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About Me

  1. Hello everyone my name is Stacy Mihalek from Columbia, Tennessee, i am a 24 year old male that has basically relapsed more than once from drugs and alcohol... I am writing this so hopefully i can help you with your addiction or you even give me advice. But i been 30 days clean from some pretty intensive outpatient treatment which is going GREAT! I admit i have had a few beers but nothing really serious or concern. But thats why im here to talk to you. All addictions lead to one thing. The addiction that leads you into the wrong direction. If your addicted to pot, and for people who think its a joke when you hear it leads into heavier things. Trust me it does! never take life for granted or emotions. Because life is to great to just throw away. This addiction has led me into DUI's, ratting my own friends out... which has been a good thing cause it has saved many lives. But i dont want to get into that right now. It has led me into financial, emotional, physical and almost departure from this world. I have a girlfriend who is also a relapsed user. Which i am trying to understand how a couple who both uses can survive being clean for the rest of there life. But its all about ME right now and for her... she will have to wait, which she understands because i have explained it more than once that i cant dwell on her sobriety to keep me clean, vicaverca. It is really tough going through life knowing you have a disease that is way more powerful than any other (even life threatning) diseases out there. Its a life long journey to sobriety and im welling to take every step it takes to become happy and physically healthy. But i just want to let everyone know that overcoming this isnt easy. Always keep your head high and give it the best shot you can. If for some reason you feel concern about your own relapse or dont feel good at all. Give me a message i will be more than gladly to talk. I have learned alot over the years through rehabs, counseling, and friends to know that this isnt the way you should feel or the road you should take. Take care all of my friends and whatever you do....... BE GOOD!!!
  2. First off, let me tell you that my boyfriend and I are both virgins, and neither of us have any diseases. We've both been checked just to make sure. Anyway, My boyfriend just told me about a tiny bump he has on his scrotum. I haven't seen it yet, but he says its about the size of a pea, and hurts like hell to touch it. Its on the inside of his scrotum, but not on his testicles. It's attached to his scrotum skin from the inside and it pokes towards the outside almost like a pimple would be, however it doesnt have a white center or anything. He tried popping it, to see if it was a pimple, but it didn't pop and only caused him some pain. He said its been there for a couple weeks. He is going to make an appointment with the Dr, I just wanted to know if anyone else experienced this before?
  3. After worrying where she was at 3 in the morning I called her. She didn't answer. We'd been living together for 3 years and I instinctivly knew things weren't right. When she did answer she told me she was nearly home. I heard a car pull up on a road just before ours. I saw the headlights. I saw them go out. I knew. I went outside and saw her sitting in a car with another guy. I flipped. I hit him. She denies any wrong doing and says she had been sitting talking to him for three or four hours and she was drunk. Since then, it transcribes she has contracted genital herpes. She blames this on the fact that I get the occasional cold sore. It has been about three weeks since the incident... about the same time that people normally contract the disease. I've split up with her, I'm moving out this weekend. I love her and miss her badly. Am I wrong to break up or am I being stupid for thinking that maybe things weren't what they seemed. Someone help.
  4. Alright, I should explain this as thoroughly as possible. What I want is all different sorts of advice on the subject as well. This is a little deep, so only respond if you can pay attention. There was this girl I worked with, who was a social leper. Always angry, pissy responses, typical immaturity. Typical teenage angst. Angst because she couldn't socialize very well, Im thinking? But I had music interests in common with her. She had a stuttering problem, so as usual with everyone, I was friendly. I wasn't interested in this girl except as to wanting to be a friend, there was no attraction. Well I was nice to this girl until she decided to leave somewhere, military. Bootcamp. I asked her recruiter if I could write her a letter, my intent was to ask about bootcamp experience. She knew I was going to the same place. I have since told the military to go to hell & filed my DEP seperation form. Now Im in college. Anyway.. Well after I told them that, she came back in her 5th week (there are 8 weeks), dropping out or was kicked out, of bootcamp. When she came back, she told everyone at work that I am STALKING her. This social leper seems to be very serious? I had really thought I wasn't on this girl's nerves; I was always friendly, and everyone at work (I've settled the matter) knows I have a girlfriend. I don't mean to be arrogant, but Im on a higher level than that. Everyone now knows I only wanted to ask about bootcamp experience too. As usual, nobody at work likes the girl because of her attitude. But this nutty girl still doesn't know, Im thinking word will get to her? But what Im asking is: Should I settle the matter with this closed person myself, and if so, how exactly should I word it? How can I settle this matter to a person who tends to ignore everything I say & immaturely hides behind things & knocks things over almost LEAPING out of the way when Im walking by as if I had a disease. LoL. I don't mean to have the girl act so scared either. I didn't think she was retarded, only had the stuttering problem, but? hmm Aye, people can be nuts.. Advice anyone? I need ADVICE.
