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RayKay

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Everything posted by RayKay

  1. RayKay
    Well, yes he is....though not because of a "bad" breakup (relatively speaking!) but because he was crazy enough to let ME go!
  2. RayKay
    Well, even birth control pills "trick your body" into thinking you are already pregnant - which is why you don't ovulate, build up much lining, etc. So, if you are skipping periods with them, you are just getting more hormones than usual, thereforeeee the side effects of the pills might be more prominent. Pregnancy tests start becoming most accurate two weeks after fertilization - for most women this would be at their first missed period. But, since every woman is different, hormones might still not be strong enough to give a positive indication.
  3. RayKay
    If you feel you did everything to correct things, and nothing worked, than you had no choice I suppose. I am just curious if you talked to her about those things bothering you though. I know in the past, my ex told me when we went out he felt like he had to be near me - but the honest truth was he did not! It was something he worked up in his mind he felt he had to do! I was usually having a great time on my own, but he would think for some reason sometimes I did not like that???? But the too controlling thing, I can see why that would really be a relationship killer - but she might not have been totally aware she was doing it. Often miscommunication is the real "reason" for break ups in my opinion. Anyway, if you were sure of your decision, you will heal and move on. It is normal to feel heartbroken, and in time you will be okay. I advise you don't rush into any relationships though for a while. Even the dumpers need time
  4. RayKay
    Some women continue to have periods/bleeding in pregnancy, more commonly for the first trimester. While usually it is a lighter flow, or spotting, there are some who have heavier bleeding. This is blamed on everything from implantation bleeding, to fluctuating hormones, to your body's "habit". I recommend going to a clinic and having them do a test (blood perhaps) for pregnancy - far more sensitive, if you are still having pregnancy symptoms.
  5. RayKay
    HA! I was thinking the exact same thing when I wrote my post, but I did not want to say it...in case I offended anyone who was one of those shirtless, saggy pant wearing, dopey gangster expressing guys! But birdgirl is right on
  6. RayKay
    I have seen studies to where it showed that living together first led to higher chances of divorce, and some of these studies did offer a possible reason: Many couples who move in together before marriage do it to "try it out" and then see what happens or...after a reasonable amount of time one feels "obligated" to propose (after which time there may already be some resentment!). So, sometimes the couples did not have the same shared goals to begin with, and rushed into marriage, or did it because it was the thing to do. Also, living together does not necessarily have same commitment as marriage, sometimes this might carry through to the marriage? Studies showed that those who had INTENT to marry or were engaged did not fall into this higher divorce rate as much. My mother and "common law stepfather" have now been living together (unmarried) for almost 18 years! They are an incredibly happy couple (both were previously married). If they ever get married, great! If not, that is alright, as I know they ARE committed to the relationship and one another. So living together or not do not necessarily lead to higher splits/divorces - it all depends on the people and their perspectives of the living together/marriage, etc.
  7. RayKay
    Just curious fantasia...is snorting cheetos through your nose a common practice? vfunkera, it sounds like you are going through the various stages in a healthy way, and really, as fantasia said, she WILL one day confront her own feelings about it all. Her way of being cold to you, might just be her own emotional barriers. But as you said, you have learned...so take that with you and never forget I'll just say it is not always only memories we are left with, sometimes even through the memories, it is still the person we want, you know that when you still can accept them as the whole person they are - the good, and the bad, when you can take an honest look, not jaded by sentiments alone. Then you know whether you want the person or not, or that relationship or not, or whether you just want the feelings back with "anyone". But it sounds like you are past that, as you are seeing new truths in her that even memories alone cannot overcome.
  8. RayKay
    Well, unless she wants to launch a surprise kid on you, she is likely on SOMETHING.....but who knows.
  9. RayKay
    The only ones that you might not know of would be the pill, the Depo shot, Norplant (but you would probably see implantation sight, and not as used now due to side effects for some), possibly the patch (if you did not see it), maybe a diaphragm/cervical cap (but she would have to still put these in) or IUD (but these are far less common now in general with young people. However, this is a good time to stress that before you have sex with a new partner, you should discuss birth control and protection against STD's. I hope you are at least using condoms? Part of being mature about sex is having these conversations...have you asked HER what she is doing?
  10. RayKay
    While you can take certain birth control pills (usually need to be pills with a level hormonal dose for each dose) to prevent your period, you need to start it in advance to get your body used to it (even then, you will sometimes get spotting, and should have your period occasionally). Taking the birth control pills now will do nothing about your period and will mess up your cycle/birth control for the next month.
