Jump to content

The Morrigan

Bronze Member
 View Profile  See their activity

  • Posts

    865

  • Joined

  • Days Won

    1

 Content Type 

Everything posted by The Morrigan

  1. The Morrigan
    It's a much bigger risk for women as well, since it often necessitates a c-section for childbirth to avoid infection of the baby during delivery. Just because he has no VISIBLE outbreak doesn't mean the virus isn't active, it's a much lower risk, but any appreciable risk is too much. I don't know if he has a false sense of security from being misinformed or being on medication from it - but he needs to really understand the facts if he doesn't, and so do you. It requires extra care on both your parts, so get as much information as you can.
  2. The Morrigan
    I'm guessing you're both fairly young from your post - so it's not surprising she might have been scared. You're going to have to sit down and talk to her, and ask her to really talk to you about how she feels about being in a relationship, what pace she wants to take it at, and what scared her before, if you're going to understand her feelings well enough to judge if you think you're both ready to jump in again. Don't be shy about asking her to talk to you as the friend she was as well as the gf she wants to be, the only way you'll be able to reassure her, and vice versa, is if you really know the thoughts and doubts you're both having.
  3. The Morrigan
    If you write a letter, make sure it's for you, and I'd really advise you DON'T send it while you're still dealing with the feelings you seem to be. Get all your feelings and frustrations and hurt written down for yourself, just to vent it out of your system in full - when you know nobody else is going to see it, there's no need to hold back on little things you worry might seem petty or trivial to someone else, you're only writing it for yourself. And this is something you need to purge if you're going to really start down the road to healing. No, it's not fair that he doesn't want to clear things with you - but there are going to be a LOT of things like that. You can hang on to that and let it make you bitter - or let it go as his failing or issue that he isn't ready or willing to deal with what you might say. If you're going to be friends with him down the road - this is something about him you'll have to accept as something that will probably surface again. Let it go as his problem, not yours. When you're really emotionally ready to be only friends, when your feelings aren't at real risk from his reaction either positive or negative - if you still truly want his friendship then, you can extend an olive branch. Until you're past the feelings he's left you to deal with - this is an open door for them to be scraped raw again, so put yourself first and give yourself that space to heal and regroup.
  4. The Morrigan
    Personally - the big deal for me is hygiene, that and looking plain slovenly. Another huge turn-OFF for me is guys who look TOO smooth - tons of hair gel, the "trendiest" clothes, posing. The first shows they don't care enough about themselves to take the time for just common cleanliness or putting on something that doesn't look like it was ready for the rag bag before I was born. The second, that I dunno who this guy REALLY is - because he's so intent on making an impression I'll never be able to trust him to stick to what he himself really likes. Apart from that, it's personality; appearance wise, none of the guys I've found attractive have had anything in common.
  5. The Morrigan
    Just be honest and tell her you were going through your buddy list trying to organize it while chatting - and accidently typed in the wrong window. BEFORE she can think that means you don't want to talk to her, apologize for the confusion but say you're kinda glad it happened, because you'd have liked to have messaged here anyway and it took it out of your hands I've lost track of how often I've accidently typed something in the wrong window with too many going - might as well take advantage of it in this case!
  6. The Morrigan
    It' is REALLY good to see you've made it so far and come such a long way - make sure you give yourself credit for not giving up on yourself even if other people around you start taking it for granted!! And yeah, knowing what you've been through can help someone else by offering them a glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel is something else positive to come away with, and something else that can give meaning to the worst times.
  7. The Morrigan
    I'm going to agree with the guys here - see what you can do to arrange a couple days of "me time" and spoil yourself a little here. Nursing is mentally draining as well, so even if you love what you do - you're not getting much recharging done investing what you have on patients. Even if it's just checking into a hotel around the block - or staying home and relaxing, completely relaxing, drag out the bath salts that haven't seen the light of day, make an appointment to get something done with your hair or nails, either yourself or with the girls, grab a couple good books you haven't had the time or energy for, light the scented candles, throw on the comfiest thing you own and curl up with a cup of irish coffee or a hot toddy and just UNWIND a little. Just for a couple days get up when you're ready and not before, and do what suits your energy level, even if it's spending the day in bed with a book and a cup of hot chocolate. Just pamper yourself at your own pace, and do a few nice things for yourself just because you deserve the break!
