Ash

Nope, you're not! I think there are a few who watch together. We do for example. I suspect it might mean different things to different people. I'm not sure if it's easy at all to define the meaning of this, though once you feel it you know what it is. It goes past the compulsion or need to be with a person, you feel you belong with that person and it just feels right. You don't have to change who you are.

This is the wrong mindset, you can't "make" her listen to you. It's her choice, you have to present it as an attractive choice. It depends on how many chances that you've already had. You can't truly change to suit another, you have to live with yourself too. I'm not sure what sorts of things you've done (if anything) to require more chances, but asking forgiveness wears thin after a while and you actually need to start delivering on promises. In other words, don't talk about what you will do, but actually DO those things that you are capable of doing and you know should be done. If you can't and/or aren't willing to do those things (whatever you are) then perhaps this is not the correct relationship for you.

“If you love somebody, let them go. If they return, they were always yours. If they don't, they never were.” For the most part, I believe that to be true. But on the other hand, there are always situations where there is great love and belonging, but it doesn't work out. I hope he comes back, if that's what you truly want. But I also wouldn't want to see you pin all your hopes and dreams on a day two months from now and it doesn't work out the way you think you might want. It doesn't mean he was never yours, or that he didn't love you. But it may mean there is somebody even better for you out there.

There can very often be some tension between members of the opposite sex. Sometimes, the best way to hang onto friends in these situations is to generally avoid topics of conversation that involve just the two of you, meaning that perhaps it's best if you don't tell each other how much you like each other, the same way as you'd be unlikely to tell female friends how much you like them. Regardless of how you mean it, it can easily be interpreted in a different way. I'd suggest doing the same (or trying to do the same) friendly things with him that you used to, and not try to get into your feelings about him when you're together. Don't try to apologize, or explain what you meant, but rather just see if you can let your earlier thoughts pass without further comment.

The wet spot isn't so bad when you keep it warm ... it's when it gets cold that it's a shock when you roll onto it!

It's possible there's a connection. There is for some people. Why not try for twice during sex? The first is a warmup, the second will last longer. Make sure you spend sometime taking care of the other person before you focus more on yourself. At least that will extend the overall time.

Just hang in there, take things as they come, an hour at a time, a day at a time. Do things for distraction, hang out with friends. Things WILL improve in the future even though it all seems dark, desolate and bleak right now. I know it's really tough to think that way, so just concentrate on the things you have to now, and tuck away in the back of your mind that it WILL get better.

I think there's a whole lot more to a person than the colour of their skin. If that's all or most of what you or they are seeing, you need to look deeper. I hear what you're saying, but what I'm asking is ... does it really matter? Hopefully not!

Rapunzelle, you can't really repress your thoughts effectively, and it's very difficult to specifically not think of something. That's why distraction tends to work. Another thing you can try is journaling things. Writing things down that make you happy and sad. Writing about what you feel, what you did that was good, and what you plan to do later. That's a way you can also self-heal. Just take things day by day for now, or even hour by hour. He'll be in your thoughts a lot, but try and think of other, positive things in your life at the same time. Think of what you have and what you can look forward to, not the things that are now in the past. As for being a fellow Canadian, I am. I've also been to New Brunswick and will be doing so again on vacation this year. It's a beautiful place. That in itself is good because think of all the worse places to live that there are. It doesn't really get a whole lot better than where you are!

First of all, it's not at all silly to ask the questions you are asking whether you've asked them before or not. Don't worry about that part. Trying to not think about something is very difficult which is why I found that distraction was sometimes helpful. I was always aware of WHY I was distracting myself, but I would put myself into situations where I had something else to. Not sure if I will go with Dr Phil on the healing bit. If you want to heal, you eventually will. There are people on the other hand who spite themselves and refuse to be happy ever again. To me, that's a personal choice. Perhaps it's a matter of picking a specific point in the future and saying that you will not sit around and do nothing about meeting somebody else after that time. In other words, give yourself a bit of time to feel sad, but when the time is right, put all the negative feelings behind you and concentrate on the future again. Perhaps even knowing you have set yourself a goal for starting to feel good again will enable to actually start feeling better. A self-fulfilling prophecy if you will! Hang in there, and try to think of a time in the future when it will all be better. Because it will.

He's being downright nasty to you and about you Rapunzell, and there's simply no need for that. I agree with Scout that he would have found a reason somewhere at some time to treat you poorly. There's generally no need to be mean to somebody in a situation like this. Regrets and sadness yes, and then you move on. You're focused on what you think you have lost, he seems to be focused on blaming it all on you likely because he knows he can make you feel guilty and perhaps that makes him feel better about it somehow. Or, put another way, he's decided he's going to blame you for any future issues he might have (which is the part about him saying his ex has ruined him) so that he can do what he wants and he'll think nothing is his fault. That's simply not at all fair. All in all, as tough as it is, and as much as you may care for and perhaps still love him in some ways, it does sound like in the long run (and I know it's very hard to see that now) you will find a better relationship to be in.

