Ash

When you do have sex, is it the same, usual, perhaps boring way that's become routine? Often a change can be good. Different positions for example, and keep in mind he might not even know that this is part of the issue. One of the big mistakes a couple can get into is going to bed and having sex at the end of the day when either one or both partners is tired. That works well if you have a healthy, plentiful sex life, but it you're struggling then trying to initiate at different times of day might help. Have you tried changing what you wear to excite him at all? Guys tend to be quite visual so that's something worth at least thinking about if you haven't tried it already. There are a lot of other things you could try, but maybe think about this stuff for now. Try to see if there is any real interest at all if things are changed up a bit. And on another note, there's nothing at all wrong with masturbating. I do understand why feel upset about it in this situation. Based on the way you describe your recent sessions with him (it end's when he's satisfied) working in some "play" time with you and perhaps resulting in an orgasm for you before you even engage in intercourse may be something worth trying. Most men like the experience of seeing and feeling a woman orgasm and in general that's not the end of that particular sexual encounter like it can be with some men. Don't give up on him quite yet, but in the end please don't give up on yourself and end up settling for something you're not happy with.

Yep, Scout's pretty perceptive! Several years ago I felt the same way when I couldn't be with my girlfriend. The distance was far greater but the effect was the same. I did find myself just missing being with somebody and there were many times I doubted the sanity of the relationship since there was a distance involved. There's certainly something to be said for being in the same town as the one you love. Any chance there's some upset because either you don't think he's making a big enough effort to see you, or you're being tough on yourself because you don't think you're trying hard enough to get to where he is? Sometimes those somewhat conflicting feelings things can manifest themselves in strange ways and the anger or guilt you feel can make you think that it might just be better with somebody else. Perhaps just food for though. But ... not a fun place to be in on the days / weeks / months in between visits. I do feel for you!

If the mods had to check up on all posts for this type of content before if could be allowed (meaning specifically in this situation a possible death, but easily extended to ANY situation involving legal authorities and by further extension from that, any number of posts) then hardly anything would ever get posted in the first place. So many of the posts on this board stem from markedly unpleasant situations. Part of the beauty of eNotAlone is the fact just about anybody can post just about anything. We take it one faith that the majority of the posts are sincere and are willing to give the poster the benefit of the doubt. As to the exact details surround the original issue on this thread, perhaps we'll never really know. But there are things I know about the help, advice and life stories I post on this site and that is that they are given freely and without terms and conditions. Whoever I reply to and the greater population in general is free to interpret what I say in whatever way they wish. They may or may not acknowledge any words I write. They are free to come and go from this site (as I often do myself). All I can think in this situation is that there was unlikely an explicit attempt made to hurt or upset us and that Celticghirl had her own personal reasons for the things she appeared to have done and the way in which she chose to leave this community. Further to that and because of who we are and what we do on this site, and because we attempt not to be judgemental (right???!!!) that we would offer her our support and compassion when and if she should need it now or in the future. If it truly was a malicious act (which I personally doubt honestly speaking) then I would also think she is remorseful and it would be up to her to set the record straight and apologize rather than the rest of us shutting her out. As for Indi, same thing about her part in this. People go through tough times in life. Some have it very rough. They turn to friends for help, support and yes .. for attention too. Generally it is because they're not getting the attention, love, caring or compassion in other places and part of what we all do here is provide some of that. And again, it's given freely and nothing is expected in return. So, to Celticghirl, alive and well or otherwise, whatever place you're in I hope things are going okay and that you can see some happiness if not now, then in the future. As for the rest of you (us!!) ... you just keep on doing the great work you always do. Thanks so much for all of it.

A very tough decision to make I realize. But a wise one, and we're here to support you when and if you need it. Having mentioned that incident with his ex wife sheds new light, and there may be additional times you're not actually aware. It's too bad really, as so many others on this thread have pointed out these things can become quite dangerous. And, as you've pointed out, this wasn't the only incident ever, and he has scared you badly ... so you're decision to move on is certainly a very valid one. Best of luck.

If you've known him for that long, and this is the first time that this has ever happened to you (or anybody you know of) and he's never violent then I have somewhat of a difficult time believing that he is truly the abusive, violent person that many are jumping to the conclusion that he is. You know him better than any of us. Does this latest behaviour represent a fundamental change in the way he is? If so, they yes, it could get worse. But every once in a very long while this kind of thing can happen and I'm not sure it always ends the relationship. I'm not saying there's an excuse for what he did, or that it's right, or that you should accept any of it, but I'll repeat again, you can detect a change in his character better than any of us. And yes, people can get help to deal with this type of thing. Given the fact though that he claims you're the only thing keeping him where he is, then perhaps he will take this opportunity to end things and move on.

