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About Me

Mod Notes

  1. Just got this idea for a fiction book. It would be nothing but a list of all the opening messages that the main character, a man, has sent to different women over a 33-year period on a (fictitious) online dating site. No responses are printed (after all; there are never any; this is online dating The main character has, in fact, begun to use these messages as a sort of anonymous journal with very short entries. But each one is addressed to someone's username and makes references to something in her profile (thereby providing some humorous references to the kinds of things people on online dating sites tend to write in their profiles), and ends with a "confident" ending like "Write me back! Look forward to hearing from you." As the book progresses, the guy goes through different "phases" as to the kinds of messages he writes. Sometimes he goes through negative phases and writes insulting messages to people over a period of several weeks. Sometimes he flips the other way and tries to "win them over with kindness". He's always sort of trying to elicit a response, but at the same time knows it will never come and lets loose with the occasional deep personal tidbit. As he tries to be "spontaneous" in his messages, he will naturally mention various things presently going on in his life. The reader can learn about his backstory, interests, family events, triumphs and tragedies; etc. You will see him go through personal phases, life phases and changes of interests. For example, at one point you will realize that he has caught a serious disease, because he starts to include a sentence in all his messages like "In the spirit of honesty, I should inform you that I have cancer, but my doctor believes there is a likely chance that I can beat this. Here's hoping". In future messages you will find out the progression and end result of his struggle against the disease. Of course, over a 33-year period, there will be many changes to the dating website itself: new features, new search mechanisms, some of which he likes and some which he doesn't. You'll find out about them by reading his messages (e.g. "Please respond via email; I have an older computer which does not work with this site's brainwave thing - and I don't think that's real communication anyway.") - or something more realistic. What do you think?
  2. My friend has just been diagnosed with this crippling disease. I feel so bad and helpless b/c I cant do anything Her medication are injections of inteferon. OMG...I feel so sad. Does anyone have any knowledge of this disease/know anyone? I will be researching it online. Thanks...
  3. I just moved to a new apartment last week. It's nice, but the move was very stressful, because I had to do it all on my own (packing, supervising the movers, unpacking and making all of the requisite arrangements). Even though we talk regularly, my ex-boyfriend refused to help me that day; his stepfather took his place, but only ended up having time to give me a ride from my old apartment to my new one, which was not much help at all - he was nice to me, but he didn't even get out of the car. It was so much easier when I moved 2 years ago, because my then-boyfriend helped a lot. After the adrenaline from the move wore off and I finally was able to relax, I ended up getting sick right before I was supposed to go back to work. Even worse, at the same time, my 6-1/2 year old cat (who I adopted in January 2005 right after my bad breakup and love to bits) got very ill. She vomited about 20 times in 24 hours, so I took an extra day off work on Tuesday to take her to the vet. They ended up admitting her to the hospital for 3 days to do tests, X-rays and an ultrasound and to hook her up to an IV because she was so dehydrated. It cost me a fortune ($1600), but I love her. So, I've been going to work since Wednesday with a very bad cold and fever, hacking away (my boss knows that I'm very sick and about my cat, but doesn't even offer to help with my workload - all she does is review my work and come in late every day). Then, I found out yesterday that my cat has chronic renal disease, which is kidney failure. While it is not immediately fatal, she will eventually die from it. The disease can be managed with a special vet prescribed kidney diet, but I have no idea how long she'll live. It's just so depressing, because she's been the only positive "light" in my life since the break up, and now I might lose her at any time, too. I took her home from the hospital last night. She's OK so far and was hungry this morning, but I'm worried like crazy. I don't know how much more stress and bad stuff happening I can take and have no idea how to deal with this. I'm desperately trying not to cry while I'm typing this (I'm at work) and I have to draft yet another motion. Why can't anything good ever happen?
  4. I suddenly started feeling nauseous about an hour ago. It's not severe nausea, more like motion sickness.. but I haven't done anything that would cause nausea. I've just been sitting in my room, studying. I've completely lost my appetite, even though usually I'd be hungry around this time. I looked up a list of possible causes for nausea, and the most likely one is PMS. The only problem is that I've never had nausea as a symptom before. I've also been under a lot of stress lately.. could it be that? It couldn't be a viral disease or something, could it? (Meningitis was on the list of possible diseases.. I'm slightly worried.) And I'm definitely not pregnant, by the way. Also, is there any way to get rid of nausea? I can't concentrate on anything.
  5. A few recent threads have led me to write about this. I cannot believe how unreliable these things are. In my experience, they have broken on me and fallen off more times than they haven't. This is with different partners too. I've had sex over 500 times all up (5 different partners). Isn't it amazing that this flimsy piece of latex is supposed to protect you from life threatening diseases. I really hope that an STD pill is developed sometime in the near future. Condoms are terrible. If it weren't for the MAP and birth control pills, I'd probably have 4 kids by now. In case you are wondering...abstinence is not an option for me.
