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Ash

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  1. Ash
    1. There are also a great many people on internet who are not looking for love or sex. One place a lot of poeple post are on bulletin boards dealing with a subject they have some interest in. For example, I'm on a couple of automotive and auto racing bulletin boards. Think of an interest you have and do a search and you'll likely find a bulletin board you can register on. Although you may not have a specific pen pal that way you will become part of a group of people with a common interest who write back and forth. 2. Some people enjoy and are comfortable discussing sexual issues with people who they are not sexually interested in. They just have an open discussion. Sometimes it depends on the person you are discussing things with. There are some people I will discuss sex with, others who I will not. It's totally up to you whether it's something you want to talk about. 3. Again, it's completely your call. You can write back and discuss sex, you can write back and ignore it. It may be slightly rude to simple not write back at all, but if it's something you don't see yourself wanting to continue maybe one last note to let her know that you won't be writing any more. If you're concerned that she needs somebody to talk to about how she feels then you could suggest she try this site! Good luck!
  2. Ash
    No. The act of having sex won't in pretty much all cases (although there might be exceptions to this but your doctor will undoubtedly let you know if you have to abstain). In advanced pregnancy though you do have to make sure that mom-to-be is in a position that isn't causing a problem. One way to encourage labour is actually to have sex. Also, some unborn babies seem to like the rocking motions. Certainly a happy mom makes for a happy baby.
  3. Ash
    Sometimes words aren't enough, you have to make her FEEL sexy. Something that starts with your first serious girlfirend and tends to continue for the rest of your life ... My partner is like this, she's smaller and very self conscious. She told me just the other day she'd have an enlargement if she had the money and knew it was perfectly safe health wise. I have to really watch what I say and I'm always mindful and complementary of how she is. Pay lots of attention to her and particularly to how much you like that part of her anatomy.
  4. Ash
    This is a fairly typical situation for my partner, and she's not pregnant right now. Nothing at all unusual about it.
  5. Ash
    I'm afraid I don't understand. Not being able to face your girlfriend seems a really bizarre way to be. If you can't face her, be with your school friends, you're going to get into fights and you think your dad is no good then who is there left? Being a teen (and even younger these days) really does suck at times, no doubt about it. Anybody past their teens has been through it, believe me. There are certainly some crappy times in life. If you want us to advise, or suggest some things to do then you at least have to let us know what types of issues you are dealing with. As for you telling your dad he can deal with stuff because he's older, yep, I think you're right on the money. And the way you learn to deal with stuff as you get older is a part of growing up, and that's where it sounds like you are now. So ... let us know what's up. This girl, is she your gf or your ex gf now? Is that the issue? You too split up and it upsets you and you want to fight? If that's it you will get over it, but it can be tough. But you have to know that fighting isn't actually going to solve anything at all and it won't score any points with the ladies anyway. As for the jail bit, what's up with that? Something you've already done? If so, what's done is done and you will have to face it at some point. If it's something you're afraid you might do, well you just have to dig really, really deep and find some self control. It's in you for sure, otherwise you wouldn't be appealing to us. You're reaching out, and you've got some of us listening. Just give us some specifics, take things a step at a time and keep telling yourself you'll get through all of this.
  6. Ash
    Would it be easier to leave when he wasn't actually at home? Maybe if he were to go away for a day or two you'd find it easier to physically get out of there. Do you at least have a place identified that you can go to, and people around you who know about the situation? They can help.
  7. Ash
    Yes, you WILL find somebody else. Fear of thinking you're going to be alone for the rest of your life is normal but in general unfounded. So many people were afraid of the same thing, but almost without exception they find somebody better.
  8. Ash
    The heartbreaking harsh reality is this happens a lot more than most people realize. I know of several instances where single moms have kids to get more government benefits with the knowledge the kids may become charges of the various aid societies once it's determined the mothers are essentially not taking proper care of the kids. At least, they seem sadly unaffected when Children's Aid has to step in and put the children into foster care. They (the people that have the kids) even have a term for it, calling it "Lay pay". Perhaps they don't start out thinking they'll lose the kids but they definitely do start out thinking how much more money they'd have if they had another kid ... It truly can be shocking to find how some people live their lives and how they can work the system for their own benefit when they do actually seem capable of being contributing members to society but just don't want to.
  9. Ash
    Hey, that's why many of us are here. Please feel free to write whenever it seems like it will help, you need some moral support, or you just want to vent.