  5. Hey everyone! check out some of the strangest phobias exsisting today! ablutophobia-fear of washing or bathing albuminurophobia-fear of kidney disease bathophobia-fear of depth bibliophobia-fear of books aphenphosphobia- fear of being touched catagelophobia-fear of being ridiculed cenophobia-fear of new things or ideas chirophobia-fear of hands chronophobia-fear of time coprophobia-fear of feces clinophobia-fear of going to bed ecophobia-fear of going home emetophobia-fear of vomiting dikephobia-fear of justice dendrophobia-fear of trees dextrophibia-fear of things on the right side of the body genuphobia-fear of knees geumaphobia-fear of taste graphophobia-fear of handwriting gynephobia-fear of women hendonophobia-fear of feeling pleasure homichphobia-fear of fog kymophobia-fear of waves ligyrophobia-fear of loud noises if you would like more id be glad to post them, these are some of the interesting ones!
  6. Hey there folks... I was just wondering... How many of you have heard of Osgood-Schlatters, and / or Servers Disease? Becuase I have them both, and in both legs / ankles... Osgood-Schlatters Disease, (OSD), is a disease in which too much physical activity on the thighs and calfs in pre-teen to teenage years causes inflamation of the tibia, (main knee joint), and a bump to form on your bone, slightly below the tibia, or kneecap. I also have Servers Disease, and it's the same thing, it's just that this is caused when your feet and calfs have too much activity, and these lump forms on the achilles tendon. Both are painful, and nomally last for 9 - 12 months... If you have heard of it, do you know anyone who has it? Have you ever had it? Do you currently have it? Please respond...
  7. It seems like every couple I see use cell phones to communicate. I feel that owning and using one is like a prerequisite to being in a relationship. The stats say that almost 50 % (shocked that the percent is this low..I thought it was much higher, and that is reason for my concern below) of Americans own cell phones, but I would guess that the percent is higher for those between 20 and 40...and probably even higher for those in relationships (?). Given all that, how important is owning and using a cell phone in getting a maintaining a pretty girl and how much will not using a cell phone work against me in getting and maintaing a girl (and friends for that matter)? Here is why I ask: I use to use a cell phone all the time, but I quit about a year ago because I became concerned about their possible bad effects (the RF emissions near your body) on human health. Of course, they say that there's no proof that they are harmful to humans, but that sounds kinda vague and misleading to me. Cigerattes were probably similarly regarded for a long time and some people weren't convinced that there was an association between they're use and disease. Anyway, I'm not as concerned about occasionally missing out on social events or conversations because I don't have one ( I'm not into long conversations on the phone anyway). My main concern is what pepole will think of me and regard me because of my attitude toward cell phone safety. I'm not the type that would tell someone not to use one, but I just concerned that if they ask me why I don't use mine except in emergenices, and I tell them the real reason why, that they'll think I'm a nut. Also, I don't want a girl who would otherwise like me, to dislike because of my attitude about cellphones, or have it ruin a relationsihp. So, more questions: Is there anyway I can maintain my attitude toward still cell phones and still have people accept me without or will I just have to start using one? If any women read this, how would your feelings about a guy change once you found out that he didn't use a cell phones for my reason? Finally, I've thought about lying about why I don't use one or just making some technical rebuttals if someone bugs me about it. I would hate to lie about such a stupid thing, especially because I run the risk of eventually saying a contradiction, which would look really bad.