  6. Right now I am dealing with irrational fears that I've had all of my life. My big thing is disease. My fears of disease are sometimes maddening. I don't allow them to overwhelm me, but they are very much apart of my life(and have been since a young age). I'm always scared of getting skin cancer, multiple sclerosis, HIV, and Parkinson's disease. Everytime I see an unfamiliar spot on my body or suffer a nervous twitch my mind immediately pans to the most catastrophic worst case scenario. Recently, about a month ago, I was bitten by a mosquito. Well, about a week later I started getting a fever and sneezing. I immediately thought the mosquito had given me malaria. I know it sounds so stupid but my mind goes there. I went to the doctor and he told gave me a check up and said that I didn't have malaria... Even more recently I went to the movies(To see Pirates of The Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest), and it was packed with people. Long story short I was sitting there, almost the entire time, wondering if all of the people in the theatre were infecting my body with diseases. I had to take a few deep breaths and remind myself that what I was thinking was irrational. I think about my own mortality and disease so much. At the present time I talk to my therapist about it...And he told me that it is going to take sometime for me to conquer this... But as it is I hate feeling this way. I, literally, walk around with a bottle of hand sanitizer. I am afraid that this might make it hard for me to be in a relationship due to my germaphobia...Like I have no problem with being close to someone; kissing, hugging, and possibly further; but AFTER the fact my mind starts thinking, "Oh my god, did I contract HIV or some other disease?" I hate feeling this way. I've been on some prescription medication for it, but I went off them(because I hate the side effects)...And lately, I've been doing better. However, somedays, I will be more afraid than others. Can hypochondria be defeated? I hope so. I just needed to share.
  7. Hi everyone. I've just come home from my boyfriend's place after storming out after a long argument. My boyfriend of 7 months has HepC, which he contracted when he got a blood transfusion after a childhood accident. I've known about it almost from the beginning and I thought I was okay with it. He seemed concerned about it and considerate of my fears about it. I've done my share of reading on how transmissable HepC is, and from what I've read, it's rarely sexually tranmissable. However, it is advised to avoid sharing razors and toothbrushes. Tonight we ended up sharing a toothbrush I went to use my toothbrush and put it in my mouth and realized it was already wet, so I asked him if he used it and he said yes! He said he was tired and didn't notice. That would be alright if he'd just said, "I'm sorry. It won't happen again", but when he saw that I was concerned, he told me I was overreacting and that there isn't any risk despite what I've read (he's a health professional himself, but heck, I'm a scientific researcher). I felt so angry that he was acting as though it were no big deal and especially when he said I was being a hypochondriac. I feel that because he has HepC, we both need to do whatever we can to minimize the risks of transmitting it, and because he seems to think it won't ever happen, he seems to be acting carelessly about it. I don't know... I just feel upset. Shouldn't he care about my health as well? Now I know the chances of me getting it just from sharing a toothbrush once are slim, but I just feel frustrated that he's not taking his ailment seriously. It's a chronic disease and he doesn't take very good care of himself. When I met him, he was exercising regularly and eating well, but later I found out that he smokes (which is hard for me to deal with as well), and since being together, he's stopped exercising completely and isn't eating healthily at all. Being health conscious and taking care of one's body is really important to me, and because he has Hep C, I feel it's even more important for him to keep himself in the best shape possible. If we were together for the long time, I'd want him to be around and healthy till we were old. I know part of his lack of exercise is due to him having less time because of our relationship... but still... I don't know... I think I'm just conflicted because our values with respect to our health are different. I think it's smart to avoid all the risks if possible, while he's so cavalier about it. I asked if he'd used my toothbrush before, and he said he didn't know but possibly... he said that because he doesn't think I will get HepC that way, he doesn't really notice! Am I over-reacting? I love him and I want to be together, but I need his agreement that we'll do whatever we can to avoid spreading the disease. I don't want to get this disease. I feel like we can't be on the same page until he acknowledges the risks, which he won't right now. Sigh... help.
