RayKay

That is too bad, but it sounds like you have learned a big lesson about the grass on the other side of the fence. Sometimes we do not know what we lost until it is gone - and sometimes what is new is not necessarily good. Since you do not really like this new girl and sound like you are with her only to not be alone..I would say maybe it is time to let her go and do some growing on your own for a bit.

The fact that she has cheated on every boyfriend she has been with worries me...even if she says you can trust her. Do you think she told the other guys that she would cheat on them? I am just going from personal experience - my ex's ex cheated on everyone..convinced him he could trust her, and yup..cheated on him with her "friend only". When they broke up, she cheated on the "friend" too with someone else..and so on. She is now engaged and yup..still cheating. She is always seeking something new, and is convinced every few months she has found the "one". I can't see this engagement getting to marriage. And guess what..big part of the reason my ex is going through these issues and that we are apart is due to the hurt from that. I think you are right to not totally trust this...and while maybe she won't, if that is her pattern, it is very likely she also will, unless she does a lot of growing up. A big sign of whether she might do it again is her take on why she did it. If she can say well, it is because I was young and have grown a lot since then and know how it hurts..maybe she might have changed. If her reasons are because she could, or wanted to, or was not "in love" with her partner, or she was drunk..or any multitude of excuses that seem to lay blame or signal she cannot put work into a relationship, then be wary.

Hey Rich, the thing is it is not just about the club - it is also about my team and the races, and the community I am involved in. I am also a rep on the provincial cycling boards and work as an official. It is a small cycling community and while there are some other clubs that I do cycle with on occasion, none that are right for me to join or that I would join. I am on the team I am on for certain reasons and it is not easy to just go on another one. They are also my friends. You need to understand how important cycling is to me with or without him there to understand it is not easy to just switch. It is a very very important part of my life and it is not something I can easily change or should change in fact. No, I am not following a strategy. Honestly, I think we both want at the very least a friendship for now and that is all that we are working towards at the moment.

See, I already WENT through that when I found out he was dating other people. We both went through that together. It is not about that. I HAVE felt the loss. I DID get some distance for a bit, but we do see each other on occasion for reasons that neither of us are going to give up as we are both passionate about what we do - it not fair for either of us to miss out on those things. It is much like if we were working together, we would have to adapt to the situation.

Thanks fantasia...maybe that is what he is mad at, that I did not make him a priority when he called the first time. He still knows I care, and obviously he took the power back when I got self conscious about what was going on...but maybe it did make him think at least for 5 minutes...lol.

But I am a lot further along then I was and yes just because I chose to make that post, does not mean I am not healing. No I have not completely healed, but that is okay, I would not expect to heal right away either. I go on dates, and I have fun. I still want to be in his life, but I am not set on it as the only way. I have my reasons for not choosing complete No Contact and they are valid ones for me. Even as a friend, his mood changes would confuse me.

I think as others said, see if your girlfriend is willing to have you in the room next time she goes..she might not simply as it can be rather vulnerable for her, but she may be willing. What it comes down to really is that this is about her health and her body, and if seeing this doctor ensures that she is getting regular health care to prevent anything serious, than that is important. It is okay to maybe feel a little concerned, or jealous, and even to let her know that, but learning to trust her will be far more rewarding for you both

Gah, it was not the mood change when he called, it was the way he acted offended when I called him BACK five minutes later and was moody about it all but pretending he was fine that was bothering me. I am glad you are healing, but as you said you have the odd setback. I am allowed the same, even if I choose a different path. Isn't part of being on this forum being allowed to vent your frustrations at times when you need an outlet?

