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The Morrigan

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Everything posted by The Morrigan

  1. The Morrigan
    Oh yeah, there's a limit to honesty. There's no problem with him having these girls as friends - but if he wants you to accept that, he can't throw sex or sexual comments into the equation! His friends should not be a means for him to see if you'll be jealous and possessive, the mind games need to stop, you don't need to tolerate being played like this. I'd just tell him flat out "I have no problem with accepting some of your close friends are girls - but you can't expect me to enjoy hearing about their sexual appeal to you and keep that acceptance - unless you enjoy upsetting and hurting me, you'll stop this, because it has no place in a good relationship." If he persists, sorry, but I'd seriously reconsider this relationship, this is something that could really get emotionally sadistic to you. Nobody has the right to hurt you to make themselves feel better, period. And deliberately provoking insecurity is pain, make no mistake.
  2. The Morrigan
    First, accept that this really isn't about this girl in particular - it's about how much faith you have in his words that he's not interested in anyone else, and has no intentions of following her up on her invitations. You're never going to be able to control who he's exposed to - and as many people will verify - there's one like that almost everywhere, in the office, in clubs, associations, schools, who make a point of trying to use their body and sex as power over guys. Ask yourself what type of woman is he generally attracted to? Would a woman with a reputation like this really appeal to him? Has he seemed willing to try to reassure you? Is there anything except for unavoidable civil contact with this girl that would make you suspect he's be interested in her? If he seems like he's going out of his way to put you first - at some point other women's intentions are secondary, because it's HIS intentions you have to have faith in and trust. I'm sure you've had plenty of guys hit on you in different places - and there's plenty who don't have the couth to cease and desist because you're taken. Just because they pursue doesn't mean you've taken them up on their offers, and it's a two way street. I'm sure he doesn't really appreciate them hitting on you either - but he has to trust you to handle it. Try not to let jealousy eat at you to the point you know you're being unreasonable - find some thoughts to combat it whenever it rears it's ugly head. If you think he's acting in other ways that ring alarms that your fears aren't unfounded, it might be time to have a talk with him about why you're having trouble trusting him.
  3. The Morrigan
    Be honest with him, and the sooner the better, because right now there's nobody else (I hope) and your honesty won't be as in doubt. Just tell him the love you feel for him isn't the passionate kind you think he feels for you, and you don't want to be unfair to him and lead him on believing otherwise. He's going to be hurt no matter what, there's no avoiding that part. But he would be a lot more hurt, and wonder a lot more about your character, if you fell straight into someone else's arms, or worse, started seeing someone else before having the guts to break off with him. You won't do him any favors putting it off to avoid hurting him - he'll be hurt more the longer you wait.
  4. The Morrigan
    *grins* that might address what's considered the "normal range" But what do you make of those of us who fall into the opposite category? My first ex would tell me "you know, I'd dump you if you weren't so damn cute" (ok, I never said he was a prize!) and I did at least 75% of the spending, no joke. I made more, so I never quibbled about being the one to spend more. I've always been willing to spend at least as much on a guy as he spends on me, though it's nice if he's not a slacker - I don't really care what he does for a living as long as he's making one. Wonder if it had and still has to do with most of my friends being guys, so I never had the "girl influence" of looking as much as "getting to know?" I've never "cold dated," I always knew the guy first.
  5. The Morrigan
    I have to agree. Just like girls need their girlfriends, guys need their guy time. Do you have days you hang out with the girls, go shopping, go to a movie, or anything? If not, see what you can do about getting something together there - if you have outside hanging out time as well as him, it might not seem like such a big deal as if you're feeling it's taking time away from your relationship. Healthy and well balanced relationships have two people in them who have other strong relationships as well - that he's had a friend for this many years bodes well for your relationship, because he's learned the compromises and give and take that comes with maintaining long term relationships. Try and make sure you make time for you and your friends and interests, and let him have time for his, and remind yourself it's still you who's his gf and love interest. His friend isn't a threat to you, and annoying or not, that friendship is part of what's made him the person you love.