  8. I wrote this last night, no thinking really, just every thought that came into my head. read and comment if you will... At night I can't sleep bc my mind won't stop. All day I can't think bc everything I do is wrong. I am afraid of myself. I ache for my depression to stay; who I am outside of it is selfish, stupid and cruel. I am my own addiction and my own disease. I don't know what to do or say and I don't know how to act. Every word and action feels fake, even my voice seems like someone elses. I only want to please them all, to be who they want, and I'm drowning in confusion. I need them to survive, but they are suffocating me. I feel like there's nothing important enough to live for, so I feel so restless. I do everything I can to fill up this time, but still I feel like I'm dying without something. It grows more every day, this searching feeling, like I am looking for something and quickly running out of TIME. I look for it in every person, in every voice I listen for it. But I don't know what I'm looking for. I must be going insane. I feel like I am eating myself alive. -EmptySoul
  9. after everything i've learned, i made a mistake. i did have unprotected sex last week. i am on the pill, so pregnancy wasnt a concern.. but disease obviously is. my question, and please dont lecture me on the risks of this, i know, but my question is, if he didn't "finish", am i still at risk for hiv? i know that other stds can be transmitted just by the contact, but i dont know about that one. please help me.
  10. Hi, I'm a new member here. I guess I'll give a little intro of myself. I'm 18 and am posting in this particular forum for obvious reasons. It's amazing I've actually not killed myself yet. In elementary school, I was always alone and wanted desperately to die. I started starving myself way back then. I still starve myself. The first time I tried to kill myself I was 15 in Germany on a foreign exchange trip. I tried to overdose but just ended up passing out. Last time I seriously attempted was 2 years ago. I tried to starve my body to death. I went several days with no water or food and was simultaneously working out every day. I'm not sure why it didn't work because I honestly don't remember what happened. A little over a year ago I met this "great guy" and was quite happy ... for a little while. It was only a few months before my depression came back. Then, I found out this guy wasn't as great as I had thought. We're no longer an item, but because of that, I'm in terrible shape. He was the only person I could talk to. I have no friends at all. I make small talk with people at work, but that's the closest thing I have to an actual friendship ... actually any sort of relationship whatsoever. I don't really care about anything anymore. I dropped out of college because there's not really a future to plan for. The only reason I still have a job is to be able to afford my car -- my haven -- which is now inoperable anyway. Life at home ... well, let's not really get into that one. I'll just say it has always sucked, currently sucks, and will only continue to suck. That's why my car is my haven. I don't even really care about my appearance anymore either. I showered for the first time today in I think 4 days. I've gone over a week before. Disgusting, isn't it? I only look good enough to get by at work. I say anything that pops into my head without hesitation (i.e. I ran into my former best friend from high school, and at the end of a short conversation, she said "See you around maybe!" and I said "You may have to look in the obituaries." Even I was shocked I said that out loud.). I spend money like there is no tomorrow. It seems like I either don't sleep at all or I spend twice as much time sleeping than being awake. I have no real interests unless counting calories is considered an interest. I am no longer a person; I am a body of diseases. I would very much like to die. I know no one is going to tell me to just get it over with or how to get the job done. I suppose I just want the attention. How selfish of me. -- the anorexic, lonely, and depressed leftovers of me
  11. Just got this idea for a fiction book. It would be nothing but a list of all the opening messages that the main character, a man, has sent to different women over a 33-year period on a (fictitious) online dating site. No responses are printed (after all; there are never any; this is online dating The main character has, in fact, begun to use these messages as a sort of anonymous journal with very short entries. But each one is addressed to someone's username and makes references to something in her profile (thereby providing some humorous references to the kinds of things people on online dating sites tend to write in their profiles), and ends with a "confident" ending like "Write me back! Look forward to hearing from you." As the book progresses, the guy goes through different "phases" as to the kinds of messages he writes. Sometimes he goes through negative phases and writes insulting messages to people over a period of several weeks. Sometimes he flips the other way and tries to "win them over with kindness". He's always sort of trying to elicit a response, but at the same time knows it will never come and lets loose with the occasional deep personal tidbit. As he tries to be "spontaneous" in his messages, he will naturally mention various things presently going on in his life. The reader can learn about his backstory, interests, family events, triumphs and tragedies; etc. You will see him go through personal phases, life phases and changes of interests. For example, at one point you will realize that he has caught a serious disease, because he starts to include a sentence in all his messages like "In the spirit of honesty, I should inform you that I have cancer, but my doctor believes there is a likely chance that I can beat this. Here's hoping". In future messages you will find out the progression and end result of his struggle against the disease. Of course, over a 33-year period, there will be many changes to the dating website itself: new features, new search mechanisms, some of which he likes and some which he doesn't. You'll find out about them by reading his messages (e.g. "Please respond via email; I have an older computer which does not work with this site's brainwave thing - and I don't think that's real communication anyway.") - or something more realistic. What do you think?
