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About Me

  1. I've been with my boyfriend for about 6 years now, on and off. A little bit of background on us: He was diagnosed with bipolar type II about a year ago, though he doesn't seek regular help for it. He takes the medication he's given but doesn't seek therapy which has always concerned me. He's tried a few therapists in the past and none really clicked with him so he's given up on the notion entirely. He's in a very unique position job wise, he's a freelancer, and when he is working, it's usually away from home. He makes a substantial amount of money for the few months of work, then spends the rest of the year at home not doing a lot. He's an active smoker (weed), who probably smokes 4-8 joints a day. This never really bothered me, I enjoy smoking too like I enjoy a nice glass of wine after work, but I feel uncomfortable about the amount he smokes. I'm not sure why... It doesn't necessarily alter his mood, I think I just worry about his reliance on it. He says he just smokes because he's bored which I understand. I work a rigid 9-5 job, I'm also a naturally hard worker and he sits at home waiting for me every day. He also has a pretty bad cocaine addiction that comes and goes, I couldn't tell you the extent of it because I'm not sure I've ever gotten the full story, he never sought out help to overcome this addiction, he says he can deal with it himself. In the last 6 months, he relapsed, was in an awful place and cheated on me twice. When he relapses he does stupid things like messages other girls, send nude pictures of himself to other people, that sort of stuff. He justified this as he was coming out of his "bad time" saying he does this sort of stuff because he deserves to be sad, or when he looks at me all he sees is the awful stuff he's done to me and punishes himself. Very destructive behaviour. He has been off coke now for a few months after falling back into it on one of his work trips, he's been home now about 2 months and here is my issue: Every weekend he goes out. Without fail. His nights out aren't just a few drinks with the boys and then back home, it's multiple different substances, out at clubs until 8am sort of stuff. Now, he says he isn't doing coke, so I shouldn't be worried. He's always had an issue with limits, it's 100% or nothing with him which is part of the reason I fell in love with him. Recently he's been doing quite a bit of LSD, he says don't worry, 'I'm just micro-dosing'. It's just 'for fun' or 'to be creative'. Whenever I try to talk to him about his drug use he gets upset, tells me I'm being 'too judgmental' or 'making him feel like a junky'. If I'm being honest, I probably could phrase my words a bit better, but I'm often overwhelmed with emotion, though I am desperately trying to work on that. Because of this, he lies about his drug use a lot. Which I understand is my fault, if I was more positive about it all, he wouldn't lie, but now I've found myself monitoring his social media and 'drug apps'. I hate the idea of snooping but every time I do it, I find something I didn't want to see, so I keep going back to it. He's not doing coke which is the only thing he's been addicted to, so I shouldn't worry, right? Apart from this, he is the sweetest, most incredible guy. He makes me feel like the luckiest woman in the world and I truly love him. I couldn't imagine life without him. Should I let this go? Am I being crazy? Thank you in advance!
  2. I don't know what I can do to help in this situation. Any input would be great. I'm dating this guy just over a month. We have become really close quickly. It's a weird situation- he's been friends with this girl for 14 years. They have a 4 month old baby together. It's just one of those things that happened. He choose to live with her to help bring up the baby. There is nothing romantic there 💯. They sleep in separate rooms. So although this might seem like my problem... It's strangely not. It's a weird situation but I'm ok with it. All his money goes to the baby. He's such a great dad and such a sweet and lovely person. He does his best. He loves his son and he really is a good guy. So here's the problem. She's a party girl. She's always bringing people back to the house to throw parties. They wreak the house. Sniffing coke And doing pills while the baby is upstairs . God Forgive me cos I live in no palace myself but it's a dump. Cans everywhere, cigarettes, dirt, mould. I don't mind mess, but this house is un heigienic for a little baby. The guy I'm seeing cleans all the time but she just has more parties and wreaks the place. I don't mind mess. I'm not stuck up, but I'll say it how it is, the house is a filthy dump. She's into drugs ( he is not) . She's always bringing back random guys. He told me she done this even while pregnant . he gave her money the other day, she spent it on pills and coke. I stayed there last night. She came home at 6am out of her face. He was after been taking care of the baby all night. Feeding him, changing him. She took the baby at this stage. I'm disgusted at the fact she took the baby when she was out of her face. The guy I'm seeing went upstairs to give her the baby blankets. Next of all I heard a loud bang like something fell and her screaming the house down. Because I was worried something happened the baby, I ran upstairs ( as did his room mate) to see what was wrong. We walked in to witness her punching him and slapping and pretty much beating him. All because she was out of her face and earlier he had nicely asked her if she could keep the noise down as he was trying to sleep. He didn't touch her. He walked away. This guy wouldn't hurt a fly. His arms were covered in her nail scrapes and his lip was cut. He said this isn't the first time it's happened. She gets high and goes crazy. My heart broke for him. He really is a sweet heart... And when she goes crazy she then accuses him of hitting HER. He's stuck. He knows he needs to move out away from her but she's using the baby against him. He's afraid he will lose his son. It's not my business and I'm not getting involved. But what do I do to help him?? It's killing me knowing this poor little baby is being brought up with a mother who behaves this way. What if something were to happen the baby when she's on drugs? It's just not a good atmosphere for the child. What would you do? 😔 Who am I to say she's not fit to be a mom, but I'm sorry, she is not.
