The Morrigan

Congratulations - it's good you're happy about this! Take a deep breath and don't panic just yet. Definitely go to the doctor and tell him you think you might have been exposed to some STDs and get that checked out - Chlamydia is treatable even when you're pregnant, and though there's no "cure" for herpes, there are precautions they'll take to make sure the baby gets the least possible exposure. One being they may want to schedule a c-section to avoid any chance of the baby coming in contact with any live virus in the birth canal. As far as this guy goes - you'll know more when you actually speak to him. His ex may have some ulterior motives by emailing you - she may be being thoughtful and giving you a head's up, or she might have visions of having wanted rights to him herself. Just something to keep in mind! Best of luck, and let us know how things keep going!

I wonder what his reaction would be to YOU telling HIM you think it would be a good idea while he's finding himself - that you're going to see what you can do to lay any doubts about the age difference to rest in your mind by dating a few guys closer to your age? It really isn't fair that he's putting you in storage so to speak, asking you to wait on him while he decides, not knowing what he's even GOING to decide, while he goes out and enjoys himself seeing what's out there. No, I'm not suggesting you make him jealous - but he shouldn't be SO secure with you he can do as he wishes for an indefinite period of time while you wait home on him either. Relationships are give and take - and nobody should be able to take their partner so much for granted that they can walk, play, and expect them to be sitting home warming the chair for the day they decide they're ready.

First, I'd say try to think of the reasons WHY you've felt like you wanted to keep them secret. Wanted to have the time with the girl to yourself? Worried about friends making a move on her? Worried about what people might think? Not sure how to act with your girl in a group situation? If you can figure out why you've felt like keeping the two things (friends and girlfriend) separate, you'll be on the way to figuring your way through it!

Hon, I'll be honest with you - you may find many women and men who can sympathize with you to an extent if they've had the shock of discovering their spouse had someone else as well as them - but I don't think you're going to find too many who actually brought another man or woman WITH them into their marriage! Usually there are two sides to every story - but in this case, I think even the most sympathetic person is going to have trouble digging up a shred of compassion for him. He married you under false pretenses - never intending to honor his vows in the first place. He kept you like a guilty secret - claiming to his other girl he wasn't married, stringing her along as well. And he played you both for as long as he could - no doubt what he's been telling her is a far cry from what he's been telling you. You are WELL out of this marriage, and I hope his other girl finds the guts to tell him where to stick his lies as well. Nobody deserves to be treated like this. Add in the abuse - wow, he's really sounding like one of the worst representations of a guy I've ever heard of - and I'd be surprised if most of the guys aren't even more angry with guys who act like this reflecting on how badly some people can act. He obviously has problems - but it's not your job to fix them. Walk away with your head up -and don't look back and think of what "could have been" "if only," it isn't your responsibility to make him see his awful behavior for what it is. There's someone you owe much more to - yourself. See a lawyer, find out what you need to do to get away from him once and for all. And make SURE if your accounts are joint - you tell a lawyer about that immediately - you don't need to find out he's transferred everything to a sole account and left you high and dry. If you think he's the type to be vengeful - see about getting a restraining order so the only place he'll see you is in court. You've dealt with him long enough. Time to rebuild your life and yourself, and see what's out there for you that you deserve.

Wash down there thoroughly when bathing - if you have a problem using perfumed/deoderant soap on sensitive skin, get something designed either as a feminine wash, or an unscented sensitive skin body wash to use all over - there are a ton of good ones now designed for people who are sensitive to dyes and scents. Douching one a month is nice - ESPECIALLY right at the tail end of your cycle, just to get that "completely clean feeling," and as Mar says, there are several natural products and herbal ones out there that won't cause the irritation some of the stronger ones do. During "that time of the month," I keep some of those wipes in the bathroom - even the unscented baby wipes will do! It's nice to feel completely "clean" instead of eeughh! And - silky underwear is sexy yes - but save it for when you know you're going on a hot date and stick to cotton whenever possible, or wear a pantyliner during the day - nylon based material traps sweat and doesn't let the skin down there "breathe" so well, and can leave you feeling less "clean" a lot quicker! If you're really experiencing a problem with odor - make a doc's appt, since yeast infections and some other bacterial infections can really intensify odor, or change it to something icky - and sometimes the odor can be the only symptom you experience. Except on your cycle - you shouldn't experience much if any odor at all that's noticeable say, when you go to the bathroom. If you do - don't assume just because you've heard the jokes about fishy smells that it's something you have to deal with - check it out!

