Jump to content

cleverme123

Members
 View Profile  See their activity

  • Posts

    389

  • Joined

 Content Type 

Everything posted by cleverme123

  1. cleverme123
    Today I started by looking into agencies that can help you get away without the money factor. I may have to go in transition housing for a while. Sadly enough I never thought it would come to this, I have skills went to college 3 years. My self esteem just went to heck though, I need to have things on my own, I feel like I am his possession, and I don't like it. Sadly the final step came when he lied to the marriage counselor. Bold faced lied and then made it look like it was me who was totally insecure and confused. How ridiculous!
  2. cleverme123
    I like it, even better if you blow on it! It's meant to have fun with, experiment.
  3. cleverme123
    I need to vent so bad. I have finally come to terms with my situation, even my therapist said this is not good. For the past two years I have been shut down to the outside world, I have let my husband control things by making me feel like dirt. He makes the money, he owns everything, he doesn't want me to fix my credit he always has excuses why. Yes we are not rich and I love staying at home with my kids but on the other hand it has left me vulnerable to him. I have such a long road ahead, but when I think about it I have come a long way, he has hit me, he criticizes me in front of the kids, he puts me down. Other times he is not that bad he acts like he loves me, until I find out he's lied about something, or something makes him mad. I have been thinking about this so much and I realize as long as I have put up with it the more he continues to do it. But then I ask myself how will I get out. I keep flipping back and forth thinking did I make all this up or is it really true that he is a jerk. HIs ex's have warned me but then again they are ex's isn't their job to make him look bad? What do you do when you no longer trust what you see? What you thing is real is totally false. And you are confused about reality what your life is, and what part he plays in it. Most importantly where do you start when you go from having everything to nothing.
  4. cleverme123
    He is doing something deceptive and for that reason he is making you feel guilty and fighting with you. He has something to hide. He did you a huge favor by telling you to get out, now all you have to do is keep going you have the right to be happy and happiness does not lie in the relationship with him. Don't get sunk in the trap too many people do, when you can't get out and things get worse.
  5. cleverme123
    Well one of lifes hard lessons lick your wounds and move on. I too did this twice over now, I have let men dictate my life. I left the state and gave all my belongings away. I sat helplessly and watched him take my family, friends, car, self esteem and job. He beat me to a pulp. That is the worst of it...I got back up and continued on. You can't always predict peoples behavior but you can see things going down hill. You will do crazy things while in love and some times even crazier things falling out of love. He really had no obligation to tell you he was engaged. You were sad to say, a time filler for him. You gave up all he gave up none and that is the way it goes. My best advice is to forget it, no need to sit around and drudge over what you could of or should have done. Be thankful you found out now and not after you married him.
  6. cleverme123
    Well a D in a major subject while bad isn't the end of the world. If you are going through depression pushing to get into Harvard will only make you concentrate so hard you will want that and your grades will fail because you won't think your good enough. Think about this... Where are you now, and where do you want to be. If you don't make it to Harvard is there a good alternative. What is it you want to do. Come up with some clear answers. Are you living your life for you or is someone making you live a life for them. Ultimately you have to be able to live with yourself and be happy, no one else is going to do it for you.
  7. cleverme123
    You can test on some 7 days prior but you may not have enough HCG hormone to get accurate results wait til like 3 days and if you get a negative and miss then wait a few days after you miss and test again.
  8. cleverme123
    I am 26 my parents just started divorce this year. Their relationship was a disaster and the only reason they got married in the first place was cause she got pregnant. No amount of counseling will fix a relationship that is beyond help, like they were. Constant arguments, fighting bickering belittling. You name it it was there. 23 years is a long time but it depends on what they want. You are also grown and it isn't really your choice or your problem if they decide what is best for them is to split. Some people are just toxic together, even with counseling. You can either see it as horrible because they have been together for so long or you can see it as relief that they won't be hurting each other and can leave happy separate lives. It's hard but some times you have to have reality slap you in the face.
  9. cleverme123