  3. okay so im at christmas dinner last night. im not too big on family gatherings but i went anyway(my dad took my car where else was i gonna go) and we get there and my aunt shows up with no warning. my aunt is junkie. a complete heroin addict. she is also a lesbian. she just chose to come out to my grandparents at christmas dinner. her girlfriend just happened to be african american. and made countless jokes about our "cracker *** family" which in my oppinion was inappropriate. more than that they were both high. they were doing coke the whole night and i was the only one who noticed,(what a coincidence, me the former coke addict notcies lol who'd of thought) i even asked and she came clean when i she realized she was cornered and couldnt lie her way out. i didnt say anything to anyone because well it was christmas and im no saint but it sure was an interesting night. oh by the way my aunt is 37 her gf is 17(but looks 30) so yeah. now my question is, i know that everyone has stuff like this happen but does it normally happen all at once like this? i mean this is nuts it was fit to be a tv show. i dont think my family is normal lol
  4. ok well im totally fiending. my xgf called, the crazy one. famous for her quote "i would rather you drive home drunk stoned and in the dark than get a ride with another girl, i dont want you spending time with another girl". and she was basically saying i need to kill myself because im such a loser. not a fun convo. well now an 8ball would feel pretty damn good. fortunately i am in love with the most wonderful girl in the world. i wont do it but god this is difficult. any encouragement would be nice -stitcheS
  5. Well... I just got back from my best mates house... with "Mr X" and Her Bf... Its all good! I did it again! NO NERVES!!! Woo! How good!? But neway... a new Problem has happened. I Lost all my aptite (neava hungry)... I Havent eaten all day! and im not hungry! The only thing ive had all day is "Mr Xs" drink of Coke from Mc Donlands and some water at my mates house... I havent had it scence ive been going out with him... But i dont feel nervois anymore! What is this?? and why is it happening?! Its Not Right...Right??? Just got a text from "Mr X" sayin "Love you. Cya monday x x x x x x p.s you are actually a really good kisser x x " Woo Not scared!
  6. Please be honest as I haven't done it yet. Basically, there's a girl in my local sandwhich shop who I'm quite keen on. She might not know it, or know me apart from as one of many customers but I've taken quite a shine to her. I go in there some days and she's always friendly. I'm keen to ask her out as I've been single for quite a while, but the shop is always v. busy meaning I can never get her alone. What I propose is to go in buy my sandwhich and strike up some conversation, then leave only to queue up a few moments later, pick up a can of coke and say sorry, I forgot this. Then, as she hands me my change and receipt I slip her my phone number. Good or complete garbage. What do you reckon. Advice and similar experiences much appreciated. Ta
  7. hi everyone, me again....it's been almost 3 months since my fiance of 6 yrs left me with a letter while i was at work, and i was doing quite well for awhile. but the time came this past week where i couldn't take it anymore & had to call him to insist that he finally come and get his things. (please see my earlier posts for the whole story) He has been dragging this out and not helping me at all with any of the financial stuff or helping me plan how to separate everything. i have had to be the adult about everything, even though he left me the way he did. it's been so hard. a few weeks ago when i saw him last, he even seemed like he wanted to possibly try and work on things. then he dropped off the face of the earth again. when I called him this past friday, he was cruel to me, yelling at me, told me he is sleeping with someone else already, told me i was annoying for bugging him about this stuff. Of course after so much of this, I started crying on the phone and he proceeded to hang up on me. I asked him if he was using coke again, and he said "i do whatever I want whenever I want, ok?" I know, I know....he's clearly cruel to me. But today when I am packing all of his things, by myself, I have been hysterical and i just want to die, I can't believe he is really gone and has really turned into someone I don't know. He tells me he is "the same person" !!! but he was wonderful to me for 5 years....what did I do wrong??? I feel so bad about myself. I look at all of the pictures as I am packing, and we were beautiful together. i don't understand. and i thought i was doing so much better but today i am so wrecked. I'm going to be alone forever & he is already with someone. help me please you guys. i really feel like i'm going to die it hurts so bad. i can't stop crying and i have to go to work and i have no hope for my life. i love him and all i can think of is how we once were.... what if this is all from drugs??? the love never changed, but he is using coke and alcohol and pot and now i feel like it's all screwed up in his mind and i just want the real person to come back to life. how do you accept losing a love this way???