  6. The Morrigan
    link removed and link removed This might give you a little more insight into the conflicts of both the "no contact" rule, and the reasons behind it, as well as some of the things that might be going on from the other side. Take a long read and see what makes sense to you, and good luck!
  7. The Morrigan
    A formal red rose bouquet - to me would be pushy, but something like that would be simply sweet and thoughtful. Flowers don't have to be heavily "love and romance" any more than bringing a bottle of wine to meet someone for dinner - I'd have loved that as well! I think springy, cheerful flowers, especially ones with a nice scent, like daffodils, lilies, freesia, hyacinths, tulips and daisies can be welcome without coming on too strong like the more commonly "romantic" flowers.
  8. The Morrigan
    Well, I'm 29 now, but I've been the same way as long as I can remember - I have a VERY active mind and a mile long stubborn streak, so for me at least, looks just don't cut it as being enough for genuine interest. First long term relationship was in HS, and that was 4 years with one breakup (he dumped me) in the middle of it. He was fairly shy, borderline geeky, we were friends first and I never really thought of him as bf material til he asked, then I fell HARD. Odd thing was, he got more popular and more hooked on trying to look cool and hang out with cool people - and had less time and consideration for me, to the point I ended up telling him to take a walk. Maybe that's skewed my views considerably - but after seeing the change in him as he got more "into" himself, looks might weigh the scales a bit but they're definitely not key for me, and that's been since I was about 17 or 18 cause we started dating pretty young. I'd say personally, some looks can be a turn OFF if they're extreme, but "perfect" looks aren't really a turn on for me either and can actually make me steer clear.
  9. The Morrigan
    You said she likes you as a friend - where do you see her, at school? Socially? If you have classes with her and have the chance to catch her for a study session, see if you can get her one on one and see how she reacts to you. If you're already that far, suggest a bite to eat after or something. It's hard to suggest much without knowing how much you've talked to her and in what circumstances - more info?
  10. The Morrigan
    Gee, then I guess that doesn't make me female. Some women are like that, some aren't. All guys don't want the cheerleader-type (generic here, "as seen on tv") and not all girls are all about the jocks and GQ pic guys either. And don't tell me it's about youth all the time, I've distrusted "perfect" looking guys since I can remember, and never saw what was so attractive about a guy who was so into himself you'd always be second on the list. Are there a lot of women who find the typically "hot" guys attractive? Of course, or they wouldn't be on the front of magazines staring at you. But no few girls I've known look at them the same way as other models - they're just eyecandy. There better be a helluva a lot more to the package, or there's no real interest. Look, I've been in a total of 2 serious relationships - and neither of the guys was in the "hot" category. I've only ever been attracted to 2 guys I'd consider "hot" and in both cases - it was the sheer strength of personality that attracted me, not their looks. No, the looks didn't hurt - but it sure wasn't the reason I was attracted either, if a guy can't hold my interest and stand up to me, even my hormones have the reaction of "meh and blah."
  11. The Morrigan
    Hmm, I don't know what you do as far as other stuff, not just foreplay - but for one, ask him to drop the word in your ear earlier about things he wants to do to you etc - the mind is a wonderful thing, the more you anticipate, the more "ready" you're going to be. It's VERY hard and unusual for a girl to orgasm through only intercourse - so what you might want to do is try positions that let him finger you at the same time, add a little good lube and you on top, him behind, or spooned, and show him what the "best" places are to hit that stimulate you best. If he's upset, just tell him honestly that the female anatomy wasn't designed all that well for intercourse to be the best stimulation by itself but you'd love to have him learn your "hot spots" and see what kind of wild things you can come up with to get around that - most guys are more than eager for exploration when it comes to sex!
  12. The Morrigan
    Hey... The thing is, you're making presumptions about girls from their appearance since you don't know them - and then you're acting on those assumptions not only to protect yourself, but to cause them physical pain. Now, yes, everyone has felt some degree of pleasure on occasion when someone they know who has hurt them or someone close to them, or has a rep as a criminal, has finally "got theirs" so to speak. You're going beyond that though by intentionally physically hurting complete strangers and deriving excitement and pleasure from it. You're right to be concerned, please talk to a pro about this and see if they have any suggestions for healthier ways to channel that anger and drive - before it gets you in trouble with not only the law, but with people in general. This isn't a reputation you want for yourself socially either, it could REALLY make you not only an outcast, but vilified, and I doubt that's how you'd like to go through life.