    Okay listen up. Here I am in a relationship with someone 11 years older than me he has two daughters from a first marriage, 1 son that is with him from the second and we have a baby together. The oldest two were taken to FL by their mom so I don't have to deal with thtat regularly, my husband has played with his ex wife on the side in the past (before me) so I am more than a little skeptical when it comes to seeing any of them. I am 26 his oldest 14 that is weird for me and especially when the thought of being alone watching them comes up, I am so not willing to do it. Talk to the ex girlfriends find out the deal. There is little or no contact between my husband and the girls. Now I have to deal with the first ex wife, the second ex wife because her son lives with us. It is so incredibly difficult to be in a relationship with kids and exs and everything else. It can work but you have to make sure your dicipline is ok with him and the ex's and be prepared to have your man cut up by other women, who will tell you lies and manipulate you to get you to leave him. Trust me I know this from experience. You have to decide what it is you want. I would question the idea why he lied to you in the first place, there is a lot more drama behind the situation than what it seems. If you love him you can make it work, but find out what skeletons are hiding in the closets!
  10. cleverme123
    BEWARE OF EX's, even if they move to the other side of the world. It happens to often there is already a history and that leaves things wide open, specially since his feelings for her ran deep.
  11. cleverme123
    Well she still may feel something is missing, that's always a possibility. Or it could be she changed her mind and found something else on the side that you don't know about. Could be she is fearful of being hurt, or fear of commitment. There is something going on with her, and if you pay real close attention to her conversations with you and what she has already said you should be able to piece it together. My guess is she is running because she can deal with nasty, mean guys, but doesn't know how to handle nice ones. That lack of iggnorance will push some women away. Ya know the "too good to be true thing" You can either try to work on a friendship or move on to someone else that is running away. If you want to give it a go with her you will have to back way off, totally a guess but I would go with she's seeing someone else.
  12. cleverme123
    There are lots of places to meet someone but most you have to be 18 to join dating sites. Try a chat place like link removed it's free and there are thousands of rooms. You just go with the flow and you are bound to find someone. Just remember as I tell everyone, online you can be anyone, but when it comes to meeting in person, you can easily get a rude awakening. BE careful!
  13. cleverme123
    You all were separated, your husband is fairly irresponsible for not using protection with this other woman. But with that being said you must deal with the hear and now. First, it may not be his. I am sure if she is looney maybe she is just using him as a comfortable place to fall to get to you when she knows it isn't his. Ex's have been known to pull these things! Been there done that! The issue on your relationship. You have to decide what it takes to be in a marriage. If you are committed you take the good with the bad and vice versa. It sucks that you haven't been able to get pregnant by your husband and I can understand the frustration. God works in mysterious ways. It may not have been the right time for you even with fertility treatment. My doctor told me at 16 you will never have kids and three kids later he was wrong. If it is the right time for you it will happen! There are many other ways to deal with this. Be thankful there are two kids that you can set a good example for, although they aren't yours you can love them like they were. The luckiest kids in the world have more than one set of parents that are involved and provide good examples! Everyone is born to a set of parents but not all are cared for by their birth parents. You could have a wonderful chance to be involved, don't look it as a negative all together. Part of that child is also your husband, and he/she didn't ask to be born, it happen. So you make the best of things and move on. You have to be strong, if you commit to making your relationship work it won't make a difference if 20 people have kids by your husband, your love and commitment to him will stop the jealousy and hate. You may try counseling with him. Also, there are many ways to have a child of your own with your husband so don't give up hope. You have a lot of things to think about, and as I said if you make a commitment to one another no one will tear it apart. Good Luck!
  14. cleverme123