  8. Basically I kicked my boyfriend of 10 years out because I am at the end of my rope with his drug problems, mostly coke right now. The last straw was when our son almost got into his bag of coke, which I wasn't aware was existent. He couldn't handle being kicked out, and just sat in his hotel room, didn't go to work, so he got fired from his job on top of it all. It's been a little over a week now. I stay at home raising our 15 mo old son, and work part time. It's just really really hard for me right now, I just have one good friend to talk to. I hope I don't regret posting here but maybe there's someone else out there that's been in my shoes and has advice. I just feel lost and it gets worse every day. My son keeps me going and being the responsible woman I need to be, but it's like I fall to pieces when I'm alone and facing the mess my life has become. How do I find the strength to stick to my guns and keep him away till he's clean? I've been with him since I was 17. The relationship has been rocky the past couple years but this is the last straw. I used to love who he was before he got into drugs (5 years ago). I guess I just keep hoping he'll change, if not for me, now for his son. It's like I know I did the right thing by kicking him out, at the very least to keep my son safe, but I really don't know what to do now. It's been a really tough night for me and I just thought I'd reach out there. Thanks for all replies.
  9. I can't believe this. My g/f moved in with me recently. We have mutual friends who live upstairs. Twice in the last two weeks she hasn't come home at night, and I wake up to hear them still partying and drinking...and doing coke. I told her last time I wouldn't put up with it, yet she continues to do this knowing full well that I will give her the boot. She has nowhere else to go, and I love her, and want this relationship to work out, but I can't live like this. What the hell do I do?!
  10. beacuse i didnt feel like pronouncing all of the language.... [chorus 4x] elusidative eruption defined thru chemicals formed...... outrageous assumptions refined thru hypnosis re-born.. broken particals mended only thru expensive super science.... spoken 2 b remarkable, but thats by their own alliance.... [verse 1] mussles relaxed from pills that will soon induce convulsants...... stong an powerful that can have one spittn blood like faucets.... dialating pupils, outrageous movements from ones torso..... these haulucinations seem to tear flesh apart so unremorseful..... force from sadantants, will have ure heart ripped n shreadded.... knew from the making, this can have minds lifted n embedded.... feels like coke n benzine wedded, to kill ure whole Inhibitory drugs do u in such as peircing ure lungs jumpin from da 3rd story salucadations to ure kidneys which crumble as if artificial....... cuz anxiety is ruining u from overdoseing on Secobarbitals...... the dendrits of the possesor cringe to use mo forceful antidotes..... n u wana live right? when u on ah binge struggle on ya lass rope..... [chorus 4x] elusidative eruption defined thru chemicals formed...... outrageous assumptions refined thru hypnosis re-born.. broken particals mended only thru expensive super science.... spoken 2 b remarkable, but thats by their own alliance.... [verse 2] faces of men twisted unorthodox parrallel to his existence...... yayo pipes from paradox promises de-swells reminisance...... bloody arms shaking from abrasive needles peirced in veins... sharing virus infected in colonies that seem to go n trains...... the horizon in their eyes closes, to show death in disguise..... these deamons come in surprise, to sho men their utter demise.... reach fo allies, held down to earth so u cant reach for the skies.... look in ya eyes, can't see anything but empty promosis n lies... premanition of premature xanax, flooding the upper level..... the brain becomes stagnant, reducing to influence from the devil... twitch in withdrawl, we see no activty from his lungs at all..... switch n appall, we pay respects for a man whos life has dissolved..... [chorus 4x] elusidative eruption defined thru chemicals formed...... outrageous assumptions refined thru hypnosis re-born.. broken particals mended only thru expensive super science.... spoken 2 b remarkable, but thats by their own alliance.... [verse 3] habitual practices deceived to feel licit reduce hypoxia.... the tissues decay n receive no oxygen its locked fo ya.... larynx sufferage, trachea place in throat to help him breathe... dis is from enveloped failed experiments to make humans bleed.... induce vomit the stomach cannot hold whats not meant to go in.... but u refuse to give up the ghost, to be dead n lifeless within.... pounding in the chest, shockwaves to help eyes rotate forward grounded in caressed, form ure seizures screamin help me Lord!!! da drugs are savage, they have no remorse on ure vital signs like thugs who r ravage, they beat until u can't think with ure mind.... [chorus 4x] elusidative eruption defined thru chemicals formed...... outrageous assumptions refined thru hypnosis re-born.. broken particals mended only thru expensive super science.... spoken 2 b remarkable, but thats by their own alliance....
