Clint30

Its good that you talk with him about it, but if you keep pressuring him with things like "was she more attractive than me?" his will could slip away alittle bit. Instead, do things you have never done before or ina different way. And if some new ideas dont blow him off, than there is something to talk about. Keep safe

I am very glad that she got married and pregnant and everything that goes with it. But I am wondering that if I am in his position it would be very weird for me to hide something like that. I would definetly tell him if me were in his position. I feel stupid about this, its not a big issue, but I am kinda disappointed in him.. I dunno know really. It definitely will not affect our friendship, but I dont like to be the last one to know.. And I really dont see any reason or hidden agenda for not telling me. Weird...

well, we resolved all that issues about mutual friends and him hanging around with her or something, and I really have no problem with it. But I feel very disappointed, very very. There is no single reason why he could not tell me except if he is thinking that i still mourn for my ex - which I definitly not (it was two years ago).. I dont know. I dont see friendship works that way...

...when you accidentally hear that your ex girlfriend, that was the biggest love you ever had has got married and your good friend didnt tell you about it? The problem is, my good friend, we know each other for 16 years, is boyfriend of my ex`s good friend, so if this is true I am sure that he was at the wedding.. My ex is not the issue here, but my friend is. I mean, I can not believe this. The wedding was several months ago - and he did not tell me? What would you do?

thanx, for reply, but that mutual friends thing is not an issue here. I understand what you are saying becouse it seems like we are sharing similar experience, and what bothers me most is that I am the one who stepped away from all of these, and I understand that a lot of people look to me as a cyco that can not accept this whole new "thing" going on. there is a saying that goes "You see who is your friend when trouble is around" But the issue is that she is coming back in the picture, and that I am in a situation that part of me wants to very briefly say to her that all this NC mode is my decision and that it has nothing to do with pride, anger or something like that. That I just want to separate from things that are not suitable for me and that I hope that she can respect that... Dont call us, We`ll call you thing hahahahahahhahaa

I am feeling kind of weird about all of these. I mean, its not ok from her to do something like this. i dunno if I am mad or sad or proud (on myself for NC treatment I gave her). I believe that she has something on her mind and thinking of what it might be makes me tired.. I think that even Marsians would understand already that this NC thing is something that I want. And all that quasi "friendly" signals from her dont interest me. Sometimes I think that its disrespectfull towards each other that we obtain something friendly (its no anger speaking from me, or something like that), becouse I hardly remember the good stuff that we had sometimes and I truly can not be and not sure if i trully wanna be honest with her. I know that she has someone, she probably knows that I have someone (and although it sounds contradictory becouse I am posting on this site) and both of us having someone else doesnt change a single thing. I can not be friends with someone who wasnt my friend in a first place, I dont think that I can be friend with someone who wasnt matture enough when there was time for it, with someone who did not point on our (or my) issues that maybe could be solved at the time. So do you think this is just "checking on me" thing, the grass isnt greener on the other side thing, her mind games or what. And I am just wondering will she contact me soon and what do you think if she does. I dont wanna be unpolite or something, but at the same time I dont wanna give her oportunity to feel good after that (this is not a table tennis game) but if I will do this she wins.. should I ask her: "What do you really want"? and for what potential answers I must be ready? Thanx for replies

Short blitz news.. She called me for the first time after BU (almost year and a half later), and i didnt recognize her becouse I erased her number in my cell, and (really inbelievable), she tells me that her digital camera died, and that she wants to ask me if I maybe need batteries or memory card for my camera?? I mean what the F...It was a short conversation becouse i "had" work to do and i simply told her that i doubt that these two cameras are "compatible" and that I will call her if i will need anything for camera. Any opinions of her intensions?? Feedback would be welcomed.