  10. Ash
    Wow, sounds like you've had some really tough times, and are now stuck with the heartbreak of having to accept what you perceive to be the "right thing to do". Sometimes it is better to let things go if the other person doesn't seem willing to work on a relationship. On the other hand, you have somewhat of a right to expect him to at least make a reasonable effort to try to work things out. Things have shifted and changes through quite a number of years for the two of you and it seems neither of you has wanted to make permanent changes without a lot of thought and time. I know you don't want to wait forever for things to change within him, so perhaps while I understand you would like to be back with him, perhaps it is time to truly ask yourself if your happiness could come from a different place. Not sure if these words wil be helpful. You've been through a lot though, I do feel badly for you as a result and hope things will work out somewhere along the way.
  11. Ash
    If your new job is in the same town, or close by, then does it really matter? You can stay in contact I would think if you want to. That might be a good way to kick things off anyway if you're both shy. In fact, it may be easier if you're not working for the same company. Either way, no harm in telling him you're leaving. If he (or you) does want to make something happen there is an opportunity to do so before you're actually gone. If nothing is going to happen, it wasn't happening anyway and thereforeeee you're not giving anything up by not waiting until the last minute. Or in other words, there's a change you may lose an opportunity if you wait.
  12. Ash
    Wow, tough place to be in. As unpleasant as it might seem, you may have to take one of those training courses that teaches you legal ways to restrain somebody. As a parent of six kids, I understand all too well why and how and how severe punishments sometimes have to be. If nothing else, sometimes we just can't afford the financial ramifications of a certain thoughtless or deliberate actions and a seemingly harsh decision has to be made. She got very upset and lashed out probably primarily in anger. I've seen that inability to exercise self control at times in most of my kids, particularly at the pre teen level and I suspect that may continue from time to time as they grow older. I don't think it's at all unheard of for children without any specific diagnosis to actually strike their parents at some point. You can see the frustration and anger build up inside them and they've not yet learned the techniques for dealing with it so it comes out in a physical fashion. Perhaps all this is not at all comforting, but I just wanted to impart the knowledge that you're not actually in a highly unusual situation. Apart from all this I'm sure there are times when your daughter is appreciative and realizes all that you've done for her. At least if not now, in the future she will. If you're there for your kids, even when you have to make the really tough decisions, as long as you do so out of love and caring it will come back and reward you at some point in the future. The worst you can do (I think at least) would be to turn your back on her and ignore the issues. You're not doing that, so I applaud the fact you have set up a visit for her. You're doing the right thing.
  13. Ash
    Rose2summer speaks very wisely and warmly. Ditto to her words. Unfortunately, this is rather a big, all encompassing situation you're in. There's not a simple, fix-all solution, certianly not at the moment. In your situation, it's not at all simple to simply split up with him and go your separate ways because there's some financial dependence on him (I assume there is from your writing at least) and quite likely there are some issues surrounding who owns the house etc. Add to that the fact through his emotional abuse he has brought you to devalue yourself and your confidence is shot. So, again to what others have already responded, I would think it would be very helpful to read some of the info others have pointed you too, take them up on their offers for further help and start taking at least a couple of small steps to start making things better. Learn to say NO to him when you need to (I hope there is no physical abuse) and start to truly see him for the manipulative, somewhat self involved person he is or has become. The balance in your relationship is gone, and there's nothing at all pleasant about that. As for projection, it does tend to be mostly subconscious. However of course, if he cheated he knows damned well he did. Part of it is designed to justify to himself that it's okay because he is trying to convince himself (in total absense of any proof) that you did. Heck, in some twisted way he probably wants you to have cheated to make it easier for him to justify that he is/has/wants to. Take care, and as rose says, love yourself .. please.
  14. Ash
    I think Brawnee's idea has some merit. I suspect this guy you got tangled with is a bit cowardly and if he got the idea you were with somebody else I think he'd back off and disappear in short order. It doesn't need to get confrontational as long as whoever you can enlist as a surrogate boyfriend (or protector, or even older brother or father type figure) is willing to make himself noticed. I think having him answer your phone when the guy you're having an issue with phones you is a good idea. As BellaDonna asks, if there are more people who know about this, I think it will also back him off. It also gives others an indication of what you're up against so if anything further happens, they'll already be advised and have a better idea of what to do to help you.
  15. Ash
    Certainly nothing wrong with giving him a couple of days to contact you first.
