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  1. I don't know if I should bring it up to my family doctor or my therapist... I brought it up to my therapist in passing and we didn't expand on that, but I feel like I'm having physical effects from the memories of the past year in particular. I believe my husband is narcissistic and was emotionally abusive to me... I feel like I should feel relief during the divorce process, but I continue to have disturbed sleep, feeling like I'm back in the moments of being bullied, and extreme fear at even seeing his family members texting to check on me. Also, I lost about thirty pounds before leaving my husband. The last several days with him, and the first few days away from him, I couldn't keep food down. I have since put on some weight again, and I'm eating well again, but I lose my appetite at times when I get too deep into the thoughts. I also feel of two minds... one mind is thinking typical victim stuff, like guilt about my fear and confusion over how my husband could also have a good side. But the other side is on autopilot and is thankfully winning. It's strongly pushing me through the steps of getting a divorce and moving on, it's telling me that there are other people outside of him and a whole world to enjoy whenever I'm ready for it. My main concern is the possible PTSD. Is it even possible that I have it, and if so, should I be seeking any treatment? I speak to a therapist once a week, and my family doctor calls me once a week. I take an antidepressant which should start helping me soon, as it has helped me in the past. I also have a sleeping pill that I take as needed- I'm doing my best not to take it daily but I definitely struggle to sleep the nights I don't take it. What else can I be doing?
  2. I want to chronicle this journey in a way that is not enmeshed with all my other comments of my life. I will go over my treatment, and research and my steps toward freedom. To All those who suffer. May you get well.
  3. I don't know where to start. My ex-girlfriend left me a year ago after being together for 1 year. I've known her for almost 3 years though. Um and it's just been terrible. She just one day decided that she wasn't ready to be in a relationship anymore with me and texted me "I don't love you anymore and I'm breaking up with you." Before she sent this text, we hadn't seen each other for 2 weeks, I thought she needed a break so I let her just text me and not see each other. She was stressed with her school. Later, I found out she was distancing herself from me so it would be easier to leave me. She still was texting me "I love you" every night. She lied about her love for me. Like she broke up with me 1 month before our 1 year anniversary through text. She promised she wouldn't ever leave me. I still remember her looking me in my eyes and making out with my passionately when she told me. She betrayed me. It's been several months since she left and it's been severely ing with my head. Her name is common and appears everywhere and triggers my ptsd. I loved her and she loved me completely. I don't know what happened, she just said she wasn't ready for a relationship and wouldn't give me a 2nd chance even when she was ready for one. I've tried so hard but she just won't budge to start over. I ing had my 21st birthday with her and her brother at some ty restaurant for God's sake. She gave me a water bottle and ing chocolates and I still had hope for her. All the money I spent on her gifts were always pricey and she never gave anything good in return. She's a virgin and I was too and she even promised to have sex in a year and lied about that too. I ing hate her selfishness and carelessness so much but she's still somewhat beautiful and attractive god damn it. I'm having trouble with her suddenly leaving. I can't sleep, I'm constantly having ptsd flashbacks of the places we went to, the places we made out and touched each other, the time she told me she loved me and kissed me passionately. Sometimes I almost cry in public remembering the places and things we did together. We were so close to one another that we finished our sentences, spoke and wrote basically the same way; like I really don't understand why she left all of sudden. She wasn't cheating, I know that but I don't know. She was the love of my life and I've told her many times. I told her to never lie about her love to me and she did. I sometimes have nightmares about the good times we had and can't believe she's gone when I wake up in morning. I had a picture of her framed in my room of us together and I gave her one too. We were so close to each other that we would just say one word or give a look and knew exactly what eachother meant. Like I don't know what I did to be so ireedmable to her. This was a girl I thought about marrying at one point and I've told her. I think she really just wants to play around with other guys because once I told her I'm committed to her, she was shocked that someone would want to be with her in that way. I remember when we were friends, we would do many of the same things as we did when we were in a relationship just with mutual commitment. Now she's doing that "friend" thing with someone else since I last texted her this month. Like I ing hate her so much but love her at times. My mind is gone. I miss kissing her, I miss biting her body, I miss caressing her big butt and boobs. I miss her big brown eyes and caressing her hips into my hips. I miss talking to her about daily life. I miss her sitting on my lap and kissing me. I just miss her so much. I thought she knew she meant everything to me. Now I'm just depressed and have PTSD about it. I try so hard to forget her but I can't. It's constantly decaying my mind. I haven't