  8. A lot has been added to this but I will give the short version: MURDERED BY A LOVED ONE. (This is something I wrote shortly after you broke up with me) My body and my brain may still be living, for I am alive on the outside. It is the inside where I am dead. It is my soul, which was crushed, and my heart, which was ripped out of my chest by the love of my life, that are dead. I am a living, breathing, hollow body. I am not about to get into details, for they are too painful. But how would you feel if your future wife told you she doesn't love you and it seems as though she never did for she is willing to give up so quickly and throw in the towel before fighting the real battle that has been lingering around and destroying us for a long time. She just thought she could "make it work"? I will leave you with my new view/philosophy on life. "Happiness is only achieved in death!" I say this for myself. Until I am dead, there will only be pain. It is not in God's will to let me be happy. Do not misunderstand this! I am not suicidal! I have only opened my eyes to the bigger picture. As I finish this, I leave this to my beautiful ex-wife. You broke my heart more than you can imagine. You made a fool out of me for the past few months by not telling me your true feelings. But despite all of this, I still love you and will always love you. Because when you truly love someone, you never stop loving them. I wish you the best and pray that you find someone to love and that makes you happy. I am just infinitly sorry that you couldn't see that the man to do so is me, I was just misguided along the path of who I am by a disease that will remain with me until the day that I am dead. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- This is no poem, nor a story, that was something I wrote the day after we broke up, and is how I have felt for awhile, so many things run through my mind every day about what I should have done, I should have been a man and told you how I felt about contracting this the entire time, I thought I was being a man by not telling you and not hurting you over it when the real truth is that I was being a little boy, for a man wouldn't hold these things back from the woman he loves, a man would have come out with it all and gambled on acceptance. I thought for the longest time that talking about this all the time would have only made you depressed as well, but I now see that talking to you about it and healing over a vast period of time would have only made us so much stronger in the long run. I have a very hard time understanding some things you say when I talk to you nowadays Melanie, you say things like "I just cannot put the pieces back together anymore", I for the life of me cannot see how you can just walk out on the man you love over such minor things, things that were very much caused by the * * * *ing virus itself, I don't know how you can say that you walked out for such reasons as "I just wasn't feeling it anymore because you critisized me, gave me a big stink when I hung out with guys, and wern't happy with me hanging out with my ex, not only that byt you always seemed depressed and never wanted to go out, which made it seem like we didn't share the same interests or have anything in common." I have already told you this before but I have real explinations for all of the questions and concerns you have relating to these things, such as, I didn't want you hanging out with guys or your ex in fear of somebody sweeping you off your feet and losing you, and facing the fear of being alone for the rest of my life, which I am now living in a reality. Of course I didn't want to go out or be myself and have fun when herpes was running through my mind EVERYDAY of my life and shredding all hope and making ribbons out of my brain and soul, why can't you understand that? Why can't you understand that I am finally ready to start coming out of this prison and ready to heal? How can you possibly put a "time limit" on when I was ready to face this disease and get better? How can you put a time limit on love? I know now that you might question the authenticity on things I tell you, maybe even on if I really love you or not, well you don't need to, because I do, and I havent stopped since I told you, I would do anything, ANYTHING, to prove to you, I would sink to your terms, I would have an airplane write your name in the sky, I would tattoo your name into my back, I would put your life before mine without question, I even feel this way after all the bitterness that has happened, you calling me a "stalker" or making a mockery out of me in front of your friends, really Mel, whats it going to be? Do you want to even be friends or do you just feel guilty because I got herpes so you feel somewhat responsable to talk to me "when you get a free moment". Is Herpes the only reason you havent shed me out of your life completely? I know these words might sounds ruthless and cruel, but I need to know the truth, and it hurts s badly to even have to question them, you say that I am "lucky" that you are still talking to me, kind of funny huh? I am lucky? I can remember you saying that we would be together forever and even on the off chance that we wern't we would always remain close friends, so how am I just now "Lucky" to be talking to you? You think you are the only one that got hurt or had to suffer? I critizised you and made a stink for some of the * * * * you did, and you are hurt, I understand, but what about me, do I get to hurt? When I compare things that you were getting depressed over, to the things I had to think about everyday, the plague that was consuming my mind, I wonder if you even realize how much pain I went through, and I will forever wonder why you would never want to help me heal over this and even CONSIDER giving it a go after I have made progress with it, you know, you can say no up and down in this time of hate and confusion, but I will always lay awake at night and hope for different, because I know the man that you fell in love with exists behind this cloud of depression, so how can you say that you loved the man you met so dearly, the man you wanted to spend your life with and make a family with, how can you say you wouldn't want to try again in the future? And why? What is it? Is it a pride issue? For one I would never judge you in ANY way. Is it an issue of your friends embedding hatred and negativity twords me? Sooner or later your own feelings will catch up if thats the case, and I am not saying they ARE, but I am saying if they have any kind of influance over you because of how I was, they don't know what they are talking about because there is no way for them to understand how painful this disease has been on my life, and the person is has caused me to be these past months, they can voice in on the outside but they cannot even begin to have any idea what it was like inside, now can they understand the kind of love I have for you. It runs through my head a million times