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ElektraHere

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Everything posted by ElektraHere

  1. ElektraHere
    I am not sure if I have the right answers but your husband might be in a depression. Like you said he hasnt worked in over a year and I know when i was out of work it takes a toll on you. He may think that he isn't "the man of the house" anymore. Not to sound archaic but men have a need to be the providers and when they are not able to they dont feel like the"man" anymore. I am not saying that you should live with unhappiness no one should stay in something that they are unhappy with. If he wont condsider counseling perhaps getting him out of the house and doing something together. If you have the financial means join a gym together and you both can go before your work or after. To get the passion back in your relationship tell him if you do in fact join a gym promise to give him a rubdown afterwards or take a shower together. That would get any guy to want to go to the gym would get his endorphins going and his spirits to pick up. Ask if he wants to go and take a cooking class with you if he is into food and cooking. If he is unwilling to do anything to recapture your attentions or fix the marriage perhaps you will just have to take the steps to file a seperation.
  2. ElektraHere
    He wants to spend time with you. He answers the phone when you call and if you leave a voicemail he returns your message. He is interested in finding out more about you. Just some signs.
  3. ElektraHere
    1. She is going to do what she wants to do. Like it or not 2. 10 years is not a big age gap. I think thats fine 3. Work and romance is a tricky thing. If it doesnt work out you are pretty much stuck with them unless you transfer to another department or find a new job 4. Some companies don't like co-workers having relationships because of #3. Some companies have policies about it. 5. I wouldnt spread it round the office because there is always that one gossipy person that cant keep to their own business. Hope this helps.
  4. ElektraHere
    Thank you Coollady. I checked out the link you attached and I really appreciate it. I know there isnt much anyone can say to make the pain go away but it makes it a little better talking it out. Thank you for being here for me.
  5. ElektraHere
    I did and I appreciate it so much. However right now it just hurts and I have never been through this. My grandfather passed away in the 90's and I can't remember feeling this way for him. I loved him with all my heart too but she and I were very close. The bond was strong and she was sort of my lighthouse when I was lost in the dark.
  6. ElektraHere
    I can't get a hold of anyone and I am in need of a friend. I am losing it I am lost...lost in my misery of missing my grandmother, realizing that she isnt here. This pain makes me want to just stop it all. Nothing even matters right now to me. I know that I probably sound like a broken record but this is my only other outlet when i cant get a hold of my friends. The pain is just to overwhelming and is it worth it that is what I am trying to decide......My heart hurts and the tears wont stop. Im drowning in my sadness.
  7. ElektraHere
    I would think that you are wrapped up in the excitement of the happy time you are experiencing. Enjoy it and all but I think saying I love you is a bit too soon. Everything is all roses right now but when reality starts to set in thats when you find out if this relationship is going to work out. Take your time, enjoy yourself however don't loose yourself in this person. Still keep your identity. Good Luck
  8. ElektraHere
    If you know in your heart of heart that you are a gay male how do you think getting involved with a straight female will help? You think you would be happy? I think not, look at all the men who denied their sexuality ended up marrying the women, having children, and ultimately leaving the marriage because they couldnt deny their gay feelings anymore. Do you really think that would be fair to the woman? No! We all have crap relationships. Its all about finding that person that fits in your life. I am sure there is another gay male who feels the same as you but to go hetero because your boyfriends havent worked out is kind of ridiculous. Stand tall, be proud of yourself, and perhaps change the type of guy your dating. Perhaps the high maintenance ones aren't for you, maybe try a guy a little less into the superficial things. Just my two cents. Good Luck,
  9. ElektraHere
    I think that he has broken your trust so it wouldn't matter if he was or wasn't anymore. I don't think you would believe him. The internet can be the best thing in the world or something that can cause problems in a relationship. You are awfully young to already be living with someone. That in itself can cause alot of stress and strain. In order for you to feel at ease he is obviously going to have to earn your trust again. Good Luck
  10. ElektraHere
    Hi There, I posted something yesterday about the grief process and how I wondered how long it takes. As it gets closer and closer of the anniversary of my grandmothers death Feb 21st I feel just so lost and sad. I dont want to talk to my mom about it because then she starts to cry. (it was her mother) I went to breakfast this AM with a friend and we discussed it. She said grief has a funny way of lieing dormant for awhile then it pops up at any moment. I just can't believe she isnt here anymore. I miss her so much my heart aches. I guess I just need to talk it out and I dont know what to do or who to talk to? I visited her grave yesterday but it just made me miss her more. I want her back in my life. This was our day. Sundays I would go over, do my laundry, and spend the day with her. Make her some dinner and dessert and just visit or help around her house. Will my heart ever be the same again?