felt love or attraction since she left me. I've been passionless and emotionally detached from most things. I can't believe she did what she did. I used to walk miles just to go see her everyday and walk her home safely. It s with me a lot that she never appreciated me enough to give me a 2nd chance. I don't think I'll ever be able to trust or love another person again. I feel mental pain constantly. People keep telling me "It's just a matter of time, move on" but I don't know if that'll solve anything. She was a special girl and one in million type. I lost her. I'm haunted by what she did and I'm constantly living in hell from the memories. I sometimes wake up at night and cry about the memories. I've told her all of this and she still won't give me a 2nd chance because "I don't think I can regain those feelings for you and I'm already kinda seeing someone else". I hate her stubbornness. She planned the breakup and I hate that she doesn't want to work with me after everything I've done for her. I hate her her ing lying god damn it. I'm shedding tears as I write this. I don't know what to do at this point I'm 23 and alone with no one to talk to. I thought she was the one. I don't know anything anymore. She just texted me one day and left. She's so cold-hearted. I just want the pain to go away already, it sometimes hurts my head and makes my teary eyes go dry. I'm not happy. Sometimes I wish I never experienced love because it's not worth the pain honestly. I don't feel any better or stronger. She just left out of the blue no 2nd chances. I miss my girlfriend. I hope she comes back and doesn't get hurt, I really do. Please help me, I suffer with this almost everyday and I don't what to do
  4. I am 21 and my boyfriend is 29 . He has PTSD from his childhood from his mother . Lately he has been lashing out and trying to dump me cause his mother is making our relationship difficult . After the last out of talking for two hours to come back to common ground all of a sudden everything is fine and he doesn’t want to break up . Lately he has been going it a lot . His family 7 months before we moved out trashed talked me and his dad texted me a nasty text not even being in our place for a couple of days . He’s not happy and he keeps going psycho and doesn’t know what he wants anymore because of them . He hasn’t talked to them much but when he does his mom try’s to manipulate him to come home . They keep saying we know you are stuck in a rock and hard place meaning being moved out with me . This all stemmed from me blocking his mom cause she kept trying to control our relationship and how he saw us . So she could try to get him to stay home . I don’t know the past 7 months have been very up and down and I’m getting super tired of it . It’s getting hard to bounce back from it all . What do I do ? I’m getting tired of it . I really thought he was the one . I’d do anything for him .
  5. I have been with the same man for 3 years. He was so sweet and loving and giving when I met him.most of the time he still is. He is a veteran with ptsd and a traumatic brain injury so sometimes his emotions can be a little extra than usual. We live with his parents and I don't really get along with his mom. They say it's because I don't communicate. Anyway, last night we were all sitting together and he made some stupid joke about me having a dark side to my personality. His mom agreed and they both had a nice laugh about it. This morning I asked him not to make jokes about me if he could help it because it makes me feel bad. He freaked out and told me I was trying to change him. That maybe I don't want to be in a relationship with someone like him.he told me he wants me to go to therapy to learn how to be different, wanting me to have made an appointment by the time he gets home today. Even though I felt like what I asked wasn't a big deal I ended up crying and begging him to forgive me. I just wanted it to stop because once he gets going he can say really hurtful things over and over again. Then just a little while ago his dad asked me if we could not fight at 7 in the morning because we woke him up. I was humiliated. I vented to my boyfriend about it saying I hope wherever we move next we don't share a wall with them because it's embarrassing that they hear everything. Then he called his mom and I thought he was going to say something to them,something he does regularly when we argue or I tell him that I got my feelings hurt. So I asked him to please not say anything to them because I didn't want it to be a big deal. He goes off again,only worse. He called me and said he doesn't think we can get past this. That I continue to make the same mistakes. That I am forcing him to choose between school and his family and me. He said he was going to quit his job and school because of me. I said I didn't think just talking to him would be such a big deal,couples do that for each other I thought. He says I don't understand how ptsd works. I'm afraid to go home because I don't want him to yell at me and I know his parents know he is mad at me. And his mom is the kind that can never see any fault of his,even if he is wrong. The guy could spit on me and she would make an excuse and tell me why it's my fault. I feel So alone and so trapped in a house that just hates me. I feel crazy. I go into our conversations strong in my thoughts and by the end I am crying and saying sorry for whatever he thinks I meant or did. Am I crazy? I feel like a strong couple should be able to talk with each other and not lose their like he does Every time. He loves to tell me all the things I need to change about myself but when I try to have a small discussion about something bothering me it always turns out like this. I don't know what to do.
