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Wagga

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Everything posted by Wagga

  1. Wagga
    Hello!! Sorry to hear about the situation you are in. Breaking up is never easy, especially after 5 years. I think your friends have a point when they say move on. A break up in my opinion should be a clean break to avoid a lot of heartache later on. You are obviously very attached to him which is very much understandable since you were with him for 5 years. There is no way that he can forget what you had straightaway, but he is acting that way to help him move on. You are hurting and that's natural so I think you should try and move on slowly. Even though he says lets be friends and that he MIGHT love you and you MIGHT get back together, it might never happen. You have to listen to yourself. Can you handle being friends? You can try and be friends and hope that things will work out. But what if it doesn't? You'll hurt even more then. Remember not to let anyone dictate your happiness. Happiness is within. Learn to be alone, cry if you have to but never give up. Always believe in yourself and be strong. I know how hard it must be for you but if he doesn't want to be with you let him go. It's the best thing you will do for yourself rather than being disillusionig yourself with false dreams of a future with your ex. Go to a quiet place. Listen to yourself. All the best!!
  2. Wagga
    Hi... Well I can understand the guilt you are feeling. First of all don't kill yourself. It is never the solution no matter how bad your problems are. Remember you are carrying a life in you. Regarding abortion, I would once again not support it in my opinion but the decision is upto you. I think you should start by telling your husband the truth. It will give you peace of mind no matter how he will react. If he stays and wants to work on the marriage..great! If not consider your options. Are you willing to be a single mother? Do you really want to get married to the other man(since he has already told you he will marry you if the baby is his)? Learn from your mistakes. Take time to heal. Don't rush into anything. Sit in a quiet place, step out of the daily cycle of life and think what you want. Be strong. Always have confidence in yourself even though all odds are stacked against you. All the best. Wagga
  3. Wagga
    I erased my ex from my msn list as well as some other online stuff. I only did it so I can heal after a very hard breakup. However I did write an email to her explaining why I erased her so she could understand the real reason behind it rather than thinking why I did it. Your ex could be doing the same thing in order to move on.
  4. Wagga
    Meditation is an excellent way of calming your mind and finding inner peace. I've been doing meditation for the past 1.5 years and the more you do it the better you will get. Now a word of advice, don't meditate expecting results....ie it's not like an exam where you study and get good grades. If you look at meditation in a result oriented way you will find it to be a very frustrating experience. Meditation is all about being in the moment and seeing how really things are. It's about relaxation and a journey to your inner self. Start by finding a quiet place to sit down(you can sit or be in any position that is comfortable). A quiet place is very important. I will give you the basics of a technique called breathing meditation(also called "anapanasati meditation/bhavana"). Sit quietly and relax. Let go of the past and the future and be in the present. Relax. The aim is to concentrate on inhaling and exhaling. This is all you will concentrate on....nothing else. Notice how your stomach goes outwards when you breathe in and inwards when you breathe out. Now at the start this is extremely hard. You will notice that millions of thoughts will be rushing through your mind and you will find it very hard to even concentrate for 30 seconds. The trick is to look at the thoughts and feelings without getting attached to them. When a thought or feeling arises notice it, acknoledge it and gently let it be. Don't start thinking about it. It is also important not to suppress your thoughts and feelings. Just let it be. Acknowledge it and feel it and come back to breathing in and out. Afterall feelings and thoughts come and go. They take us away from reality and to be in the present. So let them be. If you want more info about anything just let me know. Good luck and don't give up. Be patient!!
  5. Wagga
    I say take it slow. I know how you feel when you say burnt and tired because I felt exactly that after my last relationship. It's very tempting to just let go and hook up with anyone. I decided to take it slow(which was a hard thing to do when you have all these emtions etc!) but I'm glad I did it. The thing is people look for anything that will take their mind away from the past relationship. Sex becomes a thing you just do for temporary pleasure but it won't get anywhere. I have found out that sex in a good, healthy relationship is so much better than random hook ups. Why do you say you hold your body in low regard? You really should make an effort not to. Start by learning to love yourself. All the best!
  6. Wagga

    lost...