  11. Recently split with my ex of 4 years. I caught him texting escorts he eventually admitted but said nothing happened !!! I tried to continue but the trust was broken And he wouldn’t commit to me . I guessed he was at it again so I called him out and told him he had a problem with hookers and coke and basically he lost it as I’d ruffled his feathers and he told me I was mental and that we were done I was in agreement and I did a runner and no contact has been made since. Today we were matched onna dating site although my picture isn’t up and there’s his profile acting all Cool and funny. I don’t know if he knows it’s me yet he will click though. How funny ? The thing is it’s hurt me even though I know he’s not good enough for me. I hated going out with him as he’d check every female out and flirt if given the opportunity. He was also emotionally unavailable and didn’t find me all that clearly but then why would he when he was probably sleeping with females half my age. Loads of good points but the bad outweighed the good hence why I’ve not chased him or asked him to take me back, as if !!! Think I’m looking for reassurance as when your partner favours escorts over you, someone who is a willing and good partner, completely trustworthy it does something to You On a different level. He has too much money and am I wrong to hope that he will never be able to sustain a normal relationship,one where he doesn’t have to take drugs to perform and get excited. On his profile he said he has endurance and stamina ! Aaaaaarrgggghhhh
  12. Lost in the Sauce I forget about my pain Just for a night I forget about the chains The chains that guard My broken heart Lost in the Sauce A world apart I feel no pain It's hidden for now My friends Rum and Coke Know the only way how To make this hurt Fade into bliss It's the only way I know how to fix I know it's not right Know I need to stop But the bottle calls And the cork pops And all my problems Get lost in the sauce Just for tonight I'm free from my loss
  13. Heya everyone! I promised that this year I would stick to my resolutions. One of them was to cut down completely on all the junk food I usually eat. I am cutting down on: coffee coke chocolate take away food (rarely eat it anyways) and all things bad! but I'm finding this so hard! I keep getting awful cravings for coffee and coke and sugary foods! I have swapped coke for fruit drinks, chocolate for a healthy sandwhiches and have stopped drinking 5-6 coffees a day and have one every couple of days. It's hard, if I give in I'll feel weak and pathetic. I weigh 10 and a half stone and I'm 16 (going on 17 in March) but I want to stop eating junk food because I want to tone up a lot. I feel like I gained a little weight over christmas. I'm going to start at the gym next week once I have made an appointment for an induction. I have been eating less as well. I feel really hungry but when I have eaten a sarnie I feel full .. but kinda hungry as well... I aren't sure how to explain what I mean. Some help would be much appreciated! Take care everyone, Miya
  14. Something worth mentioning that may help those going through a break up now. I have stopped drinking on weekdays for over a month now and feel a lot more positive and in control of my life. I feel sharper in the mornings and I can do more in the evenings as well. I still have a drink at the weekends, but only a few glasses. So I would recommend cutting out alcohol if you are going through a break up. I realised that I tended to feel more depressed and have more negative thoughts when I drank. Although it feels like you can block out those negative thoughts by drinking, it only makes them worse. It's made me more aware of the effect alcohol has on my emotions. Another helpful tip I picked up was wearing an elastic band on your wrist. Give it a snap when you catch yourself thinking negative thoughts/daydreaming about your ex. I wasn't drinking a lot, up to half a bottle of wine a night, maybe more at weekends. The hardest bit was not having wine to go with my meal, but it was fine once I got out of the habit. Now I have got a variety of different soft drinks to choose from. Still have wine at the weekends - no point depriving yourself of one of life's pleasures! I have always done a lot of cycling which keeps me fit and I take good care of my body, having a good diet, drinking plenty of water, doing yoga and so on. All of which are to be recommened too! Anyway, if you do drink, try stopping and see if it helps.
  15. not a poem.. this is a song, that im not sure is complete, its in 5/4. i wrote it for a friend of mine who plays drums and has struggled with heroin and coke in the past. let me know what you guys honestly think of it. I’ve seen the road you’re taking lately, man I’m proud Ain’t no shame in knowing what you’re about Don’t let it hold you down any more We know the direction it steered you in before Easy when it’s easy, won’t always be easy man But when you feel all alone and weak, I know you can Rise above and reach for so much, you can take it all And I’ll be there to push you back up if you fall Never forget the reasons You fought hard for your freedom You and I we see the road back to from where you came We don’t need no easy way to bring back all the pain We don’t need no crystal ball showing us how Ain’t really so hard to see man that it’s better now Temptation can kill, if you’re hand's in the cookie jar It’s a fast track to the way back, you’ve come this far Hundred thousand smiles to wait for, you could wipe away Won't you share them with a friend cuz I’m here to stay