chode...when people are choosing their specialty as doctors it is based on many things. Many gynecologists are also OB/GYN's..and are interested in seeing a woman through pregnancy and childbirth. The pratice of gynecology is NOT just about looking at women's intimate areas! It is about the entire reproductive system, which goes far beyond what you get sexual pleasure out of. Maybe he does think, maybe he does not..it does not matter. Nothing is going on beyond that and who is to say that even if he was just her GP he would not think of her in that way..men fantasize, as do women. But, I think your gf is seen as the patient, not as anything more or less. Maybe a women would be thinking similar things. These are YOUR insecurities, not your girlfriends, and while I think she tries to be understanding, she is also asking you to trust her judgement when she chooses a doctor for herself. It is her that has to be there

Well, it was more his shift from him calling me five minutes earlier, to my calling him back that is confusing me. There was no reaction I expected, but if he called ME, I assumed he would be a little more interested in the conversation! Anyway, I just talked to him a few minutes ago. He took the day off from work today as he was not feeling great this morning and did not sleep well, wanted to let me know as he figured I might have sent one of my classic day after sorry for being crazy emails, and wanted to let me know it is okay that I am crazy And he was casual/friendly and told me to have a good day.

It can be hard to find a doctor that you are comfortable with. I have had some female doctors that were just cold, and I just dreaded going to see them. Some doctors - male or female - are more pleasant and you feel less uncomfortable..they treat you as a person and respect your discomfort and will talk to you through it. She is I promise not enjoying having a cold speculum in her, or being laid flat out on a paper covered table with her legs in stirrups! There is NOTHING romantic or stimulating about the experience at all...it is uncomfortable, sometimes a little painful (when they take swabs etc) and just no way fun. And he is a doctor, this is his job, and he is not getting thrills out of it. Not only that, but I imagine a female nurse/attendant is present for these - it appears to be something they do to guard against malpractice. I can't imagine either that she is going that often unless she has problems that require her too. I only go for my Pap once a year now, though there was a time I had to go every 3 months as well as get surgery..and NEVER was it enjoyable! It is a mandatory thing you must do as a female and I can't imagine anyone actually looks forward to it.

Thanks fantasia. I am not sure why I do, I just do. I guess I just care too much about what he thinks, as I still do wish for us to have another chance. I know it is stupid as he is the one that made these choices in the first place, and he should know that he can't always be my top priority, since I am clearly not always his - but why be moody with me then, you know? Not only that but he has no idea whom I was talking to..all he knows is that I did not put him first at that point in time. And why say that I am just being crazy for thinking there is something wrong...when I KNOW there is since minutes before he seemed perfectly happy to talk with me!

So last night, he gets sort of weird on me! He called me last night, and was pretty cheery, but I was on the other line, so I told him I would call him back in a few minutes. He said are you on other line..I was like yes, and he said okay then, but to call him back. So when I called him back, his mood had changed, he seemed more reserved, or short with me. I mean it was like he did not really want to talk to me anymore, though he did a few minutes earlier! I was like..huh? After talking a bit about his weekend etc..but it felt like I had to ask to get anything out of him...I asked him if he was okay and being grumpy, he said no, he was just really tired and had not had as relaxing of a weekend as he hoped was going to head off to bed. I empathized with his busy weekend and said alright...he told me to have a good week and we would talk later on in the week, etc. Alright. So after getting off the phone with him, I thought about how weird he was behaving from one call to the next and called him BACK to ask if he was mad at me for something. He said no, where would I get that from? I said just the way he seemed different from one point to another, he said I was just being crazy, he was just tired and stressed and that things were really fine. Told me I was just misinterpreting things and that I had nothing to worry about - if something wasbothering him about me he would let me know! And if he said they were not, they weren't! And joked I already broke up with you, not much worse can happen..I said sure, he could double dump me! He said no....he would not go through all this 5-6 months of trauma/hard work to be my friend if he did not want to be my friend (he was joking around about it too, so not totally serious about the trauma) and he did want to be so to stop worrying about it. Anyway, he was a little silly again to convince me all was fine. But I am doubtful. He was acting strange as when he called initially he was fine, when I called back it was like a total mood change! So now I am feeling guilty for something and I am not even sure WHAT - for whatever made him like that in the first place like if it was telling him I would call him back or whatever, and for also calling him back and apologizing for even asking what is wrong anyway! Since he said he was just tired, stressed and wanted to go to bed...and that I was just being crazy. So great, now I am crazy. There goes all the awesomeness of Saturday! I ruined it all with my apparent "craziness" I guess. But, there was a mood change, I am sure of it..though I don't know why. Sigh. I am having a less-than-spectacular day now.

