RayKay

It is pretty common for teenagers to suffer from sleep-related disorders and problems. I would advise to develop a calming routine before bed, reduce stimuli (like loud music) and read, have a warm bath (relaxes you), you can try warm milk (it has a sleepy effect) about an hour or so before bed. Put on some softer music. Calm your mind....try meditation, or writing in a journal, or yoga. Just de stress. Try to use your bed ONLY for sleeping though otherwise your body does not link it to sleep.

Some women take a while longer to build up the right hormones to detect on a test - you could try a lighter sensitivity test (like First Response) or a digital one. Remember too, even a faint line is a positive, she may have tested too early too get a dark line or accurate reading (implantation takes 6-12 days). HCG doubles every couple days in early pregnancy, so if she is a few days late she SHOULD test positive if she is, but sometimes some women take a long time to test positive (though this is more rare). She should test again with her first morning urine (it builds up more hormones), since she is late she could probably test again now, or as Vert said go to doctor for a blood test, they are not necessarily MORE sensitive than the HPT tests, but sometimes they can actually measure the level of HCG (hormones) and give a more definite answer. Stress may also definitely be making her late. You said in your post yourself you are definitely NOT ready for a baby, so find another method of birth control besides withdrawl! It has a HUGE failure rate! Good luck

Oh my That definitely complicates things.

Wow, it is great to hear that you took the right steps, are putting the work into your marriage, and also that you talked to your husband about all that was going on. Since he already had ideas, he is probably hurt, but also relieved as it was probably a burden on him as well to carry around. I wish you the best of luck, and I really hope that all that emotional fulfillment you found with the other man, you will realize with your husband. It won't be an easy road, but you are in my thoughts!

I know going bald is something many men are insecure with (I have dated some of them!) but honestly it is NOT a big deal, unless the girl is very shallow and who needs that anyway? Consider it a good screening mechanism! I was involved with someone for five years who had a severe receding hairline, he had started losing hair at about 16 years old, and by the time he was in his 20's, it was not really falling out as much, but he did have thin hair, and quite the receded hairline. Did not matter to me one bit, I loved him with all my heart and found him incredibly attractive. His confidence always shone through, sometimes he joked about his hair, but he was actually okay with it. Really, it does not matter to me, and I am a very attractive woman - there are far more important things than how much hair you have! My most recent ex-bf though was/is very insecure about losing hair, he has not yet started but he is 25 now and all the men on his mother's side are totally bald. I did some research for him at one point, and found that Rogaine/Propecia (I think in combination) are supposed to be very effective at preventing hair loss in the early stages if it is something that does concern you a lot. I know he will be using them as soon as he sees one hair too many on his pillow! Whatever happens to your hair, or you choose - remain confident - that is far more attractive than a headful of long locks

Implantation bleeding happens 7-12 days after conception, so it won't be that. Women often get a watery discharge before their period, as the watery part of the uterine lining sheds itself before the period. If she was pregnant, according to the way they measure pregnancy she would be 7-8 weeks along (they measure from the last menstrual period, not from actual conception) and would have more symptoms then bloatiness - being bloated is also normal before one's period. Some women DO have periods during pregnancy - usually in their first trimester, and many spot throughout pregnancy - but I think she is probably fine. She can take a test if her period does not come to make sure though. And, look at getting some birth control too.

Go to your local free/teen clinic - most of them have walk in times and will give you a prescription, or go to your doctor if they prescribe them (some doctors don't). You need to take it within 72 hours, and the earlier the better - when taken in the first 24 hours it is most effective.

Hey Noggy, I appreciate your response, though I definitely did NOT nag him. He has told me many times I was a wonderful gf and did everything right, so I am not sure that is it. I think that he just felt limited anyway. I am definitely NOT a nagger, and never have been, and he always said that I allowed him a lot of freedom and trusted him without nagging...so not sure that is it really. He did feel "obligated" to me, but not because I made him, or even asked him to be! He just felt that he was not being the best bf he could be..if that makes sense?