  8. The Morrigan
    Unfortunately, enadevoli is right. As long as he doesn't want to see it, he's not going to. And more likely than not, pointing out her behavior to him will end up putting him in the position of feeling he has to defend her - the opposite of what you're hoping. I'd say sit back on this one, and just make sure he has a good time when you guys hang out to give him a yardstick for comparison - and wait it out. Have a bit ot faith in him to eventually see through her and be there to support him when he does, instead of putting yourself at odds with her where he might start feeling he has to choose. Accept that for now, she has a hold on him, and keeping him as a friend is more important - when things fall through, he'll need you there, and it'll be a LOT easier to turn to you for support if he doesn't feel you've been "against" her and might say "I told you so," or feel like he was a fool and only he didn't see it. Best of luck!
  9. The Morrigan
    Something else that can help immensely - once a week if possible, you or someone she's close to take the kids to a park, McDs playplace for an ice cream or something cheap but active - and let her have the house to herself for a while to read a book, have a bubble bath, basically kick back WITHOUT needing to worry about hearing "MOOOOOOMMMMMM, he's LOOKING at ME!!!" as soon as she's settled. Everyone needs some true "downtime" to really relax without any pressure from anyone - and it doesn't sound like she gets much of that. I love my kids to death - and there's days I could scream and want to hide because I'd KILL for just a little peace and quiet, not as much now they're older, but when they were younger... oh boy. And there's nothing more romantic than things that really look at and address something you don't know how to ask for for yourself either!
  10. The Morrigan
    Charmed has summed it up quite well. You want her as an equal - not to see you as someone to replace her father as far as trying to control her direction, or just to depend on as a best friend. So far, it seems she's feeling comfortable enough to resume communications without feeling threatened. I'd offer particular support and encouragement to those things she does take action on on her own, honest compliments like "hey, I'm proud of you, I know that's something you've been wanting to do and something I always found attractive in you" that makes it a clear you still see her as an attractive woman without being overpowering and putting her in the position of feeling she's between you and her father. As you've said, you know her well, and that's an advantage, knowing what it means the most to her that's acknowledged about her. It IS hard over the distance - but since you know her, use what you know to make sure there's real meaning behind what you say to her, and what aspects you found attractive that surprised her, or really made an impact. Those things are still there, and if it's something you knew before, she'll know it's genuine coming from you.
  11. The Morrigan
    link removed link removed Read these and you'll notice a LOT of common threads running throughout them. There are a lot of people here who have gone through painful breakups recently who are more than willing to try to offer advice as well, and share their stories and offer support. Take care of yourself, and feel free to ask for support, that's what we're all here for!
  12. The Morrigan
    Nah - only actual penetration will do that, break the hymen, you won't lose your virginity by masturbating unless you use a dildo or something similar.
  13. The Morrigan
    There's also different career paths within each type - for example, counselling can be anything from within a school, to a relgious counselor, or an actual psych in an office - or a social worker handling state cases. Think about things like what age group(s) appeal to you to work with, if you like the thought of focusing on a few people consistently or spreading yourself around, if you want to choose who you assist or have assignments given to you, etc. That might help narrow it down a bit. For example - some people thrive on the high stress social work schedule, others try to spread themselves too thin and burn out quickly because they can't focus the time and effort on each individual they'd prefer to. Some on the other hand like even briefly touching as many as possible and feel they're not doing enough focusing on a few. So think about what environment you'd feel you'd be doing your best in, even consider volunteering in a few places between class schedules to get a feel for the pace and pressure of the different choices, and see what feels right to you. Chances are one will stand out as "the" type of work you'd like to see yourself doing over the others.
  14. The Morrigan
    I have to agree - it sounds like she may be more concerned about being able to say she's in a relationship than really interested in the guys she's in the relationship WITH. And that's not healthy for him at all. He doesn't sound like he's being at all unreasonable, like smothering her, so sounds like he'd be best cutting his losses and finding someone who WILL appreciate him for himself, and not just as a possession or status of being taken. There's plenty of girls out there who would be glad to have a guy who wants to be with them and who will invest themselves into a relationship with him, and he'd be better off with someone who will give him what he deserves.