    I have some very clear views for you. First off, you can never work on a relationship that has any problems in it with someone else (your computer gal) involved. The bad will seem worse. She is younger than you which will no doubt boost your ego, and all the bad stuff you tell her is simply to unload your problems and your mind. Counseling on her behave is needed. She needs two things individual and couples counseling. You aren't going to want the counseling if you have this other woman involved. She needs to stop the gambling and gamblers anon is always a good place to start. You need to stop the weed smoking, do you not think your oldest kids know what is going on. You all have a ton of issues that need worked out and yes a therapist can help. Recently although I had to trick my husband to go, we started. Little background info, my husband has a cheating, lying, control problem. He has been married twice and I am the third. I was too the point I thought I was crazy, things were going down hill I was so ready to bail. Then the counseling started up. It gave me a chance to talk to him without being judged and without fear he would yell, hit me, etc. It's an awesome idea. You need to start from the bottom and work on the things that are most important first. The girls should also get a chance to tell you all what they think where without it they won't talk. You said they saw too much and you need to know what they saw and how they feel. I think where you are your relationship can be saved but it will take incredible amounts of time and commitment from you both. Good Luck and call that counselor!
  15. cleverme123
    Well the relationships no, most were a series of bad choices that left me out in the cold. Not at all good. My ex husband yes, because we have a child together, still hate his guts for no apparent reason, otehr than morbidly bitter!
  16. cleverme123
    unexplained bouts of anger, yelling, over reaction to little things. Then comes hitting and verbal abuse and put downs. It only gets harder once it starts. Yes I know and understand been there and walk in those shoes.
  17. cleverme123
    More than one relationship was messed up over this. And it cost me a marriage too. It's very complicated to understand too much for a lot of people
  18. cleverme123
    She may one day come to terms that she isn't feeling right. May question sudden outburst of anger. May start to feel guilty that she can't control it. She will lose what ever grip on reality she has and it usually evolves into lying, or making a fake life to get attention. There are any number of ways that it could go. She will start to see one day something isn't right, when she has nothing and no one and nobody wants to talk to her, and she changes jobs like 4 times a year. Believe me it will come. I had a job of 4 years before I up and moved one day without giving notice without telling any one what I was doing. Left the state and all. You do crazy things with this type of depression.
  19. cleverme123
    Can you say abuser??? Not only is it un called for he is manipulating and controlling you. He wants to see how far he can push it. You letting him get away with it and the only thing your going to get out of it feeling like a worthless piece of trash. You will be the one crying, you will be hurting and he won't see nothing wrong. RUN girl RUN!
  20. cleverme123
    I think it's time to make a choice and you both have to do it together. You need to decide if the money of being a pilot will end your mariage. If the answer is yes you may need to consider a new line of work and deal with having less. You don't have to have every material thing in the world to survive. And you need to include her telling and showing her you are willing to take a new job, be on the road less, but need to take a pay cut. In return you will help with the house and pay more attention to her.
  21. cleverme123
    In correction I saw you are on the road a lot, maybe she wants more time with you or more help around the house.
  22. cleverme123
    I think the first place you could start is get off your butt and get a job. Help support some of the household stuff. Your 29 you make choices on your own. So your going to be making the choice of losing your wife or getting off the lazy kick. Find some kind of motivation cause if she don't see effort you can bet she is going to bail. I sure wouldn't work to support someone being at home not doing anything. Maybe it sounds harsh but come on you didn't really get married thinking you got a mom, did you? You need to fix your issue.
  23. cleverme123
    For every one comment that was said by your ex that was bad, it takes 125 compliments to clear that negative thing. Try counseling that may help with your self image
  24. cleverme123
    Your absolutely right. She won't feel she has done anything wrong to you. There were so many times I was obnoxiously rude to people but then my feelings got hurt when they wanted nothing to do with me. I use to sleep all the time, some times so much I wouldn't get up to go to work in the morning. When the depression starts to kick in she wil start getting herself in trouble, with friends, work, life in general. It will get out of control and you will see a huge spiral down ward until she hits the bottom and decides she needs help. My boss is actually the one that told me get counseling or you will be fired. It's not fun to watch but on these things its got to happen.
  25. cleverme123
    first off he don't own you. No one has that right. YOu can make decisions based on what you feel is right. If you let him tell you know you put the control in his hands and if he gets away with it once he will do it again. I would question your relationship not going to see your friend. Consequently I would tell him I am going and if he don't like it tough.
×
×
  • Create New...