I just feel like he is never going to know what he lost, until he does. But at same time, if I do go NC totally, than it will be easier for him to move and forget about me anyway, and I'll never hear from him again! Yet, I think right now he just does not know what it is like without me - and is not afraid of losing it either. Yet, I know friendship is important for even relationships...but what will happen over the next long while scares me, and it hurts. What do I do?

Thanks for your rely monicaa. I am really so unsure what to do. You are correct in that he does not really know what he wants, but I also know he is very conscious in not wanting to lead me on too, so tends to hide his feelings from me at the moment. It is hard to let go, when it feels so wrong in your heart to do so, but at the same time I know he also takes it for granted that he will (when "ready") will be able to find someone "as equally great or better" if he cannot have me myself...so really has no sense of loss, even if I left, I feel. I want to be in his life, but I never wanted it to be like this. And so I do not know what to do.

Hi everyone, I am posting on here a letter my ex sent me this morning, one week after I had wrote him a very honest, direct letter. And I know it is long, but if anyone can read it, an comment, I would really appreciate it. I am feeling like I really need to let him go for good, but it is soooo hard. I love him so much. We have to see each other tomorrow for a race, and I am just not sure what to say about all of this. I don't want to cut contact with him, but maybe I have too. I just don't know anymore...I do still want to be with him again at some point by the way. "And so it begins. My intent is to reread your "letter" (essay), and respond to it as I go. My responses will hopefully be at least as coherent as your letter, but hopefully not as long! Here goes…. I agree that it wasn't an accident that you found out about my date. I had been thinking that you weren't being completely honest with me in how "cool" you were with everything, and I figured that letting you know I had a date would be a good way of finding out. Boy, was I right. First off, I had thought we had a deal where our personal lives would remain that way, and secondly: your reaction was way more than I expected. But at the same time, I thought something like that might happen, and I felt that it probably should. Fact is, I think we do need to spend some time apart to make the friendship thing really work. But I'll get more into that later. I don't understand how me going on a date was disrespecting you, unless we were on different wavelengths. I broke up with you because I wanted to be single, and I told you that I was going to date other people. We were supposed to be friends, and we were experiencing some nice benefits too. But I think that for you, I was still filling the "boyfriend void", even though not in any official capacity. I think that's why you reacted so strongly, because you felt/hoped that we were "dating" exclusively. Contrary to what you seem to think, I DO respect you, and I can continue to do this if I go on dates. But again, I will get into what that means shortly. I agree that someday, I will be ready to open up my heart to love and all that junk again, but I am starting to think that that day may be farther away than I first anticipated. Don't get me wrong, I do want to settle down some day. But right now, I am truly enjoying the singleness, much more than I thought I ever would. Though part of that is because I have had no real reason to not enjoy it; I have yet to really be "alone". But I do appreciate the increased amount of time for me, and from that, I've come to the point where I really don't want to tolerate any bull(censors!) anymore from other people. The reality is, I don't give myself a hard time, and I like it that way….and I really don't have the time or the desire to spend it with people who DO give me hassle about anything. It's true that in our lifetimes, we meet several people who have great potential, it just happens at the wrong time. I believe that if you are a good and true person, you will eventually find the right person for you, and will be happy for the rest of your life. I'm good with that, as long as I don't have to make an ugly woman my wife. It's true that I'm very caring, and that I'm very dedicated to my family (and no, you had never told me of your admiration of this fact). And I think you are also right that I won't grow up to be like the Cat's in the Cradle as I fear, because I AM conscious of it. I want to be single now so I can focus on me, and do all the "me" things that I want to do, so that when I'm ready, I can settle down and raise a family and be committed to them. I'm thinking that I might want to get my Masters in its entirety before I even start looking for a serious relationship…it may not work out that way (things rarely go as planned), but I am starting to think like that. It's absolutely true that I liked being loved by you, but that's the way people are. Who doesn't enjoy being cared for? But be clear that I loved you back, though I will admit that as things approached more serious, I began to hesitate, and close (rather than open) up my heart. The reality was that I wasn't even looking for a girlfriend when I met you, but you were too good to pass up. I tried to make it last, hoping that things would turn around for me (I really did want them too), but I had to be true to myself. I sometimes wonder what would have happened if he hadn't started going out, or if we broke up when I went to Thompson. Well first off, I'd probably have herpes, but beyond that, who knows? Just a thought, I digress. My problem was that when I looked towards the future, the only possible direction I saw it heading was settled-down