It goes like this... My ex(girlfriend) left me approx year and a half ago. Our break up was a really nasty one. One day she put my picture on the wall, the next one she leaves saying that she never loved me and that my actions lead to this... I am not saying that I am the perfect one, but I think that it takes two for a lot of things. So, I asked her if she met someone (she never answered), i felt totaly down (like everybody else), deppressed, I begged, cried and everything that goes with it. 2 weeks later she sends me e-mail that she met someone new and that she asks me to forgive her(?) becouse she knows that she hurted me a lot. Unfortunately (for me), I just couldnt controlled myself and told a lot of things that were wrong and that went through me like en explosion..and to this day i feel bad becouse of my reaction but I learned how to forgive myself, and that is the most important thing for me.. So, her new relationship fell appart in month or two and she came out of blue, sending me "funny" mails, txt mssg me when I was in another country on some festival (she did it after 4 months of NC from my side), writing me that she is hoping that "we" (not me - becouse I was with friends) are having a good time, and "drive home safely stuff"....??? I answered a short line like - "Its ok, you dont have to worry about me driving home safely". I am saying this becouse i really dont like that stuff. I mean, she told me that I am not the one, that she didnt find what she was looking for, that she needs the hand that will lead her through life (my fav one that she wants to forget everything that she had with me and some really painfull stuff, which luckily I can not really remember anymore. To be honest, to this day I am feeling like we really never had any real closure about all of this stuff, and at this point almost a year and a half later, I am not sure do I need any closure.. I am saying this becouse I think that I do not need reopening of any wounds that she gave to me. Lets be perfectly clear - I do not accuse her, I do not accuse myself anymore (which I really did - I put her on a piedestal where she really didnt belong), everything is her decision which I accepted and steped away, maybe not decently enogh, but in the end I moved away. Why I am I saying all of this. I do becouse we have some very good mutual friends. One of my best male friends is her best friends boyfriend, so things went hard for everyone. I simply do not wanna hang out with her, becouse it doesn t suits me. I mean, its not anger or proud, its just that at this point, things are not the same, becouse I was madly in love with the girl who slept everynight in my bed and for whom I thought was the one. After she mailed me some fuuny stuff via e-mail several months ago, it took me a giant step back, although I am really glad that she did think of me through time to time. After I asked her why are you doing this - she tells, "I just wanted to see how are you (at that point the answer could be: "I am ok", or " i miss you like hell and I never feel worse in my life"), sorry for asking (she never asked really), thats so pathetic from you (me), and that we dont have to seven say hello to each other if we ran into each other." Reading that, through my mind went a lot of things: that she has some serious problems with all of that, that she is trying to clear her guilt (if she had one)through this "friendly" stuff and that becouse of all mutual friends she wants to solve all of this in some other way. I really dont know, becouse when we see each other, which is really rare, she or ignores me completely or smiles at me like sometimes. Hello? So for me the best solution was completely NC mode becouse its the thing that suits me best in this situation, but through time to time, she sends me some funny mails and I really dont know why is she doing this, checking to see if I still bite for her or what. I am ignoring her mails, becouse nothing is tha same as before and I already decided that I will go my way, continuing with my life without her.. I am writing this, becouse, yes - I do think a lot of her and good times and about her transformation to completely different person that left me in pain. A lot of her good (girls) friends sometimes asked me how I was doing, thay wantzed to hear what happened (my side of story), do I have someone etc, etc saying that we should clear some stuff and that it would be really bad if that " friendship" between me and her fells apart...I do not wanna talk with her friends about it, becouse in my opinion even the slightest mistake in an accent of her friend saying to here some my words could mean something completely different than that what I have said... This is my time, and I dealed with my pain with myself alone, learned a lot, and progress further. But I cant stop myself from thinking about all of this everyday, about how fake everything was in the end, about how Icould lose my good friend (we know each other for 15 years) becouse he is hanging around with his girlfriend and my ex, etc, etc. The question is Am I doing the right thing, that NC mode, and me just vanishing from her sight. Is this right? And why is she doing this, this mailng stuff through time to time? Any input is welcomed BTW - the site is really great. Keep up the good work. Cheers.

Look at that at this way. You do not communicate while together in mutual surroundings, nothing is the same and only you and your ex realise that. My suggestion is that if this kind of situation does not suits you, then step away. If you have some true fiends within that mutual company, they must understand you and your decision to step away from all of that. You will spend time with your friends some other time on spme other places. But do not feel obligated to hang out with everbody when its clear that this kind of situation is not suitable for you at this point. And most important thing - do not expect anything from your friends, but only from true ones. Be honest to yourself and realize that what you are doing is nothing but your false hope that everything will be fine and that there is bigger potential of getting back together if you hang out all together. Maybe yes, maybe not. Dont do this to yourself, and at the time your friends will realize that its not what suits you.. If they are true ones, you will be the one everybody will come to.

Well, she IS my EX. I was just wondering.. I think they BU approx 1 year or little more before she met me. Our relationship did not lasted long, but that - picture thing - was something I noticed. I also noticed that she sometimes talked with me about her ex boyfriend (with whom she lost all contact by his side). But the most interesting thing is that at the BU period of me and her she said something very interesting - that she regrets some of her actions from the past (that has nothing to do with me). I am saying this becouse it looks like she still loves that old ex guy... I am also thinking that pictures on the wall (although it is part of someones history) were pretty disrespectfull towards me... On the other side, my good friend has pictures on the wall of her ex boyfriend (as a memory also) although she is in arelationship with one guy for almost a year now. During some conversations, I told her that it would be best for her to take them of, otherwise she wont be able to step out of this "memory" phase and that is also disrespectfull towards her boyfriend. As me and my friend were speaking a lot about issues like that, she told me that she thinks about her old guy every day!?? I mean - get together than (if you can). So people - take off pictures of your Ex and get over that.

