Genesis

I agree with musicchic. I see so many people write here asking about marital problems. Love does fade over time. I think that is why people go out and have affairs. It is hard to compete with a lustful new and exciting love vs. old settled love. Every time after the affair is over the person always misses and wants to go back to the person they left b/c that is who they really loved, but were blinded by lust. Or the person they ran off with, the love with them begins to fade also over time. I think people are like drug addicts we are always searching for that high, and when our partner is not giving us that high anymore, we move on to the next person, look at Donald Trump, he can not stay with the same woman to save his life. Many people who go and cheat on their spouses, I do not think they feel out of love they are just overcomed by lust and infatuation for this new person. I hear so many people who say after leaving their husband or wife that they regret it,it was not worth it. I posted the same question the other day Love vs. Lust why does Lust always seem to overide our feelings. why does someone who has been in a successful marriage for 30 years, all of a sudden meet a bimbo down the street and think they are in love and must leave their wife, Lust? If Brad Pitt came and knocked on my door after being married for a long time, I would think I was in love too, but I have better sense than that. Love tranforms it is a fact of life. We will always not be as passionate as we were when we first meet. Their will be passionate moments however.

It does not seem that you are over your ex yet. Do not try to rush into a new relationship or dating if you are not ready. I am also 23 and got out of a 4 year thing, and I know it would not be fair to drag someone along when I am not really ready to date yet. I think I will give myself 3 more months. Your fling has only been three weeks most semi relationships fizzle out in 1-3 months. Next time you take a girl out, try to set a certain budget for first time dates. Know that things may not work out, so say only spend $100 or less on a girl during the first month of talking to her. I am a woman and I see it all the time. They will spend a month with a guy let them spend all their money on them and then do a disappearing act. The first month or so should be a getting to know you stage , I say do not spend to much money on a girl unless you make her your girlfriend that is just me. Even then I know girls who will really not like a guy for the first couple of months of being their girlfriend, and only stay with them b/c of the money they spend on them, when the money runs dry they are out of the door. (Sugar Daddy) I have plenty of friends who use men to buy them things and drinks at the bar. I know some men think that buying a girl a lot of things, is what will make them want to continue to date them but it is not. I have lots of friends who have had guys pay for them to get their nails and hair done for like 2 months then dump them. I have girlfriends of mine whose male friends(broke college guys) spent like 50$ every Friday and Saturday night at the bars for months, just to dump them for a better looking guys who are broke. I know for a college student money is hard to come by. My point is keep your money in your pocket and make sure the girl likes you for you and not your money. Gives yourself a couple more months to heal from your breakup, if you are still crying over her then you do not need to be dating. I do not cry over my ex anymore it has been 3 months and I still am not ready to date yet. Go out have fun with your friends, and just be friendly with women you do not need to rush making any one your girlfriend. Also,if you are just starting to date you should not see your date any more than 2 to 3 times a week. This girl saw you everyday so she may be burnt out of you, you seemed needy and on the rebound. Good Luck and do not give up it has only been two months. You have plenty of time to date and find a new girl.

No

I tell it like it is honey. Maybe if you became religious you would have more guidance in you life rather than walking in circles. Religion has nothing to do with dying young or old. The bible says that all things (life events) work and come together for good, through the will of God, this includes death. You are a lost soul/man who may not have any guidance or direction in your life. Religion will help you with your marital problems and help you realize what it is that you are missing in life. Consider reading a bible it has many passages about adultery, temptation, marriage, the role of a father, wife, child, and the role of a family. I do not mean to offend you but, I know what has saved many marriages. Like I told someone else if you want to leave your wife leave her. I see so many people come here and ask for advice, many people give it to them, but it is not what they want to hear. I think many people just come here to try to get support for leaving their spouse but , unfortunately most people get advice on staying together. I hope that If I did not help you that someone will have said something to you that has helped. For my non-religious comment I say just go to couples theraphy and talk to your wife more often about your needs. They say that many marriages fail b/c of a breakdown of communication. When the two of you start to communicate better with each other then, you will have better love making, which strengthens your marriage. I hope that you will consider religion as a sorce to find happiness, and to complete your soul. If you have not given your life to christ , you should consider raising your family with guidelines that will give them strength to overcome weaknesses and to live a life filled with the love of God.

Well just leave him then and pay for the consequences later, it seems as if you want people to tell you to leave, so leave. Your kids will pay and so will you. If your husband is mentally sick and you are about to run off on him then your are not honoring your vows either. Do not think that you are better than him, what you are doing is still wrong and you should know that it still is not acceptable to leave your spouse to go marry someoneelse. I say leave the guy, that is what you want. If your kids are emotionally damaged then, O well it is your choice. If your children grow up having a lack of trust in marriage and family and you, it is your problem.If your boyfriend leaves you three years from now I hope you will still be happy with your choice, b/c there is no guarantee that he will stay with you! Just like you are leaving your husband after 20 yrs. he may leave you too!That is why your boyfriend should not be a factor in your choice and if he is, so be it. But if everything blows up in your face do not say that people did not tell you so. I really hope that if you do leave you do not rush into marriage with anyone. I read many post of people who swear to God they are in love with someone and leave their family to later find out that the person they are with now is 10 times as worse as the spouse they left. Do what you want to do if you can not stay with this guy anymore than leave, but your kids may pay for it.

