VictorWard
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No, I'm just accepting that I will never end up making any changes to better my situation. I'll just end up accepting the crappiness of my life. I'm sure there's a word for it; 'coward' comes to mind. I still don't care if I live or die ... it really doesn't make a difference. Oh well...
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One of the things that I'm not good at is explaining myself, expressing myself, or writing more than a few sentences at once (this post took about an hour to write) I feel that I'm responsible for emotionally maintaining this girl because she has demonstrated time and time again that the needs it. I don't know how to describe it, but it's in the way she acts. The way she practically cries when I go out and do something without her. She asks me what to do all the time, even for the most insignificant crap that I have no way of solving. Not to mention that occasionally she is financially dependent on me and owes me a lot of money, and will never be able to pay me back. I really don't like this situation. It's like a prison. I've been under the emotional rule (by way of guilt) by a woman for my entire life (mom, then this girl). I've never had an oppourtunity to try to make it on my own, and I want it. It's not that I hate the girl (although there are moments when I do); but I will only grow increasingly depressed if I don't see what else is out there. I have only had two girlfriends in my lifetime (and a very lacking social life), and both of them initiated the relationships. Granted, back then I had absolutely no self confidence, and it's quite possible that I would fail miserably on my own, but I still feel that I need to go out and try things on my own. As for purpose in life, I've never understood that one. I don't see how there is any purpose in life; just to pass your genetic material, and move on. I know that some people's purpose in life is to maintain family ties, or whatever ... but that's not happening with my family.
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Ok ... first of all ... the climate in my part of Canada is comparable to the climate of New York City. Second... it seems like I can get that advice from many different sources and it seems like the logical solution to this problem. However, I'm guessing this normally deals with a girl who can control her own life, and has friends of her own. Unfortunately, the girl I'm dealing with has no friends outside of me, and is emotionally unstable. I hope that this makes sense... I've been drinking all night, and I it's very possible that this is complete gibbirish. Cheers
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In response to the last two replies... I am 100% sure that breaking up with her will ruin her life. She doesn't have any friends either, and she isn't very emotionally stable (she is completely emotionally dependent on me). Currently, we are spending the weekend apart and she is guilting me right now about how we're not together. The guilt-trip is continuing because I don't miss her as much as she misses me. I know that for me, it took a while, but once the idea of suicide was planted, it just grew slowly until it has reached a point where it doesn't seem like that big of a deal. Makes sense. However, for me to get rid of this external crap, my girlfriend and family would have to magically disappear forever. Then I might have a chance. I was in love with her at one point, but that faded. By that time, there was way too much guilt to leave. Now, I just have an obligation to be there for her. I have been trying to put up emotional walls for months, but all that leads to is more conversations about why I don't share feelings. Good advice. I actually have a a decent routine; I have hobbies and I go to the gym. I'm just missing friends. As for my girlfriend, I just wish she wasn't completely dependent on me to provide her happiness. If she had some friends then I don't think I would have as much of a problem.
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Well first, there's no way I'm going to be marying this girl. She's been pushing for a long time, but it's not happening. That is something I can stick to. I disagree that I'm dependent on her. And I did break up with her once, so I did tell the truth (took a few hours, but it happened). As for my signature, I didn't come up with it, it's a quote from Fight Club. The main part of it is the last sentence about absent fathers: "And if you never know your father, if your father bails out and dies or is never at home, what do you believe about God?" I'm pretty sure that therapy isn't free here, and I definitely wouldn't want to claim it on my health insurance at work (don't want a record of that).
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I can't exactly argue with sound advice, but breaking up with her will ruin her life. I have no doubts about that. She's pushing me for an engagement ring, and I want to get out of the relationship. She already has severe abandonment issues, and I could never point those out. As for therapy, that sounds expensive. I'm way too cheap for that. I really don't want to be with her. I just want her to be able to make it on her own. If she was able to make it on her own, then I wouldn't feel obligated to be there for her. As for holding things in, it's just something that's been done over a lifetime; it's probably the soul reason that the relationship is still going. And I'm not even so sure that she even loves me. She may just be infactuated with the idea that a male is not leaving her. Not sure what else to add to this...
