cleverme123
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Everything posted by cleverme123
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Personally he was insensitive to the fact your grandmother died, and he was quite a jerk talking about the great time he had while you were at his funeral. I say good riddens if he don't return your calls, you don't need someone like that in your life.
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You are being selfish and you are really messing with her head right now. All these lies are not little ones, this chick is going to have a nervous break down when you do tell her you have no intention of marrying her and no intention of staying with her. That is not good and you need to tell her the truth ASAP, the longer you drag your feet the worse off it will be.
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Well I married the first one because I had come out of an abusive relationship and he was well....nice to me. It was someone that I felt safe with and knew I would be financially and emotionally secure with. I know this sounds horrible but I used him as a stepping stone to regain control of my self esteem and life. The second one was more of an intimate friendship and although I didn't really feel immediate fall at his feet love, there was something there worth pursuing. It took us about a year to test the waters with each other and find if we were compatable and in that time I grew to love him very much. I now fall at his feet whenever I see him, and it's a true love one I feel is right. So they are both kinda different, but had two very different outcomes.
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You need to decide whether or not you want a relationship with someone that constantly changes their mind. You are 18 you are an adult, no one can tell you this guy is a loser and force you away from him. (at very least they can try but you don't have to listen) If your mind is made up that this is the one, do what you feel is right. I would be concerned about his instability and the fact that you are changing your life and it doesn't seem like he is changing anything about his. I went through this at 19 and I lost everything I had to someone else. I would urge you to think very carefully before you get married or wind up pregnant by him, you have to decide what is right for you and maybe looking at other options through dating is not a bad idea.
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Well, my first marriage was based on the fact I could learn to love him. He had money he treated me nice and I got everything I wanted. I figured the rest would just play itself out. We got married had a kid together and still I just couldn't love him. I felt embarrassed when we were out places and never was home to be with him. 3 years later, we got divorced. My second husband I can't say that I was attracted to immediately, I didn't warm up to him very much at all when I first met him. But I eventually did fall head over heals for him. My best advice to you is it can work either way, I think falling in love with someone over time is better because you don't look at as many superficial qualities as you do when you meet someone that sweeps you off your feet the first time you see them.
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Every relationship will have conflicts. It's part of life. As far as little white lies, I preach this one to my kids a lot! What starts out as a small lie, will escalate. It becomes a habit because you like the results it produces. In your case no conflict. Telling someone what they want to hear instead of what the truth is, is like making a totally different person all together. You become comfortable in the what makes them happy instead of what you need to do in order to make the relationship work. I agree some times you shouldn't tell the whole truth, like if she is wearing the most ugly dress you have ever seen but she loves it, tell her that she looks nice in it. Or if ask do I look fat in this, you wouldn't want to say absolutely. But if it's other stuff you should do your best to be honest or she isnt falling in love with you, she is falling in love with a lie, and when she figures it out, she'll be 3 times as angry.
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Teaching (teacher) as a new career
cleverme123 replied to CarterJonas's topic in Career, Money and Education
I teach Kindergarden and Second. First grade is a bit challenging as you have transition from K to 1. The older the kids the more difficult they can be to work with, You get other factors into play such as attitudes and fighting, self esteem issues. Your best bet is to start as a substitute and see if you can handle that first then think about progressing if you like it. -
Too many people that commit suicide never realize how many friends or family they have until it's too late. They don't realize the consequences of their actions and have lost touch with reality. There is really no reason why some people go through with it and others can't and there isn't any one to blame. Life is about heart ache and break ups, downfalls, sadness, disappointment and for some this becomes too much. People sit around and wonder what they could have done differently and the answer is nothing, someone in the mind set that they want to die will in fact die. It's just sad to see it happen. I work in the funeral industry so I have seen this too many times.
