forallseasons

I am in my second year of college at Cal. During my first year, I lost relations with my girlfriend, and lost my will to become social with it. I met a few people my freshman year, but none I could call a close friend, nor did I find any kind of group to be with. In high school I had an extremely close group of friends, and felt like I knew a great portion of the people at school well. This year, I am doing just a little better, but still find myself in the same place. I still miss someone to be with, if not necessarily my ex. I still haven't exactly found people I can call a group. I long to go party, meet new people, be part of a community, a group of people that will call me up to hang out, but I can't bring myself to. I keep telling myself my priorities are to keep up with my studying. I feel unmotivated to join groups and associations. I half know I should be doing this, but I just can't seem to. What do I do? I've never felt this way, a little bit of "just fine" and "lost" all in one.

There's a huge huge problem here. You're basically waiting on your Ex to act right. You aren't putting yourself into your relationship and thats why you aren't in love yet. You aren't investing yourself because you think something better might happen. You've got this ex really just shaking up your life. I think you've got to let her go. The more you dwell on possibilities with your ex, the more you won't be willing to go further with your current girlfriend, and that will lead to problems. Nothing is static. The ex is way too much risk. She's got problems, and it really doesn't look like shes solved them. She'll create problems in your current relationship. And most important of all, you won't be able to find a better relationship.

I wasn't ignoring her, just not giving her the amount that she wanted. It wasn't like I went out of my way to not see her, but I didn't do many things I didn't know I was supposed to. I started off pretty shy, and she was more experienced with relationships, so she expected me to call alot more often, to find her out at school alot more often, and things like that. I hadn't even thought she wanted these things until things were already bad. You get that feeling where you're trying to juggle so many things in your life, and you get the impression that you're actaully doing alright. I thought things were alright, but really, grades and college acceptance took over alot more of my mind that year. I don't blame or feel insulted that she wanted emotional support from someone else, just thought it would be better if she maybe told me these things instead of just seeking it from my friend, maybe we could have worked things out better. As for him, is there really any excuse for the way he did things? I share a brotherhood with friends that I get close to, and to really just see someone totally disregard your feelings and claim to be your friend? He still hasn't admitting or wanted to talk about anything, so it still feels no where near resolved. I don't see how I was blaming him or my ex for my own shortcomings, just asking more on how you treat people after things like that. I won't let the trust flow like brothers anymore, but I still can't just tell him I don't want to see him or be his friend. It just seems like I'll have to put on the half satisfied, half suspicious and angry fascade. Thank you guys for the advice and time.

This is actually about an Ex, but I would really like to know since it was a big issue that I feel I haven't solved. My girlfriend became very good friends with one of my close guy friends. They were emotionally close. We had just started junior year of school, and I had to work hard on my grades, for I really wanted to get to my dream school. I didn't give this girl as much attention as I should have, and thus she began getting closer and closer to my friend. He called her and talked to her late into the night, and other stuff like that. Occasionally I would see them linking arms, and even once holding hands. Sometimes she would just talk to him, or other things like that. She would tell him she loved him, and so on. I didn't actually do anything about any of this. She called him her brother, and I pretty much said thats fine with me. I didn't get jealous, but it did hurt me to see them linking arms..or holding hands when I was there! This would push me to be even more distant...and eventually all hell broke loose and we fought. She told me it was my fault because I hadn't given her the emotional support she needed, and that he had, so how could I blame her? She asked to be friends, and I said no. For the next week she called me and messaged me and finally just begged me to try it over again. I said ok, and things changed from then. She told me that he had told her I wasn't worth her time, and that I was a horrible boyfriend, and things like that. I avoided him for a couple months, but ended up falling back into friendship with him. Near the end of our relationship, she questioned why I let him be my friend even though he did this. So now I'm in my college, no regrets there, I still have these things lingering in my mind. So my questions are, one, how would you deal with your loved one becoming so close to your friend? I didn't know how to respond, because I had been pretty poor in attention, so I really didn't have anything to fight with. Second, what do you do with this friend? My friendship with him has been decent from then. I've heard forgive but not forget, which I've pretty much taken on. But it's really really uncomfortable talking to him sometimes because I feel like any moment he could be lying or trying to backstab me.