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This is kind of an aimless post... just some stuff I need to get out somewhere. For about the past 13 years, my life has been a constant void. The few emotions I feel, have either been based in fear, guilt, or jealously. I'm pretty sure that I was happy as a child, but that was a long time ago. Just about all the time, my life is void of any emotion... just a constant empty feeling. Lately, the idea of death has been on my mind quite a bit. Occasionally, I do think of suicide, but mainly it's about how dying wouldn't even be a big deal. Temporary pain (maybe even no pain), but then its over ... not that big of a deal. Seems like the easiest way to solve problems. I know that I would probably never commit suicide, but the thoughts are definitely there. But learning to live with crappy feelings is just something a person gets used to. I know I would leave behind a mother and brother, but they are a large cause to my current state of mind, so I really don't care. I have a girlfriend of almost 4 years, and she is almost as bad as my mother the way she uses guilt to manipulate me. At this point it's pretty much either I die, or stick out the relationship to the end. ...
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I fear that I've become used to being depressed. My day-to-day life feels kind of like an emotional void. No 'highs', just a steady 'low' (hopefully that makes sense). I find that it's keeping me from making changes in my life. A few months ago, I posted about how I needed advice on how to break up with my girlfriend. Long story short, I still haven't done it (not successfully anyways). Now we're moving again at the end of the month, and I don't want to go with her. I've had months to do it, but it's just easier to continue the misery. I find that whenever I'm faced with a life-changing decision (like moving), I just give up and go with whatever will make somebody else happy. Has anybody else been in a situation similar to this? Is so, how did you get out of it?
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I've had two MRIs on my knee. No need to worry about feeling claustraphobic; the upper part of your body is outside of the machine. The technicians will stabilize your knee so you can't move it. All you have to do is lay there for a while. It does get loud in there, but I managed to fall asleep.
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Is there any hope for late bloomers?
VictorWard replied to GuiltyAsCharged's topic in Health: Body, Mind and Spirit
I'm one of those guys who developed physically slower than everybody else. I don't know my exact height when I was 16, but it was shorter than everybody else. You have pretty much described my entire life. I've become everything that you fear will happen to you. I definitely lack the social skills and experiences of others my age. You should take Sheyda's advice and work on improving your confidence. Trust me, do it now when you're 16. It just gets harder with each year that passes. -
Career/Direction Frustrations & Regrets
VictorWard replied to RayKay's topic in Career, Money and Education
I can relate to your situation. I'm extremely unhappy with the choices that have led me to my current career. For me, I was a high-school kid who had no idea what he wanted to do, then I was duped by a flashy presentation by a technical college. I've now been working as a low-level programmer for two years and I really want to change my career path. It's not that I don't like computers, but I'm not interested enough to keep up to date with it for the rest of my life. So I'm going to have to go back to school full time for at least 3 years. The idea scares the crap out of me. I'm already thousands in debt from my first time in college, so I'm afraid that my debt will get out of control. I'm afraid that I'm going to feel too old going to school with a bunch of 18 year olds (even though I look like I'm 18 ). I'm still not sure what I want to do for a career, but I know that I don't want to be in an IT job. -
Does anyone believe in Psychics?
VictorWard replied to UGH1607307217's topic in Health: Body, Mind and Spirit
I don't believe in psychics personally. My personal experience with psychics is limited. I have been to a few at carnivals. All I've ever heard is very general predictions like I'll have money and I'll be very successfull. For me to be impressed, I would need to hear specifics and have them come true. My mom was at a party about 10 years ago and a psychic told her that one day one of her sons will wear glasses, and one of them will have knee surgery. Both of these things have happened to me, but wearing glasses isn't anything unique, and I would be more impressed about the knee surgery prediction if the person said it would happen at a young age. -
I've gone through the exact same thing with my girlfriend. My advice is to stick to your guns about wanting to make sure that marriage is what you want. Marriage is something that nobody should be pressured into. It really makes you want to run the other way doesn't it?
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How Old Were You When You First Learn About Sex?
VictorWard replied to I_love_rain_hugs_and_you's topic in Sex and Romance
I was very sheltered. I think I must have been around 12 or 13. I had a sex-ed class, but it was all anatomy. Then one day I just had one of those life changing moments where everything made sense.