Are you, or do you ever see yourself getting what YOU need out of this relationship. Based on what you have written I'd have to observe that you are making a difference in his life, and some of his behaviours are now more controlled and more understood and this is good. He's headed in the right direction. Professional counseling may be helpful to further this process. However, relationships should at some point be mutual. There is a "you" to be concerned about. It's wonderful to help him and love him in the process, but at the end of the day do you feel happy and fulfilled? At some point you should. You (especially you for what you're doing to help another) deserve this.

Gotta go with Dako on this one. Those toys send me in the opposite direction. They feel good for a bit, then they actually have a numbing effect. Some of it is likely in your head. Do you really HAVE to cum quickly? Is there anything actually wrong with enjoying the whole sexual act and not cumming every single time? I don't, and I still enjoy it. It's not that you can't cum or keep it up, just that you don't cum all the time or as fast as you'd like sometimes. I don't think that's a particularly big problem, and I'd think there's nothing wrong. There have been times when I've been the same. I worried and that made it worse! It only got better when I stopped worrying and stopped thinking about it.

It happened fairly soon after we started seeing each other which was a couple of months after we started to communicate. I wrote it in a card I got for her and wasn't sure if it was the right time to do so ... but she beat me to it and said it a couple of hours into that date, and I already had the card very close at hand. I had felt it some time before and so had she. So, I'd say if was pretty romantic really. We were both more or less in tears at the way it happened. We say it a lot now. Several times a day. Some times are very meaningful, and some other times are more of a reassurance and acknowledgement.

There is no single "perfect" body. Or, put another way ... big, small, tall, short - who say's not all women are perfect?

Perhaps it depends on the type of person he is. Was it a caring, two way relationship? Or was he more self centred and selfish? If he's a caring person then I would think there may be a point telling him. He'll be upset (likely) but he'll hopefully understand the reasons for why you did what you did and he'll get over it soon enough. If he's more self centred he's not as likely to care, and will likely be relieved that there isn't a child on the way as he may not have wanted one anyway. In this case I'm not sure if there is a point really in telling him. And if he was at all the abusive type (I've no idea if he was) then you will have to think about the ramifications of you telling him directly or him finding out another way. If you're fairly sure he won't find out another way you may just want to let it sit. The two of you broke up for a reason, and while I do understand the abortion has something to do with him, the fact you are now no longer together changes the information he needs to have. Would telling him before the abortion have changed your mind? I suspect not. Tough call, but as I said I think consideration of the type of person he is, is relevant here.

Try to listen to him when and if he wants to tlak, but make sure you have somebody in return that you can be with if you want. Perhaps you will end up talking to him and the two of you can celebrate the good things in her life together. Above all, allow both yourself and him to grieve. I too am very sorry for your loss. It is very clear that you love your sister, and hopefully you can keep that love inside you.

I suspect it might mean you can distinguish love from sex. They are different although often occur together.

It seems as there may be a slight different between what a typical man might want, and the two specific wealthy and ambitious men you find yourself interested in want. In this case, it's more a matter of what YOU want. You seem to have a fairly good handle on what these two particular men are after. What's up to you is to decide is you want to be the woman they are with for now. I think you likely realize that with both of them this is likely a short term relationship, should one evolve with either of them. Can you live with that? Will you be hurt if you're just the girl of the month, and they'll be interested in somebody else in a while instead? It's not wrong to decide either way. It's your decision and your life. Cheap or easy is how you and they chose to see it. Just be true to yourself and your own morals and ethics when you do decide. If you can't live with how you think things might be with either of these men, or you're looking for something more long term then you will likely need to slow things down, date a while and find out if either is interested in something more long term. Find out if they do value women and make sure it's an answer that's not just designed to make you hear what you want to hear.

The interchangeability of the words semen and sperm always makes me wonder when written by a supposed expert. That's one of the things that lead me to believe this might be bogus. Semen contains sperm (usually) but they are not the same thing. The so called article is waffling between whether the seminal fluid or the sperm contains the goodness.

I have the rather conflicted feeling that I'm sitting waiting for something to happen while at the same time I'm working my backside off for other people. I'd LOVE to be doing the things I want to do ... but can't seem to get to them. Not the same place you're at exactly. But the effect is the same, I need to actually do things to affect how I live my own life and not let others decide how it is to be lived. That part I think IS the same for us both. You (and I, and all of us really) need to get out there and grab life by the horns and make it go the way we want it to go for US (while at the same time not actually trampling on others!)

I think in most places it's hours/days per week that counts. Your 8 days straddles a weekend, on each individual week you are working no more than 5 days (40 hours). Unfortunately, that may mean that it's legal. On the plus side, since you are working 8 days straight it should work out somewhere else that you get 3 or more days off in a row.