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I am a little more skeptical because he should have been striaght telling you that he was having these ongoing conversations with her. As far as calling 4 times a day a bit much to discuss work, however I did in fact go through the same thing with my hubby with his manager texting, IM-ing and calling his cell. All of which he denies and gets pretty ticked when I ask questions. My theory unless you walk in and see him with his pants around his ankles you can't really accuse him of cheating. IF you do it will only make him want to do it again to "escape" if you will from the questions you ask. I would just kinda keep an eye on it, she may have something for him but it sounds like he is kinda passing her off which is why she made the harassment complaint.
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I had this problem throughout most of my life where I was too nice to people and they would walk all over me and then I would get mad then just explode. You can learn to control it but you have to get yourself involved in a better wy to release the anger. For me I chose to write poetry and put my feelings into words. Some people take music or writing as an outlet. The sooner you learn to control it the better off you will be because if left alone you will find yourself angry all the time and you will learn to hate everything, it's like it spins you in the opposite direction. Worse case scenario maybe go see a counselor and see what they suggest.
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For most it's a game to see see how many people will reply so that they can sleep with them. Other times it does work, my hubby and I met on one and we are 3 years together and expecting a baby. You just have to be careful! You can be any one on the net.
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You keep harassing him and he is going to slap an anti harassment suit on you it will prevent any future contact including text, visit, etc. You are starting to walk a very fine line. He is not interested, you need to move on.
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I think it is only an excuse to the real problem. Yes taking pills to try to win someone back strikes off as both immature and selfish, but....there are other obvious issues going on with him. It isn't just the pills, he sounds as though he has been in turmoil in the relationship for a long time looking for a way out and now he has an excuse. He isn't coming back, you mise well face it now and the longer you keep trying to figure out why the more your going to drive yourself crazy.
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I wear them to get my man going, but it doesnt mean that I wear them all day long. Uncomfortable.
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I can tell you kids will always be angry at the fact you left their father, that is for now. As they grow and see the traits and things that he did to them it will make it much easier to see why you did what you did. They are angry because they don't understand. Kids are born thinking they have to love their parents no matter what, and when something bad happens they usually blame it on themself instead of saying my dad/mom made a mistake. I work with a lot of kids that have this issue. Don't feel like you made a mistake because any time you walk out of an abusive situation you are doing the right thing for yourself and your kids. You just have to stay strong, take yourself and boys to therapy and see if that helps, they may be able to put things in perspective a bit. Good luck.
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I still think if he truly loved you he could not have shut you out like that, there was always something there for him and apparently the other lady was it. His love for her was apparently greater than his love for you. I really don't see that you have a chance to get him back. Texting him things telling him its a bad move will only make him pursue it more. Writing him letters visiting will make you seem desperate. Don't do it, you just ahve to back off and if it was meant to be it will be.
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If he was honestly serious about marrying you he would wait til the end of time if he had to. I too have a security issue and it took me almost 2 years to open up in my relationship. This guy is basically trying to again manipulate you into doing what he wants. I don't even think he was very serious from the get go. If he understood the issues and problems you were dealing with he wouldn't have pushed you to get married, etc. until you were ready, he would have helped you to get better. I don't think you are in a healthy relationship with him either. Your right people can't just turn their feelings on and off again unless their with someone that lets them. You let him get away with it before took him back when it didn't work out, and now it's become a comfortable place for him to fall when it doesn't work out with this other girl that he is pursuing. You take him back again, or you start calling and texting him and he sees that no matter what he does to you, your going to be there waiting to take him back when things don't work out. I don't mean to sound rude, but this guy sounds like a loser. He is playing your insecurity against you. And all he has to do to do it, is chase after something he wants, while you wait and he tells other people that he cares and is worried about you to strgin you along. Honestly if you constantly complain about your problems to other people you give them the ammo they need to turn it around and use it against you. You already gave all that too him, he knows what cards to play to hurt you. Some times too, when we lose someone, we need a person as an in betweener, and then we find a meaningful relationship, it just works that way some times, give it careful consideration, and don't be so easy for him to sucker back in.
