ElektraHere
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Hi There, Although I have never been in your situation before I do believe you made the right desicion. If you wouldn't have gotten to your son in time you could be sitting there posting about the loss of your son. I think kicking a junkie of a boyfriend out would be alot easier then burying your son. It is not your responsibility if he quits using, gets fired, or is unmotivated to clean up his act. The only responsibility you have is for the well being of your son and the well being of yourself. You cannot change your boyfriend he is the only one that can do that and if he refuses then its time for you to move on because in all honesty he is choosing the drug over you and your son. Do you even trust him? I certainly wouldn't. I would be afraid to leave your son alone with him for fear he could tweak out and harm himself or your son. Also another factor to think of is what type of crowd is he running with. You have no idea what they could be capable of. You would never forgive yourself if anything happened to your son would you? If you want to look at the legality part your son could be taken away from you by Child Protective Services. If they ever found out about the coke incident they would for sure be in your life right now. You have done nothing wrong and why should you pay the price for his irresponsibility? I can't even imagine how tough it is but I would rather struggle and go on welfare then to live with a junkie who is only thinking of his next fix. Please don't regret posting on this site there are people here that have been in similar situations. There are also those like myself who will lend you any advice or encouragement needed. Stay Strong if not for yourself for your son!
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LEFEM You need to find your nearest AA chapter and get to a meeting QUICK! There you will find others who have been in your situation too. They can give you tips, advice, and support that you really need right now. You will also get a sponser and that way when you are feeling tempted you can call them or even meet up with them and just talk it out. I agree with RC trying and doing are two separate things. You can sit around and talk about it or you can get proactive and start really doing something to get yourself well. This road you are on is a bumpy one and if you continue to drink it will only get bumpier. Good Luck and find an AA meeting today.
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Drew, Would it matter at this point if we did offer advice? You asked for it on the original post and you basically said "yes thanks for the input but I am still going to pursue this." I think you are holding on to this fantasy of who she was 5 months ago. It's time to move on my friend. If you like the feeling of unrequited love and rejection then I say have it.
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Sorry NSA you have to go through this. I don't think trying to convince him to forgive his wife is 1. your responsibilty or 2. that he would even listen to you. A person only will forgive when they truly feel it themselves. No amount of love, happiness, or security you show them will snap them into forgiveness mode. For him to have a successful relationship with you or with anyone for that matter he will have to unpack this burden he carries. Its not like the ex wife will be gone she will be in his life for the rest of his because of the children. The best thing you can do is let him come to his own conclusion about this. He is probably fighting within himself the love he still has for her and the hate he feels for her now. Do you live with him? If so maybe it would be better if you moved out and let him have some space and be on his own. If you live apart pehaps tell him you are going to give him some time to rediscover himself if that takes a month, 6 months, a year he needs this and if you truly care for him you will let go and see if he can fly on his own. Only you have the power over yourself and not him.
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SuzieB I am sitting home also but I am not down about it. I too have friends and yes they are mostly married or have children so their time is always taken. I have felt like you too but you know what my girlfriends tell me they would love to switch places with me for a night "off." So I guess we indulge in these times alone because you never know when the time will come where you have a husband coming home late from work, the two year old is crying and has a ear infection, and the dog needs to go out. So grab the Calgon, put some nice music on, draw a bath, and if you like wine or old enough have a glass of wine
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My first question is WHY do you want her back? She sounds like a bit of a flake. She loves the push and pull game. She pushes you away when she is occupied and having a fun time then pulls you in when she has time on her hands. Also if she couldnt accept you before you lost the weight why would you want someone like that. It's just as bad a a woman thinking she needs to have a perfect body for her man. In the real world weights will rise and fall throughout the course of time. It was only 1 month a blimp in the timeline of your life and I do understand how you can get wrapped up in something because I have been there. It has been 7 months since then and I am seeing it for what it was. A flash in the pan romance.
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I hate to say this but perhaps he got what he wanted (that being your virginity) and left. Unfortunately there are guys out there and its there "thing." Don't put all your eggs in one basket my dear especially this egg I think he is a spoiler!
