Ash

I'm not a pick up line kind of person so I don't tend to use them at all. They're just not me, they wouldn't work. One thing that seems to come up quite often early in a relationship for me (past the pickup stage, but before the serious stage) is the Reason / Season / Lifetime discussion. If seems to have both of us consider why we might be dating and evaluate what the future may hold.

I'd have to think that if you're not "hitting it off" in most ways when you first start dating then there probably isn't great hope that things will work out in the long run. You're unlikely to ever change each other substantially, and it's wrong to try. If you're not happy with the way things currenlty are then maybe you both could make selections that more closely match the type of person you are.

I'd say to have a couple more sessions with your counsellor before you make more of a decision about group therapy. I know it works for many people, but it may not work for everybody, and I'm sure you need to have at least a certain comfort level before it could start to work for you. See how you feel about it in a bit. As for meds, I'm not sure if the best way to approach that is to have them if you want them. It may be better for a doctor to sit down, have a talk with you and see if he/she thinks they are necessary. In some cases they can help, particularly if there appears to be a chemical imbalance. But it's also possible for some people to get into a "down" cycle that they think they need meds to get out of, but in reality don't. All that aside, I'm glad you're going to see somebody to talk to about things. That alone is a big step and I hope is a huge help. It's nice to talk to somebody who is non-judgemental and listens to what you have to say. Well done!

Was it a negative confrontation, or did it just not have the results you were hoping for. What were you hoping for? Do you feel you are working more than you had originally agreed? Do you truly think your boss is trying to help? Perhaps she thinks she is helping but is doing the wrong things. Maybe there are different things to be done instead of some of the things that could be happening now that are not helpful. If you're a live in nanny, this sounds like more of a complicated and involved working arrangement than that of most other jobs, so I'm sure there are a number of different factors at work that we're not aware of. Let us know what they are and perhaps we can advise more helpfully.

Hey there. Lot's of things going on here (as you know) and perhaps separating them all and trying to deal with them one by one is an approach you could possibly take. Firstly, there is the issue of your old boyfriend. You need to assure yourself you past that situation and that you made the choice to split up with him for the correct reasons. Ideally, it's far easier if you can break one relationship cleanly before getting into another. To not do so tends to confuse things greatly and ends up hurting all involved. When you examine your past relationship, make sure you decided to end it on its own merits (or lack of them). Having a relationship with a coworker (or manager or subordinate) is always a dicey situation in itself. Make sure this is something you really think would be worth embarking on and consider the long term effect it might have on both of your jobs. Thirdly, your new interest is apparently headed off in a different direction. You need to face the very real fact that he will marry another. You have to prepare yourself for that and to let him go (for his sake AND for your sake) should he wish his life to continue in that direction. Fourthly, if he is headed away from you, trying to convince him otherwise is perhaps not a wise move for a long term relationship. One of the underlying difficulties here is the fact you started a relationship (of sorts) with a new person before an old one was finished. He may have done the same, or been out with you while he was engaged (or had a girlfriend before engagement). I would be cautious of any trust issues, both for you and him. I honestly think this is a really good time for you to step back, collect all your thoughts of your past boyfriend, new love interest and your own feelings to make sure you are headed where you want to be. The hurt is real, of that there is no doubt. But there is also the fact that no matter what you think now, and how badly it hurts, there will be other people who you can and will feel the same for if you let yourself. It may be easier in the long run to restart from a new starting point. You're doubting some parts of the situation already (saying you should remove yourself, that you are cutting off some contact) and although I realize the reasons for doing those concern other factors in addition to your own feelings, I think you already realize that you need to sort out your feelings a bit more, and consider all of the possibilities (there are many many ways this could turn out, some good, others horrible) before you try to go anywhere emotionally with him. Sorry, I'm a bit scrambled in my writing. Perhaps this will help.

I think you need to have a really good think about how your marriage really was before this other couple came along. A lot has happened in the last little while, and it's further complicated by the somewhat unusual lifestyle the four of you live with. How do you know your wife has fallen for this other man? Did she tell you? Regardless, perhaps a very honest talk with your wife will help. Regardless of what you decide to do, you both need to know where you stand in your marriage. It's tough, but try hard to separate the new feelings from the relationship you have with your wife. You need to examine your marriage and decide where it stands on it's own merits before you make decisions on anything else.

