jojean

all true. If this was just a friendship thing. You should have let your ex know about her. Now, you're saying it's a misunderstanding from her side. Well, but you've to understand HER. You hided this from her... SO what could she possibly think about this?? I know the hurt, because it's actually happened to me. (although he didn't love me anymore.. I accepted it..) And I know how it's if somebody's making stories up. Somebody did this to me too and let my ex thinks very badly about me.. Actually not stories, but actions.. And blaming it all on me. If he thinks this way.. than he's just blind. Then he really didn't make any effort to know me at all in those 5 years. It's frustating I know.. (sorry going off-topic i guess ) Well anyway. She is mad. Ofcourse! But instead of saying things you already know now.. You've to give it some time really. If she really does love you or were in love with you than her feelings for you wouldn't passed that fast. Maybe wait for a week and try to write all things down.. nothing and nothing but the truth and send it to her. In this way you can write all the things down without being ignored.. This is all you can do for now. Then it's all up to her.

yes, that's why.. So true. I thought I could already handle it, because I really don't have any intentions of having him back in any way. I guess I'm one of those who are so weak... I don't know why. He gives me enough signs to 'hate' him. Blaming me for several things.. What I even didn't do. (i spare u all on the details).. And yet trying to put himself in a good position.. What am I? The pathetic one? I don't know. I think I just have heard to much about his new love. I really hope for this person, that she doesn't get the treatment I got. In the beginning al lovely words.. and at the end.. it's not more than just meaningless words.. And especially because she came out of a very bad relationship of more than a decade. Why do I have to think of all this?

I really hate this feeling. I thought I was going well. I haven't been here for a while. I was feeling that I was making progress. I was actually. Doing my stuff and having assignments for webdesigning. I don't know how many know my story. But it ended 6 months ago. He was like not sure about his feelings towards me. Because he was chatting with an ex of his and was getting love-feelings for her. So I ended it. I couldn't cope. I had hope we would get back. Yes, but eventually i realize we couldn't. He was already flirting with others. (Yes, I couldn't keep the NC rule) But I kept my distance at times. He wanted to stay friends and have friendship. I talked his behaviour good because i thought he cares. Now hearing that he is all in love again with someone else.. just was so hard... I know i know.. i could expect that when not doing NC. It is just so soon.. and making me so 'used'. Like the 5 years was nothing. He telling me he feel lovesick... How he can't eat and sleep.. All the things he once had when he was in love with me. Why can't I just forget him?? I'm getting tired of myself... sorry for all my rambling.. I don't know what I want to hear.. I just want to spit this out.. It makes me feel so bad..

I consider this cheating. You're doing all this without your current b/f knowing. This whole thing happened to me. So maybe I'm somewhat biased in my opinion to you. It's very disrespectful what you're doing right now. Whether you're thinking about your girls happiness or not. It isn't also a thing you want to teach your daughters right? It's already a mess. You need to ask yourself. Do you want to make your relationship work? Every couple will go through a hard time in life. Not every relationship is perfect and can be constantly like a fairytail. You're filling your needs with this flirt instead of facing your problems first. Typically grass is greener on the other side vision. Ofcourse it's attractive to talk to tim. That's because you haven't led a life with him yet. You think you know him know. What if you two were living together and all the excitement is gone? Just think about it. If you don't love your current b/f anymore. Than you should be clear about it. It's very disrespectful and cowardly leading this on. Eventhough it would hurt him. It will past. I think this situation where he's in right now, is worse than that.

I agree with icemotoboy. Give it some time. And like you said. After coming out of 2 year relationship where you haven't been treating her very well. You have to expect to win her trust again. It doesn't just happen right away in a few weeks. You need it to take this slowly. How is she sure that you really mean what you're doing right now? You got the point? She's just careful to open her heart that easily again, prevent it from hurting

I had to agree that you musn't read too much in it. If she wanted to be back with you, she would be clear about it and said it to you. Just don't focus too much on it and try to live your life as it is now.

I'd been through the same as you. Sorry to hear about it. I know how it feels. Sometimes..it will hurts. But I can promise one thing. It will get better. How 'cheesy' as it sounds and even maybe you don't want to hear it. I'm the living prove of it. Yes, I'm still healing. But don't let anything put you back to square one. I'd my downs a lot and I wished I didn't break NC that much It will slow down the progress.

