very often 3. My partner tells other people that there is something wrong with me. never rarely occasionally very often 4. My partner says things to hurt me out of spite. never rarely occasionally very often 5. My partner has told me that I am sexually unattractive never rarely occasionally very often 6. My partner tells me that I am sexually inadequate. never rarely occasionally very often 7. My partner insults my religious background or beliefs. never rarely occasionally very often 8. My partner insults my ethnic background. never rarely occasionally very often 9. My partner insults my family. never rarely occasionally very often 10. My partner talks me into doing things that make me feel bad. never rarely occasionally very often 11. My partner tells me that no one else would ever want me. never rarely occasionally very often 12. My partner humiliates me in front of others. never rarely occasionally very often 13. My partner makes me do degrading things. never rarely occasionally very often 14. My partner questions my sanity. never rarely occasionally very often 15. My partner tells other people personal information or secrets about me. never rarely occasionally very often 16. My partner swears at me. never rarely occasionally very often 17. My partner verbally attacks my personality. never rarely occasionally very often 18. My partner has insulted me by telling me that I am incompetent. never rarely occasionally very often 19. My partner ridicules me. never rarely occasionally very often 20. My partner forces me to do things that are against my values. never rarely occasionally very often 21. My parnter questions whether my love is true. never rarely occasionally very often 22. My partner compares me unfavorably to other partners. never rarely occasionally very often 23. My partner intentionally does things to scare me. never rarely occasionally very often 24. My partner threatens me physically during arguments. never rarely occasionally very often 25. My partner warns me that if I keep doing something violence will follow. never rarely occasionally very often 26. Our arguments escalate out of control. never rarely occasionally very often 27. I'm worried most when my partner is quiet. never rarely occasionally very often 28. My partner drives recklessly or too fast when he is angry. never rarely occasionally very often Here's how to find out if you've been abused through degradation. Give yourself 1 point for every "never" circled, 2 points for every "rarely" cirled, 4 points for every "occasionally" circled, and 5 points for every "very often" circled. If you scored between 73-94 you are being emotionally abused through isolation. Higher, then it is more severe. Emotional Abuse -Isolation. Read each statement, and circle the word that best describes the frequency with which each behavior occurs. 1. I have to do things to avoid my partner's jealousy never rarely occasionally very often 2. My partner tries to control whom I spend my time with. never rarely occasionally very often 3. My partner disapproves of my friends. never rarely occasionally very often 4. My parner does not believe me when I talk about where I have been. never rarely occasionally very often 5. My partner complains that I spend too much time with other people. never rarely occasionally very often 6. In social situations my partner complains that I ignore him. never rarely occasionally very often 7. My partner is suspicious that I am unfaithful. never rarely occasionally very often 8. My partner acts like a detective, looking for clues that I've done something wrong. never rarely occasionally very often 9. My partner accuses me of flirting with other people. never rarely occasionally very often 10. My partner checks up on me. never rarely occasionally very often 11. My partner keeps me from going places I want to go. never rarely occasionally very often 12. My partner keeps me from doing things I want to do. never rarely occasionally very often 13. My partner says I act too seductively. never rarely occasionally very often 14. My parnter keeps me from spending time at the things I enjoy. never rarely occasionally very often 15. My partner threatens to take the car keys if I don't do as I am told. never rarely occasionally very often 16. My partner threatens to take the money if I don't do as I am told. never rarely occasionally very often 17. My partner threatens to take the checkbook if I don't do as I am told. never rarely occasionally very often 18. My partner prevents me from leaving the house when I want to. never rarely occasionally very often 19. My partner disables the phone to prevent my using it. never rarely occasionally very often 20. My partner disables the car to prevent my using it. never rarely occasionally very often 21. My partner threatens to pull the phone out of the wall. never rarely occasionally very often 22. My partner forcibly tries to restrict my movements. never rarely occasionally very often 23. My partner acts jealous. never rarely occasionally very often 24. My partner keeps me from spending time with the people I choose. never rarely occasionally very often Here's how to find out if you've been abused through isolation. Give yourself 1 point for every "never" circled, 2 points for every "rarely" cirled, 4 points for every "occasionally" circled, and 5 points for every "very often" circled. If you scored between 51-67 you are being emotionally abused through isolation. Higher, then it is more severe.
  23. I have known so many guys that hate women just because they've either had bad luck or met the wrong girls. Most of them hate women just because they've never had a gf before and they blame that on the girls. Or they'll develop strong feelings for a girl that they KNOW they have no chance with (b/c these girls TELL them they don't like them in that way) and then turn on women as a whole b/c they couldn't win this particular girl over. Women on the other hand will take neglect, physical and emotional abuse, rape, or just being used in general and still have hope in men. I just don't get it! Does this mean that women are stronger than men or that we're just delusional?
  24. Just wanna shout out! Today, i say ENOUGH IS ENOUGH! I will not be my ex-bf's door mat! I will not give him the satisfaction of feeding on my hurt and pain! I will not prolong this hurt anymore! I can't take his bovine fecal excuses and i will get over him. I will take it day by day! And i will get through this! I have to! Today, I stop being the victim. I'm gonna pick myself up and be the bigger person. If in the case I see him with his girl, I will be polite and say hello but leave it at that! This man is not worthy of my great love. I will find someone who will treat me good and love me for the way I am. "Find someone who loves you, cos I'm so far away from you..." he says. Well honey, in reply I say... "I will you loser! I'm not your part-time girl. I'd rather be alone than be emotionally abused! For anyone who is going through a break-up, and trying to move on... WE CAN DO THIS! And it will start today!
  25. I was with the most Beautiful girl for 10 years. No kids but Marriage plans had been made. She had an awsome personality. So Kind, caring and considerate. Then this year she became loud, obnoxious, cold hearted and just plain abusive. We broke up in January, Got back together from March to May and now we are apart again. She suffers from depression. She's Age 31, I was her first Boyfriend. Now she's looking for someone new. But even so...... She is proving that she can't even be a friend. The intentional emotional abuse from her is something I had never thought she was capable of. It now appears that she says things that she knows will just hurt me even more. I am nothing short of traumatized by it. Total shock and disbelief that this is the same wonderful woman I was with for so long. What happens in the mind of our Ex's to turn such a gentle loving person into a Monster? John
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