Ash
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Everything posted by Ash
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Any relaitonship tends to take at least a little effort on both sides to make things work. It seems as though he isn't all that interested in putting you a bit higher on his priority list which is quite unfortunate. 40 minutes isn't all that far if one, the other or both of you have transportation so that's not really a big factor in this case. I wouldn't even go as far as to say this is really a LDR. Perhaps it's for the better things are this way now than a year down the road. Even busy people tend to be able to make time for their loved ones, and if the holidays are not even in the picture at this point ... then you wouldn't have enjoyed them anyway. Maybe it's best to think of letting this go, and maybe in a week or two the string will haev gone out of it just a bit and the holidays will be a tad brighter. Things get extremely busy for me, and I constantly have to choose to let things slide, family and loved ones are more important than other pursuits for me. I'm not sure if this applies to us all but it certainly sounds like you're feeling very neglected, and not only that, guilty that you're stopping him from getting on with what he thinks is important. I think that he's telling you an awful lot when he acts that way. Please take care, think carefully about where things might go if you stay with him, think about what you want out of this relationship, and if it's time to let things go ... then it may really be best to let them go with him sooner rather than later.
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Yes, it is possible (to agree with BornToResist). I've managed it on the odd occasion, generally when I've been very turned on and totally relaxed because we have a lot of time to spend together without interruptions. The way it happened for me was when she was on top, after I orgasmed be both stayed still for several minutes, then slowly started again. You defintely have to be completely over the urge to get up and leave after the first orgasm. The natuarl tendency for most guys is to roll over, get out of bed or otherwise disengage. First you have to work to mentally overcome that impulse. Then you can think about going twice in a row.
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You can help your girl reach orgasm without the need for that part of your body at all. You just have to take over with your fingers. That can be tough mentally until you get used to it. It's far easier to have her orgasm first in the overall scheme of things. Women can certainly continue afterwards and it's still pleasurable.
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Nope, we didn't miss the question at all. Perhaps you didn't ask us the right one though. I specifically asked back you why you would keep somebody who hid the truth but dupm her when she told the truth and you missed that ... but that's okay, I don't mind at all. I'm not sure what her possibly cheating and her possibly having sex really have to do with one another. Just because she may or may not have had sex with numerous guys in no way should be linked as the whether she cheats on them. You ask us questions, we try to answer. It's the best we can do. And if we all write roughly the same thing then it's likely a very good idea to take what we say to heart. There's far more collective experience here than you can access in any other reasonable way ... and as I said before ... it's free!!
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By this statement you are telling us you know she is lying. Given that, if she comes clean you'll dumnp her. If she continues to lie, then that's ok??? This makes absolutely no sense. You can either choose to leave the past in the past and let it drop. I agree with some other responders in that you never should have got into this line of questioning with her if it was going to cause an issue. I think the real issue for you is she's had sex before you, not that she "lied" to you. It's more like she's ommited to tell you this because: a) it's in the past, and is her business and b) because she knows you're hung up on it. Your choice. Cut her lose for something that happened in the past or stay with her and leave the past alone. Your issue is with her past life, not with her lying. And nope, we're not Dr. Phil. You asked what we thought. Don't be upset because you're getting some honest feedback. Oh yeah ... Dr. Phil gets paid, we don't!
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I agree with snosie, sounds like you're getting too much sleep. Also, exercise, diet and general acivity levels can make a huge difference. If you're eating healthily, getting some exercise and are generally active you'll feel more energetic.