  16. Is it best to write a note or not to? Is it better to tell everyone and to scream and shout that it hurts and you dont know what to do and you cant do it anymore... Or is that just screaming for attention? and being melodramatic... if there was ever any intention behind it, it would have been a long time ago Is it better not to cause the worry not to say anything, and just end it without the drama? I guess, its all about the feeling, about how it hurts, and no one else can see that, or possibly empathise because no one has any idea what its like. Its like i am standing on the outside of everything.... and just watching... i feel like a mime in a glass box as corny as that image is.... i feel like in time things will get better, but i feel that is a naive view to have of things... or will things get worse before they get any better? Its like the world and me is shrinking. Putting out on the internet is like putting it out to the universe... to say hey... give me a break here... i am trying really really hard but c'mon the joke's over dude... I get it!!!! and I am not laughing!!! I feel like say okay okay, enough is enough... i get the hint and i should've left this party a long time ago but i keep just hanging around for that odd little chance something might change... someone might say, Hey tally... I remember you.... I wonder if any one says that or thinks that, ya know? Hey Tally, I remember her, whatever happened to her? You know this week at work, i helped a kid out with a college assignment, answered all the q's, did an interview, provided them with some policies and other papers.... they gave me a dinner for two voucher to someplace i havent been before... but hey, who do i take? I feel really sad... they called and asked if i had the dinner yet.... i just made up some excuse about being too busy... Its friday night, and i am sitting in my office cos i have no where else to go and nothing to do. I would love to go and have after work drinks someplace nice but hey... who with... people keep walking by my office and chatting to me saying Hey Tally, watchya doin on the weekend?... I just laugh and say a bit of this and a bit of that.... i feel really sad... people are wishing me a great weekend... and i just want to go somewhere and jump... or is that too violent? Maybe i should do something more peaceful.... like take something and go to sleep... or should i have a bath, have some champagne and strawberries and cut my wrists.... or is that violent too??? then what about my cat?? hmmm.... what do i do with him...its not his fault i feel like this so i dont want him to suffer alone in an apartment for days or whatever... i dont know what to do.... I am talking to much.... is that a sign? of what? is anyone reading this? i dont know. don't know where to begin don't want to hear it again I don't believe anymore and this is all I know I know I've heard it before I don't believe anymore Honestly, I will tell you honestly, what i want to do... I want a whole lot of drugs... give me some coke... ya know that pink coke... a pill or two, some goey.... something like that... I want to have a few lines, a pill... some champagne... and then i will work out what to do... i want to load myself up to the eyeballs. Because. Because its the only time i can let go. I actually relax and forget about all my * * * *... its like i can step outside my life for a few hours... and just relax... But you know... i dont know where to get drugs. I dont know anyone to get them from. Honestly. Its been a long time since i have taken anything and now i dont know where to begin at all. But i want to step outside my life and not come back in.... i want to get loaded and then i want to disappear into oblivion and fade away. Fade away from memory from the world... so many people have come in and out of my life... Normally what happens, is people go but then i meet more people... or my life evolves and changes... in about every four to five years my life completely changes... but in the last six years or so my life has not changed over at all.... people have gone out but no one is coming in... its just shrinking.... And i feel as i get older the opportunities and chances that are available are declining until soon there will be no new opportunities presenting themselves... but then what? Is one supposed to go out and find those opportunities... create them? but where? where to begin... i dont know. I feel like the jokes over. I get it already! And i am not laughing.
  17. My Boyfriend and I both do drugs , We agreed we had to quit so we can have a happy future. I am doing very well but he on the other hand admits to being addicted to ectasy and can't stop drinking. When we first started going out is when I began doing drugs. I stopped after realizing the mood swings drugs gave me. My boyfriend was doing coke a lot after he got his job and had money and a friend of his and mine told me about how he would choke up blood , so as a concerned girlfriend i told him he HAD to quit or its over. He agreed to quit and all was well at this time I was using e and he was as well i decided i wanted to quit and he should to because he started doing it heavily. So we both decided to quit together. I was doing ok I slipped up every now and then but he was flipping pills like crazy ...He told me he would stop all drugs after he got to try acid. I didnt't want him to do acid at all after seeing what it did to a friend of mine , I told him no It's the acid or me . He got mad telling me i'm crazy and controlling and that I tried it twice even though I was supposed to do it once. I then argued back I made a mistake and I don't want you doing the same thiing. He then said well this is the last drug I want to do then i'm done even though he said that about coke and meth!!! His friends are telling me I'm crazy and controlling when all I want to do is protect him. Am I wrong in telling him he is not allowed to do acid or any drugs even though i had and am trying to quit and slip up once in a blue moon or should he be allowed to throw my mistakes in my face and continue to use until I don't lay a finger on a drug again? Am I actually controlling and crazy?