  11. RayKay
    Hey sparky Well, it sounds like he is responding well to the classic push/pull you are giving him - just as he feels he might lose you, he chases. I am curious what these little things are...he is either building them up as he does not want to get too involved with you and uses them as barriers, or they are things that really DO bother him, as superficial as they are. I think that if you want it is alright to keep taking it casual, but it depends on your feelings - do you think you might get too involved emotionally with him and he cannot give that back to you? I think if you want to stay with him, you are just going to have to keep on with the push/pull - and learn to meet his emotional needs so that those "superficial" things that bother him seem to become for him not even worth thinking about, in exchange for the complete you!
  12. RayKay
    As the other posters have said....don't pay attention to what is said on hot or not! Seriously, the ratings are very skewed. I am not and have never put a pic up there, but I know people who have, and I have seen high ratings for girls who don't look all that, but are dressed/made up sort of trashy or posing themselves in provocative ways, and for the guys, I see high ratings for guys that just do NOT suit what I would be attracted to! You look just fine to me! And more so, you are obviously intelligent, and talented....just work on that confidence a bit more
  13. RayKay
    I have to agree with ComputerGuy, this situation does NOT look good for you. Her staying over there, and telling him she misses him/loves him does not bode well for your relationship, and I am surprised she is still with you in that case, unless she is wary of her ex's motives. When she said she had no interest in him...she was either lying, or in denial, otherwise she would not be acting this way now. How long were they together, and why did they breakup? Since your relationship is pretty new, depending on why they broke up and their history, I am afraid she might end up going back to him to give it another go - it often happens. You were likely the rebound (sorry).
  14. RayKay
    Hi Ocean Eyes I am sure it is very confusing for you both, as going by past posts here I know you do LOVE your boyfriend very much! I am going to say that possible causes might just be that the routine of life is getting in the way, and the reason you are feeling disconnected is because you two are NOT connecting, or taking the "us" time you need to keep the relationship alive and exciting - the classic post honeymoon phase! The thing is love is not just a feeling, it is also an action - sometimes you have to go through the motions to recapture the feeling. Though you are not that excited to see him, or do something with him, do it anyway, and ENJOY it, as your mind and heart usually will follow. Love can be funny that way. You often hear people say they still love, but are not IN love...well of course not, because contrary to popular belief even the truest of loves require effort and are cyclical! You get what you put into it. I won't lie, I have gone through this detachment and recovered, but I have been through these detachments and the result has been a break up as well. The irony is that when you least feel like working at the relationship as a couple, is when you both MUST do it, to truly be rewarded. The thing is you are both now probably just "comfortable" around one another, but you still need to challenge one another. I know his apathy at the future must be frustrating for you, but I advise you to back off and be a little more aloof about it yourself. Turn the tables around. I am guessing there is something on his mind, but he might be afraid to approach you with it either as he does not want to hurt you, or argue, etc. Let him know that if something is bothering, you are there to talk without judgement, or anger. And even if it is something that hurts, tell him you do understand he is feeling that way and try and develop a solution together.
  15. RayKay
    She should be fine then. If she reads the pamphlet that comes with the pills it will give her instructions for future incidents! One pill taken late (especially within 12 hours) should not be a problem, just make sure the rest are taken around the proper time! And you also did manage to "rescue" yourself from the broken condomn as much as possible.
  16. RayKay
    If it is a combined pill (estrogen & progesterone, etc) she took it as soon as she remembered it and continued taking her pills as normal, she should be alright - especially if this is the only one she was late taking. If she is late, I would recommend a test just to make sure though. If she is on monophasic pills though (or "mini pills") - with only one hormone, or same dose the entire three weeks, there are much more sensitive to the time delay and the effectiveness is greatly reduced by taking them more than even 15 minutes later than usual (that time is for the single hormone progesterone pills, others will not be as time sensitive).
