RayKay

NC does not have to be done (I am not doing NC) - and even MyJoy and danimal broke NC eventually - but they did NOT do it the way you are about to do it. Anyway, it is not about walking on eggshells, or playing games. I don't have to keep telling my ex how I feel. That is the wrong thing to do in this case! Those "games" are not games, it is about seduction, which is NOT a game. It is life. If you are doing it out of love and good intentions, it is NOT about evil manipulation. I am not dishonest with my ex, never have been and never will be. But I am respecting that he needed to make this choice and I can't force him to think any other way - not consciously anyway. That does not mean I give up hope and stop trying to win him back - it just means I have to adapt, look at things from his viewpoint. I don't let my ex walk all over me while I walk on eggshells - the idea is that I can be my own person, independent, but cultivate their emotional attachment/dependence to me so that the choice of being with me is much greater than his reason for leaving me before. It is not game playing, it is done with respect, sitting down and thinking about what they want in life (not just in a partner) and working with that. As Beec said above, it is about self sacrifice (yet keeping true to yourself). Patience is my ally right now, he will be back, but it will take a lot of patience - meaning when I feel frustrated (as you do right now) I have to meddle through that on my own (or around here!) without taking it out on my ex. Because when it comes down to it - he did not do anything WRONG, he acted on his feelings, as we (and you) act on yours. I have to respect that. But I know he will be back since I know from his view and my view what went wrong, what needs to change.

I do believe you two have a chance however....FIRST, you must think of your daughter which you definitely ARE. AND, you need to be single (as in not living with this other woman! And you also need to make sure that whatever reasons caused your split before have been resolved. If you do get back together - maybe go to counselling BEFORE there are problems! As to winning her back (once you are single!). Satisfy her emotional needs - create emotional dependency, but be independent too. In other words, it is about pursuing and being pursued! Chase, then ease off a bit - games some will say, but not if you are doing it out of love and not manipulation (there is a big difference!). She can fall for you all over again. You already have had a bond, so that will still be there - chemistry can be revived if it was there before!

I also wanted to just add - I think you should start thinking that it MIGHT be rather than thinking it is going to be negative. If she is normally very regular, and is now 5 days late...well..chances are very good she is.

Hmm, this is tricky as it seems she is probably not the same girl you loved before. At that age, you are still trying to find yourself (or lose yourself!) so she may have changed a LOT. Do you want to be with whom she was before, or whom she is NOW? Because the girl she was might not be there, or at least not for a while.

Consent will depend on the state/province you are in and your age, as well as the facility you are going to. Not sure how it works down there, but here there are both private facilities and it can also be done in hospital. Up here private facilities cost big money ($350-$500 CDN) but you don't need a referral. For the hospital, you need a referral from a clinic to an OB/GYN who performs the operation in a hospital. In Canada, the procedure when done in a hospital is covered by the province (so free to you). At 16 here, you do not need parental permission, but that here is the cutoff age. Here they will perform the procedure up to 17 weeks after conception. I know of people who missed it by a day, and they won't do it. But there is also a "minimum" they might set in order to ensure they can properly do the procedure. Your girlfriend will need to go to a clinic/doctor and have them perform a test themselves. They may also do an ultrasound to check how far along she is, as well as do blood tests to check her RH factor (if negative, she needs to get a shot in order to prevent future miscarriages/complications). The day before the procedure she will go into see the doctor and he will insert a small device/devices to "stretch" her cervical opening slightly. It can be a bit uncomfortable and cause some cramping. This helps the next day with the actual procedure. It is a surgery, and she won't be able to eat or drink for a few hours before. This next part is graphic: depending on how far along she is there are Dilation & Evacuations (D & C) or D & C (Curettage?). The latter is usually only for late term emergency abortions though (deceased fetus, medical necessity) so she will get the first - they dilate the cervix, and basically "suck" the fetus and any remnants out (make sure they get it all to prevent infection, a failure to end pregnancy, etc). She will be given an IV, painkillers, something to make her sleepy or groggy (pretty much high, but not really aware of what is going on) and the procedure will be done. They will then watch her for a while after to make sure she is okay - someone will have to pick her up and drive her home, and she will need to take it easy for the next day or so. There will be some bleeding. Let me also say - counselling is important! Whether it be before, during, or after. If you have any questions, please ask.

Can I get some details on WHY you broke up - whom broke up with whom. Why are you still in no contact? Enough time has passed that if you are still thinking about her after all this time and no contact that it might be safe to say you should see if anything can/could be there. At least to get closure (i.e. when you see her again you might find reality is not same as your fantasy anymore!) You have tried everything else to move on, forget her, so if you can, why not contact her and start to open the lines of communication again?