  18. I don't have a question to ask this time, just thought I'd fill everyone in on my recent progress. You old hands here will probably get a good laugh at this, but for me it's exciting progress and I just had to tell somebody. Okay, I went to the Halloween festival in Little 5 Points in Atlanta tonight, and after all the entertainment was over, I got brave and walked into a bar for the first time ever. I thought it'd be scary, but it went surprisingly smoothly. I saw a pretty girl sitting at the bar, and I walked up and brazenly sat down right beside her. Then, in an uncharacteristic burst of courage, I attempted to start a conversation with her. I asked her if the food was pretty good there, and she said it was okay. I attempted a little small talk about the offbeat neighborhood, and her responses were polite but not very enthusiastic. Anyway, I asked for a hamburger (and I even asked for a beer! I've only ever drank soft drinks, I'm mostly a Dr. Pepper guy). And so I sat and ate my hamburger and very lightly sipped the beer, and when I finished I paid the bartender and left. And it hit me as I was returning to my little truck - oh my god, I, the fortysomething virgin, had actually attempted to pick up a woman in a bar! I thought, this one either didn't find me appealing, or was already involved, but if that hadn't been the case, I might actually have gotten a date. I also thought that if I kept trying this repeatedly for long enough, I might eventually find a girl who'd like me and wasn't otherwise involved, and it might really happen. Wow I'm so excited! I'm on my way now!
  19. Ok, I am really freaking out because a few of my friends have started doing cocaine. It really gets to me because my older brother used to have a bad coke habit and he truly believes he should have died because of it. One of my friends, a guy who actually likes me and I kinda like him, just told me that he also does it and I freaked out even more because I knew that some of my friends did it but I didn't know that he did. Obviously I can't date him for this reason but he told me he would stop, I just don't want him to do it for me, I want him to do it for him...he has a troubled past as do most of my friends who do it but that is no excuse. It is not a healthy way to deal with your problems. They say they will stop when the school year begins but can you really trust someone who does coke? I am just wondering if anyone here has had experience with this and what you did to help. It is really depressing me to the point where I can't sleep well at night because I really care about them but at the same time it freaks me out to be around them. Any advice would be appreciated.
  20. hey i was at a party last night and i think i may have had my drink spiked. i only had two vodka and cokes. i usually drink a lot more than that and i can handle my drinks very well. however, last night i felt really rough after that and i have been throwing up ever since (just stopped a few hours ago). i had this guy hitting on me the entire night and i do sorta remember leaving my drink to go to the bathroom at one point but i didnt get another one (my second vodka and coke)...he was sitting close by and i cant help but think it may have been him. i had that same drink when i came back and a couple of hours later i am feeling really sick and faint. the same guy comes over and he tries to ask if im okay and he starts to feel me up but i managed to push him away. i managed to get outside and he followed still trying to put his arm around my waist and he was acting really sleazy. thankfully i managed to get a taxi home but spent the entire night throwing up. i have never been like this before and it just got me thinking if my drink had been spiked or not....any opinions wud be good. sorry if this doesnt come under this forum...wasnt sure where else to put it
  21. hey; i made one of these forum account thingers, because i've been having a really hard time with things, and pretty much felt like i have had no where to go.. not a very great feeling, and im sure all of you know. I have been with my boyfrined, for seven months. He's 9 years older than me.. but it really hasn't been an issue.. until lately, im starting to notice how we are both dealing with different things.. and where it could cause problems.. When i met him he was severely into coke.. i've always been the type of person who's wanted to help people.. i dedicated pretty well my whole first semester of school to - waking up in the morning.. gettin dropped off at school.. detouring to his house.. put him to bed.. (after a long night of junking) .. i'd wake him up mid after noon, make him eat, then put him back to sleep... i thought this was a start.. i was pretty much wrong.. and i was just curing him, for another week of junking and drinking whatever he could.. the best lesson i've learned from this is.. you can't change somebody who doesnt want to be changed.. (you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make them drink).. after a little while, my boyfriend told me he had a baby on the way, with a nother girl; he decided he owed it to his baby on the way, himself, and to me, to change.. so he left for about two weeks, and pretty much quit coke cold turkey.. he came home, and things were really good, he moved out of the coke dealers house he was living in, and moved in with his parents for a while.. then he slowly has been getting his life together.. on march 9th i do believe, his baby was born. and the lady he had him with, didnt even have the respect to call my boyfriend and let him know.. (and my boyfriends tried so hard through out the pregnancy.. askin her if she needed money, or anything, and she pretty much treated him like he was nothing but the sperm doner).. eventually after three week of the baby being born, she let him know that "he could see his son, but it was a supervised visit that HE payed for, and he could only see him for 30 minutes" .. my boyfriend was some upset, but he just swallowed all his pride, and went with it.. the baby is almost a month month and a half old. and he's only seen his baby twice.. an hour in total.. i thought that him having this baby, would be something i could deal with. and it's not that big of a deal, because i love him and i want to take him as he is. but some times i