I have to echo Beec here...why do you want revenge? I honestly see no reason in getting revenge on someone - they are human, he had his reasons for the breakup (they don't have to be right in your eyes, but they are still his). Revenge does not make you a better person, nor will it give you closure or peace on this relationship. If you don't want to be friends, don't. If you do, then see if he wants the same.

Thank you sparrow for your post. Contact with the ex can be tough at times, however I have always had an unshakeable feeling that he and I are meant to be in each others lives. Our connection has always been powerful, and I don't believe that just because the one you love cannot be with you, means that they are to be shut out of your life. Life is too short - sometimes you don't have the option to have those you love even in your life at all, so when you do, I don't feel it is right to give it up. There are times it has been hard and my patience has run thin and I have almost said goodbye, but we have worked through it. Saying that, I am still taking care of myself, and as you noted, dating even. I still often think of my ex while on those dates, but I think that whatever happens between us in the future, it is a good idea that we both date other people during that time. Sometimes we do take for granted what we had, until we try with others. I did not take him for granted, but I do know that he must have to have made the choice he did. One day, he will definitely start to think about his choice more thoroughly, I have no doubt. And at that time, maybe his convictions about why he ended it will be seen in a new light. For now, he still feels he had to do this in order for us to ever have a chance again, as well as it being the best thing for him at this time. Thanks for your thoughts, once again

Thanks ForAnother, I am definitely taking care of my heart. I can't stop it from loving him, but I can control what that love "makes" me do. I do have the "advantage" in a sense of knowing that reconciliation is very very unlikely to happen anytime soon due to many of his own reasonings. In a sense, that takes a lot of the pressure off of me. When I see him, I am not really worried about him coming back right there and then, and I know that any reconciliation is going to be a slow process if it does happen. Sometimes I even feel like it will never happen, and I feel even less pressure! I hope everything works out for you as well. I am not always sure that my ex and I will have the opportunity, but I am sure that I will be loved greatly again, and I will love in return. I still hope it will be with him, but I know in any case I am not going to settle for any less than I deserve. Thanks again, and yes, please feel free to use whatever you would like