I've heard and read that before in several places. It seems there are many sources of advice that claim a marriage is retrievable after (or during) an affair. It does happen that way, and considering the number of secret affairs as well, many marriages survive them. I know of cases where the affair lasted for over two decades! Keeping this in mind, it makes it doubly important that those of use giving advice on here don't dismiss a marriage based on infidelity. We're here for support and to convey personal experiences, not always just to advise people to exit all but the most noble of relationships. Thanks for the not very often conveyed counterpoint 'smart!

My partner basically can't use tampons. She can however accommodate other things ... One thing that strikes me (and I'm a guy, so dismiss this at your own discretion) when sexually aroused, there is lubrication and the readying of the female body in other ways to accept a male organ. I think it's fairly safe to conclude (at least most of the time if not all!) that conditions of sexual arousal are not present when inserting a tampon.

I've tried to convince my partner that when I doze off on the couch sometimes I can actually hear myself snoring. Not quite the same thing I realize. I know when even partially awake I've said some terribly dopey things and on a couple of occasions I actually remember talking total gibberish, so it can certainly happen that way when I'm asleep I'm sure. shes2smart, as for slapping your partner, isn't that more satisfying when you're awake? *winks* Hey, at least you could always claim in the future that you were asleep. Kinda like when the kids belt each other claiming it was a mosquito ...

Finding ways to grow together as a couple is one of the tricky things about a marriage and it can take some time and effort. But it's well worth it and I hope the two of you can work together and make it happen. Just remember at the end of the day how you feel for each other, and use that as common ground to build on. You're right, it's not a great idea to ignore the little things and let them perhaps fester, but it can be a fine balance between what to let go and what to try and resolve. If you do decide to let something small go then promise yourself that you're letting it go forever, and you're not going to hold it up for review later. That's a promise to make to yourself as much as to him. In other words, any small thing that you let go make sure you really let it go and not just tuck it away for use later in an argument. It can be really, really tough to do that, but it can work because some things are in fact minor enough. For example, on a given day, when reviewed a month from now, does it really matter left the car window open a crack when it rained and the seat got damp? All the best. And you're welcome for the response. That's what we're all here for, to help each other!

Take heart MollieElise, I don't think things are perhaps as bad as you might think. Much of this sounds like coming to terms with how things work out day to day, and that coupled with the fact he (and perhaps you) might be short on sleep can also shorten tempers somewhat. He likely said he'd wash dishes when you first moved in because at the time he did believe he could do them all the time. Honestly, that's not realistic, nor is it realistic to assume that you would always cook. Perhaps one way to work around this subject is to ask him if he'd prefer to cook or clean certain nights and see how he responds. At the very least it should have him remember that there is always some housework to be done and he's expected to partake in that effort on an ongoing basis. Sometimes, even in the heat of an argument, if one party agrees either begrudgingly or angrily that they will do such and such so you can do such and such, you should just let them do it. In the case of who was to take the car, sometimes it might be best for one of you to graciously accept an offer extended by the other but make sure the other knows they are loved and appreciated for it, and the one being offered the favour can promise to pay if back shortly. Something to always try and do ... don't go to sleep angry at each other. Even if you have different bed times make sure he knows you love him every night, and share a kiss and a hug. That counts for a lot more than you'd realize at first, even when us guys get grumpy, somewhat withdrawn.

My ex wife once designed a bridge in her sleep. While awake, she had difficulty programming a VCR. Although it sounded somewhat believable while she was talking when I actually paid close attention all her nocturnal mutterings were actually nonsensical. As another posted claimed her thoughts were certainly not a cohesive string. I wouldn't let it bother you at all. As others have said I'm pretty sure it is likely totally meaningless and they were just random snippets of thought all strung together in no particular order.

I agree with the others. Short, to the point, and non-personal. Don't burn any bridges, and say positive things about the experience there. Try not to introduce any negatives. I also agree that a meeting in person with your immediate supervisor is generally the correct way to approach this. It can be very difficult, but I feel it is best to say the words before handing the written letter over. I personally feel notifying anyone other than your supervisor (or manager if your supervisor is not actually management) can be seen as a sign of disrespect. Don't feel at all badly about making a job change. You're biggest concern is your own career. Cost and time savings aside, it's often quite helpful to change jobs every few years anyway.

Not meaning to sound harsh, but unfortunately one of the privledges you give up in living with your parents (and presumably having them provide room and board) is the total freedom to do what you want when you want. The ulitmate way around this level of control is to move out of home which is of course a costly endeavour. Perhaps one way forward would be for you both to offer to pay a portion of what it costs to keep you (perhaps you do already). This might have them understand you want to be treated as adults.