  12. My senior cat, Shay ,needs to have all four canine teeth removed. He has stomatitis caused by an auto immune disease. Basically he is allergic to plaque that forms on teeth and his teeth themselves. It has a pretty hefty price tag of $2000. So in November is going to have all his four canines removed. 😢
  13. Hello everyone, I just wanted to tell you about the great success I have had with St. John's wort for my depression. (Uh, like a bladder wort plant, not the wart on your third grade teacher's nose.) It is sold over the counter, and can be found in almost any drug store and even grocery stores. It is an all natural herbal supplement, and apparently has few side effects. (I was worried about liver disease, but apparently, it is okay.) Also, it is relatively inexspensive. It takes about a week for it to build up in your system, but it sure works for me, and is kind of like taking a "happy" pill. (Geez, what a relief to finally be able to go around and be happy again.) Now, I don't want you to think that it turns you into a giddy zombie or something. (Well, maybe a little giddy.) I have tried prescription anti-depressants with mixed results. (And many of those have horrendous side effects.) Well, that's about it. (Also, I wanted to mention that this website has been very helpful as well.)
  14. im an 18 year old male who was in an accident and needed a root canal on one front tooth and implant on the other front tooth and a root canal on the next tooth to that. All three will eventually be crowned. I came accross information on a number of different websites (cant post urls) but a clip is here. (There are charts i found that display the following information as well). "Of equal interest is the relationship of root filled teeth to traditional Chinese medicine and body energies. All teeth are linked to the body via acupuncture meridians and having a root filled tooth, a large amalgam filling, a crown, or anything that is not compatible with the body, on a meridian may set up an interference field, blocking or altering the energy flow ( the chi ') passing through this meridian and cause a disease in an organ or body function remote from the tooth. For example a front upper incisor is on the Kidney/ Bladder meridians and having a root treated tooth here may cause gynecological problems, kidney problems, impotence, and sterility if you follow a Chinese medicine theme. These teeth also relate to spinal segments and joints, the front incisor relates to the coccyx and posterior knee and to L2, L3, S3, and 6." also will the crowns look okay assuming my dentist is qualified? thanks a lot
  15. Hello, I'm a long time reader of this forum and have enjoyed all of the insightful posts that I have read over the years. My whole life I have been shy and it wasn't until recently that I began developing some self-confidence. As I struggled with confidence issues over the years, I promised myself that if I ever overcame those issues I would do whatever I could to help others who went through the hell that I endured. I tried everything in websites, books, etc, all in an effort to "overcome" shyness. Frankly, it disgusts me that shyness is perpetrated as a disease within society and the media. Sadly, the media portrays self-confidence as being directly tied to an out-going or extroverted personality type. Shyness is NOT a disease and is NOT something that has to be suppressed or overcome in order to fit into the cookie cutter dimensions of society. At least 50% of the world's population are shy to varying degrees. Why should shy people feel inadequate or unhappy when we are in fact the majority? Now, what I am suggesting may not work for everyone, but it definitely worked for me when nothing else did. Like many of you I tried "easing" my self into being outgoing, little by little each day. But in my opinion, this sets you up for greater failure. Constantly trying to alter myself in an attempt to gain confidence only made me more miserable. It felt as though for every step I was taking forward I would end up taking two steps back because I still had no clue about who I was as a person. Here are some simple steps I took to embrace my shyness. 