I slept with him (the other man) three times in a four day span, then felt so sick and horrible, I called it off, didn't tell my husband, and instead tried to work on the things that had led me to have an affair in the first place. My husband has a video game addiction that takes up 10 hours a day as soon as he gets home from work. He never wanted to talk about it, and got angry when I tried to talk to him about it, then I threatened to leave him and he said I never would so I had this affair behind his back out of spite, and it wasn't even pleasurable or fun, I felt sick.
Fast forward two and a half months: I found out I was pregnant about three weeks ago, and this is after years of being told I could never conceive due to fibroids and endometriosis and the failure of an ovary. I'm in my late twenties.
I excitedly told my husband then it hit me... there's a chance it's the other man's. Of course I can't know til I deliver...
I told the other man, who had been a lover many years ago and always a good friend. He offered to marry me if it was his and take care of me and the child, provided I tell my husband after if it was the other man's and my husband divorced me. And if it was my husband's, then hooray. The other man also said I didn't have to marry him or live with him, but that I should tell my husband anyway for health reasons for the child and to spare him in the future (say if the child looks nothing like him). If it was my husbands I could happily forget the affair and go on with life. The other man has left it open to me, which I appreciate. He could have just told me to screw myself and if my husband found out and dumped me in the future I'd be all alone.
I screwed up. I know i did. I cry every day. This pregnancy I thought would never happened is happening, and all I do is cry, for my child, for my husband, for me. For the first time in my life, I'm contemplating suicide. I'm thinking of having an abortion and telling everyone I miscarried. After finding out I was pregnant, my husband did a 360 and has changed for the better, and couldn't be more excited about the pregnancy. I calculated the ovulation, and it's 50-50 who's it could be. My best girl friend is the only one who knows and she's adamant about my hapiness and the child's no matter who the father is. She knows I've been wanting a child for some time. I never thought I would be this SAD. I dream of burning in hell and my child hating me for hiding the identity of her/his father. I could NOT tell my husband when I find out, but every day would be a day lived in FEAR of him finding out and my dream world of that perfect family, him, me, and "our" child, would come crashing down. I need advice so badly, but I'm so afraid to speak to anyone for fear of my husband finding out. I mean, I seriously could be over reacting, cause it could very well be my husbands and everything would be fine. Because I never planned on telling my husband about the affair, because he really thinks/thought everything in our marriage was/is peachy. And I'd like to think it is, too, if he's changing his ways so dramatically upon hearing of my pregnancy. Flame on, please, I know I deserve a lot of flames.... what I did was unforgiveavle, regardless of my husband's behavior. Thing is, this baby deserves a happy life, regardless of what I want, right? I screwed up, so my hapiness is now second to what this child needs in a home setting, right? And I really shouldn't be in a tizzy til I have a DNA test, right? Or should I just go ahead and kill myself and save myself and my future child from any humiliation... the hormones are making my very depressed, but I also think it's the situation at hand, cause normally I would never think like this. Let me know what you think.