  6. My mom recently broke her wrist and back in a fall. I want to go see her this weekend. However , when I even come to think of it I just feel like I need to throw up . It reminds me of one of my very first memories. Unfortunately one of my first memories is of abuse to my mother and myself. When I was four my mother had fallen down the basement steps carrying my brother. She had broken her tailbone . She sent me running to go find my dad . Unfortunately at the time he was screwing the neighbour and kept telling me to “F off stupid , you’re bugging me. “ I remember feeling so helpless and ineffectual being four. I couldn’t help anybody . And my mother had to crawl up the basement stairs clinging onto my brother . Even thinking of going makes me wretch and my IBS is horrible but at the same time I want to be with my mom . I know no one can give me an answer . But I just had to say it out loud . *** sobbing **** Pls if you are in an abusive relationship please think about your kids . Pls. I am 52 and this happened when I was FOUR. So if you think your kids won’t remember you’re fooling yourself .
  7. Please help... A few years ago this girl i had hung out with a couple times wanted me to go to a party with her. It was a sunday and i started a new job the next day and told her 10 times i did not want to go. She guilted me into it and i went. She promised we would leav at 6pm. We did not get home unitl 3:00 am!!!!! I had asked her repeatedly since it started to get dark to go. I was livid, i strted a job the next day and she did not care. At this party i had too much beer and ended up punching and spitting at the girl who drove me there. Finally we got in the car and left. Horrible inexcusable behavior on my part that i am sorry for. We both said horrible hurtful things to eachother. She dropped me off and then she texted me saying i broke her hand (absolutely untrue). This was definitely out of character of me. I was so pissed tht i just ignored her, never spoke about the situation with anyone and thought it would blow over. No she has told everyone on the planet terrible untrue things about me, she has ruined lifetime friendships of mine, hurt job opportunities for me, this has gotten around to everyone i know. And the sad part is no one has even told me, i fgured it out as i started to lose fb friends for no reason other than they are friends with her. My reputation completely ruined, hers looking just fine. I nevr even wanted this person in my life! I dont even know where she came from. I had to move out of the state and still this haunts me. What do i do about this? I never told her to stop talking about me. This was three years ago! I had let this go, but everytime my ptsd acts up i cant stopr thinking about how everyone hates me. I am willing to apologize but she needs to know where she went wrong and how much worse (from my perspective) is what she is doing running her mouth than me acting like a real jerk out of frustration and ptsd> any thoughts? I am so upset. I cannot talk about this with anyone, bcause i would be resorting myself to her level of gossip and bd mouthing. Help here appreciated. I am just incredibly sad about all of this.
  8. For those with PTSD do you have troubles with other people’s displays of crying and or anger in public? It makes me very very very uncomfortable and I have to flee.
  9. Guys, well ladies... I need help. I'm hoping that someone can help. My partner and I want to start a family next year. But, how on earth do I go for a natural birth? I freak out when things go on down below (strangers/people I don't trust).. I had an abortion earlier this year, and I dissociated through the internal examination (was extremely very early). I don't want to dissociate, or freak out, or not be me. But I also do not want a c section, unless of course it's an emergency. I know a few members have children and ptsd, so I'm really hoping for advice. My gp has told me I have to have a pap smear before getting pregnant, and I guess that would be a step to take in helping get through my issues. The way they do it though hugely freaks me out and I panic. So, please ladies, help! Xx
  10. I am waiting on compensation which should have been here by now and was to be used to help me move interstate to go and study what I enjoy. The comp has been delayed and I just don't know what to do. I have PTSD and where I live is very isolated and I have NO friends because there are no like minded people. No matter what I consider doing I feel utterly terrified and am gripped by almost paralysing anxiety. I am lonely here but it is peaceful in nature. I have been so depressed here though that I haven't even been able to do work that I once found easy. The thought of moving scares me. With the comp I could have moved and had more security in the process but without the comp moving is scary because I may have to live in shared accommodation and what if my health cannot cope with that as I am very used to having my own space. I wanted to move though so I could go back to study and it could be fine it is just so scary to move while not well and with limited funds. Gosh I wonder if I am doing the right thing to move at this time but I am also distressed at the thought of staying here because I have had no income come in here for 2 months and am worried how to afford to live. Waiting on this compensation has been hell with no support, family or anyone to talk to. I have been sick of having my life on hold but maybe I should stay here until it comes through? All I know is my living situation must be secure and it feels threatened and I am ill with worry.
