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is it weak to have a crush on some one? is the crush in its self just a way of avoiding your fears by occuping your mind with the thought of someone else? is to truly depend on some one the sacrfice of free will to another, the sacrifice of cohice and in turn responcibilty for your own actions, and is this in its self a form of supreem agroance, to expect someone to shoulder your burders through so called love? dose true love exist? or love at all even? or is all that there is lust? and not wanting to face this fact we invent the notion of love for our own benfit? then in this sense is love the supreem form of agorance or the final denial of our own fears? just some questions i have been thinking about lately and was hopeing some one could anwser for me cheers

i think i have lost my soul, lately i find my self ith a complet and utter lack of surprise and i just dont care any more. i want to care, but ii just cant. Im beging to drifft away from my friends finding them petty and small minded even thought really i think this is a reflection of my own agroance. also the other day i looked into the mirro and relised that i am the ugllyest person in the world both inside and out and every time i look into the mirro my own reflection makes me feel physically sick. Plus my emotinal self is stunted i finally fell in love with a girl at school and my onw stupid fear of rejection is stopping me from even talking too her. thats really when i relised how uglly i am. for the longest time i tryed to figure out why girls didnt like me i knew i was never an oil painting and my personality was one left to be desired but i thought i was at least average its only recently i began to loath my self then all of a sudden i just stopped careing i fell empty in side hollow to add to this i think im going insane ive started to have arguments in side m head with my self battles are being fought over who controol my self its between the agroant me, the optimistic me the one who believes she actually could return my fellings towards her and the part of me who hates evrything and wansts to destory my self from the inside makeing me empty, and through out this all i fell there is me myself who is just a by stander watching this never ending struggle for supremessy over my being i fell hepless but mainly empty at my core like theres a part of me missing that im never going to get back.