    Wagga replied to gs121's topic in Breaking Up Advice

    Hello.... Sorry to hear about the situation you are in at the moment. You are in the shock/depress stage at the moment and it's hard to believe that after 5 years of being with her things would end up like the way it is now. The truth is that you had the best intentions and you tried to work things out. You loved this girl and you wanted to be with her but she didn't. So you cannot blame yourself for a start. The first and the biggest step is acceptance. You have to face reality and accept that it's over. This is very hard but you have to be strong. It is normal to feel empty and sick. It means you are in touch with your feelings and you are hurting. Don't try to supress the hurt and frustration. Don't dwell on it but accept that it is there. If you feel like crying cry. It is a good way of letting negative feelings out. 5 years is a long time to be with someone but she has made the decision so you will have to respect it. NC is essential in my opinion to move forward and heal. So I hope you keep up the NC. You will get better. You are hurting now because you love her and you are very much attached to her. Try to find the inner strength to move on. Don't depend too much on external things. Learn and grow from this experience. All the best. Wagga
  7. Wagga
    Welcome to the single world. If you chose to stay single for a while after a break up and work on yourself you will get feelings of loneliness. It is completely natural and after awhile you will get used to it. The beauty of staying single and working on yourself is that you get the chance to listen to your heart and grow as a person. You begin to understand yourself and it's a good feeling learning to love yourself and just being happy within, which is true happiness. So take your time and learn from the past and listen to your heart!
  8. Wagga
    Superb post!!!
  9. Wagga
    Sophia_Jane!! I think given your situation what you did was 100% right. He needs to deal with his problems alone and it's only natural that you feel inclined to help him and be there for him. But be careful not to get attached to this idea to the point where you have trouble dealing with your issues. You should always come first in this situation and you need to heal. But don't feel guilty if you feel that strict NC is the only way things will get better for you.
  10. Wagga
    NC is a good way to start the healing process. It's hard but it does wonders...it did for me!! You still have feelings for your ex so it's not a very good idea to be friends. You have to face reality and accept that it's over. This is easier said than done but you have to do it. Also try not to depend on too many external things. Take this opportunity to grow and learn. Don't rush into another relationship until you are over the last one. Good luck
  11. Wagga
    Hello there! I personally feel that you should really let go. After a break up it's very easy to hold onto someone thinking that they will change their mind. You should not contact him. It will really help in your healing process. Letting go is very hard. I found it virtually impossible at the start after a 2.5 year relationship but you have to be strong. Life is about being strong and trying. PM me if you want to talk. Wagga
  12. Wagga
    This is quite an interresting post. I was in an multicultural relationship when I was 19 and for 2.5 years I didn't tell my parents even though I truly loved this person. She told her parents about me as soon as we started seeing each other. I would really like to know what the normal time frame would be. In my case since of my strict culture I found it hard to tell my parents which led me to being very hurt at the end...too much too young. But after we broke up my parents have an open attitude towards multicultural relationships..which is great news for me!! But I did lose someone whom I loved deeply. So I think if you are dating soemone for 4 or 5 months in the case of a multicultural relationsahip it would be a good time to tell the parents. Never ever hide it from them because of fear. Always listen to your heart!! But ot would be interesting to know how long you would have to wait in a normal relationship(other than multi-cultural ones!).
  13. Wagga
    Hello there... Well let me tell you something. No one can and no one ever will be able to make you feel the way you are feeling. You have the choice to be affected by other peoples behaviour. When other people treat you badly just accept that you get hurt feelings but be determined that you are not going to be affected by them. Don't ever be angry when others treat you bad. They are the ones who are missing out. You have the power within you to make yourself happy. Always believe that. Gain inner strength everyday rather than hoping other people will change for your benefit. All this is easier said than done but who achieved anything great without effort! So be strong and start changing your attitude today. All the best Wagga
  14. Wagga
    Hello there... Your poetry is deep and meaningful. But why are you feeling sad all the time? Writing down your emotions is a superb way of expressing exactly how you feel. But I was wondering why you say you are sad?
  15. Wagga
    Hey mate you are only 15. Please be careful when having sex. What you are doing at the moment is very dangerous and I strongly suggest you wear a condom. How old is your gf? Take it easy and enjoy life but be careful.
  16. Wagga
    I agree with ayekasong....I don't think she is over you and she might try to have sex with you to change your mind. I think you should NOT even think of sleeping with her because you don't want a relationship. If she is in your dorm, always hang out with friends and also learn to say NO because if you sleep with her it would be like using her, since you want to be single. Good luck mate and be strong! Wagga
  17. Wagga
    Hello... I think it's normal human behaviour to feel the way you are feeling now, thinking that the grass is greener somewhere else. But this very desire is the failing of humans. We always feel/think that there are better things out there and we let go of what we have only to find out that what we had was the real thing. If we let our feelings get the better of us and have cravings and desires in life we will never be happy in the long run. The reality is that you have a wonderful wife and you won't know what you are missing out on until you really lose her. What's happenning in your case is that you are letting the feelings get in the way of your inner emotions. Always remember feelings come and go. So whenever you get feelings of anxiety etc just let them come and go, don't get attached to them. When you get those feelings you should be able to quickly recognize them and let them be rather than fight them or trying to get answers. Meditation greatly improves the ability to have better control of your feelings. Good Luck! Wagga