  16. Ash
    Based on that, I'd say he does have feelings for you. It can be a strange paradox. Even though he's been through a couple of marriages and is in a third, he still feels something for you and likely wants you to have feelings mostly for him. It may not be acceptable for him to be that way and part of that comes out as a weird type of jealousy (that he might decline to admit if you asked him). All this aside, tough to know what to advise were I in your position. Perhaps an email, but a non-commital, doesn't really say much type of one. Don't address any issues, perhaps just a simple hello. Certainly don't appologize, take any blame for anything (not that anything is your fault of course), try to smooth his ruffled feathers or anything like that. It's totally up to you though, and considering you are supposed to be friends I really don't thing there is a right or a wrong way to go about this in the short term.
  17. Ash
    The way you describe it, he may hurting if his third marriage is going nowhere. You're a good friend and perhaps there is certainty in maintaining a friendship even if he lashes out somewhat unfairly at times. That's for you to judge what your acceptance level us, but sometimes it happens that we have to be there to support a friend at times like this. I'd like to think that on other occasions he's been there for you. Friendships don't tend to last long term as true friendships unless there is balance. Dependence on one person on another is just too trying on the one constantly providing support. Is there balance in your friendship in the long term?
  18. Ash
    Seems he's pretty centred on the sexual issues of a relationship. There needs to be a balance (for most people at least) if it's going to be a fulfilling enjoyable experience. I can't say that I would see the relationship you and he have as headed in that direction to be honest. Be cautious and don't get yourself hurt.
  19. Ash
    Hey, that all sounds good. Certainly some major progress. Sometimes all it takes is for each of you to understand where the other is coming from. As for your sex drive ... yeah, you're getting to the time in life where yours starts to increase while his drops off. Something that is worth understand as it means there is a very good chance you'll become more and more highly sexed than him and hopefully you can work this into your plans. If he isn't interested and you are, then perhaps you could "perform" for him to see if that satisfies you at all. Or, you can write him a sexy story. That can be kind of fun. Live out your fantasies on paper and know he's the only one who will read it. Anyway, sounds quite good really!
  20. Ash
    Well ... best of luck. It's not an easy place to be at all, not really knowing what's up. The story about the number accidentally getting erased seems a bit off. I imagine you're a bit anxious, but hopefully he will be and has been true to his word and things will be okay. If nothing else, perhaps you can put behind you the fears you had about him being with another woman. If he's truly not and is definitely with only you, then you can focus on having a better sexual relationship with him. But definitely the doubts you have of him being with another need to be completely dispelled first. Keep us posted!
  21. Ash
    Well, that's certainly not a particularly good way for him to be. Seems there are a few men who for whatever reason are fully self centred when it comes to sex (and often other things too). It doesn't have to be that way and it isn't with many of us. I don't know if that can possibly give you any hope or not. I suspect you'd know if he was gay, and he likely isn't by how you describe it. Whether he's truly interested in sex at all is another question. Does he ever or has he ever looked at porn on internet or on TV? If he's not doing that at all then it is possible he really has no interest and just doesn't get the whole sex thing. Often times too, what's important to one person may not seem very important to another. That makes things tricky, and even trickier can be the fact they refuse to accept that the other person is different. He should enjoy you being sexually excited but I'm not sure what steps to take to have him start to find that interesting as he doesn't seem to show that interest at all. It sounds like you've tried actions and words and it hasn't done much. Would it affect him at all if he knew you pleasured yourself and he wasn't a part of it? Perhaps that could stir some interest in him. Maybe at the same time he'd understand that you want and need something out of sex too and it's not just a way for him to get a quick release. Good luck. Keep us posted if/when more happens and certainly we're here to comment and say more if you'd like.
  22. Ash
    Layoffs area huge demotivator in a business. Laying off that percentage of the work force is a huge thing. What I'd actually suggest you do is keep close ties to your friend and when he finds another job, and provided the company he works for next is decent, there's a reasonable chance you can get hired at the same place. It happens quite a bit, particulary in this type of a case where one company has downsized so markedly. Friendships aside, I wouldn't pin your hopes on being long term with the company you're at now. Many companies will downsize by attrition. While not always possible, in general it can usually work at least partially that way. Sudden announcements of a high percentage of layoffs can indicate management isn't really all that concened about it's most valuable resource. And yeah, totally normal to miss a coworker. I don't like it when one of my friends moves on to work at a different company regardless of who's choice it is.
  23. Ash
    Everything in life interacts. It's what makes a life full.
  24. Ash

    lil prob

    Ash replied to Shane13's topic in Sex and Romance

    Take care of her first then it doesn't matter so much how fast you come. Different positions will result in different pressure points and sensations and will change the level of stimulation.
  25. Ash
    Tell him you want to watch him do it for a while, ask him to do it for you, and while he is (assuming he does) then you can fondle him at the same time. Then take over again when he's close.
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