  11. ElektraHere
    Teacup, I don't mean for this to come out as a judgement on you but reading all your past posts they all have the same theme "men" When you post do you read the advice you are seeking? Or is it that you just want people to respond to you? I am not really sure what the memories are that are shaming to you? Perhaps I missed the post that explained that? Sometimes your posts go from one extreme to another about the same subject. I am not sure about the therapist question? If you feel better each time you see them and you have a connection then its worth it. If not then find a new therapist. What is EMDR? I have never heard of that. My suggestion and advice to you......work on yourself, leave guys alone, don't get involved. You need to be on your own if you feel you are not a whole person you need to start rebuilding yourself so that your next relationship can be on an eqaul and healthy level. Take it from someone who has been in an abusive relationship and that broke me as a person. I will NEVER allow that to happen again NEVER!!!
  12. ElektraHere
    Sounds like he is the wants "his cake and it it too" kind of guy. He wants you when it's convienient to him. Also at the club was there drinking involved? I ask because people tend to get "overly friendly" when alcohol is in the picture.
  13. ElektraHere
    Problem #1 He is newly divorced and he has alot of baggage to work through. Experts say that a person that is newly divorced should be single and NOT date for 1 year. It gives them a chance to bounce back and get used to being single again. He obviously has this to still work through since he wont get rid of the pictures or wedding video. He still hasnt properly grieved for this relationship. Problem #2 He needs his space and you are not giving that to him. You may be ready for a relationship and wanting to spend time together but he wants to be on his own it seems. He may not want to hurt your feelings but after so many "Im busy's" when do you say enough is enough? As for not sitting by you at church I dont know what to say about that except that he seems like he doesnt want others to know about you. My advice to you.....You won't like but I would say leave him alone and leave this relationship. I went through the same thing with someone last summer. Our second date was the day his divorce was final we only lasted 1 month. Your guy needs to be on his own for awhile and do you really want to feel like this all the time? He is NOT available emotionally or physically. Move on sweets and find someone who is Good Luck,
  14. ElektraHere
    Kelly a BJ is considered sex, it may not "take your virginity" but it is. You may be to young to remember but it was a problem that our former President Clinton had to admit to. It was decided that oral sex is sexual contact. You can catch an STD or HIV from preforming a BJ. So in my book its sex hense the name Oral Sex.
  15. ElektraHere
    I think its all ludacris and this kid (which you are, even though you may not think so) should not be trying to figure out the bases. If you want to figure out the bases go to a REAL baseball game. Sex will always be there so just cherish your youth right now. I know teens will make out that is a given but sex can totally wait. Because I tell you when you are older you'll look back and think "what was I thinking."
  16. ElektraHere
    Do you enjoy cooking? Sometimes learning how to make new cuisine is fun. Like Thai food or Indian food, even desserts YUMMM As for clubs at school that is awesome I am sure you will find something there that you like. What about the school paper? As for the friends part you can't put an ad out and say be my friend. It just happens naturally. Joining clubs and groups will help open that door of opportunity. I have some really good friends that I can count on. Most I have known for 20+ years. It will happen you just have to go out and interact Good Luck,
  17. ElektraHere
    You know the only time I really feel good about being single is when I watch "Sex in the City" I feel like I want to live in NY, have a drink and a smoke and dress up. Thats the only time I get that shot of I love singledom. Other than that I am tired of being alone. I would love to know that when I am coming home that someone will be there or I am going to meet them somewhere else. I would love the sensation of having a person in bed with me to wake up with in the AM. I guess being single the thing you miss most is the physical contact. I am not talking just sex I am talking someone holding your hand, giving you a hug, or rubbing your back. All of my good girlfriends are married and some even have kids so they long for what I have and I long for what they have...Ahhhhh we are never satisfied with what we have are we?