  18. Wagga
    Hello!!! Well Done on being strong through the hard times. You have come out on top!! It's good to hear inspirational stories from people like you. All the best! Wagga
  19. Wagga
    Hello there... I think you guys are going throug a rough patch. The pregnancy must be a huge step for both of you. Arguments are never good,specially for you because you are carrying a baby. Always remember you are special...you are carrying a life. Whenever he gets in an argument breathe and take things slowly. You really have to have a talk with this guy. Tell him what you are going through and all your feelings. Have an honest talk with him. I know its not easy but you have to be strong for you and your baby. Best Wishes Wagga
  20. Wagga
    Hello... What I gather from your post is that your ex was not sure what she wanted with the other guy and hence was keeping you as a backup. Personally I think it was very unfair towards you. I think your ex is very confused and insecure. Even in your case I think you are very attached to her so you went along with anything she said. First of all let me tell you its natural to be attached to someone, specially someone you love. I found myself in a similar position with my ex. But it is not healthy. You are waiting for something which might never happen. It's not easy being in the middle and its clear to me that you are a decent enough guy to be there for her. But how would you feel if she said that she only ever wants you as a friend? Would you be able to do that? I couldn't because I was attached to her. I really think you should get a proper answer from her. A simple YES or NO. MAYBE is just not good enough. You are only going to end up being hurt. If she says NO initiate no contact. I think this is essential ifyou want to get over her. Trust me none of this is easy but the reality is that you really have to get your self confidence back and work on yourself. It's clear to me that what's happenning at the moment is really not very healthy. Be strong! Wagga
  21. Wagga
    Hello.... I think you should have a serious talk with her where all of this is heading. What's happenning at the moment is not healthy for her or for you. It's tough being in the middle without knowing where you are heading with her. You should really get an answer out of her, Yes or No, simple as that. Keep us posted and good luck! Wagga
  22. Wagga
    Hey... Sorry to hear about what you are going through. I really don't think this girl deserves you. I don't think she realizes what she is missing out on. What you need to do now is initiate no contact. Don't go after her. She needs to solve her issues by herself. What you are experiencing at the moment is attachment which is unhealthy. You have to let her go. From personal experience this is very hard to do specially when the other has been with you for 3.5 years, but it has to be done. She has major issues that you tried to help her with but remember no one can help you but only yourself. So let her be. If she is lucky enough to understand what she is missing out on she will be come back. But she has to solve her issues first. Good luck!! Wagga
  23. Wagga
    Hello... Well looks like you are in a tricky situation. I was in a similar situation and it was the worst phase of my life. I can understand when you say that you love her but the reality is that you guys have broken up. Obviously you are very attached(which is a really bad negative emotion) to her and so you find it very painful being "just friends". So my advise to you is initiate no contact. You'll have to be strong but in the long run it will be for the best. The advantages gained from this are two-fold. Firstly it gives you a chance to be by yourself away from her to grow and gain confidence. This is very important because as you will find it easier to deal with problems. Always remember you cannot ever change people but only yourself. Secondly you losing all contact with her will get her thinking. How could she know what she is losing when you are always there for her no matter what. There are absolutely no guarantees that she will come running back to you. But this is the reality of the situation and you have to accept it like a man. Good luck mate and keep us posted. Be strong!! Wagga
  24. Wagga
    Well looks like he is bing very unfair to you. Normally when guys don't want to be with someone and is scared of hurting them, they tend to ignore them. So I think your guy is ignoring you so that you will get sick of the situation and leave. This makes him the "victim" even though you are suffering. My advice to you is talk to him and ask him what's going on. You seem like a decent girl and you or anyone shouldn't be treated like this. He is being very selfish. My ex acted in a similar way before we broke up. You should have a talk with him to find out if he wants out. The truth hurts but at least it's the truth. Because at the moment you are hurting and you are in the middle (not sure where the relationship is going). Good luck!
  25. Wagga
    Hey... I can totally relate to you mate. My girlfriend of 2.5 years broke up with me saying the same stuff. We were really comfortable with each other as well. For the past 8 months she told me she misses me and wasn't sure if she wanted to let me go. So I waited thinking that we would get back together only for me to find out recently that, during this time she has slept with two guys and is now going out with someone else. She was my girlfriend and more importantly my bestfriend. But I urge you please be careful. GET A PROPER ANSWER FROM HER. Don't have hope just because she says she loves you and misses you. You have to ask her if she wants you back or not. DONT STAY IN THE MIDDLE. If she doesn't want to get back with you then it's upto you if you can be her friend, without expecting anything(this is virtually impossible). The best thing is to get closure. If she misses you and loves you like that she will come back to you. Your story seems very similar to mine. STAYING IN THE MIDDLE IS NOT HEALTHY. It's either working thingsout or not. But if she wants you to wait until she sorts out any personal problems that she's got I think you should wait for her. Keep us posted mate and goodluck.
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