There is one thing we can all be sure about the message. And that its bad. It, in no way, signifies anything good for you. So, you should stop wondering about it's intentions. You can ask us and we can guess, with guesses that can only be as good as yours, but we and you will never know the truth behind it. As for this woman... "I want this girl to come crawling back...like I said, she told me over and over again and still to this day that I'm the nicest man she has ever been with and the only one that has ever loved her...I always treated her like a princess even when she pulled all this crap on me. I just want her to realize and learn a lesson and I'm hoping NC is making her feel this way." These are feelings are what many dumpees feel. You can't feel this way, it will set you back. You will go on hoping she breaks under your NC, and when she does, you will easily let her play with you again, or if it doesn't, you will be hurt and disappointed. Right now, you gotta think of NC as nothing to do with her, but everything to do with yourself. Heal, find things to be happy about, enjoy life! Because we all know how ethereal life is. Good luck.

Ok so to answer your question. First thing I'm going to assume is that you haven't met her in person. Being a internet only relationship...it was going to be hard to start with. Eventually I'm guessing she became interested in someone else, or realized that this relationship wasn't going to go anywhere. Gradually she lost interest in you, and needed some way to let you know that she wanted out. The fact that she doesn't talk to you means that it probably annoys her, or she feels some sort of guilt. I don't want to be harsh, but thats the truth. And then you send her a letter telling her you tried to commit suicide. Why do this? Did you want her sympathy? Take care of yourself. This action probably killed any chance you guys have of ever talking again. She is probably scared to death of you...She doesn't want to be responsible for that, and she will probably feel very very uncomfortable ever talking to you knowing that you did this. My advice is you need to now cut this person out of your life like she has to you. Erase her phone number, her email address, her screen name, her mom's screen name, anything connected to her. Also, never ever bring this up with your new girlfriend. Don't tell your new girlfriend anything connected to this ex. Don't tell her that you tried to commit suicide either. You need to work on your new relationship and let go of this past. Good luck.

My Ex had said some stuff...those kind of subtle attacks...while we were at a park in the middle of the night. I got pissed, and when I turned around, she ran off. I spent the next hour running around / driving around like a mad man. I even scared one guy because I ran up to him in desperation. I was scared as hell that something might happen to her. She had left her purse with her cell in my car...and the park was huge. My friend finally contacted me telling me she was at his house. When I saw her...I cried. For the first time in years. I don't even know how to start explaining what crazy emotions were surging through my mind.

If she told you the truth, you would have headed for the hills. I've been through those kinds of things before, I was in a failing relationship, and we decided to break it off. She asked me to stay her friend, and I refused. She said how her friends were all leaving, and she needed me, that I couldn't go. Now, of course it broke my heart, but you have to realize this: The girl needs emotional support, and you've been close, so of course she would rather keep you. During a relationship, girls usually lose the super close touch they keep with other friends, thus leading to you being the closest person they have. So they really don't want you to go, but at the same time, they already somewhere closed the door on your relationship. In my case, during the next week, this girl called and told me that she * * * *ed up and she wants us to be together and she knows its going to be different because shes going to try. The relationship actually became better, and was pretty good for another year and a half before it ended. If she doesn't give you a clear "Yes Im going to put effort because i want us to be together", then you need to get the hell out, because shes willing to manipulate you to keep her own sanity. Yes, selfish, but its something shes willing to do to keep someone there. If you stayed this way, she would have dropped you if she found someone else. You may be what is holding her, but she wont be holding you when you are hurting seeing her with someone else. You gotta see yourself as a prize. If the woman loves you, then shes willing to put it down for you. Shes willing to stop bullsh!@## and will do whatever it takes to foster a relationship. And if she doesnt, then she isnt worth you and your time.