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I was 24 he was 35. We've known each other 4 years total married a year and a half.
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There are eleven years between me and my husband. It works just fine. You can't have a relationship based on a lie so you mise well tell the truth about the age thing. Unless there are reasons like your 16 and he is 27 or something. That would be a cause for concern. As far as why women go for older guys....because guys don't mature until their 30 something. And unless your in for being a perfect toothpick, hanging in bars and clubs, and whatever else, people in my age group 27ish are into all that. I personally grew up and have never drank/smoked, did the drug thing, so my age group didn't appeal to me and I needed someone that was over it.
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My family is much like this too, it is broken and I dealt with many years of verbal abuse. No one said you had to love your family. Certain circumstances justify reasons not to accept them or care. I have had this constant problem for many years with all my family, I tried many times to love and care. My mom makes me feel as though all her problems are my fault and badgers and whines about everything. My dad did the name calling and other things I won't get into. My sisters weere all spoiled and I was left out. You can't make them love or accept you you just have to try to smooth it over while you have to deal with them.
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Send him a clear message without dragging someone else in. Leave for a little while until you can put your head together and decide if you want to deal with the marijuana problem or not. It certainly isn't a good thing for the kids. He is giving you all the clear signals that he doesn't care, so if he told me to leave I would. Then when he doesn't understand why you will get your chance to speak whats on your mind and if you can't resolve it then you know its time to move on.
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I think it's cool that you are holding back because you respect her, is she on the same page with you though about where the relationship is heading? Does she want just sex and fun or a more serious relationship?
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First off, the death of a husband especially an unexpected one is hard enough to deal with. Not waiting very long and putting yourself in a relationship whether it was missing lack of companionship for your husband and what not, close to his death was not a good idea. Number one you never gave yourself time to heal and get over his death. You have no way of knowing why it happened unexpectedly and you didn't see it coming. When you aren't over someone and you go into a new relationship whether it be friends or whatever, you re naturally bound to make mistakes. You will act on feelings instead of thinking with your head you start thinking with your heart. You start to try to replace what you've lost. The fact you overdosed was nothing more than a pitiful attempt to get the guy to pay attention to you. It makes you look emotionally unstable and was nothing more than a plea for attention. Quite frankly if you wanted to die, you would have. Over some guy that is nothing more than toying with your emotions to manipulate you into doing what he wants you to do. Get in a relationship, commit, get married etc. You made it clear you weren't ready, and it may be that he was a nice way to pass by a certain point in your life but he and you were not meant to be. I suggest instead of chasing him down you put your head on straight and start seeing a therapist of some sort to deal with the death of your husband first, work on you second, and then worry about a relationship. It sounds like you are emotionally drained and a relationship will not work when you aren't putting your all into it. Good luck.
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Thinking of divorce....really need some feedback
cleverme123 replied to surferchic88's topic in Divorce Advice
I will have to go look and see what I can find, what state are you in that would help me find one for you. -
Thinking of divorce....really need some feedback
cleverme123 replied to surferchic88's topic in Divorce Advice
Well his ego probably got hurt if he knew you were contemplating divorce. About kids, a lot of times cops get afraid with the "what if" syndrome. Ya know what if I am working and get shot will my wife/kids be okay. There are support groups for wifes of cops. To get past the hurt for me I some times had to swallow my ego, and try to see it as not a meaningful hurtful thing that was going on but I tried to find sense and reason for doing it. Things were awful for a while and did get better, but I made the mistake of seeing someoen else while trying to make my marriage work. Wound up messing up a chance to fix it cause I kept telling this other guy everything that was wrong. Long story short when hubby left I jumped into another relationship with this person and found in him traits that were abusive but got my self locked into a position where I cant fix it now. I could ahve made it work with my husband but it would have taken work. I just threw in the towel and didnt try.