1. ACCEPT AND EMBRACE YOUR INDIVIDUALITY/SHYNESS Your shy. So what? Over half the population is shy, so who cares? Not everyone is outgoing, just like not everyone is good at sports/music/math/writing etc. Another big thing for me is admitting, almost revelling, in my shyness. For some reason, society views shyness as a character flaw or something that one should be ashamed of. Instead of making up excuses as to why you don't want to go to the bar on a specific night or why you didn't ask someone out, just admit your shyness. What's the worse that can happen? Most of the time, the person that you divulge your shyness to will actually admit their own social inadequacies. Oddly enough, this is incredibly liberating because your not hiding behind anything anymore. And as I know, shy people tend to put up a lot of barriers in order to protect themselves. Interestingly, admiting your weaknesses almost makes them a point of strength. 2. GET RID OF DEPENDENCIES, GET ADDICTED TO YOURSELF. My God that's corny! Anyhoo, as I shy person I tend to get addicted to things very easily. Alcohol was a big problem for me. I would drink myself silly in order to feel more outgoing and confident. As it escalated, I would self-medicate my depression or nerves with alcohol at an ever-increasing rate until I broke down. I actually was less sure of myself and less aware of who I was then ever before. To discover yourself, you have to get rid of your crutches and walk alone. Instead of alcohol or drugs, find hobbies that genuinely make you happy. If you enjoy sports/music/dance/videogames etc., make a serious effort to find time for these activities. You are a great, talented, and unique individual. Just because you don't have excellent social skills or don't particularly enjoy social situations doesn't mean that your useless. Social skills are simply that, skills. They are no different from playing guitar, painting, or fixing cars. You wouldn't cast yourself off as being useless or unworthy of life because you weren't good at math, would you? 3. LOOK YOUR BEST/FEEL YOUR BEST Maximize your confidence buy getting nice clothes, haircut, etc. Go to the gym and try to eat a healthier diet that will boost your energy levels. You are important. You are the best. You may not be perfect but you have a lot of skills that others are envious of. If you are confident in and embrace your shyness then it doesn't matter what others think because you know and accept your limitations and what makes you human. I hope this helps others who are struggling with confidence.
  16. Hey EVeryone...again...lol Basically...i got sick for a week very bad that i needed to be put on morphine than got sick again the next week and had to be put on it again... my colon is inflammed and they think that i might have chrones disease....they found it REALLY WEIRD that i havent had my period in 3 years because of the birth control shot... now I dont know how the doctor didnt know that sometimes it does that already...but he hinted to me to get off it because I might be bleeding inside... i have no idea to tell you the truth...but BESIDES all this stuff thats going on... I just got off the shot about a month ago ... my hairs falling out WAY MORE than it use to...i mean i can make a WIG out of it by the end of the week...and my breasts are soo tender.... can anyone tell me if there are side affects when you GET OFF the shot... or anything about this situation im in... is it normal? is it not normal?
  17. A few recent threads have led me to write about this. I cannot believe how unreliable these things are. In my experience, they have broken on me and fallen off more times than they haven't. This is with different partners too. I've had sex over 500 times all up (5 different partners). Isn't it amazing that this flimsy piece of latex is supposed to protect you from life threatening diseases. I really hope that an STD pill is developed sometime in the near future. Condoms are terrible. If it weren't for the MAP and birth control pills, I'd probably have 4 kids by now. In case you are wondering...abstinence is not an option for me.