Hello all Well I saw my ex yesterday for a while. We were both invited to a group road ride - a season ender type of thing out of town, followed by a great dinner. We talked a lot that day (not about "us" of course!) but about his job/school, and the same for me and we did a lot of teasing. I liken it to like when you are 7 years old, and have a crush but have no other way of expressing it other than teasing one another. It is truly like we are the closest of friends, since we do tease each other and sometimes try and rile each other up (but not in a mean way). We both commented we have a lot of fun! I was riding side by side with him for a lot of the ride (though sometimes with others) and so we talked a lot then, as well as on the way there and back in the car. The road ride group split up near the end (so some of us ended at about 80 km, some at 100 km). He was tired, and I sort of was too, due to late evenings, so opted to ride the shorter route. We got back to the house and cleaned up, when I came back into the living room he said "You look HOT! Why am I so stupid?" (referring to his breaking up/not being with me). I sort of laughed it off and told him I don't call him Demento for nothing (my new nickname for him since he opted to break up with me..haha. At dinner, we were sitting next to one another and the flirting/teasing continued full force. Sometimes we are kind of "mean" but in a fun way and end up in little "wrestle fights" and stuff. And we have soooo much eye contact, it is amazing. There is still no one I can look in their eyes like that for so long, so intensely, and he does same to me. I know I probably sound like a foolish girl in love, but I am in love, though no longer foolish. My perspective is not jaded, I know that he is still not willing to move any closer to a reconciliation at this point, or at least is still telling himself that. But he is ruling it out not because of who I am, but because of the idea he still has of what a relationship means. It really was an awesome day. When he dropped me off, I just shook his hand (haha, I wanted to kiss, but I am staying away from that route at moment!) and said it was a great, day, he said the same and I told him to have a fun evening with his friends. He said the same for me, and told me to be good. He sort of knows I have been going on dates with others, or at the very least he definitely suspects it, and he is not dating anyone, though has gone on a couple dates before. He'll sort of tease about these, though I don't give out any details or really even react to it. When we were talking yesterday, he mentioned his apartment was cold (it froze over here yesterday...brrrr) and I said mine was perfect. He said how would he know, I never invite him over anymore. I mentioned that I am not allowed to invite him over really, just by the "rules" of our relationship. And besides, I had a couple weeks ago said we should get together and watch this cycling movie, and he was too busy at time..he said yeah but that was then, this is now.I said that I already had left the ball in his court and that the invite was open. So anyway, now sometime in next couple weeks when we both have time, we are going to get together to watch it And, we have a similar mountain bike season ender coming up in a couple weeks as well. I have been in some long term relationships, with some amazing people, but truly, with all my heart and soul - this is the first one whom I have ever believed in all honesty is a soulmate, though our timing is very off when we met! I am still trying to do limited NC at moment so we can both heal - something he needs as much as I do, but it is challenging some days. I do date others, and am working on myself, but I still love him and always will. I still do hope that there will be another chance given by the universe to us both together. We have an amazing chemistry, connection, attraction, friendship that would truly be a shame, and a rarity to throw away. Must be strong, and patient - heal myself, but I cannot shake the faith that we are better together, than apart.

Yes, I definitely do. I think those that cheat repeatedly (sometimes people do it due to relationship issues) but those that do it repeatedly are not happy with themselves, and need other people to fulfill that void of insecurity. They need the attention, to feel special, to feel "loved".

Carter...I do agree there are some people who will always cheat. My ex's previous ex was/is one of those people - and unfortunately she scarred him a lot which led in some part to our end I think. He was too scared to get too involved again. She has cheated on everyone she has been with, and is even cheating on her fiance, as she thinks she has found someone better than him once again (she always thinks this!). She thinks every few months that someone else is "the one" and cheats with them. When my ex told her what she was doing was wrong, she says "but it is the right thing for ME" She has no concept of love, or respect, or trust. My ex thought he could trust her - she convinced him he could...unfortunately I think she does that to everyone.

I am going to emphatically disagree with this. It does not matter whether there is an opportunity, many people have a good sense of values and also know that is not a road they want to go down. And I do have "offers". I don't care how many opportunities present themselves, I do NOT cheat and never will. I am loyal to a fault in fact and would NOT go down that road, and none of my partners ever have either even if they had "chances" too (and no, I know they could of and I don't know...but the thing is I would know, and I know their character and them too well). Even if no one would ever know....I WOULD know and that would kill me inside, I would never ever do that to a partner, and I know no one I choose to be in a relationship would do that to me either. If you are providing emotional & physical fulfillment, being a fun, independent person, they have no need to go elsewhere unless they really are a player (then why would you be with them anyway?). One can look, but not be tempted. In the same vein, I also will NOT get involved with someone who is attached, to me I would be just as guilty as they are. I think trust is UNDERRATED. Trusting your partner allows them and you to be complete persons who are there because they want to be, not because they feel obligated to or like they have to be.

