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StarBrite

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  • Birthday 02/04/1985

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  1. I haven't posted for a verrrrry long time so I'll do some catch up. My boyfriend and I have been together almost 4 years now. We have a 21 month old son and expecting our second child in january. He's 18 and I'm 21. I'm not sure if alot of this is due to my hormones right now or what, but lately I just feel like he honestly doesn't love me anymore. If I go visit my parents for the night or something he never calls to check on me or his son, doesn't seem to help with the housework at all unless I bug him enough even though I also work and help make an income. He works and goes to school and I realize he's under pressure as well. BUT, he also made this decision with me. Money wise I honestly can't complain, he stands up to his responsibilities. Again though, most days when we're both home, he sits on the internet or is on the phone with his friends or helping them fix their vehicles. It's not like I'm asking for alot but just a back rub or touch or even an "I love you" out of the blue just to remind me he still cares. I told him all this yesterday and then we went to his work party. For the past 6 months I've noticed an increase in the girls that call his cell from work and then last night at the party they were all hanging on him and flirty and I was sitting RIGHT THERE!! Then the crusher came when he opened his gift from his boss and in his excitment said "Look ****!!!" and said another girls name that he works with. He immediately apologized when he seen how hurt I was and tried to make up for it the rest of the night by being nice. Needless to say I slept on the couch because i was just still disgusted. I told him if there was a part of him that felt he got robbed of dating other women because we'd been together since he was so young, that that was fine, but he needed to make the decision either that or me and the kids and no less. He says he wants to be with me and keeps telling me he loves me since last night more. But still, I'm about ready to call it quits until he decides to grow up, if that. Am I overreacting?
  2. My boyfriend and I don't have the most wonderful sex life ever, but it's alright and we still like to try new things to spice it up some. We've been together 3 years and already have a son(for those who don't know). So a couple months ago, he wanted to try the anal thing. Mainly I think because theres alot of porn being made that way.(Which is fine, I'm all for him watching it as long as i'm there with him). Anyway, so we tried it and it seemed to go ok. Easy and slow the first time of course. Different, but ok. I can't say I was against it because i'm all for trying new things too. But then today he wanted to try again. Everything again went fine, or at least I thought. I went to the bathroom a couple hours later and saw that I was bleeding from there, and it was bright red. Not alot but enough to alarm me, and enough to make him get upset thinking he caused it, but I assured him it was fine not to worry. So my question is, is this normal or should I be concerned? I'm guessing things just got tore/stretched a little more than normal and it'll be fine but figured I should ask to get others opinions.
  3. Good Topic. For us, it was communication. From the start we could always talk about things. I could get him to open up and tell me things he wouldn't talk about with anyone. Granted, we have our problems just like any other couple. Recently looking back on our relationship(going on 3 years), I knew I loved him but didn't realize how much. It's just that feeling of comfort and security. I can see us in our late 30's watching our son graduate, and then growing old together. Going to places all over again like we did when we were younger. Him and our son just fit in my life so perfectly that I can definitely say I'm already satisfied. Which is a wonder feeling. It's what helps push through disagreements and gives us more fun times to look forward to.
  4. Hi hun, I have got to applaude you for how mature you're being right now. Especially with thinking everything through, thats just wonderful so keep up the good work. As for my advice, I'd start with a piece of paper. Write down at the top how much she brings in a month. Now subtract each bill or cost one by one and see how much you're left with. This isn't really to show her she can afford the new stuff, but give her a dose of reality. Don't forget the simple things all the way down to groceries and TP. Maybe she'll start to realize how much is actually being spent if she can really see it concrete on paper. I know I've had to do this with my boyfriend a couple times. Keep us updated on how things go.