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Sometimes it's easier to get things started if you realize the effort involved in creating a perfect paper (or perfect anything) is quite not often worth the end result. I think of it as an application of the 80/20 rule, which says basically things like it takes 20% of the time to do 80% of the job. Or put another way, to finish the last 20% will take 80% of the effort. It's just a rule of thumb, but in general what I'm getting at is that it takes an increasingly larger effort to get things closer to perfection. The issue is knowing when 80% is good enough, or 90% or whatever. Perfection doesn't do much good if you don't actually achieve it because you never get started. So, what I do is dive into a project knowing the I don't know all that I need to know, but with the knowledge that at least I'll get it mostly done. Then, at the end, if there's time for improvements, they'll come more slowly, and be a smaller percentage of the whole, but at least those improvements can be done with the knowledge that the bulk of the task is already done. I find in generaly it's much easier.
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Dealing with back and neck pain
Ash replied to renaissancewoman101's topic in Health: Body, Mind and Spirit
It's unlikely that carrying one or two heavier than normal items would cause the neck and back pain, it's quite likely something else. Massage is the best if you can get it. Meds to kill the pain is not actually helping solve the problem at all. Does it feel like tight, bunched up muscles? My assumption is that it is that rather than an actual strain injury. With a strain injury you definitely have to have it easy. If your muscles are tight then the best thing to do is get those worked on directly, which is what the massage and stretching does. Ibuprofen tends to take swelling down which is often linked to the soreness so that's why it works. Make sure when you are at your computer (may it be a desktop or a laptop) that it's set up as ergonomically as you can manage. Make sure you're not constantly overworking a certain set of joints or muscles, or straining in an unusual way. I personally find laptops are much worse on me than a desktop, I tend to stretch my head and neck down and forward as an awkward angle. Check to make sure your pillow is appropriate for your neck/back and how you sleep (side, back, front). Do you wake up sore? Does it come on during the day? More noticeable when you're stressed? These can be clues that will help you identify what the main source of the problem is. -
It is possible to feel hurt, then somehow forgive and move ahead together. All is not lost no matter how much it hurts. Don't appologize to us. Yes, it's an awful thing to have happened. But, do you want to work through this with her? Just because a lot of people say your marriage must end doesn't mean that it must absolutely be that way. Many marriages survive an affair or acts of unfaithfulness. Talk to you wife. See what she thinks of it all and what she wants to do. Just because you gave her everything you thought she wanted doesn't necessarily mean that was what was really important to her, even though it seems like everything.
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It's entirely possible to give oral sex to a woman without having to deal with fluids at all. Stay up high around the clitoris the whole time. Perhaps it's only doing half the job though, but still it is possible. Referring to what Sparkle said I think it's only fitting you should know what you taste like if you expect another to taste you. Sorry, not being bi myself I'm not able to comment on the he/she comparison!
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This statement really concerns me. Perhaps there is more going on that needs to be discussed? You don't necessarily have to divorce or separate. You could talk to her, consider counselling, work together to try and figure out what is wrong and how to fix it.
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No, I wouldn't say it was nasty at all!
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My partner is exactly the same way. She was nervous at first though, thinking she wouldn't get it right and that she wold hurt me. We communicated about it at first and that helped a lot. definitely ask him and see how he reacts to different things. One way to tell how he is reacting is to listen to his breathing patterns.
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Hmmm, I rather enjoy performing the act itself. Admittedly with one partner I was with wasn't all that pleasant, but with the others was very enjoyable for me as the giver and something I look forward to. Certainly different women enjoy different things. A combination of talking to them and reading body language (and grunts and groans) during is something to do.
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Don't worry about the "girl parts" all that much. Many guys find the post childbirth "parts" to be just as (sexy if not more so) than they were before.
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I have to ask again, if you're mother has been this controlling and abusive of you over your entire life, are you actually definitely sure she has legally taken your son? You need proper legal advice for the custody issue and the past issues in your life sound like they are very relevant.