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OH MY!!! 17 & 18. You have many "loves" and heartbreaks ahead of you both. I am 33 and if I went off everything I believed and did at 18 YIKES!! Trust me you will look back at this as puppy love. And with him being 18 he is a confused teenaged boy who will be confused well they always are confused even when they are my age and older ;-) Enjoy your younger years and just date without getting so serious at such a young age. If you just fixate on one person how do you know what qualities you really want in a guy? Dating others you can learn what it is you want and need in your life.
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First off 3 months is just the "honeymoon" phase where everything is great and you are in lala land. Then all the quirks and other traits start appearing or the smoke clears the air and you start seeing these qualities. Second you said this is the longest relationship he has ever had. 3 months is it? That's a red flag there. He seems like he likes the beginning stages of the happy go lucky times then when it gets to a certain part for him it's over. How old are you and how old is he? Hun, I would move on. I know you felt like this was the real deal. Trust me I too had one of those brief relationships and I thought he was to be the "one." WRONG now after 7 months I realize that he wasnt the "one." I wouldnt count on him changing his mind and if he did would you want him to be all lovey dovey with you and then do this all over again? Then it's just another trip on the misery and hurt train. Stop it while the gettins good and move on sister!!!
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Seeing him for the last time today and scared to death...
ElektraHere replied to haley999's topic in Getting Back Together
Haley, Why dont you leave the items with the receptionist. Or when he gets there have one of your co-workers bring the items to the front. I think it will just be an emotional timebomb for you to see him and in such a public place. If you feel like you are going to lose it you will. So if there is a way to have the front desk hand them off to him that would be better for you emotionally and physically. (nausa, nerves,etc) -
annoyed at boyfriend
ElektraHere replied to anxietygrl's topic in Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender
Girl if you dont calm down and just relax when you get older you would be a major heart attack risk. Stress and anxiety isnt good for the aging process it speeds it up. Constant adrenaline running through your body is not good either. Yes honestly I think you need therapy and yes I do think you have a serious problem within yourself. I mean truly its a bit much this post because it is a carbon copy of the last one you posted. -
annoyed at boyfriend
ElektraHere replied to anxietygrl's topic in Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender
Just tell him flat out that it makes you pissed and if he keeps it up you will walk. Treat him like the child he is acting like. -
annoyed at boyfriend
ElektraHere replied to anxietygrl's topic in Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender
Anxietygirl I thought I had stepped back in time for a moment. I think you already wrote this post. If this bugs you so much then walk away just as Annie mentioned. If it doesnt bug you that much to walk away then DROP IT!!! You're going to make yourself miserable if you keep these thoughts up. HE ISNT GAY HE IS JUST RUDE AND IMMATURE!!!!! -
Working together - Hard time with NC
ElektraHere replied to whatif's topic in Healing After Break Up or Divorce
You know what needs to be done its that your choosing to go over and torture yourself. You are prolonging the pain and hurt by keeping up the weekly appearances at her desk. Instead of going to her desk go to someone elses, go out of the building for some fresh air, come to this site and vent. Whatever it takes but dont torture yourself anymore. -
This is really ridiculous but if there is enough snow and you have a yard or a park near by......this is bound to make you smile. Go and make a snow angel. I know it sounds ridiculous and you may not do it but just remember when you were younger and how you and your friends would make them in the snow and how happy you were.
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Hey Red, I am sorry you're in a funk I can sympathize with you. I was in a funk a few nights ago. I too was listening to not so happy music. My choice of sad music is Eva Cassidy. So I sat there all night long crying and missing my friend. (thats where we differ) The person whom I was crying over is my friend whom I developed feelings for but were not returned. We are in sort of a NC mode right now which SUCKS! I too am reminded of things everywhere. I cant really listen to John Mayer at the moment. I digress.. Sorry This is about you not me. The first thing I would do is listen to more upbeat music. Pete Yorn isnt the ticket with the way you are feeling. Listen to something you have only listened to by yourself. The only music I can listen to that reminds me of no one is Rap and Dave Matthews. music. Use this site to vent, vent, vent!!! This sounds really dumb and you may not do it but go take a walk if it isnt a blizzard outside and below zero. When it snows where I live which isnt that often it gets so peaceful its really nice. Just the sound of the snow crunching under your boots. I am not sure I helped but just know there are people here that know what you're going through and we are all here to help each other
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Doghead, I think your thinking of this thought way too much Is it still bothering her? If not I wouldnt worry about it if she is still bothered by it talk it out with her. You were looking out for what was best for the both of you and if she were a carrier then it would have gone back to you again and then the whole cycle would start yet again.