  13. The Morrigan
    LOL, ok... I've been here enough times myself. You already know you don't want to lose your friendship over an argument, and chances are, so does your friend. Work up a compromise - email your pal and say something like "ok, maybe I didn't get your joke, but speaking of too serious, don't you think not speaking cuz of this is a LITTLE absurd? Our friendship is worth more to me than that, how about you? Haha, ok, I emailed first... so, now you message ME first!" Since you both know it wasn't a huge thing... don't make it one, make him see the ridiculousness of it with a laugh, and then let him make HIS overture - and you can meet halfway.
  14. The Morrigan
    I'd think long and hard about if you're looking towards wanting to progress TO a relationship with him, or not. If not, then be forthright with him, because it sounds like he's thinking he's going at your pace, with a relationship as the goal in his mind, while you're by no means ready for that. The most important thing is that he understand exactly where you're coming from so he won't be building his hopes in a direction that you're simply not on the same page he is. If you would consider moving it up a level later, that's a different story, but make sure it's not wishful thinking on his part that's making it ok with him so he won't feel disillusioned and hurt later.
  15. The Morrigan
    Honey - I can understand why you would want to have another child after miscarrying. And I'm really sorry you lost your baby. The thing is, while the baby might have been perfectly healthy, pregnancy and childbirth is heavy wear and tear on you, physically. Your body may not have been ready to carry another pregnancy to term just yet may well have been part of the reason for your miscarriage. Trying again too soon could end up causing you more grief, and more wear on your own health, if you don't give yourself a chance to recoup a little. Even though you might feel ready - your body may not agree with you, and you don't want to go through the pain of another miscarriage so soon. Having children close together isn't always a bad thing - mine are just over a year apart, but talk to your doctor and ask him for some advice on when the BEST time would be, as far as you being fully physically ready to have a healthy pregnancy and birth first. Most will advise about a 6 month wait for your vitamin and electrolyte levels to balance back, your iron to be back up in range, and your hormones to stabilize, since it's the level of your hormones that determines how healthyand enriched the lining of your uterus is to begin with for the baby to start growing on. Remember, the baby has to depend on drawing all it's nourishment from this for your full term. If those aren't in balance, your body will make the decision for you and cause you to miscarry, and that's a heartbreaking experience you don't need to put yourself through again, so take care of yourself and follow any advice your doctor gives you about trying again.
  16. The Morrigan
    Yeah, and make the flowers something cheerful and pretty, or exotic, something that will stand out from the usual "roses" which are so closely connected with making a move and romance they can seem like less thought were put into them. Think of her personality and appearance, pick something that seems to suit - and it'll show thoughtfulness on your part, more than average. Like, lilies can be tall, elegant, daisies and sunflowers bright and cheerful, birds of paradise or orchids more mystical - you get the idea. It's an easy way to be able to throw in a nice non-pushy compliment as well when you talk to her!
  17. The Morrigan
    Hey, your size is normal. While I've never measured lol, I'd say the guys I've been with fell into that range, and it's never been a problem. Ash had some good suggestions - and if she has trouble maintaining the "hips up" position to give you a better angle, have her stack some pillows under her hips to make the "hips up and arch" easier to maintain. This is also a position she really needs to let you control the rhythm, try holding her hips and having her RELAX as much as possible. The "girl on top" position can have much the same problem, since the angle tends to be slightly different, it's easy to get out of sync and slip out. It's not a size issue at all. A girl's vagina stretches and relaxes to accommodate the penis from it's usual 3 inch depth, so this is definitely one of those things that just takes practice. Hopefully her comment was indeed frustration that it wasn't working right, this isn't something you should have to deal with being tossed at you in the bedroom! She could always do Kegels to tone herself down there if she thinks size is an issue or could be in the future.