  11. Hi, I was diagnosed with Post Traumatic stress disorder. It has been very isolating because noone understands. Little things can make me have a panic attack. I find where I live difficult because people don't understand and am hoping to move next year to a place I once lived and suits me better. This is a shocking thing to go through alone and I am interested to talk to others that may have been battling in this area.
  12. Tonight was simply a bad night. Good night is a bad night. If you understand this, I'm sorry. I know I am not normal, and that sucked today. Ok, I don't have delusions that cause me to glorify the normal but I am talking about being a fully functioning (or at least reasonably functioning) human being. That's what i mean by normal. In my quest for understanding PTSD and all the auxillary dysfunctions that can come along with it, I've been reading a lot, talking to a lot of people, and even gotten very interested in animals studies. Animals go into shock too. Animals can become scarred and messed for life too. In the animal world, it usually means death unless they are a particularly lucky or cunning or strong little creature. In social animals, including humans, the social aspect is the most devasting. It can mean a horrific life or death by lack of being able to exist in social groups. We need to connect! I was thinking of monkeys tonight after I found myself crying in a public bathroom, curled up on the floor and hugging my clothes to myself. I no longer function like a person who can just talk to people, just be, who can have fun and express my emotions openly and so have a normal life. this affects any work i set out to do, any friends i set out to make, any love, any trip or even a walk down the street. Everything everything is affected. And it sucks. I get sad hearing about people with PTSD because a lot of these people end up commiting suicide, or spiralling downward even years later and even after intensive therapy. Some become alcoholics or drug addicts, some have trouble staying in jobs, some can't form any close relationships, some get violent and become abusers or go loco. We humans don't even know all that much about it when it gets down to it: we're still experimenting, and how many go their whole lives with no hope and not even knowing what is wrong with them, why their whole lives are like a living surreal nightmare. Am I ever going to really get better? Is this damage permenant. How much progress can I make and am i ever going to have a normal life again. Already some of the best years of my life are gone in a blur of ugliness. I'm trying to keep putting one foot in front of another, it just seems like the garbage never ends. It's always something. I need my emotions, and they aren't readily available to me like they need to be. It's like i'm programmed for pain and anxiety and joy is a foreign thing; I want to rediscover joy again. I don't want to cry and I want to experience joy again, and i want to feel secure, and I want to be able to integrate in the world. Express myself without being numb, having the ability to let down my guard in normal life and truly BE. Listen, I listened to this dude tonight talking crap about how if someone isn't succedding it is their fault. Fault?! Let's try: maybe you don't understand everything in the whole bloody world, and maybe you have had some things and opportunities others have not had. Maybe you had a nice mother, or maybe you had the chance, love and security at a crucial time they did not. Maybe you're just an ignorant fool, not knowing how you are hurting other people with your supposed superiority in succedding. Maybe you don't realize that what is so easy for you, is a battle over years for someone else. Something as simple as smiling and feeling it. Or being able to reach over to someones hand and hold it, and not feel crazy inside. People can be extraordinarly compassionate, and also extraordinarily cruel and stupid. Whatever. It's all pretty simple but i fear this damage is serious and can't be healed. what then. It just sucks to not feel normal. to cringe when others are having a good time, and why, bc it hurts you, it hurts you to know you are having a reaction that is still stuck in your cells and brain chemistry and you want so bad to just laugh with them, to have a good time too. thanks for listening to my rant. Smile. It's good for you, and a blessing.