a day..."Sorry Johnny, I want to be with you btu I already gave you enough chances, we have broken up like 4 or 5 times and I just can't put the pieces back together again"... And that upsets me for then you know, we boke up for all the wrong reasons, for all the wrong things, and I don't think you want to believe it yourself becaue you think that getting back to me would just lead to more hurt, and it WOULDN'T, I knowI spoonfed you bull * * * * to get back with you in the ast, not because I felt like I had to lie, but because I needed a little more time to finally come out with this disease and other things I have told you about, you knew damn well it was eating me up and now that I am ready to come out with it all and be the man you wanted you are going to throw in the towel? How are you going to do that with love? You say you are going to go out and find a guy who will love you for you and accept your disease, well that man was ME, it just got sidetracked because in my own mind I was never supposed to get herpes, I was never supposed to go through all of this, but it happened and has hurt me so much, and now that I want to heal and spend my life making you happy you would rather just hit the resetbutton and try to find someone that you can already have. You are forgetting the little things, IF a man can get past the initial horror of this disease, how many of them do you think will stick around to have to wash themselves every time after fooling around, how many guys do you think are going to want to go through staring at their private area every time they go to the bathroom or every time they get intimate and wonder in terror, I WAS strong enough to do that, and I was STRONG ENOUGH to finally start coming out with all of this to a woman I love unconditionaly, but Melanie, you just won't have it will you? Maybe you feel liek you were used so your pride won't allow it, maybe you feel like I am just bull * * * *ting you, maybe you feel like things will go good for a little while then just result back to hurt, well they WON'T, why can't you understand that I am being true to you in all of this? It like what do I HAVE TO DO TO GET YOU TO realize I am being true, do I have to end my own life to show you I am geniine? You know damn well I would do anything in my power to prove it to you. You know, maybe you don't have a good insight on me anymore because these past few weeks I have been coming at you like a pathetic heartbroken puppy, but it isin't the heartbreak that is causing it, it is the confusion over a lot of things, and I can only pray that you do not judge me for the things I have done since the split. I have watched you evolve so much, from a heartbroken depressed, stressed girl who had nothing, no car, no job, and a handful of friends who walked out on her, to a beautiful woman who has a car, a job, and friends who are there for her again, I just wish you could make a little time for the man who lived through it all with you, but it just doesn't seem like you can or want to anymore, its almost like we have switched places, isin't it? When I met you, you were shattered over this disease and many other things and I was the only one there to hold you and talk things out with you, now I am the one you were about 2 years ago and you won't barely give me the time of day, I know you work alot but if you really wanted to be there for me you could easily make time, even if it's only an hour of coming over to hang out with me or whatever. I don't know if you remember because it was so long ago, but I wrote you a poem, I dug up the poem and changed the words a little, but this poem I wrote has more meaning then ever..... "Name blocked, when I think of her I feel love and pain, It kills me to think we came this far only in vein, how could I have let her slip away? She was such a loving dane, how could I have let this disease get to my brain? I wish I had showed you how much you were loved and needed but I now realize where I failed. I wish you could see in me, your dreams come true, but you do not. I wish you still loved me, but you do not. I wish you were able to forgive me for my failing, but you cannot �� I wish..." This poem reflects so many things and has so much meaning to how far we have gotten and where we are now, I wish you could understand a lot of things I am trying to tell you, and its not even that I don't think you understand, I think you are too hurt to want to accept them, and I guess all I can do is pray everynight that one day time will heal your pain, so that you can see that the guy I am and how much you mean to me is not something you are going to be able to find around the corner, and I also know that I have written you so many things that they probably don't even have meaning anymore, but if I have ever spoken truer words, a lot of them are in this very letter, so please take everything said in here to the very bottom of your delicate heart. Now, I havent really spoken to you much lately, just little bits and pieces, * * * *, you may already have another boyfriend, maybe some guy you had been talking to before you even broke up with me and ultimately decided that he would be better, I wouldn't know, I am not saying that is the case but I just cant figure you out, I cannot figure out how 1 week you say you love me more ten anything on this earth hen the next just bag me and throw me away like I don't exist then all of a sudden be too "busy" to even talk to me for a couple of minutes or even see me in the flesh, but I hope if it was anything like that you would have the guts to tell me, I mean, you are NEVER home when I call you, even late night after you drop your mom off from work, I havent called very much at all but the few times I do you are never to be around Now as for being friends, I don't understand how you can be so objective to hanging out yet, I mean you were the DUMPER, I was the DUMPEE, I am on the reciving line, so how can it possibly so hard for you to see me if I am not in your life anymore? Shouldn't it be easier or shouldn't it somehow make you happier that we arent together and somehow be easy to just chill with me as a friend now? I don't know much of it or what to make of it but it sounds like you still do love me and you still do have feelings for me and you don't want to see me in person because you are afraid of what might happen, of course I could be wrong but I am just trying to make something of it all. I am sorry if anything in this letter sounded harsh but please understand that getting everything out will only make our friendship stronger because everythng being gotten out wll save any drama or hurt in the future of a good friendship, so please don't downlook me for spilling out my guts to you, believe it or not I actually have so much more to say, I could probably write a damn novel on it, but it's probably better to get it all little by little, you even said so yourself, so I am going to end this now and hopefully talk to you later. - Johnny