  5. Thats awesome! Yay for fun time with your kids. You go dad!
  6. Somehow I get the impression that this isn't really a sex problem. To me it sounds like you too need to get a better communication going. Since you sense there's a problem in his past that he needs to overcome, theres no way having a better sex life is ever going to fix that. You too have to talk about things instead of pushing them under the table and thinking it'll just pan out in the end. This also applies to your shyness. He needs to realize that perhaps you're not ready for that type of "hardcore" or whatever relationship. I really do believe if you start having more conversation and getting the gist of whats really going on inside one another, the better sex life will follow naturally. You've only been together 4 months, theres still alot to talk about and getting to know one another. Good Luck.
  7. Hun, I'm so sorry you're going through this, especially among the circumstances. It sounds like to me, he wants his cake and eat it too. Meaning, he wants to be free but have you and the baby there whenever he decides to feel like being a man once and a while. Because honestly, right now he's not acting very mature about the situation at all. Have you thought about going and getting family counseling? It's a long shot but could help. I'm wondering if perhaps the thought of something going wrong scares him to the point he wants to block everything and anything to do with the pregnancy and baby out of his mind so he doesn't have to go through the hurt again. Perhaps sitting down and discussing things a little further with him and suggesting the counseling. If he still won't budge then theres not much more you can do. Try to surround yourself with friends and family and get out and do things with them to help take your mind of things, or even to talk and get them out to help keep your stress level down. My heart goes out to you. Good Luck sweety.
  8. Oh hun, sadly the others are right. It's a great thought to be a mommy and daddy, a family. But the sad part is, things are almost never how you imagine. And life is far from perfect. My boyfriend is 17, and I'm 20. We have a son. After I got pregnant he went through alot of changes(he was 16 at the time). And then after our baby was born, he went through even more and still is. Parenthood to me feels like you completely lose control of what you originally thought life was. Bills stack up, theres a lot of late nights with no sleep, and alot more love you have to dish out. The hardest part for us right now is because he's still in school and that puts a damper on things. On the other hand, he also works two part time jobs and I work a full time one just to try and make ends me. (Thank goodness it's christmas time!) Anyway. You're definitely not wrong to think about it. At least you're working up to being prepared. But think about how much better it'd be if you were older, married, good jobs. And most importantly, that he wants kids too. Thats going to be something as a couple you're going to have to talk about and work through with your relationship and right now you have plenty of time to do it. I always tell another girl I know that wants kids, after you have one, it's not about you or your man anymore, it's about your child and will be for the rest of your life. Mostly though, have fun being a kid yourself for now. It doesn't last long.
  9. Alright, everything was going GREAT. We were starting to get bills paid off. Our son is semi healthy and growing well. I had a good job that wasn't hard but at the same time took effort to earn what I was making. The problem started about a month ago. I work for a woman who runs a daycare(but not a center) out of her home. She's licensed for 12 kids, thus the reason I was hired. Anyway. She decided to buy another home. This caused a problem with our city and they now consider her house she runs the daycare out of, a commercial building for a center and she's out of regulations. I could care less, except, they also say she can't have an employee that doesn't live in the same building. BIG problem. So now they're trying to find a way around everything. Which is where i get upset because I think they're going to try to screw me out of my income tax money. I had plans to pay off my car and my son's dr bills with it because this would be the first year we could claim him. Anyway, I'm not sure if they've actually sent in my taxes from my checks. They always paid me with personal ones. BUT I also have proof that they were supposed to be because I had to have it for WIC services as proof of income. (Sorry if this is too technical for some of you i'm more so referring to the older generation with this one). Theres more too this story of course, but thats just the gist. Anymore she treats me and my son like crap. I thought she was my friend until this happened and now it's like i'm her enemy because I'm going to be one of the main reasons she gets caught and in trouble for not complying with city. I've talked to my parents and other friends about this and I'm not sure where to turn to if she for some reason decides not to give me my W2 form. However, I am planning on finding a different job after I get it, but i'm trying to keep my cool until i make sure it's in my hands. What would you guys do or what would be some resources I could get ahold of for this problem. The worst part of all, is her husband actually works for a place that does people's taxes! (Sorry so long btw, I just wanted to make sure I got most of it clear what was going on).
