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About Me

  1. I want to chronicle this journey in a way that is not enmeshed with all my other comments of my life. I will go over my treatment, and research and my steps toward freedom. To All those who suffer. May you get well.
  2. I don't know if I should bring it up to my family doctor or my therapist... I brought it up to my therapist in passing and we didn't expand on that, but I feel like I'm having physical effects from the memories of the past year in particular. I believe my husband is narcissistic and was emotionally abusive to me... I feel like I should feel relief during the divorce process, but I continue to have disturbed sleep, feeling like I'm back in the moments of being bullied, and extreme fear at even seeing his family members texting to check on me. Also, I lost about thirty pounds before leaving my h
  3. My mom recently broke her wrist and back in a fall. I want to go see her this weekend. However , when I even come to think of it I just feel like I need to throw up . It reminds me of one of my very first memories. Unfortunately one of my first memories is of abuse to my mother and myself. When I was four my mother had fallen down the basement steps carrying my brother. She had broken her tailbone . She sent me running to go find my dad . Unfortunately at the time he was screwing the neighbour and kept telling me to “F off stupid , you’re bugging me. “ I remember feeling so helpless an
  4. I have been with the same man for 3 years. He was so sweet and loving and giving when I met him.most of the time he still is. He is a veteran with ptsd and a traumatic brain injury so sometimes his emotions can be a little extra than usual. We live with his parents and I don't really get along with his mom. They say it's because I don't communicate. Anyway, last night we were all sitting together and he made some stupid joke about me having a dark side to my personality. His mom agreed and they both had a nice laugh about it. This morning I asked him not to make jokes about me if he could help
  5. I don't know where to start. My ex-girlfriend left me a year ago after being together for 1 year. I've known her for almost 3 years though. Um and it's just been terrible. She just one day decided that she wasn't ready to be in a relationship anymore with me and texted me "I don't love you anymore and I'm breaking up with you." Before she sent this text, we hadn't seen each other for 2 weeks, I thought she needed a break so I let her just text me and not see each other. She was stressed with her school. Later, I found out she was distancing herself from me so it would be easier to leave me. Sh
  6. I told my ex I would never seek help for my issues again because they won't give it. I ended up changing my mind and thinking things would be different now I'm am adult and matured a lot. But it isn't too be so. I explained what was going on at my assessment, the lady said I see you're diagnosed with eupd, I said I disagree with the diagnosis and how it doesn't fit any of my symptoms she said she will think about what I could be referred to. I got the call yesterday, referral for emotional skills. That won't help the dissociation or ptsd I told her this and told her the person I spoke to fou
  7. I went out of town this weekend tailgating and to wineries with a couple friends from college. It was really helpful, however I ended up making out with a 24 year old and I am almost 33 when I was really intoxicated. It was exciting yet, I have realized I have been using work, the gym, platonic dates and esp alcohol to not feel. I wrote a now 8,000 letter to my ex for therapy (did not send/ was not for that purpose) and I felt something and I think was partly why I drank so much that night and made out with that guy, to help distract or force feelings away. I saw my therapist today and he woul
  8. Basically I've been going with this guy for over a year and it was great at first. He makes a lot more money than me and he's bought me nice things and even helped me out of a sticky situation! I've bought him things aswell but I could never repay him! (I have a house and a young child and he lives with his grandparents for free and gets 3 times more money than me.) Anyway, we've been having trust problems recently.. The most recent argument was I asked him if he was asking this girl to meet up with him (I knew he was because I saw the mails and spoke to the girl myself) and he swore on my 2 y
  9. I am 21 and my boyfriend is 29 . He has PTSD from his childhood from his mother . Lately he has been lashing out and trying to dump me cause his mother is making our relationship difficult . After the last out of talking for two hours to come back to common ground all of a sudden everything is fine and he doesn’t want to break up . Lately he has been going it a lot . His family 7 months before we moved out trashed talked me and his dad texted me a nasty text not even being in our place for a couple of days . He’s not happy and he keeps going psycho and doesn’t know what he wants anymore be
  10. Please help... A few years ago this girl i had hung out with a couple times wanted me to go to a party with her. It was a sunday and i started a new job the next day and told her 10 times i did not want to go. She guilted me into it and i went. She promised we would leav at 6pm. We did not get home unitl 3:00 am!!!!! I had asked her repeatedly since it started to get dark to go. I was livid, i strted a job the next day and she did not care. At this party i had too much beer and ended up punching and spitting at the girl who drove me there. Finally we got in the car and left. Ho
  11. So a little background me and my husband met three months before we got married we believe in love at first sight, yes I know that most of stuticts show we won't last but we're trying to prove the odds wrong. We just recently celebrated our one-year anniversary we're both in the military I've recently been diagnosed with fibromyalgia and he has PTSD. I don't understand why after he comes home from work he immediately gets on his computer games doesnt even acknowledge me and plays them nonstop and when it's the weekend forget it I never see him. He is constantly on his games constantly playing
  12. I think I have to get this out of me. I’m struggling. I’ve met a wonderful woman, she is kind, generous, caring and sweet. She ticks so many of the boxes it’s unreal. Plus she likes me (!), and not only is she willing to accept me for who and what I am but also accepts that my past is less than savoury. She is a wonderful woman, and far more than I deserve. Trouble is, I can’t stop thinking of my ex. I was with a troubled girl, named T. She had issues, she was suffering from PTSD, taking anti-psychotics and other drugs. She was also self-medicating with alcohol, weed and the occasi