  17. RayKay
    Well, it all depends what you mean by fighting. Effective "fighting" or discussions bring resolution to a problem, open communication up, and can bring a couple closer as they touch each other emotionally, or weave the experiences together. They are usually about something important, or the parties can at least figure out that the fight is symptomatic of something deeper bothering them, and work to solve THAT core issue. However, fighting for the sake of fighting, without it going anywhere just creates negative energy. Sometimes people fight over things that are only a hint of the true problems. Or they are petty, nagging, bickering. This is ineffective fighting. Since you have only been together 3 months, I would not go picking a fight..I am sure at some point you will both disagree over SOMETHING or other - when you get close to someone, it usually happens as you learn to figure one another out
  18. RayKay
    Oh WOW tristesse, you did get a truly wonderful reply from him (as you recall, I did read your original letter and recommended sending it) - very heartfelt, and I think he was trying to be terribly honest and bared his soul so to speak. What you did not know/have answers to before, I think you do now. Know this, the harder he tries to forget you, the more he is going to feel for you. I really think after reading that he is going to have a very very hard time leaving you behind forever, even though he might try to force himself too. He admits he is selfish (wow, reminds me a lot of my ex actually in many ways after reading this) and needs to grow up - and this is actually a good thing - he knows the problem is him and it is his fault. And maybe he will, and I am sure you will hear from him again one day. As he said himself, it hurts too much for him to do so. Sounds like he has a lot of respect for you though, and love, and that will be important in the future, and for his memories of you. I feel for you, you should be really touched by his letter though, it shows you are a very special person.
  19. RayKay
    Friends with benefits - you are friends, but there are occasional intimate perks. libra - well, I think the only way feelings can get deeper is by getting to know them more, out of the just intimate relationship as well. Maybe, invite him out on an actual date or two, and see how things go!?!? You never know
  20. RayKay
    I would say either: He thinks you two are MORE than FWB's OR He wants to be MORE than FWB's and is not sure how to approach it with you. What do YOU want?
  21. RayKay
    Ah yes...there seems to be a few men on this board who felt they were "not really THAT into" their gf's, until they were gone! Some of them left them, some of them had the girl leave, but sometimes you do not know what you have until it is gone. I think my ex will join them at some point..lol. Many people seem to forget sometimes love comes through action - sometimes you have to go through the actions to have the love return/strengthen - even when you don't feel like it! Not being critical, it just seems to happen a lot As you know she is coming back soon, I would sit and wait a few days and see if she contacts you. If she does, be lighthearted, let her bring up the relationship - you both already talked about what was going wrong before. If she doesn't another plan will be in order. You are going to have to show her through action you have changed. And what that plan is, depends on what you WANT. As to how to deal with the rejection, right now you just need to keep busy, as cliche as it sounds. Work out, go out, have fun (or try to fake it!).
  22. RayKay
    We're not trying to jump on you, just trying to impart some wisdom to prevent heartbreak (either yours or hers!). And no one is saying you have not been through a lot, but MANY of us have too! Always remember this - if your love bond is strong enough, you have ALL the time in the world.
  23. RayKay
    He is a Friend with Benefits, so I am pretty sure he can approach sex with her since that is what they do anyway! Original poster: Who knows. Maybe he wanted to "kick" things up in the bedroom and be a bit spicy. Maybe he has a different idea of what this relationship is? Have you talked about it?
  24. RayKay
    Posters are not understanding because even engagement is a big commitment. We know you are not planning on getting married for a while, but engagement IS a commitment to marriage. Why are so eager to get engaged at this age? And I promise you, I know you think all those of us that are older are just being a lot of boring cynics, but how you look at things 2, 5, 10 years from now is so dramatically different than you can - even if you are very mature for your age - at 14. I was in love as a teenager too, and I can tell you now that looking back, my perspectives are so different. Why not just enjoy your youth and in a few years if you are still together, THEN get engaged.
  25. RayKay
    I think they are good. For one, I think it shows that both partners are going into the relationship realizing it is a partnership - and there is more to it than love and a lifelong honeymoon. That while no one intends to go into marriage with plans to divorce (at least most don't!) it DOES happen. Sure it is a subject hard to broach when you are in the stages of planning a wedding, but I really think that getting married is more than a commitment to your love - the prenup allows for honesty, clarity, and shows one another that you are, even in a split, respecting the other person, etc. I think it shows a bigger sign of your love to agree to one than to not to be honest. I guess personally, I have just never seen the reason NOT to have one, other than it might take some of the shine of the ideal of romantic love..but I think that people should go into marriage totally aware of one another's finances, goals, etc as well and that it is about more than just pure love - too many people seem to enter marriage TOTALLY unprepared but do it because they love the other person. Love is of course very important and the all important bond, but sometimes you need more than that to make a marriage work No, they do not contradict love.
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