  9. Does anyone here have crohn's disease or know someone who has it? Just wondering!
  10. First off, I'm looking for posts by guys who have been able to kick this disease to the curb, but ladies please chime in as well. I'm 26, recently moved into a city, and I'm having trouble getting girls to stay interested... I'm determined that I have Nice Guy syndrome (and I can't believe there aren't more threads about this on this forum!). Please help! I have learned that looks aren't really that imporant to girls... sure, maybe initally, but that changes depending on how they size you up. To elaborate on my example, girls often do double-takes with me and ask their friends who I am. I make a good living so $$$ isn't the issue. I've nailed down the Nice Guy issue becuase I think women expect me to be an from my appearance, then when I'm all "gentlemanly" with them they totally lose interest. I'm often told that I'm nothing like people expect... my best guess is that I come off as mysterious, but once I make a move or open my mouth that whole persona is chattered. My question is... how do you kick the habit!?!?!? The first things that come to mind are walking up to girls and grabbing their asses (in essense to be more of a jerk)... but it's clear to me that isn't the right solution. Is it true that if I don't show interest she will be captivated? IF that's the case, then how do you ask girls out? I mean, isn't that showing interest? Did I just kill the vibe? How do you ask a girl out without being sweet about it? So confused. HELP!!! - Nemo
  11. Doesn't it just put you in your place? Isn't it incredible the way love puts us all back in our places? How it humbles us and resets our perspective on life? We've come along way the last 6 million years - from caves to communities, through thousands of years of philosophical evolution, building bridges, laying roads, overcoming obstacles our ancestors could never even concieve of. We've landing on the moon for christ's sake! We've split the bloody atom! We've turned the spotlight of science on the universe and the only thing more incredible than what we saw then was what we saw when we turned that spotlight back on ourselves. In the next 50 years we face threat of extinction at the hands of our own doing, and we're coming to terms with the fact that unless we play guardian to other species on the planet, they'll simply cease to exist - and even more phenomenal, we're beggining to embrace that responsibility. We've consistently overcome every obstacle in our path - disease, ignorance, war... we've even overtaken biological evolution, controlling our very genetics and refusing to accept death without a fight. We're not perfect, but we're close. Thanks to the combined development of human understanding within a single person's life we've elavated ourselves to such dizzy heights our humble past is but a spec on the horizon. And yet... despite all of this, there's one relic of our past that still defies us, the one relic that we consciously, willingly submit to. Love is the product of psychological defense mechanisms programmed by genetics and expressed through hormones and behavioural reactions with the ultimate aim of proliferating an individuals genetics into the next generation, preserving the species. There's no mystery, it simply exists because without it, we wouldn't exist in the first place. There's nothing divine about why we are attracted to one another, you can't pick your partner with a quadratic equation. We fall in love in the same way the first human's did as they stepped out onto the African plains. Which is why that's our mark. Our birthmark. No matter where we go or who we meet in the future, we carry that relic with pride because there's nothing that represents our species more than that. We may never unlock the final secrets of the universe before our sun burns out and our species is snuffed out, but that's alright, because I love you.
  12. This was a prose poetry assignment we had to do for my English class. It's set up the way it is because that was the format we were assigned to write it in. Just because I'm gay It doesn't mean that I have some sort of contagious disease Or that you're going to "catch" it from hanging around me too much, Or that I'm trying to "recruit" you for anything, And I don't have a crush on every girl I talk to. Just because I'm gay It doesn't mean that I'm not human, too, Or that I don't have feelings, Or that it doesn't hurt when people tell me I'm going to hell. And I'm not trying to destroy the sanctity of marriage. Just because I'm gay It doesn't mean that I "chose" to be this way Or that my parents didn't raise me like they should have Or that I'm some kind of freak. And I don't want to be tolerated; I want to be accepted- Just for who I am. (By the way, I am actually a girl if the last line of the first stanza doesn't seem to make sense. I'm using "gay" as a general term referring to homosexuality, not just males.)
  13. Hello, I need some advice, I had sex with a girl twice about a week ago and she just informed me that she had genital herpes. I was furious to say the least. However, I used protection both times but I am reading that you can still get the disease even if you are protected. I have not had any symptoms but I am still scared. I get really tired but I am 99.9% sure that it is due to me being depressed about the notion of having the disease. I went to the doctor and they told me just to wait it out. Any advice on what I should do.