  13. Many members made serious efforts to overcome adversity which was rarely if ever selfmade. This thread is to commend and encourage members one their often long and stony road to recovery. Please initially post to commend members who initiated steps to recover or made substantial progress. Please encourage members whom were commended here. It would be good to look up their recent thread history. Thank you! ______________________ First I want to commend dregnought to have completed his first project. dregnought (15) has won his first battle on the long road to recovery. Some of his work is shown below. image removed Dreg's first project. Congratulations dregnought! ______________________ itsallgrand has graduated from her PTSD program. Congratulations itsallgrand!
  14. Hey there, I'm really struggling with the situation my relationship is in right now and could use some advice from the outside.. My boyfriend and I have been together 11 month and live together as well. We are in our 40's and somewhat mature I would think lol. He has been diagnosed with PTSD years ago and is struggling with depression and anger and so on. He lost his job back in April and was unemployed since. I have been supportive emotionally and financially all along. He was really depressed about not having a job and would lay on the couch days at a time sometimes but he was trying to find a job and get better. But things have been rough between us, not that we argued much, he was just in a depressed state and didn't have much interest in anything. However he finally got a job. But now he tells me he wants to move out. He needs to be self sufficient again. Whatever he needed, i made sure he was ok. I paid his bills, paid for getting his car fixed.. i am a full time student and he always said, i pay you back, i will find a job so you do not have to work once you are in the core program and I trusted him. Now he is looking for a place, he says he loves me and wants to stay together, but he needs his own space to get better. but getting his own place is not gonna fix his problems and so far he has not even talked about anything else he is going to do. While I understand his side to some point, i am disappointed and feel like he misused my trust. In January i start my core program and he is moving out and i feel left hanging. We will most likely both struggle financially. I am not sure where to go from here..I am mad at myself that I gave so much, I am mad at him for taking what i gave all this time he needed it and I would love to hear some input and opinions. PTSD is not easy to deal with and I understand the need for him to get healthy but i cant shake the feeling that he just was/is not fair. Am I wrong or unreasonable with how i'm feeling? It's not just about the money , it's about supporting each other in general.
  15. I made a post last night talking about how I (19) and my boyfriend (37) are having problems (side note: he's a veteran, so this contributes to his PTSD) I explained in the post that a main problem right now is him being hung up on his ex. he mentioned that he still has pictures of her, and other things. when i asked him about the tape, he said he kept it for keepsake. and when i asked about the pictures, he was kinda defensive and asked, "yeah, why wouldn't i have pics of my ex girlfriend?". they broke up four years ago and I've been dating him for eight months, and I'm supposed to move in with him next month. so i am a bit bothered by this... I have been depressed and insecure lately because over the span of these eight months, he's become verbally and emotionally abusive, and this woman seems to come up in almost every conversation of ours, and as of recently even more because she had sent him an hour-long mysterious apology video the other night and it tore him up. this woman had a terrible impact on his life...so I was very comforting and supportive of him, therefore putting my concerns and personal feelings on this situation on hold. I feel inadequate and my self esteem is at an all time low. Last night he told me he has pulled himself together since viewing the apology video and is feeling better... so we talked some more and said goodnight as usual. he mentioned some of their memories, some of his other exes, some other people he had been/slept with, we didn't even talk about us. i just felt so low, after we hung up i couldn't sleep, does he truly love me? am i just second best? Our communication has been pretty good but I've been timid to address these insecurities regarding his ex(s) because he has been verbally abusive with me often and I was scared that he would get overly defensive over my concerns... I am not comfortable with him having pictures let alone a tape of his ex and how often she comes up into our conversations. I'd never be mean about this or even confrontational, I just want to make sure he's fully over this woman so we can further pursue our relationship, he's told me several times that he wants to marry me... Well today on the phone, he could tell i was down, and i let him know i couldn't sleep because i was doing a lot of thinking and have some things bothering me. And he was asking me what was on my mind. I said okay, let's talk about it. but i first wanted to make some things clear. i told him that i want to stay on topic, because in potential arguments and touchy subjects, he tends to accuse and assume and say nasty things to me. I said that i need him to be gentle with me, because I feel very sad and fragile and just want to get this worked out. In the midst of all this, he yells at me and tells me to just say it, that I'm just making up "BS excuses to not tell him what was bothering me", i start crying, and he hangs up on me. he then texted me reminding me how he was in the military and has PTSD, he needs straight and direct