get a little hurt that, regardless of how much him the the mother don't get along. my boyfriend shares a life with somebody else. and i've been acting a little selfish lately.... it didnt even cross my mind really how bad my boyfriend was hurtiing, because he wanted to be apart of his son;s life, and she wasnt letting him be, all i could think about were other problems, the one that were coming into our relationship and i was expecting him to deal with, right at the moment.. or he'd go to the bar with a couple of his friends.. and i couldnt help but always think the worst.. (him cheating on me.. ) i wasn't really aware of any of my actions, really until we got in a huge fight on thursday, both of us yelling, crying, screaming. then friday we had a sleep over, and things were getting a little better.. then last night he told me he needed some space, and all i did was guilt trip him, and push him away more.. i feel like a complete idiot. im not good at expressing my feelings. or letting him know im upset, with out being childish, and because of our age diffence, this isnt really acceptable.. i want to give him his space, but im scared he's not going to come back, or he will find somebody else. i've noticed, now that it might be too late. how immature i've been acting, and i just need to know what i can do, i just want things to work out between us.. how can i control my unacceptable behavior.. how can i stop always just thinking the worst when he goes out with friends .. sorry for the length of this. i just really need help -brittany
  22. Hey all, It's been a really long time.. I've been with a 51 year old lady for 2 years. In those two years, she has ruined both of my birthdays by not showing up or using the silent treatment. As well as last Christmas. I've always thought that she was a little crazy. She's a borderline alcoholic and recently discovered that she's a big coke head as well. About two months ago, I yelled at her because I thought she was high and had a childhood friend that was visiting and she was ranting and raving and could not be calmed. This started the whole thing. For the last two months, she has cycled faster and faster. We've literally broken up and reconciled 5 times in the last two months. When I broke up with her 2 months ago, she threatened to kill herself. It was all staged though. She also informed me that the night before, she had gotten into a fight at the bar with a girl that had called her fat and had broken her nose. And that she had tried heroin. Just fake, fake drama. She justifies her worth and appearance through the validation of others. She is just empty inside. But she has an extreme fear of abandonment as well (BPD). On August the 5, we had decided to get married. We were addicted to each other. 2 years and we facetimed 6 - 15 times per day from the time she woke up until the time that she went to bed, went to work and everything in between. She apparently got a bag of coke, on the eve of my birthday, August the 6, and everything changed, of course. We got into a fight over my facebook single status, since she had most recently broken up with me. She is also very jealous and accused me of having my "girlfriends" posting on my pictures. They are just women that are friends. No infidelity in our relationship, I'm not the cheating type. Just drama drama drama. I one time that I was able to facetime her, I had started crying and with that, the harder I cried, the meaner she got. She told me that because of my facebook status that it was my fault and I was going to have to pay for it. She punishes me with the silent treatment because she knows that it drives me nuts. I had reached out to her multiple times that night, to no avail. Finally at 3 in the morning of my birthday, I just couldn't take it anymore and broke up with her. She gaslighted me a couple of times and it was utterly horrible for me. I had not heard from her at all, until Wednesday. 3 weeks after the fact and she did nothing but blame me for everything. She's also pretty burnt that I broke up with her. She mentioned it 6 times. I believe that she was probing me to see where I was at, or she realized that the grass was not greener. I asked her why even contact me if she was going to be mean and take no accountability, and she didn't even address that, just insult after insult. Saying that I was too controlling, etc. I even said to her that I had been thinking about asking her for one final chance, but she was clearly not in that space, and with that, she replied "take all the space you need". With her verbage, she also was speaking present tense. "you try to walk out of a 2 year relationship at 3 in the morning." Not tried, not did, not it's over, not there will never be another chance. I was going to spend about 1k on her birthday, which is the last week of this month, and the 3k I was going to spend on her engagement ring. Again nothing, nada, just continuing to hurl insults. She called me a stalker, even though I had not left any voice messages on her phone for a week or so. Basically I feel like her mantra is "I hate you, don't leave me". At the end, she said, "let's just call it a truce and we will talk sometime later", 2 hours later, she sent the message "re reading this, everything is me, me, me, i, i, i, now bye for good" Which she's said literally 10 times in the last 2 months. I know that she was looking to see my reaction and my reaction was "ok take care", which I am sure burned her. I also know that she is being very manipulative and is playing a game. But she has not re blocked me on facebook.. Probably to spy on me. I do not want her back at this point, I would just like to have my closure. Does anyone know what she might be up too? In my mind, she might really provided no indication that she is done, speaking in present tense and not telling me that it is over. Other than her last statement. My friends and I believe that to her, this is an ongoing situation, but for me, I am just trying to escape.. Why reach out randomly to me after 3 weeks. I know that she misses me. But what a horrible attitude to take. Or is she just projecting and is going to "God forbid" try to reconcile once she's had her fun? Her things are over here, still, clothes, food, parking ticket, etc. She hasn't picked them up. Idk, please help me enotalone!
