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Everything posted by Ash

  1. Why don't you let your parents see your poem? I doubt they understand how you feel about things and it could be helpful. I'm sure they'd want to know. Perhaps you're putting pressure on yourself that's not really coming from them and that might become evident if they saw this.
  2. Has it ultimately had a positive or negative impact on you? Some can let such awful things turn them into something they don't want be to. Others are able to move past and actually grow (ironically) from it. Doesn't sound at all nice, I'm glad it is in the past at least.
  3. You should run for politics. You're not backing up anything you're saying. They're just your opinions. I don't see where Batya agreed, nor do I agree with what you're saying. This topic has deviated far from the point of the initial post. Getting back to that it would simply seem that it's a good idea to choose a job in a field you enjoy and make the most of it. If you don't like your job then you're likely doing it for the wrong reasons.
  4. Umm ... really??? I don't subscribe to this way of thinking at all. You put pressure on yourself to get whatever sort of job you think you need. I don't think it's a gender related thing nor should it be. The problem used to be (and still is in many places) that women get paid less for exactly the same job as a man. That's not the female "getting away" with a lower paying job at all, it's her being forced into taking one and I would have to think in those situations there is more pressure on her to find a way to increase her income than it would be for a male to do so.
  5. What do you really know about this person. Is all that he's says undeniably true? That was the exact same sort of thing my ex's husabnd would do ... while he was still married. I'm not saying that he's not totally honest, but it seems odd to me that everything else he says is 100% on the money and the only thing he doesn't get right is communicating with you? I'm sorry, I really don't mean to rain on your parade, but is he coming accross as totally sincere ALL the time? In a practical sense, multi million dollar contracts are rare for startup companies. They do happen of course but not all that often. Is he heading up this effort? If he is, then he may very well find he has no time and if he's not making time at the beginning of a relationship then he's not particularly likely to start doing so as the relationship moves on. If you're serious about wanting to continue, I would recommend you either talk through this issue, or let this one go. If you can't get this out of the way now it will get bigger and you may be more and more alone trying to stay in contact and missing out on what I think the whole point of dating and having a relationship in the first place which is ... companionship.
  6. Well Scout, to be true to the initial poster, the question posed was based on the premise that the porn viewing was not causing an issue, so the thread has perhaps taken a slightly different tact than many others before it that were dealing with it from a different initial viewpoint. As for those defending porn I will admit I watched it far more when I was with my ex wife who had a much lower sex drive. Since I've settled down again with somebody else who is a much closer match from that viewpoint the viewing has pretty much completely fallen by the wayside. I don't really defend it as much as I'm willing discuss and examine viewpoints on the matter. I used to think getting sex was a rare thing and figured there was something wrong with me. I've discovered that not to be the case but I will say at the same time I've found my personal desires and sexual drive to be completely unrelated to how much I watched. I merely substituted one for the other. So yes, in a way you are correct Scout. Some of those defending porn do so because they're not getting it for real. Whether they are unable is entirely another matter and it may be because of a horrible attituted towards women and sexuality, or it may be just as easily attributed to existing conditions in their lives. Also, I'm sure some are addicted and that's very negative for them. I wonder if those would defend it so much, or just keep quiet and hope nobody really pays much attention to what they're doing and leaves them alone.
  7. Well, it happens. They do pick up some words you're really rather they didn't. Try not to call attention to it too much or react and hopefully your nephew will "forget" the words for now. One of our boys when he was that age went around wanting to look at poeples' c*cks. What he meant was he wanted to see their watches. He called a watch a clock, but didn't say the 'l' sound.
  8. Ash


    Well, them being mean makes it easier to justify the end of the relationship. If they're nice you start wondering why things went wrong and incorrectly start thinking it was all your own fault (which is pretty much never true). So yeah, sometimes jerkiness can be easier to reconcile.
  9. Ash