  14. im an 18 year old male who was in an accident and needed a root canal on one front tooth and implant on the other front tooth and a root canal on the next tooth to that. All three will eventually be crowned. I came accross information on a number of different websites (cant post urls) but a clip is here. (There are charts i found that display the following information as well). "Of equal interest is the relationship of root filled teeth to traditional Chinese medicine and body energies. All teeth are linked to the body via acupuncture meridians and having a root filled tooth, a large amalgam filling, a crown, or anything that is not compatible with the body, on a meridian may set up an interference field, blocking or altering the energy flow ( the chi ') passing through this meridian and cause a disease in an organ or body function remote from the tooth. For example a front upper incisor is on the Kidney/ Bladder meridians and having a root treated tooth here may cause gynecological problems, kidney problems, impotence, and sterility if you follow a Chinese medicine theme. These teeth also relate to spinal segments and joints, the front incisor relates to the coccyx and posterior knee and to L2, L3, S3, and 6." also will the crowns look okay assuming my dentist is qualified? thanks a lot
  15. How much do you think beauty and health are interrelated? I've read several articles that make the point that true beauty is merely healthy...clear skin indicates vigor and the lack of disease, muscles and strength, curves and vital fertility... However, there are some things that are obviously not healthy yet considered beautiful...some cultures force women to have rings that stretch their necks, some cultures stretch out their earlobes and lips, our culture encourages us to shave, pluck, be underweight, and wear high heels. Then there are the examples from history where very overweight women were considered beautiful. Or when corsets actually squished women's intestines out of place. I've recently lost about five lbs and feel healthier...I feel healthy. I weigh 148. So what weight would you think is actually healthy? The BMI? Are you sure its not culturally influenced? Just want to hear some ideas...
  16. Hello, I'm a long time reader of this forum and have enjoyed all of the insightful posts that I have read over the years. My whole life I have been shy and it wasn't until recently that I began developing some self-confidence. As I struggled with confidence issues over the years, I promised myself that if I ever overcame those issues I would do whatever I could to help others who went through the hell that I endured. I tried everything in websites, books, etc, all in an effort to "overcome" shyness. Frankly, it disgusts me that shyness is perpetrated as a disease within society and the media. Sadly, the media portrays self-confidence as being directly tied to an out-going or extroverted personality type. Shyness is NOT a disease and is NOT something that has to be suppressed or overcome in order to fit into the cookie cutter dimensions of society. At least 50% of the world's population are shy to varying degrees. Why should shy people feel inadequate or unhappy when we are in fact the majority? Now, what I am suggesting may not work for everyone, but it definitely worked for me when nothing else did. Like many of you I tried "easing" my self into being outgoing, little by little each day. But in my opinion, this sets you up for greater failure. Constantly trying to alter myself in an attempt to gain confidence only made me more miserable. It felt as though for every step I was taking forward I would end up taking two steps back because I still had no clue about who I was as a person. Here are some simple steps I took to embrace my shyness. 1. ACCEPT AND EMBRACE YOUR INDIVIDUALITY/SHYNESS Your shy. So what? Over half the population is shy, so who cares? Not everyone is outgoing, just like not everyone is good at sports/music/math/writing etc. Another big thing for me is admitting, almost revelling, in my shyness. For some reason, society views shyness as a character flaw or something that one should be ashamed of. Instead of making up excuses as to why you don't want to go to the bar on a specific night or why you didn't ask someone out, just admit your shyness. What's the worse that can happen? Most of the time, the person that you divulge your shyness to will actually admit their own social inadequacies. Oddly enough, this is incredibly liberating because your not hiding behind anything anymore. And as I know, shy people tend to put up a lot of barriers in order to protect themselves. Interestingly, admiting your weaknesses almost makes them a point of strength. 2. GET RID OF DEPENDENCIES, GET ADDICTED TO YOURSELF. My God that's corny! Anyhoo, as I shy person I tend to get addicted to things very easily. Alcohol was a big problem for me. I would drink myself silly in order to feel more outgoing and confident. As it escalated, I would self-medicate my depression or nerves with alcohol at an ever-increasing rate until I broke down. I actually was less sure of myself and less aware of who I was then ever before. To discover yourself, you have to get rid of your crutches and walk alone. Instead of alcohol or drugs, find hobbies that genuinely make you happy. If you enjoy sports/music/dance/videogames etc., make a serious effort to find time for these activities. You are a great, talented, and unique individual. Just because you don't have excellent social skills or don't particularly enjoy social situations doesn't mean that your useless. Social skills are simply that, skills. They are no different from playing guitar, painting, or fixing cars. You wouldn't cast yourself off as being useless or unworthy of life because you weren't good at math, would you? 3. LOOK YOUR BEST/FEEL YOUR BEST Maximize your confidence buy getting nice clothes, haircut, etc. Go to the gym and try to eat a healthier diet that will boost your energy levels. You are important. You are the best. You may not be perfect but you have a lot of skills that others are envious of. If you are confident in and embrace your shyness then it doesn't matter what others think because you know and accept your limitations and what makes you human. I hope this helps others who are struggling with confidence.
  17. I was just wondering if anyone know any doctor I can contact which knows about AIDS/HIV kind of diseases and such. I have a theory I'd like to discuss with a professional, but since I might be WAY off (but haven't found anything yet that could prove me wrong on the Internet), I wouldn't very much like to make a fool out of myself in front of someone in real life (happened to me sometimes). //C.E.