couple land, which was something that I really wasn't ready for. I had found a possible life mate when I wasn't even looking for a girlfriend. As an analogy: I go to a car dealership to lease a truck for a few years, and I see an amazing car that I've always wanted for sale…it's too expensive, but how can I pass it up? I make the down payment, start paying the hefty monthly fees and then….I run out of money. It's not that I don't want it, but that I bit off more than I could chew, and I have to give it back. You're right when you say that love/relationships are an investement, and you have to work to keep 'em going. I just wasn't ready. I don't expect you to wait for me, and in fact, I don't want you to. You are a great woman, Rachel, and I respect you too much to let you cling to a faint hope that we might get back together. For all intents and purposes, we are over for good. This is the way that is has to be. If you meet someone else, then I'll be happy for you (though jealous too, I'm sure). If it works out, and you get married 6 months later, well, I'll be surprised, but glad things worked out for you. If we drift apart for a few years, then bump into each other at the colostomy bag store in Fiji, well, maybe that's fate talking and we should go out for dinner and see what happens. Don't worry, I will keep my word about our date when I am ready again, but that may not be for a long time. I have some wonderful memories of the times we shared, and still do enjoy talking to you and hanging out with you. But here's the catch: I don't think I'll be able to fully move on if I continue seeing you as much as we have been in the past. There needs to be some time and distance between us before we can come back together and actually be friends. It's like me going to the gym a few weeks ago….my wrist was improved but not fully healed, and I hoped it would be okay. But it wasn't, and the workout only made my wrist worse and prolonged the healing process. I disagree that someday in the future I will really regret breaking up with you. For one thing, I regret it now. It's really too bad it had to happen, because I know how good of a person you are, and how caring and giving and faithful. But the reality is that I also would have regretted it if I DIDN'T break up with you, because then I would have been cheating myself. You have to listen to your heart, and my heart was saying "not ready yet". I'm glad to hear you say that the future is "open", because that is all I really ask. And I am also glad to hear that you are not going to be opposed to dating someone else…as long as you're still good with us being friends. I can understand that you do want a relationship in your life, as I know you understand that I just don't right now. I agree with the things you said about me needing to discover myself. It is slowly happening, but I don't want to rush it, I just want to let it happen. It's quite remarkable, actually, experiencing this gradual "enlightenment", but being conscious that it is happening. I also agree that it is important that we start seeing each other as the people Jeremy and Rachel, as opposed to "my ex, Jeremy" and "my ex, Rachel". So what does this all mean? How are we going to approach things? Well, I don't want to dictate exactly what will happen, as I want some of your input as well. This needs to be an agreement between two people, not a judgment imposed by one. First of all, I think that we should probably not sleep with each other anymore. If we happen to bump into each other at the bar when we're both loaded, and stuff happens, well hey, that's great. But in general, I think it would be best for the budding friendship to cut that part out…it's not that I want to (because it was fun times), but sex has a tendency to complicate things. Let's keep things simple. I also think that we should probably talk/see each other less than we have been. This is helped somewhat by my schedule, but it needs to be more than that. As you said, we have all these old little disagreements sitting in our minds preventing us from moving forwards; I think time apart is one of the best ways to deal with these. But that being said, I don't want to cut of contact completely, because we do share a great chemistry and closeness. I don't know, this one is a tough call, and your thoughts would be appreciated. As a general guideline, I think that our contact over the winter should be more on the minimal side, so that when spring rolls around next year and we start biking again, it's all good. That is one of the things that I loved most about you, and that set you above all the rest, was the fact that you and I shared the same passion. And in case you hadn't noticed, most of the girls who mountain bike aren't very hot, so that was a double score for me. Anyways, let me know what you think about this point. And then there's our personal lives. Again, this is one where I want your input. I think that for a while, it would be best if we keep whatever we are doing to ourselves. One possible solution to this would be to allow the question "so what did you do last night?" but forbid "with who?". I don't know…I want to know if you're dating someone else, but I sure don't want the details. Similarly, I don't really have a problem telling you what I'm doing, but I'm not sure how well you'd react to it. What do you think? Okay, well, this is where I'm going to end it. I managed to keep this just over a page shorter than yours, so good for me. I think I've said everything I needed to say. What I hope comes from this is that (hopefully) this has opened up an avenue for discussion, so that on Sunday, we can decide upon a solution that will work well for us both. I want you to stay a part of my life, and I hope that at the very least, we can be great friends forever. Love, Jeremy"