  18. A lot has been added to this but I will give the short version: MURDERED BY A LOVED ONE. (This is something I wrote shortly after you broke up with me) My body and my brain may still be living, for I am alive on the outside. It is the inside where I am dead. It is my soul, which was crushed, and my heart, which was ripped out of my chest by the love of my life, that are dead. I am a living, breathing, hollow body. I am not about to get into details, for they are too painful. But how would you feel if your future wife told you she doesn't love you and it seems as though she never did for she is willing to give up so quickly and throw in the towel before fighting the real battle that has been lingering around and destroying us for a long time. She just thought she could "make it work"? I will leave you with my new view/philosophy on life. "Happiness is only achieved in death!" I say this for myself. Until I am dead, there will only be pain. It is not in God's will to let me be happy. Do not misunderstand this! I am not suicidal! I have only opened my eyes to the bigger picture. As I finish this, I leave this to my beautiful ex-wife. You broke my heart more than you can imagine. You made a fool out of me for the past few months by not telling me your true feelings. But despite all of this, I still love you and will always love you. Because when you truly love someone, you never stop loving them. I wish you the best and pray that you find someone to love and that makes you happy. I am just infinitly sorry that you couldn't see that the man to do so is me, I was just misguided along the path of who I am by a disease that will remain with me until the day that I am dead. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- This is no poem, nor a story, that was something I wrote the day after we broke up, and is how I have felt for awhile, so many things run through my mind every day about what I should have done, I should have been a man and told you how I felt about contracting this the entire time, I thought I was being a man by not telling you and not hurting you over it when the real truth is that I was being a little boy, for a man wouldn't hold these things back from the woman he loves, a man would have come out with it all and gambled on acceptance. I thought for the longest time that talking about this all the time would have only made you depressed as well, but I now see that talking to you about it and healing over a vast period of time would have only made us so much stronger in the long run. I have a very hard time understanding some things you say when I talk to you nowadays Melanie, you say things like "I just cannot put the pieces back together anymore", I for the life of me cannot see how you can just walk out on the man you love over such minor things, things that were very much caused by the * * * *ing virus itself, I don't know how you can say that you walked out for such reasons as "I just wasn't feeling it anymore because you critisized me, gave me a big stink when I hung out with guys, and wern't happy with me hanging out with my ex, not only that byt you always seemed depressed and never wanted to go out, which made it seem like we didn't share the same interests or have anything in common." I have already told you this before but I have real explinations for all of the questions and concerns you have relating to these things, such as, I didn't want you hanging out with guys or your ex in fear of somebody sweeping you off your feet and losing you, and facing the fear of being alone for the rest of my life, which I am now living in a reality. Of course I didn't want to go out or be myself and have fun when herpes was running through my mind EVERYDAY of my life and shredding all hope and making ribbons out of my brain and soul, why can't you understand that? Why can't you understand that I am finally ready to start coming out of this prison and ready to heal? How can you possibly put a "time limit" on when I was ready to face this disease and get better? How can you put a time limit on love? I know now that you might question the authenticity on things I tell you, maybe even on if I really love you or not, well you don't need to, because I do, and I havent stopped since I told you, I would do anything, ANYTHING, to prove to you, I would sink to your terms, I would have an airplane write your name in the sky, I would tattoo your name into my back, I would put your life before mine without question, I even feel this way after all the bitterness that has happened, you calling me a "stalker" or making a mockery out of me in front of your friends, really Mel, whats it going to be? Do you want to even be friends or do you just feel guilty because I got herpes so you feel somewhat responsable to talk to me "when you get a free moment". Is Herpes the only reason you havent shed me out of your life completely? I know these words might sounds ruthless and cruel, but I need to know the truth, and it hurts s badly to even have to question them, you say that I am "lucky" that you are still talking to me, kind of funny huh? I am lucky? I can remember you saying that we would be together forever and even on the off chance that we wern't we would always remain close friends, so how am I just now "Lucky" to be talking to you? You think you are the only one that got hurt or had to suffer? I critizised you and made a stink for some of the * * * * you did, and you are hurt, I understand, but what about me, do I get to hurt? When I compare things that you were getting depressed over, to the things I had to think about everyday, the plague that was consuming my mind, I wonder if you even realize how much pain I went through, and I will forever wonder why you would never want to help me heal over this and even CONSIDER giving it a go after I have made progress with it, you know, you can say no up and down in this time of hate and confusion, but I will always lay awake at night and hope for different, because I know the man that you fell in love with exists behind