Well, it gets sticky, frankly. For one, a lot of girls are brought up by their moms that it's "proper" for the girl to wait for the guy to do the asking - they can encourage, put out signals... but are supposed to wait for the guy to actually ask. Is it a pain in the butt? Oh yeah, especially when you realize as you get older it's kinda stupid. But it can be a hard thing to overcome. Two, related to one - people don't always SEE each other's signals. You may think you've made it plain to a girl you LIKE her, and she may think you're a flirt, a player, or just teasing her in a friendly way. And the same is true for the reverse. If you see an opportunity - take it. She/he says "If (insert name) gets asked to that dance by one more person, I'm gonna gag, nobody's even thought to ask me about it!" jump in with something casual that still makes it clear you're not one of them "hey, they must be crazy, I know I'd jump at the chance to ask a girl/guy like you if I thought she'd go!" Make it clear you don't have them in that "cool friend, but not attracted" category, espcially if they've been rejected by someone in the past - they'll be hesitant to be clear about their signals if they're not pretty sure something more concrete will be welcomed.

Who did the breaking up, and what led to it? It's hard to say without a little more information... what other things about him make you want to get back with him?

You don't say how old her children are - but I agree with avman - something needs to be done. They can be stubborn, uncooperative, and whiny - but they're still the kids, and hey, kids can be trying at times, it comes with the territory, she's the parent. I don't think it's possible to NEVER lose patience with your family, kids, spouse on occasion - but this kind of conflict shouldn't be a daily event, it's not good for the kids at all, they sound like they'll take ANY attention, even the most negative, over no attention. There are several programs in most states that are free on parenting, plenty of support groups that are also free, maybe if you look some of them up and present her with the information you can talk her into going to one and see if she'll take advantage of them. If not, you might be in the position of going to social services, if only for the welfare of the kids.

1) Did I do something wrong by not saying hi to her? with her bf present ? Maybe a casual wave or something would've been appropriate - but especially judging by her later reactions, I wouldn't think going over and conversing would've helped here. She was already pissed you were out and happy with someone else - and casually saying Hi, she'd probably have taken as you rubbing it in her face. 2) Why does she always bring up my gf? Two words - jealousy and resentment. Sure, she moved on with another guy - doesn't mean she wants to see you happy with another girl. Especially if she thinks your new gf is in any way "better," prettier, sexier, more popular - she's going to resent that you were able to find someone new. 3) Why does she gets MAD everytime when she talks about my GF ? Same as above - even if she moved on, didn't mean she wanted to think YOU could! And she resents that you both could and did, not quite the scenario of you pining over her she might have had in her head. Hit her pride as well no doubt!

Even if she were to come back - your have to get mentally and emotionally to the point that it would be a new relationship - what happens with either of you in this "broken up" time can't come into consideration unless it's a pattern of behavior or real personality problem you see - and just dating someone else, for either of you, shouldn't be a strong consideration. The relationship you had, for one reason or another, her fears, the distance, whatever the reason, didn't work right as it was. So anything new has to be approached as just that - brand new. And in the meantime - yes, you move on as best you can, for your sake, you have to. Whether it's a relationship with her, if she decides she made an error, and you decide it's worth trying again, or whether you find someone else, you need to be a whole person - and be able to use everything you learned from your relationship with her in a new one. Even relationships that don't work out are never wasted if we learn more about ourselves as people, and more about how to be a real partner to the person who is eventually "the one." Nobody expects to be adept at something the first, second, even third time they try - yet people blame their failings for relationships that don't last without thought. Getting the fullest value from something that isn't quite what you hoped is every bit as important to getting there and being able to really appreciate it when you get it as attitude and personality.