Wow, your wife was SUPER fertile (or your swimmers were determined!). It can be hard to conceive when you want to sometimes from what I hear, some people take forever! But Ash is right, some women are just very very fertile - even on combined pills, or the patch, they will STILL ovulate and still get pregnant (without even missing a dose!), so doubling up is always advised if you are definitely trying to avoid a pregnancy.

How close were this girl and your friend, how long were they together? Who broke up with who? If the feelings are not there on either side, I don't think it will be a big problem, but if he is very hurt it could be. But I mean, sometimes friends set people up with their ex's...they just were not right for each other or something, so good luck! You know the situation best

That is wonderful StarBrite, very glad that you are doing so well (new apartment is very exciting!) and that your bf is starting to come around a bit more. It is not unusual for men (whatever age) to take a while, they don't have the same bonding that you have already had with your baby - but don't worry, as soon as he holds that baby it will be love at first sight for him 5 months will be here in no time, have a very healthy pregnancy and keep us updated!

Women have various kinds of discharge throughout their cycle - it varies according to their fertility, hormones, etc. Two days after sex though, is way too soon to have any pregnancy symptoms anyway. Most women don't even start showing symptoms until their period is already late, as the fertilized egg takes 1-2 weeks to implant itself on the uterine wall and thereforeeee release hormones necessary to signal to the body that pregnancy is occurring - the symptoms many women get before they are late can be attributed to PMS - which are almost the same as pregnancy symptoms (I know, it makes it even more confusing!). The discharge could just be due to her cycle, leftover semen, or even from the hormones in the pills that are changing the cervical mucous. You will not be able to test or know she is pregnant until 2-3 weeks at least from the day of the incident, some women take a bit longer to show positive depending on hormone levels, but best thing to do right now is wait and see. No point in stressing as it can make her late anyway, and there is nothing you can do right now anyway. She is more than likely just fine though.

Well...I am not male, but I think you telling him to leave has probably put him on the defensive and made him feel pretty insecure as well. Not saying he did not do any wrong either, as you were feeling insecure so his actions probably did not help, but he might of just been bottling things up as many men are apt to do. Now that you have sent an email, I would advise you back off a bit - you have apologized and told him how you feel, so it is probably best to leave it for a bit and let him think things over. He might be hurting too. Don't cut off all contact, but ease back so he is not feeling pressured and can think things through and miss you and get some perspective. He will come back when he is ready if it is right. Miscommunication is a huge problem for many relationships, and with previous marriages, and baggage, maybe you two could attend counselling if he is willing? Too many people leave it to too late, but it can be effective BEFORE problems begin.

Um....I really don't think 10-15 minutes off here or there, or an hour later for lunch is odd at all, or weird hours for that matter! I would not think anything of it, just sounds like they have things to get done at the office. Seriously, most of us would be thrilled to only work 15 minutes "overtime"..haha. As to what can you do to surprise him...you could get a sitter for the kids, surprise him one night with a great dinner at home, wearing something drop dead sexy and make it a night for just the two of you