Well, I think I interpreted your post differently than dragongirl did. You have admitted that you did not treat your ex well, but it seems you have definitely learned from your mistakes. And I don't think that he is coming back to you for purely sexual reasons either - you said he has been calling, saying he loves you, etc. And as for the sex, well, you are a willing partipant too, correct?!?! He was most DEFINITELY wrong to cheat, but couples can recover from those events - though it takes time, patience and a lot of communication (which are good things in any relationship anyway!) You said you have been hanging out as friends more lately, and that you are remaining aloof/independent (and your stepmom is helping out with this!) so I think you are on the right track. Do some reading at link removed (the free stuff) or read some of Beec's posts (a member on here) and you will start to learn what you have to do. You need to create his emotional dependence, while remaining independent and aloof...so go to it! Before you do though, make sure you feel you can definitely trust him, and that he is going to be open with you and communicative. Don't put all your time investment into this if you are both not going to be able to start fresh over.

It may be a ganglion. They are more common in women, but occur in men as well and can be either on top of wrist or underneath. I have one, it has been there for about 4 years already, and sometimes it "disappears" for a while, sometimes is more prominent. It used to cause me pain, and I had a surgery booked - but I am very active and cancelled two surgeries when it bothered me less so as not to risk the recovery period/internal scarring etc. The first year it hurt all the time, now it is only every couple months or so for a couple days. Anyway, they are harmless. Just sacs of fluid that come off your tendon or something. They can be aspirated, but often return, or removed surgically. Sometimes they just go away on their own, or don't cause any pain so can be ignored. Mine SOMETIMES causes pain/discomfort and limits my mobility, but in that case I alter my yoga poses, or put less pressure on when cycling - just work around it because I would rather not have the surgery (plus waiting list is months long) in case it causes scarring that makes it even worse, or makes it feel worse! When it hurts, I just baby it a bit more basically, take a couple antiinflammatories and it feels fine fairly soon afterwards. If you do a search on the internet I am sure you will find lots! As I said, they are harmless and are not cancerous or dangerous or anything, but you might want to see a doctor to verify and find out your options.

I have to disagree with Kantore, only because I KNOW so many people it did work out wonderfully for after a break of varying lengths. They are now both more committed than ever, and happier, as they both addressed the issues/problems whether they were in relationships or with themselves and it worked out for the best. As for posters here, well, we'll have to see how MyJoy, danimals and d346, etc stories work out! I think if during the break you both grew personally as individuals, had time to reflect on the relationship and your mistakes as individuals and as partners, the chances of working out are very good! Why? Because you will be stronger people and more dedicated to working things through. The path to true love was never said to be easy, and we are closest to those who we go through the bad times as well as the good times with. It cannot work for everyone obviously, but for many it does.

Coming from someone who suffered a pretty severe doubt of depression (combined with anorexia) when I was in my teens, I can tell you IT DOES GET BETTER. I promise you it does - I love life, I am positive, and while there are still tough times (I can't promise you there never will be) I can now go through them with a positive frame of mind. I had friends who did not believe that and killed themselves when they were 16, 17 - the other day I was thinking of all that they missed out on life. That they never had chance to seize so many opportunities. I also had friends (including a boyfriend of 5 years) die without choice - they WISH they could of lived. As do I. Suicide does not just hurt yourself, it hurts everyone.

This is a really tough one, and anything you do could do will be tough, hurt people, anger people. Are you on good terms with the fiancee too (other than him being your boss)? Ugh...I hate cheating - I am amazed at how OFTEN I hear of it happening, and how many people see nothing wrong with it (like your friend). My ex's last girlfriend cheated on him (she seems to do that to everyone apparently) and hurt him terribly - I have been the one to deal with the aftereffects of that in relationships, and she is a large reason he & I are currently apart. People seem to have no idea what they do to others when they cheat. Of course, people who marry for the money don't rate high in my book either. Anyway, I am getting on a tangent there (obviously). As I said this is tough as she is your friend, and he is your boss. There are a couple options - you can somehow get to him the anonymous message something is going on - let him do the detective work if he feels there is some truth to it. Talk to him, depending on how close you are to your friend, you might want him to keep it quiet who told him but she might know anyway. Sure the relationship would likely end (as there is no love from her side anyway) but is that a bad thing in this case? Keep trying to convince HER to tell, or STOP the marriage, or to STOP seeing this other guy! Remind her what marriage means - and it is not selfishness. Or you can say nothing, they will get married, he might find out later - then it might be the Big D, and a lot of hurt. Or, he might find out and cheat on her if he is that type - who knows. What is the best outcome in your opinion - what would you feel best about doin?