communication, he felt i was beating around the bush when i was really just asking that this conversation be civil and understanding so i could talk about it with ease. He continued to call me names, swear at me, etc. I explained that this was the exact reason I was timid about this, and that we need to meet each other in the middle. I said that I'll tell him right away what's on my mind if he is gentle and understanding with me. I want to work through this maturely, not with so much tension. he said he was gonna take a nap and will talk with me when he wakes. its been several hours and I've had time to cry, process and think. I still want to address these issues, but I'm hurting and wondering if i should even stay at this point. How do i bring up that I'm uneasy and bothered by this ex thing? and ask if he's fully ready for me, and over her? what if he gets defensive and abusive toward me again? when is enough enough, should i even stay at this point? i love him bunches but over these past few months I've become drained and depressed. hair is falling out, I'm barely eating and crying myself dry. sometimes i think to myself that I'm just too young to be feeling like this, I'm supposed to be enjoying life and enjoying myself, but instead I'm being dragged around, putting all my energy into a guy that doesn't respect me and am immensely hurt. I'm really stuck and don't know what to do. thanks again for replies in advance
  16. So, after much searching, I've finally found a guy I have a bit of interest in; this brings up a lot of questions for me... I had a first good two relationships, then I had a really bad one, moved to the east coast with him, i was pathetic and suicidal, came back, we were best friends for a while, though we only talk occasionally now. then, i had a relationship with someone who was emotionally abusive to me, followed by a subsequent "dating" with a guy that couldn't possibly care less about me that lasted for maybe two months, with lots of drama ending it. When I look back on this I get a sudden feeling of anxiety in my stomach. Am I incapable of a relationship? Is it something inherent in me? I feel so sick just thinking about it... I feel like I've learned a lot from my experiences, namely not to give myself up to a guy I'm with well emotionally, and definitely physically, at least for a while (I don't know how long). I know that what I've done by dating this people has caused a sort of PTSD worse than that I attained in my childhood with my abusive parents. It's scary, I think in all other aspects other than the most personal and intimate of relationships, I'm totally normal, capable, strong, lots of people compliment me on how fantastic I seem given the circumstances I grew up in, but in terms of my relationships, I look back on them and they went all wrong... Has anyone else felt the same way?? And that has also been in a relationship that was good after all that?
  17. Greetings all, I’ve posted on here before, but a little background about me: 28 year old male, college educated, independent, single, just an average dude living my life. I don’t quite know how to convey my issue, so I’ll do my I have noticed I’ve had a problem with intrusive thoughts for years, and I get disturbed really easily. In most cultures, it is acceptable to hit children in order to punish them. My parents did that when I was growing up, but they never used objects. Both of my parents have hit me hard on my face in the past; I still to this day have nightmares about it. I don’t agree with hitting kids as a way to punish them, and I would never do that to my children when I have kids. I remember one time, me and my now ex-girlfriend were having a conversation about how children act these days. She mentioned to me “my parents spanked me”, and it was almost as though she just laughed it off. I get further disturbed at people who pretty much laugh when they tell stories about when they were hit. I would also look on Facebook at different memes, and people would post one that has a picture of a belt, stick, sandal, or other object and ask “which one did you get? LOL” To me, that’s not something to laugh about, and make posts like those invisible when I see things like that. My former girlfriend before her told me that when she babysat kids, she would “spank them until they start crying so she knows it’s working”. I don’t know if there is something wrong with me, but every time I heard those, or anything else like that, my mind gets really disturbed. I get really bad images in my head of a child getting hurt by someone who is supposed to love them, like the child crying after being hit. I’d probably cry myself after seeing something like that. I just can’t understand how a parent can love their child, yet cause them physical pain as a way of “nurturing” them, that feeling to me is further disturbing. When my first ex told me about what she did to the kids she babysat, I wanted to tell her to just zip it, but I let my self control take its course. Apparently it’s highly acceptable to do that. I get a really depressing feeling when I think about things like that. I know it’s acceptable in society to hit children, but I just have never agreed with it, and every time someone tells me that they do it to their kids or they had it happen themselves, I get really disturbing images in my head; and I do have nightmares about it too. I just can’t get these intrusive thoughts out of my head. If I were to see a parent like out at the store doing that to their child, I’d probably walk out of the store because I don’t want to see that. I have to ask someone who may know more about this, is it wrong for me to feel this way? Is it my compassion for treating children the right way making me feel this way? Do I maybe have PTSD from how my parents treated me? Thank you all.