Well, these are not mine..but they are friends. I have posted them a few times, but here goes again. Couple #1: Went out a couple years when they were in early 20's. Guy decides he needs to be single, she is not the one, commitment fears etc etc. They keep in contact and see each other occasionally. Both date others. 1.5 years later, guy wakes up and realizes he was an idiot. They go on a date...then another...then another, and decide to try again. They have been back together for a while now and just bought a house together. Great couple. He feels it was fate, meant to be...etc etc. Couple #2: Mid 20s. Also went out a couple years. Guy decides same thing as in Couple #1. Pretty much same scenario, they are now married and happy as clams. Couple #3: Well this, is getting repetitive! But this was pretty recent. Again Mid 20's. They were dating a while. He said for a while he could never see marrying her though, etc. They broke up last summer. I ran into them a month or so ago, apparently they got back together before Christmas even (so within a few months). Happy. Not sure if they dated others in interim or not though. Couple #4: Together about a year - mid-late 20's. Spent a lot of time together and seemed perfect! Guy was working two jobs, very busy and stressed. He loved her, but decided relationship was stressing him out as well, and it was "easiest" thing to let go - he did not want the responsibility or to work things out, or even the work that went into a relationship. They kept in some contact - she would reply to his contact initiations etc, but lived her own life. Two months into it, he realized that all paths led back to her - he wanted HER. They started off slowly. Been married 21+ years! My ex also knows Couples 1-3, he used Couples 1 & 2 as inspiration for "us" even, and seeing how it can happen was part of reason he built up guts to break it off with me (weird, I know - but to him it is a sign it can work out!). Couple #3 is more recent, and I told HIM they got back together, and he might know details better than I anyway. Couple #4 I know...but I use that as inspiration, as it is very similar to my situation I think. Actually, from what I know Couples #1 and #4 are the closest to my situation - both are basically due to the guy not being "there" yet and not realizing really what he had, or how worth it is - even though the love is there, and just stressed out or overwhelmed.

I know it is tough for you, but I don't think it is fair to question his care for his stepchildren - just because they are not biologically his does not mean he is not their father. My stepfather has always been more of a father to me and my siblings than my 'real' father ever was, or is even to this day! I was 7 when he came into our lives, but my siblings were toddlers and infants - and that is who they know. The younger step child probably feels the same way. There is nothing wrong with him supporting them, or them calling him daddy for that matter. That is the way their family is. Not all stepchildren have a biological father in the picture willing to help out like your daughter's father is - so that is what we know. I do think it is odd that if they spend so much time with him that he is paying that much support - but that is his arrangement. Have you talked to him rationally about it to find out what is going on and voice your concerns? It seems like you are very determined to keep his life separate from yours - if you accept him, his children come with that. He is a father - biological or not, and as a mother I am sure you understand that your children come first.

I know you feel really alone, and scared - but no matter WHAT you choose to do with this pregnancy, you will be okay, and there are people to help you through it. There are many ways you can also get in touch and meet other women going through the same thing. And it does NOT mean your dreams are over, you will have to adapt but many women do it, and even become MORE focused since they are thinking of their children as well. You really are not alone. If you need to talk, please feel free to PM me. Whatever you choose, I am there to listen (or read).

How far along are you (just wondering as you said a few months ago). This is a tough situation, but you CAN do it and get through it. Do you have family nearby who can help you through this? Do what you feel is right for you, but it sounds like he is at least being responsible, so you will not be at it entirely alone.

There are some symptoms that can show up BEFORE a test, and then there are some women who don't get symptoms for weeks! Of course, there are also women who take a while to test positive. If you are going to show them more a positive though, they usually show up a few days after ovulation/conception to a day or two before you normally would get your period, or even when you normally WOULD get your period. Some possible/more common pre-positive test symptoms though can be: Implantation Bleeding/Spotting/Cramping Tender Breasts Nausea Hot Flashes Feeling just "sick" - sort of like you have the flu or something Fatigue Just a FEELING you are Bloating/water retention Headaches Increase or Decrease in Appetite Increased discharge - often described as a "lotiony" discharge (as opposed to egg-white like, thin, etc) - can vary in colour, but there is usually "lots of it". Many of the symptoms mimic PMS symptoms, so sometimes can be hard to tell! Good luck

I would love something done like that - it brings more personality into the whole thing! Romance is nice too, but not necessary - I think if you can bring the personality of the people/relationship into it, why not! Who's to say that is not romantic I think those that might get worked up about a proposal not being romantic enough are those who are also worried about how their wedding will turn out, rather than excited about the lifetime commitment they re entering into.