  13. I have a friend with PTSD, and some other issues. His last psych said she couldn't help him and terminated their sessions with no replacement. That was a couple of months ago now, he seems determined to manage this himself but then also doesn't seem to be managing it, not with consistency, I mean, brave face for the outside world and all and getting things done but fundamentally not a happy person. From what he's told me, I'm under the impression he feels an overwhelming sense of isolation. Like the only two people who understood him are both gone now (both suicided about a year ago) and point
  14. I need to vent a little. I don't know if anyone can offer advice on this... The other night while talking to my girlfriend about the anxiety attacks she has been having in the middle of the night when sleeping with me, she said "I don't know where the relationship is going." I think she fears for what will happen in the future. She doesn't know if she'll have to move for her career, if I will hurt her like her past relationships, or if she will hurt me. She is riddled with anxiety over both me and school and her affection towards me has been in the pits. We've been together for close
  15. Hello All, My X and I have been apart for 1.5 years now. Here's the quick story of the last 7 years of our relationship. - I got PTSD from a near-death experience - I became depressed after the PTSD - I ate to be happy and gained about 125lbs - I became a jerk (emotionally abusive, and on one occasion - physically abusive) What has happened since she left me: - She went to court and lied A TON to try to get custody of our son - I had supervised visits for 8 months - I now have him 50% of the time - For the 8 months where I had supervised visits, she had an Emergency Protecti
  16. I am waiting on compensation which should have been here by now and was to be used to help me move interstate to go and study what I enjoy. The comp has been delayed and I just don't know what to do. I have PTSD and where I live is very isolated and I have NO friends because there are no like minded people. No matter what I consider doing I feel utterly terrified and am gripped by almost paralysing anxiety. I am lonely here but it is peaceful in nature. I have been so depressed here though that I haven't even been able to do work that I once found easy. The thought of moving scares me. Wi
  17. Been married for 8 months Wife has a heavy case of PTSD from an assault Event took place many years ago Social anxiety And she is trying to go cold turkey from cymbalta I love her dearly and I am looking to see if anyone has gone through a similar situation that is heavily compounded by the cymbalta withdrawals Volatility Anger issues including distrust We have been fighting terribly over the last week... part of it was me not fully knowing what the medication withdrawals are as bad as they truly are! Part of me wants to be supportive and help her (naturally) but man... s
  18. Thank you for taking time out to read my question. I am stuck with making a big decision and perhaps some insight from another perspective could help me make the appropriate decision. A year ago I had PTSD from a traumatic event and when the anniversary of the event approached I attacked my bf at the time thinking he was the one associated with the traumatic event. The school took severe action and expelled me from the university. No criminal charges were in place. Due to the expulsion on my transcript I have become very worrisome of my future career plan. My initial plan was medical s
  19. To start off, I'm a female former firefighter with PTSD. My boyfriend of six years has been with me every step of the way through treatment. The stress of managing my condition made him snap about 3 weeks ago and he got very physical. I ran away, but I want to save the relationship. I know this looks very bad, but I don't want to live by platitudes and abuse mantras and I don't want to defend actions to the world, I just want our family back. I'm here with my heart in my hands able, no pride, all insecurities, to write down what happened for the first time: 3 years ago we moved to NYC. We b
  20. Hi guys. I wasn't sure where to post this, but it surely isn't about relationship conflicts, or LDR. And I fell like next year of my life will give me a lot of chances to grow as an independent person. I just need some advice about how to better deal with it. My boyfriend will be in basic training for 8 months. Army is not bad at all, most of my guy friends actually really enjoyed the experience, but still... I wont be able to see him AT ALL for the first 3 months, and after that he will be free every other weekend or so. We are still not sure how this will work. He will also be on t
  21. For those with PTSD do you have troubles with other people’s displays of crying and or anger in public? It makes me very very very uncomfortable and I have to flee.
  22. Guys, well ladies... I need help. I'm hoping that someone can help. My partner and I want to start a family next year. But, how on earth do I go for a natural birth? I freak out when things go on down below (strangers/people I don't trust).. I had an abortion earlier this year, and I dissociated through the internal examination (was extremely very early). I don't want to dissociate, or freak out, or not be me. But I also do not want a c section, unless of course it's an emergency. I know a few members have children and ptsd, so I'm really hoping for advice. My gp has told me I
  23. Im so confused and don't know what to do. After dating for only 6 months I got pregnant and we were already rocky bc he has a host of problems like PTSD and anger issues and intimacy issues and then I moved in and we tried to make a go of this but its been so hard and draining and exhausting. He also had a drinking problem but a near death motorcycle crash and a DUI seemed to wake him up. He doesn't know how to show love, he's no affectionate, he has PTSD, anger issues, bonding and attachment issues bc his dad was a piece if and abused him, his siblings and his mother. Its just a constant bat
  24. **tl;dr**: SO told her roomates super personal information about me and made me out to be a ty human being. Her roomates have barred me from coming to thier apartment anymore. I feel very sad and angry So I suppose ill explain with some backstory. Im sorry if this whole post is disjointed, I am still reeling from all of this and im not thinking too clearly at the moment. K (my SO) and I started dating around a year ago. I had just moved to a new state after leaving active duty military service. I was involved in a terrible military related accident that scarred me emotionally for many ye
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