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I also thought of rebounds as a way to fill what's missing after a relationship rather than a distraction. In other words, many people are hurt after a breakup and want to feel like they matter, somebody likes them and wants to be with them and they've got the capabilities of being with somebody. Sometimes it doesn't even matter who it is which is they are with. That's why people on rebound relationships often seem to choose so poorly and hastily. They'll often take the first person to cmoe along to offer any kind of companionship if they're hurt really badly. Other people see it as a positive step in the right direction and they're not letting themselves be stuck in the past. Guess what I'm saying in all of this is I personally don't necessarily see rebounds as a way of missing who they were just with in hopes that it will come back again. In fact, I tend to think it is the opposite. If somebody really wants badly to get back with an ex they quite often tend to isolate themselves from everybody else because they are "waiting" or "nobody else will ever be able to take his/her place".
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This seems wrong. You need legal help. I'm not at all sure how there could be a ruiling against you when you were not represented in any way in the preceedings. If nothing else, you should have been sent your own copies of the court papers, not got copies of the ones she already has. If (and I assume you were) his legal guardian (by virtue of being his mother) before all this started I simply fail to see quite how this could happen. Like others are saying, you'll have a much better idea of where you stand when you get some legal help. Is there a reason you can't / won't do that? Don't go on your mum's say so. There's a lot more to these things than the victor of a custody battle might have you know.
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That sounds really tough. I know after my separation every box that arrived at my new house from the one I shared with my wife seemed to make the statement stronger and stronger that things were final. Perhaps it doesn't really mean that though as it's just really "stuff" which can be moved many more times. It is depressing though. I feel for you. Hang in there, things will turn around some day.
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You don't stop loving somebody. Getting over it is really more a matter of learning to live with the feelings that are still there for them. Over time you come to realize that no matter how much you love them, and perhaps even they love you, it's just not a workable situation for whatever reason. Sometimes they don't love you and you learn to deal with the fact that you wouldn't have made them happy. Sometimes they do love you and you come to grips with the reality that there are often other obstacles that simply can't go away. Both the former and later have happened in my case. You simply have to move on, hope the best for the person you are leaving, and look forward in your own life for good things.
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Stay calm, don't rush. Make sure to arrive at the airport in plenty of time. Take some music, or a book, or both. When you transfer planes there should be ample time to move from one gate to the next. If something goes wrong and the first plane is late they'll work with you to get on a later connecting flight so don't worry about your ticket being no good. You can find maps for most airports online if you want to figure out how they are generally set up. Make sure you have all your id, tickets, etickets numbers etc. all organized and easy to find. While on the plane I tend to try and sleep most of the time so I'm more awake when I get off. Not sure how long your flights are. The cabin crew on the first flight may be able to give you some idea on your connecting flight. Relax and enjoy yourself, and enjoy the anticipation of seeing your boyfriend again!
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And I think the second part of the statement is a direct result of the first part! Good for you ... for both parts of the above. As for Playboy ... been years since I flipped through one of those. Internet you know. Had to laugh the other day though, my mom called to ask what I wanted her to do with the old magazines from the 70's and 80's. Laughing out loud I told her to ask dad - they were his (not that I didn't sneak a peak at the time!) Now returning your hijacked thread ...
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I'll hazard a guess and say that Beec didn't mind doing this bit of research for us ...
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Everybody is different. There is no "ideal" or "average" woman as I see it. It's how it all fits together that is important. The variety is endless and wonderful. If your body, personality, height, weight, hair colour, eye colour and everything else fits together and makes you who you are then he'll love you for who you are regardless of exactly what you look like. If you're happy with yourself that's all you need to make him happy with you as well.
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Why do you think you can't live without your boyfriend? Can you separate the feelings of love from the more common sense ones that your head tells you? People can get into situations where they think a current partner is providing something they can never get anywhere else, but that's not always the case. Don't get stuck thinking that he'll be the only way to ever give you such and such. What would your boyfriend say if you told him? He'd likely be very, very hurt, but at some point the truth is likely to come out. How far has it gone with the other person? You're making a positive step in at least starting to talk about this hurtful situation. There will likely be more hurt to follow unfortunately, but I think you've already reached the conclusion it is past time to make a change.