Rocky - he is probably paying for her therapy in part as they are married, that commitment is still there - maybe because he can still love her/care for her even though they are not together, and for his child's sake as well. I am not sure what will happen with him, his wife, and you, but it is possible that both of them might want to follow through on their vows (through good times and bad) and for their son as well. Even if you and him do stay together, they have a child, so she will ALWAYS be part of his (and yours as well if you are together) life.

Exactly what Computer Guy said. Best way to lose/maintain weight is an active lifestyle, a balanced/healthy diet - and eat less calories (or equal to maintain) than you expend in your daily life and activities. It is recommended to lose 1 lb a week, you take a 500 calorie deficit/day (which makes 3500/wk=1 pound). So either cut back a bit if you are overeating, or start exercising more to put you at that deficit. Be careful not to undereat though, as you will go into starvtion mode and will store more energy/fat.

I think the idea is that you DO end it while it is going really well and while you are enjoying it! Why - because you "have somewhere to be!"...you don't have to be rude - say it has been good talking to you, but I need to run. I know it can be hard, but think of it on your side - if the convo was good and they end it early you wish it had gone on, but you are left witha happy feeling about it, right? It ends the conversation on a high note, leaves them wanting more. And no you cannot tell when they want to end it, but you just have to end it usually before they can. You don't say "I have to stop talking" just, "It has been fun, but I have to run".

Don't tell them you are moving on/have moved on. This will be seen as either manipulation and not truthful or...they might doubt how you felt about them. Depends on the issues and their insecurities. Don't say anything one way or other, just be positive and confident around them!

Well, what do they say - those who can't - TEACH! Don't worry about what you said now, it is in the past, and I did the same thing early on to a degree. Though we have also had some good healing conversations too once I was doing better, and I managed to even give him some insight And I tell him he is mental too (which he is!). I know it is very hard - you are probably much like myself in that you want to "fix things" and you can see how they can be fixed. It is very frustrating when the other partner just is not in that mindset. They need, or feel they need, to get there on their own. Have faith in what you HAVE established with them, and your bond. Sometimes people get freaked out by being vulnerable and committed - I don't believe in that whole commitment phobe idea as much, as believing that they can overcome it with work, acknowledging the problem and the patience of the other person. Sometimes people aren't right for one another, but sometimes they most definitely are and there are still these issues - don't put blame on yourself, or even him - just look at the patterns and how they can be changed. Honestly - positivity attracts positive situations. If that means with your ex, excellent, you are then both ready to start fresh and you will probably be stronger for it! If not, then it will be better in the end. I promise that! There are bad days, and good ones, great minutes, and bad weeks! Just have faith, follow your heart - it will guide you in the right direction. And best of luck to you as well!

Well, I do understand how you are feeling (I am in a somewhat similar state) but you have to be careful about critiquing him for what he is doing since that will just put him on defensive. It is okay to not agree with his actions and get accross that he is losing a great thing, but don't say he will never find someone to love him as much as you did and so on - only because that devalues them. Not saying it might not be true cause I feel the same way! Just don't tell them that! Look at his from his view I guess is what I am trying to say, as hard as it is. While to you it seems like he is being scared and running away from the problem, in HIS mind he is confronting it by dealing with it before it gets worse. I know, hard to understand, but you can't make them act in a different way! As to whether you can be friends with him or not, well that is only something you know. It depends on how much you can control your emotions and what YOU want the friendship to be about. I am friends with my ex, pretty close friends, but it is NOT always easy, though I have (minus a couple slip-ups) kept in control of my emotions, and while his friendship is important, I do have strategic reasons too! I have faith we will get back together in time and this will make us stronger, but that is because I also see in his actions that he does feel it is an issue he has to deal with, and that he does "want me" - but there are too many barriers in his own self right now due to past issues that he has to sort out first! Do you have the patience? It can be a bumpy road! You have to really sit down and think about it and determine what you want and whether it is possible. You might want to take some time away though, it sounds like you might still have too much emotion or "drama"/anger to have the patience you might need! Also, while I know it is my ex's issues that are the cause of the breakup in theory, I also recognize my own actions that helped breed those issues. So saying it is HIS issues alone is not entirely correct (my ex says it is nothing I did, or could of done, and he is very positive about me and the relationship but regardless, I have learned there were things I could of done or not have done!). If you don't figure this out as well and use it as growing process, if you do get back together it could end up even worse in the end.

It is NOT a lubrication thing. Some women actually DO have a condition that causes the muscles to contract - it is mostly a mental thing that causes the biological response, and it does not have anything to do with lubrication. It is about fears/past resentments & issues. Until they deal with those issues, it does not matter how much lubrication there is, it will be way too painful everytime as their muscles are not going to relax enough.