  18. My partner and I have been best friends since we were kids, more than twenty years, and a couple for five years. Yes, we were a little slow on the uptake. We lived together as roommates for years before we realized we were in love as a couple, rather than just loving each other as friends. Six years ago, a year before we became a couple, I got sick with a serious auto-immune disease. I can no longer work, and my only income is Social Security Disability. My partner works full time. A couple of months ago, we decided I should try an experimental treatment of high dose chemotherapy to try to put the disease in remission. I badly want to go back to work. My partner hates her job, and would much rather be the stay at home housewife. The chemo made me extremely sick, and emotionally I was a wreck. My brain chemistry was badly thrown off, to the point where I couldn't stand to be alone and was nearly suicidal. She works 12 hour shifts and sleeps most of the day. I finally suggested I go to stay with my retired parents for a while, and she encouraged it. I'm back home now, my parents drove me back here and stayed a few days. My partner got very angry that they stayed during her weekend, saying that she wanted to be alone with me and that she wanted our bedroom back (we give them our bedroom when they visit). Still feeling insecure and scared of being alone, I was reluctant to let them leave, knowing she would go back to work and I would be alone again. When I didn't tell them they should leave, smy partner got very angry with me and called me selfish, self centered, and accused me of using her. I have never wanted to be a burden to her, and until now, she has always assured me that I wasn't. I am in shock, incredibly hurt and angry. I don't know how to get past this. She's the love of my life and my soulmate, but I don't know if I can forgive such hurtful words. If she thinks I'm such a bad person, how can we be together? Believe it or not, this is the incredibly short version. But can you give me some advice? Singing Wolf
  19. This might be off topic or whatever but im just really confused. I heard about all these BMI calculators and waist-hip ratio things through my doctors office and that they can supposedly tell you if you are healthy, overweight/underweight, etc. So I went to a few of these calculators online and got similar resulults at each one. But I dont understand at all. For my BMI I got within 18.6-19.5.(depended on the calculator) which is on the lower end but still healthy. Being 5'5" and about 114 pounds I thought I was in okay shape.. but then I checked my waist to hip ratio and i got the "apple shape" It said that I am likely obese and am at high risk of heart disease etc. I'm so confused.. what does this mean? should I lose weight? How do you change that ratio? I have 25 inch waist and 32 inch hips... is it possible to change that? Am I really obese? Ahh sorry about all the nonsense above but i have no idea what to do. Do any of you guys know about this stuff? Please help!
  20. why is it that everythime you tell someone that your gay, they usually talk about how i should be careful about diseases. lol i had no idea that "straight" people were immuned to them. it just kind of bugs me how people just jump to that
  21. I really am. I worry about unreasonable things -- things that are so freaking unlikely, but I get so freaked out. I hooked up with a guy tonight, though I wasn't planning on it...I went down on him not because I really wanted to, but because I know he wanted it...in any event, I was so scared I got a disease or something I couldn't even really talk to him after...luckily I was able to talk to my friend and he told me how unlikely it is I would have gotten something, but without that, I would have dwelled. Before I started on my meds, I dwelled on a similar experience for a full year...day in and day out I worried!!! Enter Antidepressants...I stopped worrying so much about things... But, the thing is, I'm not sure if that affected my interest in being sexual (in any sense, including kissing) with anyone after...because I feel I may have just shut myself off from it all. I'm playing my own therapist here, I really don't know... Am I equating any form of sexual encounter with bad times making me not want to start, or be involved once involved, in any form of sexual-type encounter? I wish I understood myself...
  22. I really like these 5 stories I found on a different forum on the net. Thought it might be useful to remind people of the happier side of life 1 - First Important Lesson - Cleaning Lady. During my second month of college, our professor gave us a pop quiz. I was a conscientious student and had breezed through the questions until I read the last one: "What is the first name of the woman who cleans the school?" Surely this was some kind of joke. I had seen the cleaning woman several times. She was tall, dark-haired and in her 50s, but how would I know her name? I handed in my paper, leaving the last question blank. Just before class ended, one student asked if the last question would count toward our quiz grade. "Absolutely," said the professor. "In your careers, you will meet many people. All are significant. They deserve your attention and care, even if all you do is smile and say "hello." I've never forgotten that lesson. I also learned her name was Dorothy. 