  23. Theres 3 guys who are sending me vibes, i am interested in them all... what do i do?? Guy 1: He is really really really funny and i love to laugh. He not really as mature as i would want though. Hes really nice and everything. Today he was like hey are you staying after school today? I said no. he was like well then since ur not im not going to either. We are in band. All-State practice. He will pass me in the halls and like run into me or give me a five. Guy 2: hes funny as well. Hes more of a country dude though. He plays tuba. Lol. i was on the band bus um.... either fiday or saturday it was, i think it was saturday. I was saying that i was thirsty and he was like well you want the rest of my coke? i catch him staring at me a lot too. i will be like thinking and looking out the window of his side of the bus, and i break my attention with the otside and i see him looking at him as if he is thinking something. Hes really nice to me as well and funny. Guy 3: He plays trombone. He talks to me a lot. exspecially when i am alone. I will talk to him and we have good conversations. The other day at band competition, he was like rocketship, submarine, trainwreck. lol its ours band nerd five. its quite fun actually. but yeah i had my camra out and i was taking ramdon pictures, and he was reading so i though i would take a picture to see if he would notice and he looked up right when i was taking it, the picture is great. I just dont know, i like them all. Should i like make a list or something about everything i like about each one until i decide?? Or do you have any advice i could use??? Thanks
  24. Me and my X of 3 years split up about 5 1/2 months ago. I got involved with cocaine not really badly though and it ended up with that stuff making me depressed. She left without giving me a chance to sort myself and never even threatened me that she would walk out and was adament that she could never go back to how it was and that she would not come back to me. I havent touched coke since she walked out and i have in my view and many of my friends and family become twice the man the she walked out on, I have improved myself in ways which definetly make me a better person. I did push her away at the start but it was only because i wanted to ask her what else i had done wrong and she didnt want to talk she just expected me to just dissappear. I was never that bad and she is totally exgerating my part in the breakdown and she is so self riteous at the moment. i have given her space now and i have changed how can i try and talk to her and work things out when even though she knows i have sorted myself and that i can make her happy out she wont accept it how can i explain to her that i have changed without pressuring her. She got cold feet and then ran away how can I get her back to the new me, all i ask of her is to try and get to know me again this time without the drugs and not only give me a chance to start again but herself. If it helps i think i scared her and now i want to show her that everything is ok. We split 2 days from buying our first house and up until the day we split we were so in love with each other. a week later i am thwe worst person in the world. She is smoking a lot of dope at the moment and has met a guy who is ONLY a friend I know that for sure. But i think he smokes it as well and since she met him she has let herself go and her attitude towards me and been terrible, could this be because she is jealous that i sorted myself out and she is going downhill. She is very stuborn and would rather suffer for the rest of her life than accept that she was wrong to give up on me. How can i prompt her and get her to throw away her foolish pride. Is there away to reverse the damage i caused by my begging and pleading. I said some pretty nasty stuff to her in anger which i didnt mean and she knows that. But she said just as many hurtful full things too which I hope she didnt mean but when she said them i acted all weak and begged etc etc. I was depressed like mad almost suicidal and it just made her worse. Also she asked me to give up drugs and so now when i have she says that she never asked me to, even though it was the one thing she wanted me to do. I dont deserve to be treated like how she is treating me and yet i still lover the memory of her and really want to work things out and let bygones be bygones and start with a clean sheet. Sometimes i think she enjoys seeing me suffer and for what reason, and for all the times i hurt her with the coke she hurt me with her dope. It is as if someone is controling her thoughts and actions and pushing her away from me and she is believing them even though she has repected my opinion as her best friend for so long what i say or think counts for nothing. After all this she stills sees my sister and niece once a month and cuts our my friends hair, it is ok for her to get in my life but as soon as i approch one of her friends it is as if she has told them not to talk to me I was the best boyfriend she has ever had and she even told me she would have to look a long wayto find someone better. My parents love her and i am loved like a son by hers. It is as if I never existed! even though we had a wonderful relationship and the most hurtful thing is that she knows it. I have moved on and i am dating other women but I cant change where my heart belongs. Coyuld she still be going through a angry stage and blaming me for everything wrong in her life. What can I say to her?
  25. Told my story elsewhere - ditched by fiancee after 8 years around seven weeks ago. Had been doing ok with NC - until yesterday. I met a friend at lunch, was glad of opportunity to unload. He had bought us lunch, but I was so distracted by my woes I didn't register that I was accidentally drinking his coffee! I usually avoid that drink like the plague. Later on, like a fool, I had a Coke to combat the comedown from the caffeine which my brain is unused to. This is the kind of idiocy you get into when you are traumatised and your brain is off-kilter. Anyway, I had not been shadowing my ex or anything but I couldn't help but notice that on Messenger that she had been active at odd hours. Then I remembered she had talked about going to NY for a film festival (she works in media). The thought that she was in NY, moving on with her life, in a city with plenty of distractions, opportunities for one-nighters, etc started tormenting me, and those feelings were reved up by the caffeine and coke. Plunged into a bit of restless despair. Willpower collapsed and thinking that if I reminded her of my existence she'd somehow be less inclined to have a fling. So texted her "Are you in NY?" A few hours later she replied "Yup. Leaving now." That was it. Anyway, just wanted to fess up. Feel like a complete idiot.
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