kmccaugh has a good point - it's hard to know what quirks or idiosyncrascies someone has when you rarely see them - it's even easier to put them on a pedestal than when you've never seen something that was a little irritating at times, or had the time for something to get on your nerves on occasion. Exercise definitely does help - for one thing, it makes it MUCH easier to sleep soundly when you're exhausted! And if you neglect your health at all, it can really amplify any feelings of depression and drop your energy level to about zero. It's also good if you can find something maybe you've neglected, or just not had the time for before, that you're interested in and really have enthusiasm for. Whether it's something you do alone, or something you do in a group (that's a big plus, because you can meet people and converse on something you have a bit more confidence in), as you work on or complete something you're interested in and accomplish more, that in itself is a confidence builder and gives a sense of achievement. I won't say "forget about her" as if she didn't exist - but think of what you did enjoy - and use the experience to your benefit. If you don't feel attracted enough to want to date anyone yet - no biggie, you're still making new friends, and getting some more confidence in yourself. You'll know yourself when you're ready to try to date per se - just don't pressure yourself into finding "the one" before having fun on friendly dates and finding out more about yourself and what you enjoy, and it'll fall in place eventually!

Also sounds like he might have some obssessive or compulsive behavior going on - though I agree with Avman that this gets abusive, even inadvertently, because it leaves one party being "not good enough" and controlled. Not balanced or healthy. But it's a bit unusual for most guys to be THIS particular about the way housework is done - is he this way about everything, or are there specific things only? Any chance you could talk him into going to counseling, even if you have to gritr your teeth and say you want to see if you have things you can work on in the marriage? (I know, it's a bitter pill to say it's you you want help with, but if it gets him in the door...

Hold on a minute... Let's assume here that what's being told is exactly the truth for a second. I'm going to detail out exactly what happened to me, and I'll bet the concensus will be "he raped you." Went over to a friend's house, and another friend calls, saying we're gonna get together at a third friend's dorm. So we all head over there, maybe oh, 6 of us total, between 2 adjoining dorm rooms sharing a bathroom. 3 girls, 3 guys. We order pizza, break open a few 6 packs of beer, watch a movie. Now, none of these guys had ever as much as made a pass or acted in any way that was other than gentlemanly, ever, in the 8 months or so I'd known them. One of the guys asked us to just stay since we were drinking, even though I didn't think I'd had much I was getting really buzzed, so we said we'd just crash there and drive home in the morning. Somehow I went from "buzzed" to "passing out falling down drunk" with no intention of getting to that point - yes, this part I was stupid, as far as I didn't realize how drunk I was getting until it was a bit late to worry about it. So when one of the guys insisted on sleeping on the floor and offered the bed, I accepted, hell, I wasn't capable of arguing, I was fully dressed, so I lay down and was passed out within minutes. Next thing I remember is this guy on top of me, he had already moved my shorts off to the side and penetrated me without me waking up at ALL, and even whe I woke up, I was aware of what was happening, but, I couldn't even say a word or move, and no, he wasn't restraining me at all, he didn't have to. I was just barely aware of what was going on, I actually passed out again and came to slightly again as he was pulling out, and still couldn't even mutter a word, much less shove him off. I couldn't even be scared at the time, it was like it was happening to someone else, I was THAT out of it. I didn't fully realize what had happened until an hour or so later, and THEN I lit out of there leaving my friend, my jacket, and anything but myself and my purse - at about 4am. I couldn't believe it had really happened. I was a bit shaken, since this guy was someone I knew, or thought I did, but mostly betrayed and upset, and angry, very angry, and felt like an absolute idiot for being so trusting and naive. Now, was this rape? On the face of it - I didn't say no, even when it could be argued I was partly aware of what was going on. How many people would really believe I couldn't say no? None, the few people I told figured it was consensual and he'd had second thoughts the next day, nobody had heard me scream or protest - so, it must be consensual, right? (And people wonder why more rapes don't get reported...) IMO - Bullcrap. I was responsible for being young and stupid, and drinking too much - and that was all I was responsible for. Being young and stupid, a putting yourself in a vulnerable position, does NOT make you responsible for the person's behavior who is low enough to take advantage of that. Took me a bit of growing up to learn to put the faults where they belonged, but I can't see someone being blameless because it's someone's naivity they're taking advantage of. And honestly - if this guy is telling the truth, nobody except another who's been there so to speak can believe it CAN happen where you are THAT incapcitated. There doesn't have to be any subconscious agreement or desire for it - because I sure as hell didn't have either. Not saying it's COMMON, but it's certainly possible, and it's demeaning and not a good feeling to know when you're that much at someone else's mercy through your own misjudgement. That he's a guy shouldn't even be an issue - can't call rape simply on the basis that I'm a girl and he wasn't. Judge for yourself on his behavior when he's been drunk before, and how he's acting now - generally someone who's innocent doesn't behave the same as one who's genuinely guilty. Do his actions now seem like he's being genuine with you? /ends rant with apologies