  18. Hello So I’ve been dating this guy for 18 months. He was wonderful and loving when we met. Anyway he’s separated from his soon to be ex wife and signed the divorce papers just recently (he always was separated we weren’t an affair or anything). Anyway in the last 10 months he changed. He became cold and hard on me the more she became vindictive. He’s got ptsd and struggles mentally and she’s been playing on his illness and pulling on his heart strings and then throwing him away and then trying to reel him in again. He’s mentally heading for a break down and he’s telling me he doesn’t know what to do. I know he should stop speaking to her and cut the cord but he just can’t let it lie. He tried to make the marriage work twice. But he said he had moved on but I really am beginning to believe he hasn’t. He says he doesn’t want her back but if she manipulated him in the right way I am not sure what he would do. What should I do. Do I stand by him and try to help. Do I let him go in the hope he comes back to me. I love him. This is truly soul destroying Someone please help.
  19. i feel so dirty. i want to bleed it out. the dirty disgusting feelings aren't going away. i feel a compulsion to scrub my skin. i think i have ptsd. i think it's coming back. i saw a therapist and she seems to want to use EMDR. i have no idea what that is. im not sure if she's any good or if she's a quack. im not sure if i should look for someone else. all i know is i have good days and i have bad days. days when the shame is flooding over me, overwhelming, burying me, shaming me. i feel so low and dirty, disgusted, disrespected. i want nothing to do with men anymore. it is truly better to have yourself than to be with any man just for the sake of it. i learned this too late. i am so disgusted. i am so traumatized. why cant i wash off the trauma? why cant i let the memories go? im so disturbed and disgusted. i regret so much. so awful. so gross. never again. kill me. i dont want to live with this. *scrub scrub scrub* i am so disturbed. i am so traumatized.
  20. My ex GF has been sexually molested by her maternal grandfather for 16 years. her dad was in a wheelchair so the kids were really not looked after properly. My ex was on Paxil a SSRI (antidepressant) and was drinking heavily behind my back to self medicate herself. She is extremely paranoid and insecure. She heads a State agency and employs 50 employees who respect and worship the ground she walks on, so there she can function on a high level. At home she reverts to a little girl and I have taken the mother role which I absolutely hate. She has had 2 dui's in the last 5 years, one just recently and is learning her faith in 3 days. She decided to quit taking her Paxil (30mg) cold turkey because she says it makes her numb and during an international trip I had to take, she has since moved out and is dating others already. She wants nothing to do with me. She quit the drugs 1 month ago and is drinking again. Seeking playmates. We had an active life with camping, hiking, whitewater rafting and exercise planned for the Spring and Summer. She lived in My home in the Suburbs and felt like she was loosing herself and that I was controlling. Yes I have aproblem with her drinking and taking Paxil. I tried to gently stop her not to appear controlling and she gets a DUI. She now blames me for not stopping her more aggressively. Anyone ever experience anything like this. We had fun, laughed, travelled, had great sex and companionship. What do I do, I would like to be supportive but she is unreasonable and does not ant me to contact her. She will contact me in 6 months. This does not sound like her, she has many miserable friends who hated the fact that she was happy. They are all single and seeking. What do i do now. I have done NC for 4 days but Iam going nuts. Iam making new friends and will get busy with my new life as soon as I get over the jetlag. She didn't even call to see if I arrived safely from Israel. Please help, she was crazy about me, until 3 weeks ago. was she lying? she says she felt the feelings then, now she doesn't know how she feels, she is shut down. This woman could not leave my side for 2 seconds. it is very frustrating
  21. I met a girl who, in her bio, has a section titled "complications" which is longer than any other section of her bio. She describes PTSD and others, among her complications. The rest of her bio is golden to me, and she's definitely my type. I'm trying to build a rapport with her. I think I can be patient and understanding, but she seems uninterested, and I'm conflicted. Do I put a little pressure on to try and see if the root of her disinterest is fear or stress? What if it is, and putting on the pressure makes her double down? What if the disinterest is real... now I'm just being rude and pushy.