I used to have it when I was very very young (and sometimes get a mild case on my upper arms) but I do know people who have it quite bad even now in their 20's/30's. There are various ointments that can help relief it, and protect your skin. Best thing to do, it try and reduce stress in your life (I have heard this does not help) and maybe also watch your diet (some foods can affect your immune response). If you have seen a dermatologist and nothing helps, try seeing a holistic provider, or a nutritionist, or taking up meditation/yoga - you never know, it COULD help! If anyone asks about it, just tell them you have excema, and let them know about it. Some people stare as they just don't know what it is. Those that are mean, well you are better than them. Take care!

Well, while he should be more tactful, I don't think he should tell you what you WANT to hear either - because you will still then not believe him and probably push for more or feel lied too! You already know it happened, I would not press for details - sometimes you don't want to know. He is with you now, and you have to both move forward. Counselling might be a good option (either for both of you together, or at least yourself). BTW, It is possible she was "too tight" - there are some women who have a condition that causes their muscles to tighten too much either before sex, or even during it (ever hear of those cases where someone gets "stuck"?)) and thereforeeee "unable" to have sex, or maybe she was a virgin/etc?

Well the meeting has put you in a state of thinking about him, hasn't it? I guarantee he will ALSO be thinking of you. Give it time, don't call him right away, if you want, you can call him in a few days/couple weeks, but I think you could also very likely run into him before then again or hear from him himself before then. You did well, kept the conversation positive, light, funny, were seen mingling with other people, were confident - all the right stuff! I do know how confusing it can be though, I have interacted with my ex many times since the break, each time we mutually agree we had a great time (he has even said to a couple mutual friends if it was like this before we never would of broken up! Grrrr...alas, it was his OWN commitment issues that prevented it always being like that, "fortunately" he DOES know this too and instead thinks maybe in the future they can be like this (uh..why not now?) ) and you are often having to struggle with your internal confusion after. But smile, don't let him know that...build those good moments, show you care, but remain the independent, confident women he fell for. I am glad to hear he is in therapy for his issues - it is possible he will never completely overcome them and that is something you need to decide (if you get back together after all) if you can take in your life/relationship. Now, that does not mean you cannot be happy - you might never get a ring, but you could still live together forever (it is your decision if a ring is important) and be happy as long as he feels that you are worth getting over his fears with and that you give him the proper space he needs. Personally, while a ring is nice, I would be perfectly happy with a lifetime relationship without one - my mother and stepfather have been together for 18 years now and have so far decided not to get married, and they are a wonderful, very loving, compatible couple so I believe there is far more to a life partner relationship than marriage - but if my ex and I got back together and he were to ask, I would say yes

I think depression might be a factor here with him - the fact that he is changing his behaviour like that, seems to be internalizing his problems, is not happy with his job, etc are all indications it COULD be. Unfortunately, if it is, there is little you can do until he seeks help on his own, or sees a need for it. Hopefully it is not and he is just going through a bad bump right now and will snap back out of it. Don't push him to divulge all, just let him know that you understand he does not want to talk, but that if he ever does, you will listen with an open mind (not dispense advice etc as this is sometimes seen as criticism!), it might eventually help him to feel more comfortable to open up with you about it. Men sometimes feel that the burden is theirs to carry, and that their partner cannot help (I know my ex can be like this), but just let them know you are just there to listen.

Even many FEMALES when they are raped may get lubricated, etc. That is why many have a problem reporting it, because of the biological factors that happened in the meantime - they feel guilty maybe they really "wanted it" - though we all know this is NOT the case. It is biology, men can get erect at naked pictures, why not at a naked girl? He can get aroused by the situation, not necessarily consenting to sexual intercourse - sometimes our biological responses do not match up with out mind/heart.

Hmmm, from her side, maybe getting pregnant again was her way of dealing with the loss - while I know a miscarriage can be hard on the guy as well, it is even harder for the woman - even though most are for medical reasons (genetic, etc) women will often blame themselves and their actions. Trying to replace what she lost, may have been her way to absolve her pain, give confirmation again she is a woman, it was not her fault and so on, or even to forget about the first miscarriage entirely. We women, even while pregnant very early on, get develop a strong emotional bond to the fetus, it can be a very overwhelming experience to carry a child, know that there is a life in you that is so dependent, and attached to you. Even those women who have abortions often have these feelings. It just may have been her way of dealing with the loss, not a desire to manipulate.

Well, I am female, and I have dated blondes, brunet's (lol) and I myself am a redhead, but have not dated any redheads (just since there are less of them anyway!). So, while attractiveness is important (including their personality/character/disposition!) their hair colour does not matter - I have never said I want someone "tall dark and handsome" myself.