  18. The Morrigan
    Honey, I agree with avman and the rest here. I've been on the receiving end of the snooping on suspicion when I never had and was doing absolutely nothing, with many of the same problems you're describing. All it did was infuriate me, and lead me to being unable to trust him. When other parts of a relationship get tense, or even outside stuff starts really getting to someone, the sex life tends to go south. I know you said you've tried talking to him already - can you even try writing it down in a calm and non accusing way, just saying "hey, I don't know if something's wrong, but when you're not talking to me I feel shut out, and I get insecure about our relationship?" If he feels like he's on the defensive from the word go, he's not going to talk, because he's going to feel guilty for upsetting you. If it's put more like if there's a problem you'd like to know so you can be there, and if it's to do with your relationship you'd like to know so you can work on things, he might be a little more inclined to open up to you.
  19. The Morrigan
    A word of caution on limited contact - be sure any contact is between you and her - since I sincerely doubt you want to be her new best buddy helping her cope with any problems that come up with her current "interest." Don't fall into the trap of being the friend that helps her get over you, she can look elsewhere for that kind of support!
  20. The Morrigan
    You get someone who looks like all they care about is what other people think, painfully trendy - you gotta wonder what his real tastes are and who the real "him" is. Goes for girls as well. You've seen the type - the ones who make their labels show, bring up trendy places/hangouts in a conversation even if it doesn't fit, like desperately trying to prove they're cool - and I hate that, because I'm left wondering if they're that easily swayed to what people think - if he has an opinion that differs from yours - will he stand up for his tastes and thoughts or always bow to yours?
  21. The Morrigan
    Ok, if I've got this straight... both your friend (his gf) and your ex (his friend) are cool with you asking him to the dance, but he's still with this girl, even though she's cheated on him? If so... I'd ask him to the dance, enjoy yourself, let him enjoy your company - but don't say anything about liking him as more than a friend unless he breaks up with her first. You don't want to have him questioning whether you have other motives as to your opinion of his gf if he decides to go out with you. You want to have a clean slate with him. If you make a move now while he has a gf, also, especially since SHE has cheated on him, it could make him question your ethics since he's taken and you'd basically be making a move. Ask him as a friend, have a good time and show him one - and have the patience to let the rest play out before making your move. How you act towards him now is going to determine how he thinks of you later - make sure he's got only the best impression if you want a chance with him!
  22. The Morrigan
    Hmm, only thing that comes to mind offhand is, if he likes the thrill of the chase, let him chase you. Do the flirty things you did before you had sex - and DON'T be in a hurry to have it lead directly there, and see how he reacts when you flirt, tease, and then don't try to pursue any more than just the flirtation a few times. If that perks his interest, he might need more of the anticipation than the more direct sexual come ons - usually a more "female" thing and not one usually expected from a guy.
  23. The Morrigan
    Hey, it's great to hear you sounding so much more positive and looking forward now! By all means, ask him - you've got a little time to spare to think about how, but you guys are already friendly, so whatever you feel would suit the way the two of you interact - go for it. How you feel comfortable doing it is totally up to you - but don't regret never asking the boy or you'll never know what he'd have said, right?
  24. The Morrigan
    Alcohol goes out of your system at about 1 serving per hour, on average. So if you don't breast feed til the next day, the breast milk shouldn't be a problem. The ONLY thing it might effect that way is if, like some foods, it gives it any flavor she doesn't appreciate - but mine was like that about anything with garlic. The only other thing would be to make sure you are only relaxed, just in case you need to get up and/or drive somewhere, but I'm sure you've considered that already. Your baby will only sense it as bad if you're nervous or unusually uncomfortable around her - that's what she will pick up on, how YOU feel about it. As long as it's on occasion and in moderation, a glass of wine to have a relaxing evening won't harm either of you - and the relaxation could probably do you both some good since you'll recharge a little!
  25. The Morrigan
    link removed and link removed Might give you some ideas, and some food for thought before you start. Asking you to pretend to still be in a relationship with her, still going out - this isn't fair to you, and it defeats her "wanting space to think" as well. She's only going to confirm her decision more than likely by finding things wrong, since she's not getting that distance to miss you and the good things you had together. If she really wants a break - give her what she's asking for, and start looking after yourself first. That's what she's doing right now - and you also deserve that same effort put into you.
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