  15. The Morrigan
    Well, it depends. When I'm depressed, I tend to pull out the melodic DM and some of the more epic BM, some indy, some metal... depends on my mood. Right now it's Dark Tranquility On Your Time neither here nor there in our unity of twine solitary sanity, traded in for life once we crawled into the artificial night all was left and I arrived on your time there in the collision wish answers could arrive was I kept up for this? did the physical emotion break the fall of sleep? I'd never thought of things that you would say could never tell if what you said were lies it's in here eating it's down there drinking be with me, not against me bear with it, love against me I've never known if there was enough time could never tell if it was done just right an icicle thrust to soothe the disorder between the eyes where the well is the deepest and so unease carried words that spoke of no matter was I held here for this? did the path of devotion stay from what you felt? I've never seen things here in this light could never tell it your touch was deeper than skin once I thought that what no time can heal is here in me - but time proved me wrong deeper still toward an outward pride no more lies - I'm here on your time
  16. The Morrigan
    You might also want to talk to him and explain how you react, so it won't spiral out of control where his actions and words constantly alert you to the need to "pull back." If he has a better understanding of what makes you feel pressured and uncomfortable, getting too close for comfort, he'll know to ease up, instead of triggering a panic reaction in him that will generally make him cling tighter. He's not going to know why you're pulling away if you don't tell him what the problem is - if he's open to it, maybe go to some sort of counseling together, where there's a third party as a buffer, since that can be less threatening. Right now it seems part of the trouble you're having is you need more time to adjust to your own feelings than average to be at ease - which is perfectly ok, he needs to understand his pace isn't yours though, and give you time to catch up instead of pressing ahead.
  17. The Morrigan
    I know it's hard, but one of the biggest things to try to remember is when he fell in love with you, you were a whole, complete person, one who wanted to be with him, but still very much yourself. Even in a relationship, you've got to make an effort to maintain that to keep the sparks flying. Think of it this way - you pile too much wood on a fire to try to feed it, it'll get smothered and go out - but you feed it consistently, it'll stay strong. You need to search within yourself and make sure you don't build your world so much around him that "you" cease to exist to keep the relationship healthy and growing. Nurture yourself, your interests, and keep growing as a person - and it will naturally support your relationship, because you'll always be changing a little into something newer and more interesting, and give him more aspects of you to explore and find out about. Having new things to share, and that's the key word, share things about YOU, just like you enjoy finding out things about him - will keep things vital. Get out there and find some new challenges for yourself to share with him, whether it's joining a club for something you're interested in, having a girls night, taking a class, anything that shows him you're still interested in yourself as well as in him. Go for it!
  18. The Morrigan
    Also listen for verbal "cues." If a girl says how great a friend you are constantly - that's usually an indication she wants you to know you're just that, a great friend. So if you hear "Wow, it's great having a guy friend like you" 17 times a day... you're in the friend zone. Firmly. On the other hand, if there's more comments about dating, even seemingly irrelevent ones like "the guys I like never seem to be the ones who actually like me, figures huh?" "I was hoping this guy would ask me out, but oh well, he didn't" etc... you get a lot of those - that's the opposite of a warn off, and is a major hint the door is open to your interest.
  19. The Morrigan
    He's right - at the moment, he's getting all the benefits of a relationship with you, without any committment or strings, where he HAS to put in effort to maintain it. He can come to you as he wishes for what he's missing, and not have any worries about a "relationship" with all the implications on the rest of his time. If you're at ease being his gal when he wants you, and not with any control over what he gives you, that's fine... but as I've said before, this kind of "friends with benefits" arrangement only works when both people are of the same mindset, or someone, the one who is more deeply invested, gets hurt. If he really wants you badly enough to decide maybe a relationship is worthwhile - he's got to have the incentive of losing those benefits first. Right now he has no need to reevaluate, because his needs are being met outside one. Take a step back and ask yourself what you want - and take it from there. Keep in mind even if HE doesn't want to commit in order to have all the benefits of a relationship, there's plenty of guys who would be MORE than willing to make you their one and only. Don't make the mistake of letting him have what he wants only out of fear of losing him, because the way things are now, he has you - but you don't truly have him. Take care of yourself,