Do not commit adultery, you just think that you are missing out on something, but alot of men go and have the affair and see that they were not missing anything. They get divorced go and find a young trophy wife and ten years from now she becomes the same woman that they left before. I think you should go to couples bible study at your church if you go to church. The family was not made to be broken up. Read your bible about Lust and temptations they are hard to overcome but they can be. Pay more attention to your wife. I think you are just having a midlife crisis right now. Do not leave your family and your kids you will regrete it. You will be ruining their life just because you can not keep your dick in your pants. Stop making dates with women. Stay away from places where you may meet fast women like bars, clubs. Do not put yourself in the position to stray. Pray and ask God for strength. Make love to your wife more and every thing will be ok.

You are still displeasing to God by commiting adultery. Your boyfriend should not be a factor in your choice to stay with your husband. I say you should work on your marriage. Their are a lot of people living with Bi-polar and Terr. syn. who have successful lives. I know of a NBA star who has Terr. Syn. and lives a pretty normal life. You married your husband for better or worse, how would you feel if your boyfriend left you b/c you were sick. You need to forget about your boyfriend and work on helping your husband out. Go to couples therapy, and he can go for personal therapy too. Go to your church and talk with your pastor, go to couples Bible studies classes. Find something to do that you both like. Do not give up on your marriage you must be strong, if you fall for flattery you will fall for anything.

Well he is not my boyfriend anymore. My ex and I both had a lot of friends of the opposite sex. I do not think there is any thing wrong with that, but I have one question for all of you. Is it ok for a male who has a steady girlfriend to be constantly talking on the phone to a female friend? This friend was someone who he did not know for a very long time, maybe 5-6 months. I could understand if it was a longtime childhood friend. To make a long story short my ex swore up and down that he did not cheat on me, but I did not believe him at all. I stil feel like he is a liar, and he wants me to believe that he never cheated on me when I think that he did. The reason I thought he was cheating was b/c he had missing condoms and all of the phone calls. Do you think he was telling the truth or was he just tring to play me for a fool. For my furture relationships when does having a friend of the opposite sex affect or cross the line into the relationship. Do you think I was really insecure or jealous or do I have a reason to not want my man talking all the time to some strange woman?

Princess, I am sorry to hear that you are so down that , you are thinking of hurting yourself. I think that you are praying for the wrong thing, you should be praying to God to help save your life not take it away. Maybe you should get some depression medication for the time being. God has a plan and purpose for every person in this world, and his plan is not to take your life away. Like all of the many prophets and great men and women of the Bible, they also endured hard times. For example, Elijah a great prophet, also asked God to take his life. Elijah also had many problems he was alone and depressed and life was so unbearable that he felt he could live another day. God did not take his, and If you pray to God to take your life away he will not do it . You should look at Elijahs's life as someone who overcame his problems. If you have not been a very religious person, I would advise you to begin to change your life today. Ask God to help you through your struggles and help ease your pain. No one goes through life without struggle or pain, it is how we react to these problems that determine our well being. I know that you may feel that you friends have abandonded you, but it is better to be without friends, than to be in bad company. I also was at a point like you, however I never wanted to kill my self. My boyfriend dumped me I had no friends in my city and I was all alone. I prayed to God to help me and without him I could not have made it. My life has changed 100%, I have NEW friends and a new joy filled life with God. If you are in school, you should try to find organizations to join. Apply for college and financal aide if you need it. Try to do well in school and stay focused on getting good grades. Or get your GED if you have not completed high school. Try to do something to bring purpose to your life. You can also meet new people by attending church, and Sunday school. Every church should have a Sunday school class with people who are in your age group. Find new friends who are supportive and genuine. The most important thing you should do is give your life to Christ. If you are not baptized, you should get baptized, and ask to be forgiven of all of your sins. Do not live your life as a person without direction or faith. God loves you and you are so special to him. The Bible says if your parents forsake you then God will be your father. If your parents do not support you or encourage you, get your love and support from God. Read your Bible , if you do not own a bible you can buy a cheap one at the Dollar Store. The best Bible to buy however is the Life Applications Bible. This Bible gives you advice to any , and I mean any problem you are having. The LA Bible explains things in modern English so if you do not understand the King James version, this is the best one to buy. Do not kill youself , there is no coming back from that. I do not know what happens to people who kill themselves but if you want to go to heaven, you may not go there if you kill youself. Start by going to church, reading your bible, and if you have cable, instead of crying all the time find a sermon to watch on tv (TBN) or (ISNP). Do not backslide and start to hang out with people who are on drugs or who are bad influences on your life. Work on building yourself up. The only person you must love is yourself, all you need to make through hard times is you and God! If your friends and family forsake you then God will be by your side. The Bible is full of stories of people who have been forsaken by their family. Read the stories of Elijah, Jonah, Paul, Joseph, and many other great people in the bible. These people have struggled through some of the same feelings you are going through now. Joseph's brothers sold him into slavery and many years later they where at Joseph's feet begging for food b/c he became king. His family sold him out and he trusted in God and was able to overcome his problems and in addition be rewared for his efforts! The stories of the bible can be looked at as a guide to help you in your life because many of these people experienced the same problems that we deal with today. Do not kill yourself, you have so many things to be thankful for. You may not see it now, but at least you have a roof over your head and food to eat. I hope that you will update us all on your progress. You can PM me if you would like. Good Luck and God Bless