Very simple. Whilie I was in a relationship with my ex, I noticed that she had 2 or 3 pictures of herself and her exboyfriend on the wall. I just noticed that, as I noticed that none of other people I know have pictures of the ex on their walls while in relationship with someone else... Her only answer about this issue that it is just her memory... He left her. What do you think?

It looks like this. She left me a year ago, saying that I am not the one, that she did not find what she was looking for, that I will find someone who will understand me, that she needs "the hand that will lead her through life"..et etc. I did all wrong stuff (classic) - beg, cry, said some nasty words after the breakup (at this point I can not believe that I told her that she was cheating on me, when probably she was not) and that push me pull me thing lasted for a month after tha BU and then I cutted it of and went into NC mode. Only a month after our BU she was with another guy whom she met while still beeing with me. I have no problem wth that, only with knowing that during BU I asked her if she met somebody else, that she tells me that. She did not answered. Her new relationship lasted for a month or two. So I went doing all the NC stuff. Since then, she is the one doing all the contact (via emails - sending me some funny stuff approx once in a 2 month period, like we are friends or something), several months after the BU she txt mssgs me that she is watching live brodcast of some festival on Mtv on whom me and my friends were, and that she is hopping that we are having a good time and that I must be carefull how I drive home(!?). I answered that she does not have to worry about me driving home and that the concert is great. 2 weeks later I txted her very short "Happy birthday - Bee good" mssge and she replies to me Thank you, thank you, I send you kisses(!?). A week later I simply asked her why is she doing this, tha email stuff, kisses, worrying about me driving home and stuff, and she really got pissed of and said. "Sorry that I wanted to hear how are you (she never asked), this is so pathetic from you, and as I am concerned we dont have to say even hello to each ther when we see each other on the street!" Wow. I guess I heard something that I really did not expect. So, we went to the NC mode again, simply becouse it is really the best thing for me. Then I met somebody knew, and kept that girl in a distance of our mutual friends that unfortunatley know every single detail of BU with my EX. Me and my ex have a bunch of mutual friends so the potential problem of mutual gatherings is here. I am saying this becouse in this company I am always the one with the coolest ideas of how we should spent some time, where we can travel, on which cultural or musical event we should go etc etc. I am not saying this becouse "I am simply the best" and I am saying this becouse it is tha fact, and that I know that my EX likes the same thing as me and that she can not attend (as the rest of the company) to some events if I dont do all the work.. Whatever. So, approx one year later, I found out there is some party going on in other town, I told that to my friends, and told them strictly that I do not wanna any "mutual combinations" on that event. Of course, my ex apperead with her new boyfriend (I heard that she has one, she probably heard that I Have someone), calling me in the 01.00 hours i the morning (I did not hear tha cell so I did not answered). We spoke very shortly, her saying to me : Hey there is "Mr XY", you remember him? (with smile on her face, but special smile that only I can reckon) - Me answering: Yeah I remember him, but sorry i do not have glasses at this point so I dont really see him One month ago her friend told me that my EX really wants to solve some issues with me (i guess it could be one of: "why can not we be friends, guilty conciensceher selfishness or something else) so I dont really know what to do. One of my best friend is her best friend`s boyfriend, and me and my friends know each other for almost 15 years. I am saying all this becouse, at this point I am not into some friendly stuff really, becouse I know that I never really loved somebody like her, becouse all my honest words did not mean anything to her, becouse I felt lot of pain and becouse (maybe selfish and stupid) I do not wanna give her the opportunity to feel good after all. I dont mind her nothing, but not been honest with me when there was time for it (during BU) however that was hard for her and that she maybe did not want to devastate me in that way. So the quest is I give her a call ask her for coffe, then asked her what really she wants from me? And should I told her that she tries to understand that although its almost one year that has passed, that this is my time at the moment, and that its time for myself and that she tries to understand that this is my choice and that I am only doing things that are suitable for me. In other words I am posting on this great site, which probably means that I am not completely over my ex, that I have a new girlfriend with whome I like spend time (I can not define my emotions to her - but I like her), and that part of me really feels that me and my EX can only be "friends" if we say everything to each other (because someone can be my friend only that way - sorry)... What should I do? I know this could be two sided blade..The problem is, she "was" the one, and I am feeling responsible for lot of things, even our breakup. Part of me misses her and all great times that we had. Love you all, keep posting