  22. Hi all! Want some advice on a guy please. I used to work in the same place as this guy, we did not talk much but always liked my social media photos. I always thought he was attractive but I had a boyfriend when I worked there. A few years ago we he messaged me randomly to say he had always liked me and that I was beautiful but he said he never had the guts to say anything until then. I was flattered by the response and he asked if he wanted to meet up, I declined as I wasn’t wanting to date anyone or start a relationship plus he had a 2 year old son and was getting help for alcoholism and has PTSD. He messaged me every month or so asking how I was. Just last week he asked if he wanted to meet up again.... but he lives about 300 miles away now but keeps telling me he is moving back to where I stay but he never has. He asked me if I wanted to come see him but I declined and said if he is in my city I would like to meet for a coffee. He says he has a handle on his PTSD now and alcoholism his son lives in the city I live in. He is very attractive, nice guy but a few issues. He keeps saying I’m his “perfect girl” and that he has a feeling that we will be together. He used to joke that I will marry me one day. But I feel he doesn’t really know me that well. He is now saying he is moving back to the city I live in in May and want to see me. I said yes if we are both single then. Is he playing me? Am I being naive to his charms? He knows I’ve had my fair share of mental health issues and is always lovely saying I can call him whenever I want just to chat. But is he just interested because he can relate to me?
  23. I was dating a girl for about 8 months, which was always afraid that she might be the "second violin" or something like that, despite the fact that I have spent nearly 70% of the entire year with her, and we discussed multiple times how well we are together. We started seeing each other less and less, and she suddenly told me that she was in a new relationship (2 weeks period). The most utterly stupid thing I have ever heard in my life. Needless to say, depression followed, anger grew strong, then it became a bit neutral. She wanted to keep contact and be friends of course, I immediately began no contact, but she kept and kept on contacting me despite the fact that I have not. She gives me best wishes at all holidays. I asked her to stop contacting me, she says okay, then contacts me on random occasions again. Now it's been 4 months, and I can't think about nothing else but her damn existence. This is turning into a huge problem for me on a daily basis, everything is without meaning and nothing is interesting. I feel like I lost myself. I go to the GYM regularly, lift as heavy as I can, and I get a 15 to 20 minute period of calm after each session, and after that it all comes back like I am on some kind of a psychedelic drug. Last night after work I was on the verge of ripping the steering wheel of my car, closing off my eyelids breathing heavy and all that. After all this, like by some sick magic trick all my social contacts began turning down offers from me, and the loneliness grows each day. I am literally angrier each day, the feeling is close to when someone has died, and it literally is like so, she is a completely different person. I know I must move on, I do everything possible to keep myself busy, but it gets worse and worse. I can't distinguish Wednesday from Sunday. Holidays are blank and empty, nothing seems to matter. Even old flings seem to sense my desperation. I even went to a "spell-remover" , an old lady that uses melted lead to tell if you have a spell on you, and every time I get the same result, that there is "someone" or "something that travels with me", yes I went down that road. I speak about this with my Father and Uncle, and everyone is saying that this is normal, but I am 28 now and I am completely lost. This is not just an after-romance vent, I feel like an indecent human being. I have no active social life, all my connections are turning me down for whatever reasons. I thought about seeing a therapist, but I don't think it will help.
  24. I am writing this as I just need a little encouragement. I have had to go through so much alone and think it sux when people say that they will be there for you and they are not. They go to such lengths to talk you to tears about how much they want to be your friend but when it comes to the crunch don't give a rip. I have had to go through this car accident completely alone and not a single phone call to see how I am or a card from family. I accept that noone cares, but sometimes I feel so alone. I am so unwell and people wonder when I have posted in the past why I work and don't have a break. I simply don't wish to be destitute and have to pay the rent. I have to work until I get compensation, but I have constant panick attacks and suffer from ptsd and claustrophobia as well as the everyday pain I have to live with. I wish I could find just one single person on this earth that meant what they said . Sorry to sound so angry. I told my boss how sick I am today because I am past being able to cope.
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