Good stuff Craig! I am in much the same stage as you were in your last stage - still love him tremendously, but let go and am doing my own thing and dating and all of that. Letting him come to me now. He knows I care about him, but I am backing off right now - I guess a sort of limited contact. I am not ignoring him, but at moment nor am I contacting him anymore. My thinking is that he had a four month chance with me after we broke up, and I put a LOT of effort into it, and now it is time for me to take care of myself. He knows where I am if he wants me, and sometimes makes small contacts, but I think too to be honest he is trying to heal as well. He sort of suspects I am dating too, which could be a good thing for him to know, though I don't rub it in. I still show him I care - when I see him occasionally I laugh with him, talk with him, but am at point where at same time I can still be aloof and go from it feeling good about how things went. In our conversations where he calls/contacts me I still inquire about his life, ask about his job etc...but at same time remain aloof to it all as well. Mixed messages can do wonders. I do little things sometimes to show I care, and he is important, but I don't contact him all the time, or talk about us, or give him much insight on my life at moment. He emailed me the other day to say he was soo stressed out about life, that he was losing his focus, forgetting things...and I told him that I was sorry to hear that and gave him my best wishes and hoped things would improve for him, but while I would normally maybe call him and ask him how he was doing...I didn't. However, I did order him a couple weeks ago a Triumph The Insult Dog DVD as a "break up gift" which he got today which I am sure cheered him up, and he called me this morning to give me a huge Thank You. So, I am still supportive and there for him, but a lot more distant too, and moving on with my life. I have two dates this weekend even! I never did the pleading/begging stage, but nonetheless, I also did not give him the space to fully comprehend what his actions mean. I was TOO supportive of him I guess in a sense - he still got the emotional fulfillment from me, etc but did not have any of the responsibility. He won't comprehend until he is truly alone - I am still a friend yes, but not giving him so much attention. I still love him, and if he came back, and was willing to work at it and showed change, I would not turn him away and would look at counselling and giving it a second chance. But, I also know that no matter what I am going to be okay, and that it might not be him, but that I will be with someone who returns in full force the same sort of love and effort I put forth. I know that is in my destiny - I still of course have hope that it will be him, but I feel in the end I will have someone worthy of my love no matter who it is. In other words, I am at point where while I love him dearly, I am not going to settle for less than I deserve, and I deserve someone who gives me as much as I give them and who is willing to put effort into the relationship and not throw it away for ridiculous reasons as he did.

That is great to hear It is normal to sometimes be a little jealous, or unconfident, but when it is overwhelming it is great to seek help! It may be you are just feeling insecure about yourself right now - so spend lots of time with friends, make new ones...and you will find that you will a whole lot better and can bring more to the relationship as well and make it even better! Good luck!

Have you ever gotten counselling for your trust issues? That could be something that may damage your relationships in the long run, since no one likes feeling NOT trusted. Sometimes people deserve it, but often if you don't trust then it makes it more likely they will do something to not deserve it anyway 3 days is seriously NOTHING at all. I have been in relationships where someone has been gone for a year, or where I only saw them every couple weeks for months on end due to having to work temporarily elsewhere. And it does not affect my trust level. I have always known the men I have been with are of a great character and would never cheat, and that I provided all they would want or need emotionally and physically anyway and I trusted them completely. As for the conference, you really should not worry at all, yes it will be a geek-fest, and if not, there is nothing you can do about it anyway, why worry about it? Your boyfriend is more than likely being truthful when he says you have nothing to worry about.

Her breasts may be tender due to her hormones from an impending period - womens breasts get sore/full before periods as well as in pregnancy. You can do it tomorrow first thing, or wait two more days. Then another two for next one. Then go to doctor if she is still late. Good luck!

Late periods CAN definitely happen - a week or more late, for reasons other than pregnancy. But, if she knows, her intuition is probably good. If you read my post above I gave other testing advice already. It could also have been a chemical pregnancy (you can do a search on this, but basically it is when there is fertilization, but the egg is not viable, and her period just has not come yet. OR, she may have not ovulated this month (an anovulatory cycle) and thereforeeee her period is off. I would just test again with first morning urine or a blood test. At a few days late, it is enough to try the test again.