  20. The Morrigan
    Honestly - I'd do a little "self exploration" yourself and find out what feels good when you do it - you'll be able to recognize the sensation of coming close to an orgasm after you've had one. You might be coming close when you get that uncontrollable feeling - but it can be hard to let go when it's still unfamiliar. It's pretty unusual to orgasm during intercourse without any other stimulation for a girl, regardless of what porn can lead both guys and girls to believe - so I'd seriously ask around here for some masturbation tips, find out what "works" for you, and then show him - he'll be a lot more appreciative if he knows what you like and knows he can give it to you than if he realizes you're not getting the same level of satisfaction he is. And it'll leave you feeling a whole lot more enthusiastic about sex knowing you can both give each other that level of pleasure.
  21. The Morrigan
    I agree - even put it as "they're gonna talk, let's blow their minds and give them something to talk about - so, how do you feel about movies and popcorn with extra butter?" Doesn't have to be high pressure, but if you're interested, the last thing he's going to want to risk is high profile rejection, so if you've got the guts to ask him, go for it!
  22. The Morrigan
    If you felt you hit it off before that point - get together and talk to her a bit. Could be she's been under the impression it's expected of her to keep a guy's interest, insecurity, or personality - but you won't know unless you ask her about it and make it an "ok" subject to talk about - since it's one that's often kind of touchy early on. I'd approach it something like "hey, I know things ended up a little awkward last time we went out - I wasn't trying to run out on you early, I had to take my kids to church... but I also wanted you to know I don't expect sex as part of a relationship early on to be interested in a girl," and see how she reacts.
  23. The Morrigan
    See if you can talk him into talking to her himself with you there to support him first - even offer to be his "partner" to figure out what he'll say. If there's any way for him to make the call though - he should. Especially if you think he'd be suicidal, anything he can have a degree of control over will benefit him a bit - and listening in isn't going to be easy on either of you. See if you can get him into a mindset where he can talk to her very calmly and non confrontationally and see what's really up before he panics and contributes to whatever she's thinking, and as was said, mostly make it clear you'll be there as support.
  24. The Morrigan
    madcat brings up a very good point. If you're at all hoping it'll have some profound effect, or have any scenario in your head that you'll be breaking the barrier of silence and making an impression - don't do it. There's about 4 basic possibilities that can come out of it - and only one that would make you feel better, or not get more tangled if it's at all, even the littlest bit, in hope of anything happening. Scenario #1: The one you're hoping for, anything from tearful to grateful to receptive "aww thanks for remembering" "I didnt think you'd remember" or "I'm so glad to hear from you." Ok, if that happened - what then? Have you resolved anything? Will you always wonder if they cared enough to get in touch with you first since they did the breaking up? And remember, this is the BEST response you could get! Scenario #2: The lukewarm "thanks for the wishes, hope you're having a nice life, cya." If you have any hopes for the first... you're gonna feel like crap. Total crap. Like what was a big deal to you is brushed aside as dust off his or her boots. Can we say "trampled?" Scenario #3: Completely ignoring your gesture. See #2, same deal. What is a nice thing to you gets ignored and brushed aside - if you wanted any kind of acknowledgement, you will feel like mud. Sludge. Worthless. Sound like a place you want to be? Scenario #4: Anger. While a casual "happy bday" isn't usually met this way - if your ex is oversensitive, or still looking for you to do something possessive? Yep, it CAN happen. And you're not going to feel too great if you're accused of looking for a way "in" or obssessing, especially if you're still questioning yourself for your motives cause you haven't finished healing. The grain of truth can eat away at whatever confidence or healing you've been able to do. Unless you can explore your feelings and honestly say you're only doing it for you, and their reaction doesn't matter one way or the other, your first responsibility has to be to protect your own feelings - you've been through enough, so make absolutely sure it's in YOUR best interests, ok?
  25. The Morrigan
    1: the thing you regret not doing or not doing again Looking into myself a little sooner to see what my own wants and needs really were - and doing something about it. 2: would have you attempted to change but cant My relationship with a few of my friends could probably have been a little better had I been more open to it. 3: something you will prevent or change in the future Doing nothing for fear of change - it's better to take a chance sometimes than watch an opportunity pass by.
×
×
  • Create New...