I had this happen to me actually when I was younger and very naive. I considered it rape. If you don't have the capacity to object or agree - it's rape or attempted rape, pure and simple. If she thought it was what he wanted - she'd have made sure he was in a condition to at least assent - not waited til he was passed out. I mean seriously - how many normal healthy guys and girls look for someone to be in a "victim" position to "take advantage" and then say they assumed it was wanted? If you've got to wait til someone can't say no - you're pretty much admitting they wouldn't say "yes" if they had their say. He probably feels at fault for being naive and not thinking ahead of time something like this could happen - but realistically - especially if you're with friends, and friends of friends, you don't expect someone to take advantage this way since it's basically predatory behavior. Of course, now he'll probably be much less trusting and more careful - but you don't expect someone you know, or someone a friend knows, to do something like this. Seems to me having basic trust that people he'd meet through friends was his only real "fault" here, and that's not a fault as much as the typical mindset that anyone who would act this way would show it on the surface - when in reality it's almost ALWAYS someone you know and trust to an extent - hence the statistics for date and acquaintance rape being the VAST majority over stranger rape. It's just not something anyone likes to think about - that the person you're sharing a drink or coffee with, or who dated a friend, could be the one who's actually thinking of what he or she would do if you were helpless to avoid it. He wasn't in a position to say "NO" and she saw him as a victim to be taken advantage of - maybe moreso because the typical man's being a bit bigger and stronger was of no help to him. It was blatant victimization. She was a sexual predator. If she thought he'd have said yes, she'd have put moves on him before he was drunk. So she knew damn well he wasn't interested, and took advantage. Honestly - who would PREFER an unresponsive passed out partner for sex if they thought they could have someone who was in a condition to particpate?

Physical? BAD HYGIENE or lack of cleanliness!!!! And basically (not talking about looking casual, which is great), but having NO care about appearance, like an overweight guy wearing something obviously unsuited, or a thin guy wearing something not baggy, but completely DROWNING giving the impression he wants to disappear. Casual is great as long as you look like a little attention has been paid to the tshirt and jeans that were thrown on. Second would have to be someone who tries to pull off TOO suave and sophisticated - too much cologne, gel, jewelry, looks like he wouldn't STOOP to such a low drink as beer, if you get the idea! Personality wise? Biggest turn offs - trying to be too impressive, or talking down to me like I can't understand a complex concept - or conversely, overly attentive to the point of being catered to - I'd rather get to know someone and actually feel like it's them I'm getting to know, not some lines designed to make a specific impression. Biggest plusses? Someone who talks to me just like a person, and is relaxed with both himself and with me, and shows it. And who's attention is obviously genuine - because he's enjoying the company, not enjoying trying to score or make an impression.

You'll DEFINITELY know when you've had an orgasm, it's the difference between feels good (the buildup), you might feel like you have to pee when it's building... but you'll have actual STRONG spasms when you have one, so you really WILL know. Don't panic if it takes a while before you figure out what'll do it for you though - takes time, and practice! And some guys aren't comfortable ejaculating in their girl's mouths - doesn't mean they don't enjoy the bj, if you're worried about it you can always ask him, he might think you wouldn't want him to.

It's normal... that's part of the final buildup before an orgasm hon, so it's perfectly normal and a good thing, just make sure you've peed before you get started so you can relax and enjoy it!

