Hellen

Thanks for your encouraging words.I'm still worried about the effects the separation has on my two sons.I think they feel that it is all my fault because I was the one who went out of the house.I think my husband is still stressing to them that they should convince me to go back.My younger one would cry for his father when he is with me and he would say things like mommy it's all your fault.I try to explain to them why I left but they just can't seem to understand that hitting is enough reason for me to leave.It really upset me when they are like that.Sometimes I feel like going back and I feel guilty for letting them go through all this.

Thanks for your reply.I actually feel better now that I'm out of both relationships although I still have my low days specially when I have this feelings of inadequacy to take care of my kids.I only want the best for them and I don't want to make a mistake.I've read a lot about abused women and I know that depression and feelings of inadequacy are long term results of abuse.I have a good family support system and I'm thankful for that.I'm not totally helpless since I earn enough to give my two sons a good future but it's just my emotinal scars.

Just to give a picture of what my marriage was like I have to make quite a long story.I think my husband had been abusing me emotionally during our entire 8 years of marriage.It was very subtle at first that I did not really notice how he eventually controlled me emotionally.There were some isolated physical abuse although I was not bruised or anything like that it still hurt me emotionally specially my self esteem.He had not been working for almost 4 years now and he was never any help around the house.To top it all he had been abusive with my two boys who are now 5 and 6 years old.I never got the strngth to leave him before but last year in the mids of my frustrations I had an online affair, he found out about it and the physical and emotional abuse just escalated.That affair is over now and I also left my husband .I did not expect it but my two boys are heart broken about me leaving their father.I thought they are fine with it since their dad had not been treating them well.They still go to their father everytime I'm at work and I work 3 times a week.Their father had suddenly turned into this wonderful father that he never was.I think it's his way of trying to get back at me.I still did not get any councelling until now until now and sometimes I still feel like going back specially when the kids starts making me feel like i turned them down for leaving their dad.