The way he acted in the beginning of your relationship was uncalled for. I think this is why you do not trust him. This relationship causes you a lot of stress. I felt the same thing with my ex. The only thing I can tell you is to read your self help books. If he wants to cheat on you and leave you he will, there is nothing you can do to stop him. Try not to place so much of your self esteem into your relationship. I think that if you found other things to do, you would do yourself and your boyfriend a favor. Judging by his past behavior, he seems like he wants to play the field. Girls will try to steal your man, but it also his choice to respond to their advances. If he is not strong enough to resist temptation, then maybe you should reconsider a relationship with him. Men like that are fickle and if you marry him he may leave you with 10 kids. If he is doing nothing wrong now,you should not worry about him, but for the most part when people are really insecure, sometimes their may be a valid reason for it. This is your gut telling you that something is wrong. Give him a chance to prove himself to you, keep your insecure thoughts to yourself if you stress him out to much he will want to leave you.

Do not worry just let things be. Maybe you two should just be friends.

SHe does not trust you and trust is what makes or breaks relationships. You should send her a sincere letter telling her how you feel that is not to desperate or needy. Tell her you wil respect what ever decision she makes. After that it is her choice on what to do. Send her flowers, write once a month but do not beg. Say something like I just wanted you to know that I am thinking of you. Give her space she will wonder what you are doing and give you a call.

Just be friends and see where it goes from there.

No, but it would not hurt to go anyway. I hope things are better for you now, it looks like you are seeking out help, that is the 1st start. Good Luck and God Bless

You do not look like a monster to me! You have nice eyes. You also seem to be nice and charming! Working out is a great thing to do it gives you energy and gets rid of stress. Well a good way to meet people on campus at my school is to sign up for organizations and volunteer groups. I went to UA where there are all kinds of people there you just need to find out which organization has the most members that have the same interest as you. Also, I am sure you can sign up to be in the SGA or you can be an RA. They meet a lot of people. You can join a club in your major. I was in three clubs in school where I meet many new people. When you find a couple of guy friends, you guys can go to the games and bars and meet new people too . Be friendly to everyone you know, and you may meet a nice girl. You never know,someone may have a friend to hook you up with. Do not worry about not having a girlfriend right now, she will come when you least expect it!

You envy him thats all. The feelings will pass try not to hang out where he is in the future.

1. When marriage is mentioned all of a sudden they have to spend less time with you 2. They are not interested in sex as much 3. They start stupid fights with you 4. They try to flirt with other women to stroke their ego 5. They avoid you altogether 6. they become distant, cold , and less affectionate

I wondered the same thing when my ex cheated on me. I think people just are mostly doing what they think makes them feel good about themselves. I do not think that those words cross their mind until they have already disrespected their partners. Like I said in my earlier post, people are chasing after that new euphoric feeling. They think that they are in love with this new person to only realize that it was lust. So they do not care about hurting you. They are in love they have forgotten about you and your relationship. When they have nothing to distract them anymore, they begin to soul search and think about their actions. This is when the guilt comes in, they feel like shit b/c they know that they were not loyal, honest, or trust worthy. They feel as if you must forgive them so they can move on but, things always have a way of catching back up with them. They experience the saddness they caused you and have regret. People are selfish and will do what they want to do. It is our job to look past the superficial qualities( looks, personality- most people are nice when you get to know them , but who are they really) in someone and find a person who possesses character and morals.

Cheer up things will get better. You can work on they way you look on the inside and out. People seem to enjoy personality rather than looks.