  10. I've never done this. But at the same time, I wouldn't consider it much different than having a long distance relationship over the net. It's still text. The upside is, you've already met her at least once already and know what you have to look forward too. If you both feel there's something there(which you obviously do), I say go for it! Take the short trip to go and remeet her and see if theres a possibility there for a relationship. You've already overcome some of the long distance problem by being used to just texting. Good Luck!
  11. I think andy said everything just about perfect. The biggest thing you should be worried about really isn't where you're going to live, but how you're going to live. Especially since neither of you have lived with someone else before like that. Theres alot of compromises and differences on things that have to be sorted out. For example, if you move in with him, he's going to be used to doing normal day to day things as little as what he does with his trash, that may be different from what you're used to. Household chores may be another one to think about. My BF doesn't live here per say, but, he's always buggin me about how i arrange my dishes and which trash bags i use, lol. I know it sounds stupid, but little things like that can make a difference. I agree with a talk before the move.
  12. Whether it's online people or in your face people, it's stil flirting, it's still cheating even if the physical contact isn't there. My boyfriend and I met 5 years ago in a chatroom. We started off in the whole cyber relationship thing, then met and did the long distance thing, now we have a son and intend on getting married. The point is, just because it's online, they are still REAL people. And he is still getting the same enjoyment out of flirting or cybering with them so to speak as he would being with them in person. And the fact he's keeping things from you should be a big red flag. You're right, in serious relationships, all the cards should be layed out on the table. My thoughts would be he has another chick online that he likes, if he's trying to hide things, and playin you both. You don't deserve than hun. You need a man who's going to be faithful through and through. They do still exist
  13. In situations like that, theres alot of things you have to consider. I see the most important one being, is it supplying your financial needs, most importantly. Can you find a better job that could provide you with more money and make you happy. What exactly are the flaws of the current job and is there anything small you can do to change it if it'd help make the atmosphere better and more enjoyable(that is if it's worth saving money wise). And then lastly I ask if it fulfills my actual wants of a job. These are the things i've ran through hundreds of times before deciding where to work or if i wanted to quit. And the reason i have them in that order is, the way the world is anymore, jobs are hard to find, and you need one that is going to first and foremost, help you to support yourself. Unless of course you still live at home. Hope it helps.
  14. lol, you guys are nuts! I was actually going to say cyber sex is almost as good as safe sex right? Anyway, back in the day before i became a mother and old lady(ha ha), we used to come up with scenerios. Liiike. Maybe start off in the bedroom, or on the couch watching tv. Oh! I used to love when i got cyber bubble baths..mmm. Don't get to caught up in age, people are pretty open and easy goin around here. Besides, it might seem like a joke but it is as good as safe sex like i said. And it's giving you a chance to "explore" new grounds in a somewhat healthy way before attempting? Good Luck hun and don't be afraid to ask questions, thats what everyone here is for
  15. Thanks everyone. And I know you're all right. It's just tough. For those of you who don't know me(I haven't posted in awhile), my bf is a couple years younger, thus the circumstance. And yeah it is a material thing and has nothing to do with how much he or I love each other. I guess i really am just insecure especially having a child and not being married or a promise to be. I know how people look at women like that, I was one of them. But I also know, when he does it, he wants it to be right. We've discussed things before which is why I know we won't get married for at least a year or two and we've also talked about the kind of wedding we're going to have. Which, is actually just going to be us by ourselves and then having a big reception with all our family afterward. And SL, it does kind of make me wonder sometimes, even though deep down I have no doubts he's faithful. It's just thoughts from my past creep in and tend to destroy that sometimes. So i guess it's safe to say i'm insecure. Oh! And RayKay, thanks for rememberin us Our son is just awesome, he amazes me everyday, and even though we're young we're doin alright and I'm actually proud of myself and my boyfriend for how much we've overcome despite everything. Thanks for the advice everyone. I know I just need to chill a bit and it'll happen, he ain't goin no where, hehe.
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