    Worst thing for me was getting around the fact I didn't really seem to matter to them anymore.
  10. Nope, Ibuprofen is a no-no. Tough, because it's better at relieving pain caused by inflammation and swelling. Pain caused by stress is perhaps best remedied with loving massages - if you can get them.
  11. Not really sure why you feel betrayed by her. Your relationship was off and on many times from the sounds of it and you never seemed to think it was a betrayal before. This sounds like it has a lot to do with there being a child on the horizon. Perhaps one of the reasons you never got together was because you were disjoint in what you wanted out of life, and kids are a huge thing to a lot of people one way or another. Honestly speaking, this sounds more like a situation in which you were close friends who were a couple of conveneince whenever there was nobody else on the scene. In all those years, while she was off dating another, what did you do? Love can be a funny thing, but in this case I'd honestly have to think that if love was a driving force you would have moved to be with her to at least give things an honest chance. You said there was no real reason you couldn't have. Was there tredidation of what might happen on your part? I'm not so sure if you were the fall back guy as much as the guy who was never quite the 100% guy. Sometimes you just have to be there to sign up and make the commitment. That didn't happen in this case and even though 18 years passed it really doesn't sound like you were ever quite ready. But again, betrayal? No. There doesn't sound to have been any guidelines setup determining who she had relationships with. This one just got more serious and if anything I'm more concerned for her and the other guy who don't seem to want to give it a chance either. From that point of view it sounds as though she scared of committment, so that could be your answer too. It wouldn't have worked. If you want something at some point you have to reach out and grab hold.
  12. My take on this: Accident insurance is in some ways even MORE important if you're in debt. If something happens, that's when you must have that insurance income. It's an extra slap in the face if something awful were to happen and not only could he no longer work, but by virtue of your marriage you'd be responsible for covering all the debt. If you're well off and everything is paid for then accident insurance is less important. All in my humble opinion of course. You say this person is a financial advisor. Would I be correct in assuming the advisor is NOT the one trying to sell insurance? If he/she is not the salesperson then they really have nothing to gain by convincing him to keep the insurance so I would think the advice is genuine. It's not really a "behind the back" thing in my view. It's one of those situations where a couple make a decision perhaps based on not knowing or realizing all the ramifications and then when it's explained it makes more sense to recant. As others have said, I think it would be great if you could meet the advisor in person and have her/him tell you what your husband was told. It may ease your mind. I'm in debt pretty much over my head but I'd never drop any of my insurance. If anything ever happened to me I need to know all my kids and partner are provided for.
  13. Hazey, can the dentist wait for a few months? M was at the denstist last night. She has a chipped cavity. They don't want to do any major work in the first or third trimester as some of the drugs pass through the placenta. Check with your dentist before he/she starts to make sure they thing you are safe that way.
  14. Sorry Dilly, I didn't read your inital post very carefully at all. In some ways, it's up to the folks throwing your shower as to how many people they'd like to invite. I realize it's your shower, but they likely had in mind the size of group they'd like there. I'd talk to them about it a bit. I don't think you need to invite all those folks from work. Stick with the short list. Unfortunately as you say, sometimes feelings are hurt slightly, but on the other hand I'd hope people would understand that not everybody can go and that decision had to be made. If you suspect some in particular would be hurt then perhaps speak to them indiviidually or perhaps send them a personal note thanking them for their support.
  15. Don't feel badly about it Dilly. Many will end up feeling very generous in this type of a situation. You're not abusing anything here. I would think that your coworkers if they're concenred about how much they're expected to contribute will simply lay low on the at work efforts with the understanding they'll be at another more intimate shower. Besides, who's the dope that told you about the "secret" work shower!! You're not really supposed to know about the work shower, and your coworkers should be at least acting consistently with that concept so again, don't worry about it! Your caring coworkers (they must be because you consider them close enough to invite them to a function including close friends and family) will figure it out. It's supposed to be enjoyable and nice for you. Don't tie yourself up in a know over it. Enjoy! It doesn't happen very often!
  16. Paisley, you make some interesting and valid points. I don't think all porn is like that though I'm sure some of it is. I believe someone with empathy and compassion can tell the difference and frankly the stuff you describe does come accross as quite disgusting. I think particularly these days with the advent of inexpensive decent digital cameras and inexpensive internet hosting options that many of the porn watchers out there are plunking around on the smaller, non exploitive sites rather than renting the far more degrading stuff from the local porn store. The huge quantity of material out there I think illustrates the fact that it simply can't be all exploitive. There are many different styles and situations out of which this stuff comes from and frankly I don't think all of it is bad. On the other hand, I hear you on the Walmart issue and in a way I think it does more good for the betterment of working conditions overall to buy locally than it does to quit surfing the free porn sites.
  17. This doesn't sound particularly great. It's possible she's changed her mind on it just to avoid further fights. I think you're missing the main message here though. It's not up to her to change her mind to come around to your way of thinking, it's more about the two of you coming to terms with what you both feel and dealing with it that way. Expecting her to change because you don't like the way she thinks about things is not a healthy way to have a relationship.
  18. Ummm ... well not everyone. Some don't do stupid things and some don't even get drunk in the first place!
  19. I think it's something that both partners needs to be aware of and agree upon. If one of the couple sees it as an issue then it's just that and it gets to be a bigger and bigger one if it's kept secret. FWIW, by gf likes it too and we watch together. I don't sneak around behind her back and watch it on the other hand.
  20. ^^ Available in hard cover and as a soft copy.
  21. I think you win for the most succinct summary of what most of us are saying!
  22. I find it confusing. Some surveys talk about the percentages of poeple who have at some point been diagnosed and others imply (but don't always state) that they might be current cases. I'd be more apt to find it believable that 1 in 20 (5%) wre diganosed with something at some point, but didn't all suffer at the same time. I do realize that sometimes this is a long term diagnosis but I suspect also in many cases the symptoms are not prevalent all the time. Still, an interesting subject to study.
  23. Your ex is your ex, don't worry about what he thinks. Just don't entertain any conversation on the subject. Tell him flat out if you do talk to him that you don't wish to discuss it. Did you get totally undressed in pulbic? I hope nobody took pictures for your sake as that's likely not what you'd like to have happened. It's not so awful, it's a way of blowng off steam though it's certainly not something most of us would do. Just try to keep your senses a bit more next time and just pass it off as one of those crazy things we do sometimes when we under stress.
  24. I for one don't buy into the statistics presented that 1 in 10 people have a personality disorder. I think our society is far too fast to hang a label on somebody because it's become the easy solution. This is not at all to say there aren't many people who do have the disorder. It's in the same way I know of people who are on antidepressants because they've given up on themselves and are using the drugs as a crutch to avoid changing something else in their lives. Too often people push a relationship too far, then blame the breakdown on some character flaw. What they needed perhaps to do instead was address the issues as they formed and evolved and made intelligent and appropriate decisions at the time. All this being said, we would all be much better equipped if we did understand these disorders as not only do they represent what really does happen to some people, there are countless others who portray a subset of them for reasons other than a brain chemistry inbalance.
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