2. - Second Important Lesson - Pickup in the Rain One night, at11:30 p.m., an older African American woman was standing on the side of an Alabama highway trying to endure a lashing rainstorm. Her car had broken down and she desperately needed a ride. Soaking wet, she decided to flag down the next car. A young white man stopped to help her, generally unheard of in those conflict-filled 1960s. The man took her to safety, helped her get assistance, and put her into a taxicab. She seemed to be in a big hurry, but wrote down his address and thanked him. Seven days went by and a knock came on the man's door. To his surprise, a giant console color TV was delivered to his home. A special note was attached.. It read: "Thank you so much for assisting me on the highway the other night. The rain drenched not only my clothes, but also my spirits. Then you came along. Because of you, I was able to make it to my dying husband's bedside just before he passed away... God bless you for helping me and unselfishly serving others." Sincerely, Mrs. Nat King Cole. 3 - Third Important Lesson - Always remember those who serve. In the days when an ice cream sundae cost much less, a 10-year-old boy entered a hotel coffee shop and sat at a table. A waitress put a glass of water in front of him. "How much is an ice cream sundae?" he asked. "Fifty cents," replied the waitress. The little boy pulled is hand out of his pocket and studied the coins in it. "Well, how much is a plain dish of ice cream?" he inquired. By now more people were waiting for a table and the waitress was growing impatient. "Thirty-five cents," she brusquely replied. The little boy again counted his coins. "I'll have the plain ice cream," he said. The waitress brought the ice cream, put the bill on the table and walked away. The boy finished the ice cream, paid the cashier and left. When the waitress came back, she began to cry as she wiped down the table. There, placed neatly beside the empty dish, were two nickels and five pennies.. You see, he couldn't have the sundae, because he had to have enough left to leave her a tip. 4 - Fourth Important Lesson. - The obstacle in Our Path. In ancient times, a King had a boulder placed on a roadway. Then he hid himself and watched to see if anyone would remove the huge rock. Some of the king's wealthiest merchants and courtiers came by and simply walked around it. Many loudly blamed the King for not keeping the roads clear, but none did anything about getting the stone out of the way. Then a peasant came along carrying a load of vegetables. Upon approaching the boulder, the peasant laid down his burden and tried to move the stone to the side of the road. After much pushing and straining, he finally succeeded. After the peasant picked up his load of vegetables, he noticed a purse lying in the road where the boulder had been. The purse contained many gold coins and a note from the King indicating that the gold was for the person who removed the boulder from the roadway. The peasant learned what many of us never understand! Every obstacle presents an opportunity to improve our condition. 5 - Fifth Important Lesson - Giving When it Counts... Many years ago, when I worked as a volunteer at a hospital, I got to know a little girl named Liz who was suffering from a rare & serious disease. Her only chance of recovery appeared to be a blood transfusion from her 5-year old brother, who had miraculously survived the same disease and had developed the antibodies needed to combat the illness. The doctor explained the situation to her little brother, and asked the little boy if he would be willing to give his blood to his sister. I saw him hesitate for only a moment before taking a deep breath and saying, "Yes I'll do it if it will save her." As the transfusion progressed, he lay in bed next to his sister and smiled, as we all did, seeing the color returning to her cheek. Then his face grew pale and his smile faded. He looked up at the doctor and asked with a trembling voice, "Will I start to die right away". Being young, the little boy had misunderstood the doctor; he thought he was going to have to give his sister all of his blood in order to save her.
  23. Hello everyone, I just wanted to tell you about the great success I have had with St. John's wort for my depression. (Uh, like a bladder wort plant, not the wart on your third grade teacher's nose.) It is sold over the counter, and can be found in almost any drug store and even grocery stores. It is an all natural herbal supplement, and apparently has few side effects. (I was worried about liver disease, but apparently, it is okay.) Also, it is relatively inexspensive. It takes about a week for it to build up in your system, but it sure works for me, and is kind of like taking a "happy" pill. (Geez, what a relief to finally be able to go around and be happy again.) Now, I don't want you to think that it turns you into a giddy zombie or something. (Well, maybe a little giddy.) I have tried prescription anti-depressants with mixed results. (And many of those have horrendous side effects.) Well, that's about it. (Also, I wanted to mention that this website has been very helpful as well.)
  24. Rocky by Jeffrey2095 I was strolling through our town the other day, when to my great astonishment, I was addressed by a talking stone. "Why, you're a talking stone!" I marveled. He scrunched up his face. "Call me "Rocky", or "Mr. Rock". Nobody ever stops to think that a rock is entitled to a little dignity!" "Hmm, I guess even a rock is due a little respect... we want to be fair. Say Mr. Rock, I saw a program on television the other day, that pointed out that all the heavy elements here on Earth, were created in the middle of stars. In fact, it said that you and I are composed of many of the same ingredients." "Just add water, ha ha." "Very funny. So, what do you do with yourself Rocky, got any hobbies?" "No, I just sit on this rock pile, watching the seasons slowly turn." "Well, how long have you been doing this?" "Oh, about 4.5 billion years; it's very depressing. All I have now, is a view of that tree stump. Why, 7000 years ago I had a view of a nice pond. Then, I accidentally fell down the hill and have been stuck here ever since." "Yes, I guess things would tend to get a bit "samey"." "Well, you don't see any remote control to change the picture with, do you! Still, I don't complain much." "Well, cheer up Rocky; why, you have no idea of the things we humans must endure. You don't have to worry about death, or taxes, or disease, or crime, or hunger, or poverty... in some ways, you have it made my friend!" "You mean you wanna' trade places with me?" What is the meaning of life? Why did God make us? Well, maybe because it was simply worth doing. After all, who wants a universe full of rocks alone? Wouldn't things tend to get a bit "samey"? Peace be with you! If you like this, please share it with a friend. Thank you!
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