My ex said the same thing to me when we broke up. He said The only reason I could not get over my other ex was b/c he was my best friend? Well my ex I guess did not make me his best friend, so for myself the only thing I can tell you is to be your own best friend forget about him. That is what I am trying to do, He does not want me in his life as a girlfriend but as a friend, I am not his best friend and really not his friend anymore. It hurts to much to talk with him, it is like I do not know him anymore. So I do not talk to him, he contacts me but I only return his messages b/c I think it is rude to ignore people. Never make you B/F your best friend in the future. Always have a girlfriend to back you up when your relationship fails. I went through the same feelings , we were best friends but things just change, my ex's can not even look me in face now b/c they know how much pain they have put me through, just so they could go out and satisfy their sexual needs from someone else. You have to stop thinking of him as your best friend and think of him as your ex. This is my 2nd major break up and both times I felt like I gave more to the relationship than I was willing to lose. We were high school sweethearts broke up after almost 4 years. Then I broke up with my college boyfriend 4 years relationship. I am in a new place in my life it is hard but you have to stop thinking of him as your best friend. If one of your girlfriends betrayed you would you not find a new best friend? So now you have to do the same thing find a new best friend but find one who will be there for you always.

Love vs. Lust What do you think the difference is? It is strange when someone thinks they are in love, but find out that is really just lust. 1.Can we really trust our feelings, and how do we know when we are in love? 2. Do relationships fail b/c that fresh new feeling dies? Is that why people leave to find that new in love feeling. 3. How do people stay married for so many years b/c love does change? I see so many people who just give up their lives to find that feeling of being newly in love. I think people do not know what love really is these days. When people leave their families to be with someone else, most of them end up breaking up anyway. Why are we always chasing a feeling that only occurs in the beginning of relationship?

I find that talking to my friends helps, but people get tired of talking about your ex all the time. That is one reason I like to come here and give advice and also get advice for my self too. I find that helping others also helps me in a way. I do not think my ex is still with the same girl he was talking to when we broke up. I think he just wanted to be single and mingle! Thanks everyone, I just wish somethings did not remind me of him. I know there is nothing wrong with me, but it makes you feel like "why me? whats wrong with me"? All of these feelings have come up b/c he as contacted me 4-5 times last week. I think he feels really guilty about lying and breaking my heart.

You have to change before it is too late!! I did the exact same thing expect myB/F was cheating on me. I felt so bad about myself and we would fight all the time it was bad. The best thing for you to do is move out on your own and set up times of when to see him 2-3 times a week give him space he is burned out from you right now. At least your ex is trying to work things out, my ex just cheated on me and blamed everything on me. You need to find strength to not be so dependent on him. Set a time each day for you to do something nice for yourself like going for a walk, visiting a friend, reading a book. You need to take the pressure off of him and your relationship. If you back off he will start to treat you like he use to. If he does not , at least you had the time to reconnect with yourself. The mistake I learned from my past is never let a man validate who you are, and also never give him more than you are willing to lose. It looks like you have lost alot already your friends your selfesteem, your peace of mind. Tell him that you relize that you have been quite emotional lately and then give him space, if he really loves you he will try to win you back. If this relationship has fizzled out at least you can walk away with dignity and pride and not some needy loser.

You should find a girl who likes you for you not your cell phone. Trust me I know plenty of folks whose cell phone bill is so high they wished they did not have a cell phone! Call your sweetie on your house phone, you sound young so you should not need to be calling a girl up when you are in school , and if you live in the same city, then you can just call from your house. Trust me I come from the old school and If a girl likes you she will talk to you anyway she can. Do not get a cell phone just to impress some girls. If you do not have a job and can not pay for a cell phone bill, or your parents do not want you to have a phone then do not get one. My cousins have a prepaid phone. They are just like the other cell phones you just have to buy the minutes. You do not have to pay a monthly fee just pay for the calling card minutes. The phones cost about $75-$99 and the cards cost $20.00 for like 150 minutes, when you run out of minute you do not have to worry about paying monthly bills or running over your minutes. When some one asks you if you have a cell phone say with confidence no I do not have one, look them right in the eye there is no reason to be ashamed and you should not lie b/c they will want to call you and then what what you say?

I am pretty strong person, but I can not help thinking about my ex somtimes. Why is he writing me when he knows that we will never be more than friends , and it bothers me to hear from him , but at the same time I do want to hear from him. I logically know that we are like oil and water and do not mix, so why do I think about him so much? I think b/c there is this song by Tamia called "Officially Missing You" and this song makes me think of him. What is wrong with me, why am I thinking about him when I do not want him b/c of the way he treated me. He is lazy and can not get out of college. He has been in school for almost 8 years. He smokes and drinks and has so many other unflattering qualities. I do not think he would make a good husband or be a good provider. I still miss him, but know that I have lost feelings and respect for him. I just do not know how someone can have that type of effect over you. I do not have it as bad as most people, but there are times when I do day dream about him. I just can not get over some one just loving you one day and the next have no feelings for you. Why do people just fall out of love?