  18. ElektraHere
    Hi there, I would suggest when you shave to wait until you have been in the shower awhile. Let the warmth open the hair folicles a little more. I also highly reccommend using a shaving cream that is non menthol. I think Kiehls has a wonderful shave cream for men. That line was started many many years ago by a DR who treated burn victims. Aslo ProActive I highly urge for you to try. I used to have acne on my chin line and it hurt soooo bad. I started using ProActive and seriously cleared my problem up. I no longer use the product but I reccommend it. When I used to be in cosmetic sales I would tell my clients about it too. Good Luck,
  19. ElektraHere
    Hello, Does anyone know when grief subsides or at least doesn't feel so strong? My grandmother whom I was very close to passed away one year on Tuesday. I thought I would go visit her grave today and I just cried and cried and cried. I feel so lost and sad. I know she is in a better place because the last couple months she was alive were hard on her. I think about her every day at least a handful of times. I still catch myself that I am going to call her or I think "I gotta tell her about this" or " She would like to try this." This has been a major blow to me for she was my most trusted confidant. I knew if I were having a bad day or just wanted to feel comfortable I could go to her house and just relax. We talked all the time on the phone and if I hadn't called in a few days I knew she would call to see if I was alright. I miss her terribly and everytime I do talk about her I can't stop from crying. When I was little I told her if she dies that she would need to see me and visit. I haven't seen her yet. She has only been in my dreams about 2 times since she passed and I was hoping that she would come to me in my dreams. How long does it take for a person to stop the painful feeling of grief? If anyone has any advice I would love to hear it. Thanks
  20. ElektraHere
    Hmm? I think people hold on to those memories if they were the dumpee. I know it took me about 3 years after the fact to disgard all pictures, cards, letters etc from my ex.I never had them up or out I had them in a box that I called Pandoras box because I was afraid of what might happen if I opened it. The day I did I went through all the things and then threw them out. It was very cathartic. My question to you how long have you been seeing her and how long ago was it since she went out with her ex? If it hasnt been that long maybe she really hasn't let go of the fact they are no longer together? If it has been awhile and you have been dating a long time then I would ask out of respect to you that she at least take them down from such a prominent place? Just my two cents? Good Luck,
  21. ElektraHere
    I guess it does depend on the person. I tend to think people say it because they want someone to step up and tell them they are cared about and would be missed. I know I have seriously contemplated ending my life. I have come close at times and other times I had told my friends. When telling my friends what I really wanted at that moment was love and knowing how much they cared for me. I guess it's like when someone calls in a bomb threat. The person who wants to blow something up they will and won't tell anyone or announce it. Those who want the attention call and say "there's a bomb." We all seek validation and some just need to hear it more often than others. I am glad that I wasnt successful obviously something or someone has a plan for me.
  22. ElektraHere
    Honey you need to slow it down! What is the rush? Why is it teens today want to grow up so fast? Gosh if I could be 15 again boy I would certainly enjoy that again. Sex opens up too many doors and sometimes you should let those doors stay shut until you are a bit older and ready to open them. ENJOY YOUR CHILDHOOD AND TEEN YEARS!!!!
  23. ElektraHere
    I don't think you can "find" your sexuality. I think you know it, it's just if you go with what you truly want. I think we all at one time or another question our sexuality. I did. I was about your age when I worked with a gal who was a lesbian. We got along great, she was smart, funny, pretty, and would call me on my b.s. I developed a crush on her and it confused me because it was the same type feeling I got about guys too. I thought am I gay? I was so torn because I had always thought guys were it for me. The crush never amounted to anything but that and she was the only woman I ever had those sort of feelings for. I think you can reaffirm your sexuality as I feel I did after my crush on her. I knew that I was heterosexual and not bi or gay. I suggest you look to see if they have any gay teen centers in your area or check out the GLAAD website for some resources. Perhaps talking to someone who has been in your shoes can help you by just letting you talk and you finding that path where you would like to travel on. Good Luck and please use these boards as a way of venting, asking advice, or even to help others with their posts.
  24. ElektraHere
    My question to you is.......How old are you?
  25. ElektraHere
    Boricua7 I hope that you really mean all of what you wrote. Is so GOOD FOR YOU!!! I remember your past posts and you always seemed to be worrying about your ex's webpage and setting up times to see him. It is so easy to talk about it and to offer the advice to others (I know I have done it plenty of times) it is that acting upon it which is hard. I have my good days and my bad days. The past two days have been on the low side but I know a good day is around the bend. I hope that you have many good days ahead of you. Good Luck to you
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