Hey there, here a little update about me. Two weeks of NC. Thought I was ready to be friends with him. I was feeling good in these two weeks of NC. And he invited me after 2 weeks NC to have dinner. Something comes up again (He mentioned it.. not me) and he cancelled dinner. And I was really pissed. I noticed I wasn't ready at all to be his friend. Not like this. I admit I still have some feelings for him, but not the same anymore. Don't get me wrong. I still don't miss him anymore, just care. But through the fact that he got me so pissed, clarifies that I'm not ready. Yes! Yes! people..NC is important for yourself. It's really easier and better to keep to it instead of breaking it (for your feelings). I wish I could tell a 'succes' story for those who are going through the same I did a few months ago. That was what I was searching for too. But the fact is.. most likely it's the best to move on with yourself. It doesn't mean forget the other, but just find a place to put it and dealing with it. It has been an eye-opener for me. I don't want to get back with him anymore. That's 100% sure, but still not a full 100% over it. But if I compare myself now with what I was a few months ago. I must say.. I feel better and looking positive in the future. This feeling is like.. liberating. I thank You all for supporting me through these moments. It helped me alot. I think I would be still depressed if I didn't find enotalone. They should give you all an award My special thanks goes to Majord23, Scout, Icemotoboy, karchino and the rest who gave some inputs. From now on.. if i'm going to post (you never know..remember the rollercoaster ) It will be in the healing after break up section. Wish you all the best. jojean

Hey there, BIG HUG to you too. I'd been there too. The feeling is so worse. But keep hanging on. You will feel day by day slowly not that worse. I won't say better. But it certainly will get less worse and the urges will become less. You must ask yourself why do you miss him so much? Is it because he's that great or just you make him that great? I realized in these few days that I was just overromantisizing him too much. He simply isn't that person anymore. We hold on the thougths we had together.. but then it's nothing more or less then memories.

wow, hitting it low yesterday night. Came home from a friend and cried for half an hour. I didn't feel urges to call the ex or something. Just suddenly feeling so sad. At that time I just forced myself to delete all the txt messages on my cellphone I still had from him. Not that I was reading it, but it was still the memories of him back then. And that person just don't exist anymore. After deleting it I also deleted his phonenumber. I must say.. ironically I feel relieved. So day 9 of NC. I just wish I didn't think about him this much. Not about missing him.. but about him as a person.. I'm just so disappointed in how he has changed as a person...

Well jchan if you still doesn't feel like to do anything. you shouldn't. You should do what you want to and not what you have to. I'm at day 8 of NC. Well spoke him once accidentely on MSN, i forgot to block him. But the conversation was short. A few minutes. But I wasn't bothered about it. I didn't and still don't feel like to talk to him. I sound strong, but I have to. I don't want to feel the pain again because of him. Am I recovering? yes Is it hard? Yes, still Does it still hurt? Yes, at times Do I miss him? No, not anymore

Hi, i know exactly the emotions you described Rainz. All that we're going through. But I feel better day by day. And it's funny. I also thought "One more time, just one more time!" Not even like "ooohw i got to see him" I picked up my stuff Tuesday. I decided to get over it as soon as possible. So I won't have to think about it down the road. I was just the friendly me when picking up the stuff. I said 'fun to see you' and went away as quick as possible. I can noticed he was a bit surprised. He offered to bike me to the ferry again and that I didn't turn down. If walking it would take me 10 minutes I wasn't playing an act. It's just how I am and I feel proud of how I handled it. And I surely can feel that my healing process is started. I'm happy that I didn't feel down when I woke up today. But hey, it's just thursday now. Taking it a day by day too. Wishing all you luck with the healing process too. I know how I felt and how one can feel about a break up. (read my previous posts in this thread.. confused emotional and no not calm at all) And also know now how one can feel down the road if one not get him/herself string along.. much and much better I can tell. I never thought I would ever see or feel it. Even with the encourage words from people of this forum. But yeah.. eventually you will update of the situation: broke up 3 months ago, 1 month living on myself and LC with ex. And right now feel real strong of NC

My heart is hurting today.. I don't know. Got a bad moment today i guess. Thought the most pain already went away.. I got to meet him one more time to pick up my last stuff at his place. And this is also the first time that I'm not looking forward to see him. I'm going to pick up my stuff and go away. Not stay for even half an hour. I just wished I already picked up my stuff..

why should you be friends with someone who doesn't initiate anything at all? Even friendship needs two to work. And above that if he really sees you as a friend, he wouldn't have say that you're not that important. I got the opposite. My ex really wants to stay friends with me (eventhough i'm still not ready. But not told him. Just holding myself back sometimes) Even when I said that maybe it's better not to contact. He texted me back rightaway that it's not what he wants. I know he cares about me. He also tells me this. If somebody cares about you, they will NOT say You are not that important

Hey rainz, thanks. Not problem at all that you 'hijack' my thread. It's good to read how others are doing. I'm at the same point as you are. But I think I also needed the things I did to come at this point of not feeling so depressed about the whole situation anymore. Sometimes you just don't have to worry about NC too much. You will feel it when it's right or not. I had to do the LC as a part of healing myself and realizing some other things. We'll see how we do, right. Take care!