A strong "fighy" smell is also one of the symptoms of a yeast infection. They're not dangerous, and often there are no symptoms - Monistat or a generic version of it clears it right up - and if the odor goes, you've got your answer. Except for certain times of the month, daily bathing and good hygiene should be enough to prevent any strong odor. (Douching is nice for a fresh feeling on occasion - but it REALLY shouldn't be necessary for odor control.) One thing you might try if you don't have access to a shower or anything is to keep one of those little boxes of disposable wipes on hand - good for before and after cleanups for almost anything! (And polite as well since you don't have shower access if she ever wants to go down on you)

You're doing the right thing - if hanging around them is making things worse, take a break from them. If they ask, you don't have to sound pathetic at all, just tell them you're not comfortable with them being "in the middle," and you figure it has to be a bit awkward for them as well - you'll see them after you're sure things have settled down to "normal." If they take offense to that, or can't see the position you're in - they're not being very good friends. I would ask though - is there any way their intentions are good telling your ex about you - hoping she'll respond to what they're saying? Sometimes friends in the middle have some really uh, "bad" ideas about being "helpful" or "supportive" that make you want to strangle them at times! In any case - they should be able to understand without taking offense if you want a break - whether it ends up being temporary or permanent can be your call then.

you might wanna try something like the "Buns of Steel" workout if you can find it - build up your gluts a bit, I know it firmed and built well for a couple girls I used to work with! You'll gain a little size, but a lot more "shape" and roundness if you respond to it like they did!

Hmm, sounds like someone who thrives on challenging herself to me, and hasn't hit someone yet who doesn't expect that to change in a relationship. Most people are content to hit a "comfortable" lifestyle at some point - she seems to have a constant need to be challenged and master new things and move on to something new when she feels she's topped out where she's at. I don't see that as a fault - but it might be hard for her to find someone who's either on the same page she is, and would be of the same mindset as far as searching out new things, or, someone who's not the same, but who doesn't expect HER to change, and would be willing to wholeheartedly accept and support her needs instead of expecting her to "settle down." She might have more luck finding someone like minded in Greenpeace if she follows through with that - or in an arena like photojournalism, reporting, some of the arts... other areas that require a "driven and seeking" personality to succeed.

Hate to tell you, but the painful boobs was my first strong symptom - I couldn't even sleep on my side properly they hurt so damn much. Best of luck at the doctor's, keep us posted!

Umm, something else leaps out at me here - how old is she? Either she's very young - or she's acting pretty immature and has been in some of her expectations. Legally, as you know, she's in the right. She doesn't have to permit you contact with your godson, though it's rather childish to want you to help her care for him when she needed the support, and just walk off when she's with someone else. I'm sorry for both you and your godson - but in general, it seems you'd do well to step back for a while and let her see for herself what she's doing with her life and her friends. She needs to get some stability for herself and yes, grow up a bit - if she's still in the "go out and get drunk/stay over at her boyfriend's" stage in her life while she has a baby to care for, she does have a bit of growing to do - you can't decide to groom a boyfriend of a few weeks as a stepdad based on that. And sooner or later, she'll realize it. If you think you can do it calmly, maybe write her a letter telling her you grew attached to your godson during the time you helped care for him, and while you weren't trying to be his dad, it was hard on you emotionally to be expected to simply walk away as if the time you'd spent with him didn't matter. That you considered her a friend, and wanted to be there for the two of them. And now, you'll step back, and leave it to her if she wants to contact you again after she's had time to think about it. In the meantime, wish her luck, and hope things work out, etc. And do just that, step back, and don't try to contact her. And start putting yourself as number 1 for a change. Intentionally or not, this WAS taking advantage of you in some ways, and that isn't a position you want to be in again. So invest some time in you for a while - it won't make you stop thinking about your godson entirely, but it will help keep you from dwelling on something outside your control to fix.

I agree with avman - there's no real problem if she's over 18 from the one aspect - but from the other, it's much the same as a boss dating an employee. How long is the season? Any way you guys could talk and work out something to not date til after your coaching is completed? Is there another team one of you could switch to, or is it too far into the season? The main trouble I could see is even if the two of you could keep it professional - the other players would be LOOKING for her to get special treatment, and might even read normal FAIR treatment as preferential under the circumstances - and that's something really destructive to a team that has to work together. So I'd see if you can figure a way around it where you wouldn't be coaching her directly, to avoid any problems of that nature before they ever arise.

link removed There's a list there. Most people feel some of these ON OCCASION - but if some of them have become part of your everyday life - see a doctor, get checked, and see if it's something medically treatable. There's no sense suffering needlessly.