this cloud of depression, so how can you say that you loved the man you met so dearly, the man you wanted to spend your life with and make a family with, how can you say you wouldn't want to try again in the future? And why? What is it? Is it a pride issue? For one I would never judge you in ANY way. Is it an issue of your friends embedding hatred and negativity twords me? Sooner or later your own feelings will catch up if thats the case, and I am not saying they ARE, but I am saying if they have any kind of influance over you because of how I was, they don't know what they are talking about because there is no way for them to understand how painful this disease has been on my life, and the person is has caused me to be these past months, they can voice in on the outside but they cannot even begin to have any idea what it was like inside, now can they understand the kind of love I have for you. It runs through my head a million times a day..."Sorry Johnny, I want to be with you btu I already gave you enough chances, we have broken up like 4 or 5 times and I just can't put the pieces back together again"... And that upsets me for then you know, we boke up for all the wrong reasons, for all the wrong things, and I don't think you want to believe it yourself becaue you think that getting back to me would just lead to more hurt, and it WOULDN'T, I knowI spoonfed you bull * * * * to get back with you in the ast, not because I felt like I had to lie, but because I needed a little more time to finally come out with this disease and other things I have told you about, you knew damn well it was eating me up and now that I am ready to come out with it all and be the man you wanted you are going to throw in the towel? How are you going to do that with love? You say you are going to go out and find a guy who will love you for you and accept your disease, well that man was ME, it just got sidetracked because in my own mind I was never supposed to get herpes, I was never supposed to go through all of this, but it happened and has hurt me so much, and now that I want to heal and spend my life making you happy you would rather just hit the resetbutton and try to find someone that you can already have. You are forgetting the little things, IF a man can get past the initial horror of this disease, how many of them do you think will stick around to have to wash themselves every time after fooling around, how many guys do you think are going to want to go through staring at their private area every time they go to the bathroom or every time they get intimate and wonder in terror, I WAS strong enough to do that, and I was STRONG ENOUGH to finally start coming out with all of this to a woman I love unconditionaly, but Melanie, you just won't have it will you? Maybe you feel liek you were used so your pride won't allow it, maybe you feel like I am just bull * * * *ting you, maybe you feel like things will go good for a little while then just result back to hurt, well they WON'T, why can't you understand that I am being true to you in all of this? It like what do I HAVE TO DO TO GET YOU TO realize I am being true, do I have to end my own life to show you I am geniine? You know damn well I would do anything in my power to prove it to you. You know, maybe you don't have a good insight on me anymore because these past few weeks I have been coming at you like a pathetic heartbroken puppy, but it isin't the heartbreak that is causing it, it is the confusion over a lot of things, and I can only pray that you do not judge me for the things I have done since the split. I have watched you evolve so much, from a heartbroken depressed, stressed girl who had nothing, no car, no job, and a handful of friends who walked out on her, to a beautiful woman who has a car, a job, and friends who are there for her again, I just wish you could make a little time for the man who lived through it all with you, but it just doesn't seem like you can or want to anymore, its almost like we have switched places, isin't it? When I met you, you were shattered over this disease and many other things and I was the only one there to hold you and talk things out with you, now I am the one you were about 2 years ago and you won't barely give me the time of day, I know you work alot but if you really wanted to be there for me you could easily make time, even if it's only an hour of coming over to hang out with me or whatever. I don't know if you remember because it was so long ago, but I wrote you a poem, I dug up the poem and changed the words a little, but this poem I wrote has more meaning then ever..... "Name blocked, when I think of her I feel love and pain, It kills me to think we came this far only in vein, how could I have let her slip away? She was such a loving dane, how could I have let this disease get to my brain? I wish I had showed you how much you were loved and needed but I now realize where I failed. I wish you could see in me, your dreams come true, but you do not. I wish you still loved me, but you do not. I wish you were able to forgive me for my failing, but you cannot �� I wish..." This poem reflects so many things and has so much meaning to how far we have gotten and where we are now, I wish you could understand a lot of things I am trying to tell you, and its not even that I don't think you understand, I think you are too hurt to want to accept them, and I guess all I can do is pray everynight that one day time will heal your pain, so that you can see that the guy I am and how much you mean to me is not something you are going to be able to find around the corner, and I also know that I have written you so many things that they probably don't even have meaning anymore, but if I have ever spoken truer words, a lot of them are in this very letter, so please take everything said in here to the very bottom of your delicate heart. Now, I havent really spoken to you much lately, just little bits and pieces, * * * *, you may already have another boyfriend, maybe some guy you had been talking to before