I'm a bit confused here. Are you sure those messages were actually directed to you? Why would he even have your number. And if they were from him, they could have intended to go to somebody else completely. What's your marital situation. Are you separated? I understand you're filing for divorce, that's a legal situation. Where are/were you and her emotionally?

You may trust him but you can't trust sperm!

I suspect they'll likely give you a good reference, which is really the best you can hope for given the situation. There is generally little point in trying to work at a place that for whatever reason doesn't want you around. It happens, and it happens a lot. It seems to happen to those who are different, unique, innovative and have their own minds. Why? Because they don't fit into somebodies mold of an ideal employee. An ideal employee makes a boss feel comfortable with things and generally has little to do with actually accomplishing what the employee thinks the proper job is. Sounds like the assistant director didn't like you because you HAVE a brain, not because you don't. Anyway, it's happened to several people I know and they've all ended up better off for it. It's a tough pill to swallow, and all the laws on the planet seem to oddly not help much. The best thing to do is go after a decent reference. One way to do that is to write your own reference, and ask your ex-boss if they'll sign it. Generally, to avoid further work, and since it doesn't generally matter a great deal to them, they often do. Then go get a better job! Yeah, I make it sound so easy and I know it's not at all. But you know have work experience, you have a letter of reference (or hopefully will!) and prospective employers are well aware of the fact that personality conflicts abound and these days losing a job over something like this isn't really a huge deal, not like a few decades ago. Good luck, and very unfortunately ... welcome to the "dumped on by former employers club" You'll find the company top notch by the way!

How forcefully your bf cums depends on a number of factors. It could be anything from not much more than a dribble to a good jet going several feet. Your bf should have a relatively good idea. It can depend a lot on how long he's hard leading up to the event. I find for me a tissue or two is largely useless and a paper towel is far better. Bigger area, will absorb more and he won't shoot through it. I find proper towels pretty handy. Once the fluid absorbs into the fabric it just looks like a water spot at most. It will show on a dark coloured towel as a whitish mask. On a white towel it may be slightly yellow in appearance. It won't show at all on a medium or light coloured towel. A beach towel is ideal. Mom will never know, besides, who examines towels after they're used anyway? One way is to have him lie on his back or sit relined in a chair. It leaves both of you with both hands free. Spread the towel in the likely target area rather than trying to play catch.

Perhaps your diet in general is not what it could be? During sex, your body suppresses a lot of sensations and feelings that have nothing to do with the reproductive process. For example, I suffer from allergies and if I have sex on a day where there are lots of allergens in the air, I'm fine during, but have a sneezing fit immediately afterward. Same with certain aches and pains. They're gone during, but come back after. I would think it's more a matter of your body masking things during sex that the sex itself causing the problems.

I also have a terrible memory and astonishingly poor concentration skills. When it comes to rote memorization of something I typically do very poorly no matter how hard I try and there's little I've been able to do. When I am up to myself as to what I need to remember, I carry a small notepad and write things down. I keep lists, and record things in spreadsheets and data bases. As for concentration, I find listening to music I already know well will allow me to block out other things. My concentration is so poor just about any noise will completely break me out of my thought cycle. The music actually masks out most of the other noise and in addition gives my brain something to do and since it's familiar music, subconsciously I already know what to expect so no active thought appears to be engaged in the listening process. In other words, I need crutches to help me. Perhaps there are some other things that can be done to help, but these types of things really assist me.

Clenching your PC muscle during ejaculation versus multiple male orgasms are two different things. When considering this, realize that ejaculation and orgasm are not actually the same thing. I suspect by clenching those PC muscles you might end up stifling an ejaculation. And yes, you can have more than one orgasm, the first ones occurring without ejaculation. In the end though, it's the forceful ejaculation that feels the most satisfying. Orgasm without ejaculation is somehow unfulfilling .. although it does feel pretty intense!

You may really just want to let it go. I mean, how are you REALLY going to feel if you share a kiss, things really start to get stirred up inside, then you have to say goodbye? There will certainly be other women, no doubt about that. Have a serious think about what the possibilities are of the two of you being together should you want to be. If it can happen (not sure how close you two are in distance) then consider it. If there's no chance, then let it drop. Other than kissing you could give her something. Or try the tact of telling her that she's going to get a goodbye kiss when you leave .. and then depending on her reaction it may become obvious she'd rather have the kiss sooner than later ... or not at all.

While this statement in itself is true, when is the last time he could have ejaculated? Sperm can live for extended periods of time. Again, granted, urination in theory flushes them out, but are you willing to bet 100% that it's okay? I wouldn't. Wear a condom. You'd be AMAZED at how fertile the human body can be. Don't take a chance.