I read your whole post, and if you would read what she did as an outsider, I think you would see why you don't need her in your life. The most obvious glaring thing I saw was that she was blaming you for her misfortunes, and that part about her saying you were a saint, throwing what you did for her in your face. Now, really, is that the kind of girl you want as your girlfriend or even a friend? You should be very happy to get this girl out of your life. She will only string you along more and more, and whenever she gets down, you are going to be her punching bag. Now to answer why she kept stringing you along? I think she just needed the emotional comfort of familiarity and support. The tampon thing. I found it rather evil that everytime you tried to get away, she did the whole crying thing...which is hard as hell to resist. But you've made the right move. Good luck Jim.

I think bobo got it correct, If there's anything I could have learned from relationship's with exes, it's that words with unclear intentions are meaningless. Don't let hope string you along and hurt you again. Take care of yourself first, and never read too much into her.

Alright, I'm under the impression that you broke it off. She is right...You said it so you do have to deal with it. You can't play with someone's heart by breaking off the relationship and then saying that you regret it right after. It shows no self control. You did good on not asking her out though. You told her you needed her...you can't do that. She says shes going through hard times, she expects support, she doesn't want a man she has to take care of, she wants a man to take care of her. She might have called after out of guilt, maybe to at least feel like she has your friendship. You have to let her go, but remember not to make the same mistakes with your next girl. Don't lose control during fights, and do stuff you are gonna regret the day after. Don't beg and plead, it will push her farther away. What you need to do now, like all the broken hearted, is take care of yourself. Do things you love...See your friends...take up new interests or work on old ones. Do anything to get your mind off her. You need to show her that you are independent, that you don't need her to be happy. Who knows...maybe someday down the line, she may have interest again, or another better girl may see you and you'll be even happier. Good luck!

You going to regret spending so much time, your most precious asset, in trying to "win her back". You gotta open your eyes and see that she's gone. She's made an impact on your life those years in your life and you should be thankful for that, but move on! Don't spend more time in your life hurting over her and trying to get her back, ending up in just more heartbreak and more time you need to heal. The only thing anyone knows for sure, is that if you keep dwelling on how to win her back, it'll be like stepping on your already broken heart. Right now, you have to concentrate on yourself, not her. There ins't much I can do to convince you that theres just nothing you can do to win her back. The only you can do is not make things even worse. Take what you've learned, and apply it to your next relationship. search up superdave if you want more advice, he has alot of good posts on this.

1. The sad truth is, many people never get back with exes. People always ask the question, how is it that I win my love back? I myself asked the same question my first heartbreak. "She said it would probaly be okay as long as i didn't make a move on her / try to make it any harder than it is now and just acted like a friend dispite how hard it will be." this is the biggest sign you can ever get. I don't want to sound harsh, but she just doesn't have interest in you in that way anymore. 2. Most people advise No contact, because it is the best for healing, and the only way your Ex will ever have a chance of returning. It is mostly for healing, so don't look at it as a way to get your Ex back. You have to realize that shes gone now. Theres a billion other people just as good or better than her that you'll meet, and you'll laugh when you think about how stuck you were on this girl. I think it would be best if you just took some time to heal, cut her out of your life. I mean, stop talking to her, erase her emails, her screen name of your instant messengers...etc. You got to get her out of your mind. Do stuff you enjoy, see your friends, enjoy your life. Honestly...how is this one girl worth your happiness, if all shes doing now is causing you pain? Anyways, this isn't the answer you are looking for, but you probably won't find it. Time will take care of your wounds. Best of luck.

It's been around 6-7 months since my Ex of two years broke up with me, and since then, I've had no contact. I had just recently gone to college, and thats where it all came crashing down. Anyways, during the breaks, I always end up back home hanging out with all the close friends that ended up at different colleges. However, when I was with my EX, we used to have this one big close group. Now that we're separated, she's still close friends with all my buddies. I won't deny that I still haven't gotten over her, but I have already given up on getting her back since the beginning. But how to deal with a situation where you have your group of friends, and shes there? I usually just don't say anything to her, and she doesn't say anything to me, and it keeps on going. However, theres always this uncomfortable feeling. Any advice on how to handle these kind of situations?