you even broke up with me and ultimately decided that he would be better, I wouldn't know, I am not saying that is the case but I just cant figure you out, I cannot figure out how 1 week you say you love me more ten anything on this earth hen the next just bag me and throw me away like I don't exist then all of a sudden be too "busy" to even talk to me for a couple of minutes or even see me in the flesh, but I hope if it was anything like that you would have the guts to tell me, I mean, you are NEVER home when I call you, even late night after you drop your mom off from work, I havent called very much at all but the few times I do you are never to be around Now as for being friends, I don't understand how you can be so objective to hanging out yet, I mean you were the DUMPER, I was the DUMPEE, I am on the reciving line, so how can it possibly so hard for you to see me if I am not in your life anymore? Shouldn't it be easier or shouldn't it somehow make you happier that we arent together and somehow be easy to just chill with me as a friend now? I don't know much of it or what to make of it but it sounds like you still do love me and you still do have feelings for me and you don't want to see me in person because you are afraid of what might happen, of course I could be wrong but I am just trying to make something of it all. I am sorry if anything in this letter sounded harsh but please understand that getting everything out will only make our friendship stronger because everythng being gotten out wll save any drama or hurt in the future of a good friendship, so please don't downlook me for spilling out my guts to you, believe it or not I actually have so much more to say, I could probably write a damn novel on it, but it's probably better to get it all little by little, you even said so yourself, so I am going to end this now and hopefully talk to you later. - Johnny
  19. Yea, I know I posted earlier tonight about a cover letter, but something just happened that I need to talk about, and didn't know where else to go. It's embarrassing talking to family/friends, and the Doctor I see won't be in until tomorrow. Yesterday I itched a little between my legs. It was just enough itching to be annoying, no big deal. Today I didn't expirience this, but when I was in the shower I discovered a lump on my clit. It is small, round, and hard. It's also very red. When I touch it it doesn't necessarily itch, but it burns a little. Now I am scared for two reasons. I am scared I might have a disease. And I am scared that my SO screwed around on me. (There is no way I could have caught anything unless it was from him.) I haven't been with anyone else for three yearsd, and in the time between my last relationshiop and this relationship I got STD testing. (My ex messed around on me with a high risk person.) My tests all came up negative. So I am scared to death. I know I probably won't sleep well tonight.
  20. fleeting nausea (now gone), tender chest, no period, a little pain on the left side of my womb, and some other things...but two negative tests. also one other weird thing...anyone ever had their cervix hurt when they were having sex when it never had before (same partner) and had that be a sign of bun in the oven disease? thanks.
  21. I was at my friends apt. in the hot tub and I slid, not jumped, but slid back in. The jets were on so I did not see the sharp steps that were there, so as my knees came down they mashed into the steps. I had this really sharp pain and I felt my knee. I felt a rather large flap of skin haning off, and a deep gash there, on my other knee is just a small cut. I had blood just pooring out, but it stopped now and I have it all bandaged up with some neosporin on both knees. I'm preety sure I don't need to see a doc. No pain+no blood=good. My question is... Can you get sick or a disease or something from the pool water if it got into a cut? I don't think it would cause you sometimes swallow the pool water and nothing happens then. I'm just asking anyways.
  22. When they visited last year and his dad fell through the shower wall ( he has Parkinson’s and dementia) and physically unstable and now his mom requires a cane as well ..... He agreed with me it is dangerous at our house for them . Our only bathroom is at the top of steep stairs. Yet he made a plan AGAIN for them to come behind my back with his sister. There is really no advice to give because my husband will just do what he damned well pleases when it comes to these people. I can’t stand them. They are like a cankerous disease but I tolerate them because he loves them. Seriously, though I could spit nails I am so angry. we are united front unless it comes to these idiots . I told him you are taking both these people to the bathroom and right back down the stairs holding them every second or I am driving away and I mean it . I will drive away and drive to my mother’s three hours away and spend the entire weekend and I don’t give one rat’s bottom if it’s rude . So you handle your people .
  23. Ok i have a couple of questions about when and how or what to use a condom. 1.Are condoms the more effective thing when it comes to getting diseases? 2.Should condoms be worne when having oral even if you know your partner is clean? 3.Which condoms are the most fun. 4.Is it better having a condom and not use it then not having a condom and need the use of one? 5.When having oral in a movie theater, will the air smell after or during the activitie. 6.Is cum safe to swallow for women? 6.How are the women pleasured when we men give them the oral,when the white liquid comes out of you know where does that mean that it was satisfing. THANKS
  24. sparx


    I make out with my boyfriend all the time, So I can assume he does not have herpes or any other disease, because I have been making out with him and have not caught anything. So, would it be safe to assume that If he gives me oral sex without protection, then I will not have to worry about any STD?
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