It doesn't taste the same. The consitency may cause a problem if it's particularly thick. Also, it is really difficult to swallow something you don't like the taste of. If the taste is at all objectionable and there's an after taste she'd like to wash away, that's a great time for a chocolate truffle or drink of champagne chaser.

I think it's completely possible. There's no absolute definition for love, and you can certainly care for somebody enough that you've never met but have formed a bond with that it's the same feeling you have for somebody that you do have physical contact with. At least, it works that way for me.

If he drank a LOT of water it may have been diluted. I notice that if I don't enough that the volume is lower and consistency is thicker (and I would assume is more concentrated in taste but it may not follow whatsoever).

Pre cum tastes different than actual ejaculate (semen), it's a slightly different fluid. Pre cum tends to taste sweeter, semen can be quite salty. She can give you oral without having to swallow (or even taste) semen. It's a matter of knowing when to transfer from mouth to hand, she'll likely to able to tell when you're close to cumming. Citrus fruits tend to improve the taste. Milk products can detract, and asparagus is something to avoid! Being well hydrated helps too.

There are certainly lots of threads on this site about this very subject, so there's certainly some reading you can do if you're so inclined. But ultimately it seems to come down to what you and he between you decide is appropriate. Many women seem to be against the whole idea of porn, and there seem to be a fair few men that like to watch it, often behind their significant other's backs, which does cause problems. My partner and I tend to watch it together, although she also sometimes looks at some on her own. I tend not to anymore, but used to in the past. But again, it's between you and him. You need to get him to speak honestly, and you need to be honest with him. Come to an arrangement and expect both of you to live within its bounds. If it's not going to work for one of the other, then it could suggest an incompatibility. Temper that though with the basic premise that guys seems to lean towards watching it without meaning any harm (many of course don't actually feel that way) To conclude, you're not alone or unreasonable at all. You don't need to change around to his way of thinking, but you may want to set some bounds and make him clear that it really does matter to you how we views others, real or cyber.

And I know she means that in the nicest way, and I applaud you RayKay (once again) for writing from your heart. I think what it really comes down to RenaissanceWoman is that we're concerned for your well being. I also think you're feeling the gap "T" has left in your life, but think positively that that space can soon be filled by another. It's perfectly okay to miss somebody and want them back in your life, and make yourself believe the negatives were worth the positives, but are they really? Well done on booking with the DMV. It's certainly a step in a great direction, perhaps the start of something good?

My partner and I have a rule - we can only swear during sex. A good way to start talking dirty is to refer to each other's bodies using a cruder set of words. Not the polite, clinical terms but the down and dirty slang words. For example, don't ask him to "go down" on you, tell him to "suck my p***y"

If you enjoyed it and it felt nice then it actualy doesn't really matter if it was pee or something else, right? Either way, just have your fun in a place easy to clean up and enjoy!

She put in her notice. Why make waves now? If she was a problem employee I have to question why you let it go so long. She didn't all of a sudden turn bad this past week. If she came to work, did her job and had clients coming into your establishment then it sounds like all is well. She identified right out front she wanted a day off. Did she sign a non-competition agreement? If not, and that is an issue with you then you should have had her do it. That was your call when you negotiated her hiring. If the various governments shut down all the single person businesses running "illegally" out of their homes then the economy would take a MASSIVE beating I suspect. This does not seem like such a terrible thing. You can easily crush a persons creative spirit by imposing too many rules and restrictions and allowances outside the workplace, and this is part of why corporate environments are so unfriendly, there's no character or personality left. If she was bad news she solved the problem and is removing herself from the situation which is good for you, right? So, let her go. Replace her with somebody you think won't cause you grief and next time make sure the ground rules are understood. I think you'd be borrowing more trouble to report her and that might turn into a messy legal battle wherein she has more rights that you suspect she might. Nah, just let it go. In a couple of weeks it doesn't matter. Smile, say goodbye and be happy with the fact you run a successful salon and take comfort in your competence as a business owner.

I would think a blog might make it easier to read your complete works. It is certainly possible to search by author on ENA, but it somehow doesn't seem quite as convenient. Personally for something like this I'd be inclined to blog it. As for him keeping tabs ... it makes no difference whether you blog, post on ENA, or do something else on the internet. If he wants to read it he will. I suspect it will help your healing process. It's up to him whether he lets it hinder his. You're not sticking this all in his face, he doesn't have to read it. It's the same thing as the physical aspect of a breakup, if a person knows where their ex partner generally hangs out and they wish to hinder the healing process they can keep visiting the same place. Based on that viewpoint I'd really have to think he's on his own to make his own decisions.