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Munchkin, I think you want more from her than with your other friends because you have more feelings for her then she you. I know I have said the same about my friend Robert. I want to be his friend and he wants to be my friend however I am expecting more from him which isnt fair to wither one of us. I digress, anyway back to your problem I would stop the texting, the calling, the trying to make plans. She is obviously not interested and is trying to give you the easy way out. Take it my friend and move on from this and assume for right now that she is gone and not coming back.
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Munchkin I feel your pain. It's hard when you really open your feelings to someone and they don't return them. It hurts like hell believe me I am dealing with that issue right now. This gal seems like she has ALOT of baggage that she needs to sort through and she is not in the right mindframe or place to have a successful relationship. You cannot make or convince her to include you in her life. You can however say that if she ever needed to talk or vent and you were open to that then she could call anytime. I would stop the phone calls and the texts because how does it make you feel when you are always sent to vmail or you dont know if she read the text or not? I bet you feel pretty crappy. I know I do when I have tried communicating with someone who was not responsive to it. As for right now I would focus on things in your own life and give up the hope right now of having anything more than a friendship with her. I also think that if you have feelings more than friendship you might have to NC for awhile. Get those feelings in check and if you two had this connection (friendly or loving) it will be there in the future. Move on my friend.
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If your husband said all these things about you in a court of law why do you want him back? This seems like a marriage that is beyond repair. Perhaps if you two can get along with each other as co-parents for the children sake it will help them get used to this new situation.
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Usually in the US the mother is awarded custody unless the mother is found to be unfit or unable to take care of the children. Is there something your leaving out of the reason why he left and why he has the children?
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Hi there Star, Sorry you are in pain. Unfortunately I think you set the ball in motion when you cheated on your husband. When someone cheats on the other you lose faith, trust, and hope in them. I think that is what happened with your husband. He didnt fall out of love with you over night it was started the moment you told him about your affair. I feel for the kids the most. People think that they are kids they wont pay attention but they do. If the weekends is all you can see them make that weekend the best full of love and smiles nad showing how much your children mean to you. I dont think you and your husband can recoup whatever was there prior to your affair. Time to look ahead at just being parents good parents to your children.
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First off an outstanding warrant??? RED FLAG!!!!! Second she miraculously shows up on your door step and then after lock up says she's prego with your baby????? LIAR RED FLAG!!!! Third putting $$$ on her books while in jail doesnt she have any $$$ or others that could of helped???? RED FLAG Fourth she is scamming you and you are alllowing it to happen. She sees an opportunity and is going full steam ahead. As for the baby where is the father? Doesnt he need to be involved or at least told he has a baby on the way??? One thing you said that troubles me deeply is that you are mad about it being a "black guys baby." I can see you being upset that she is pregnant with another mans child but not because he is black. That sounds very racist. And if you were to stay with this opportunistic person how would you be around HER baby?
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Hmmm. I dont see anything wrong with the age difference. Although if she has issues with it she always will. It doesnt matter if you were both happy as clams if she is bugged by it unfortunately that will always be the deal breaker. You say you have broken up numerous times. How many times do you need to break up in order to get that this just isnt meant to be? Sometimes love just isnt enough and if she really loved you with all her heart your age would be the furthest thing from her mind.
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I would rather be miserable at home then at your friends party. At least you can get over this in a day as opposed to going to the party and going back to square one emotionally. Do you live in BC? Why not go to the movies yourself. It will keep your mind off things.