I don't think you did the wrong thing in parting ways with him. You need to be happy in whatever it is you do, and it doesn't sound like you really were all that happy. It's completely possible to love somebody, but not have things work out. You drift apart, the little differences become bigger. The things that didn't used to worry you become more of an issue because it turns out they were important to you all along, you just pushed them aside thinking everything would be wonderful. It's rather a shame he acted so ungraciously after your break up, but in your portrayal of him, perhaps that's just the way he is. He doesn't seem to want to share any of the reasons you two are no longer together, and that makes me wonder if it was really a give and take situation when you were with him, or whether you put most of the effort into the relationship. I strongly suspect the later. I do think you made the right move, or at least, I think you made the right move for YOU. It's your life, you have to live it the best way you can. Just as everybody else, you deserve happiness, and that happiness shouldn't come at the expense of having to give things up. Even giving up on a set of values (politeness is a big one in this case) is something you shouldn't have to do. I agree in sharing expenses where reasonable. In general, when two people live together there will of course be some economy of scale. It shouldn't be one person finding things much easier and getting fun money, and the other person continuing on exactly the same as before, some overall income and outlay. The benefits of living together should be shared. Four wheelers and trucks are great toys to have, but they're not a place you can actually live. Those sorts of things come along AFTER mortgage, (or rent), clothing, food etc. If he wasn't paying for his fair share of living expenses, I really don't see how he could properly justify the things he did have. As far as return on investment goes, those types of things are a terrible return whereas a house is a far better return, so I really don't understand his reasoning behind not appearing to want to pay toward the mortgage. All in all ... I'd say you have your future ahead of you. You have the opportunity to try and find a good person who shares your values and will make you happy. The sadness you feel is perhaps partly the pain some of us feel in just being alone when we'd rather be with somebody. It's natural for many people to want to feel loved, and to be physically close to that person. I think you should ask yourself if he really made you feel that way anyway, or whether that part wasn't really there. I really do think from what you write that you will be happier with somebody else who cares not only about you, but about other people as well. You seem to value respect and kindness quite highly, and that's an admirable quality. You'll be much better off if the next person you decide to be with is the same way. Your story was touching, and written very well. I wish you all the best.

What are you eating for lunch and dinner, is it sensible? If it is, better go and see somebody.

Yep, tons of stuff. Can't post most of it on this site though!

Using proper birth control should ease your mind. Abstinence tends to get cast aside if you're sexually active and the heat of the moment catches up with you. If you really want to abstain, I'd advise you use birth control as well so then you don't have to worry if you do break your abstinence and have sex.

Arggg, they should NOT be feeding the baby powdered milk!! Nor should they feed her cow's milk!! They should be feeding the baby proper formula, either powdered or pre-mixed if a supplement is needed. The formula contains the things a human baby needs. Cow's milk contains things that baby cows need, and that is by no means the same as a human. Get them to stop this before they cause the baby digestive issues. Her little body CAN'T process some of the things they're feeding her. Even water is bad for an infant, her kidneys are not yet capable of processing many things, even excess water. Perhaps mom's milk has not come fully in yet and/or baby is not latched on properly. Does mom know if her milk production is good? Can she express milk manually? Our youngest has lots of gas (wind) and always has. It's not possible for a new born to sit up (not for many months) anyway, so I don't see how she can self-burp. She needs to be gently placed in a shoulder (head just at the top of the shoulder so her tummy is being supported on the upper part of the holders chest, and gently patted on the back and/or rubbed in a circular motion. It's perfectly okay to mix proper formula and breast milk. It's far better than switching away from breast milk entirely if it's not enough. That's why it's called a supplement. If they are using powdered supplement, make VERY sure they mix it according to the instructions. Very important to get the correct mix of water and powder. Also make sure it is good water. Use bottled water if possible, and if not, boil the water for 5 minutes several hours before, waiting for it to cool fully to a safe temperature. Many babies like burping, and as long as it's done gently it's perfectly good for them.

No, this isn't a particularly good form of birth control at all. Fluid containing sperm can pass through the clothing. I suspect the reason you are sore is his boxers may very well have given you the equivalent of a friction burn. Also, there's a chance there may be something that could cause an infection on his shorts, so it's really a bad idea to have them inside you for that reason. Use condoms. The lubricated kind are more slippery, will keep his swimmers from getting inside you, and means he has a dry pair of shorts to wear after. The fact that his boxers aren't very wet though implies he didn't orgasm.

Nah, I'm just a wrinkly old wise- guy. Pretty sure I did some really idiotic things when I was young, you know, like about a century ago ... (Gotta love it when the kids come in saying "Wow, that person is really old, like he's more than 20 or something ...")

*grins* You edited when I was replying ... the loser is in the past. Your good friend then is still a good friend now. Did she want to let you quit? Ask her, I'll be the answer is NO! Besides, I suspect you're making friends on here anyway. Yeah, perhaps cyber friends, but still ... better than meeting another jerk!

Sure, it's often easier to quit. Jobs, friends, a tough task, anything. But you don't because most things worthing having require some effort. If you quit, you'll never get the big advantages that come with it. So, sorry ... but you can't just quit on your friends.

Take faith all, there is some goodness still left in the world. To be a good friend I find it helps to really listen to what your friends are telling you and try to understand where they are coming from. You don't have to agree necessarily, but you have to be there and not have everything superficial. You need sometimes to forgive and forget, and you need sometimes to help them when you'd rather not. The trick is having friends who treat you the same way. That's a bit harder to find. If it's not mutual, it ends up in a one way friendship that doesn't leave you feeling that great about it (and I do know people in that most unfortunate boat, and I feel a great compassion toward them for the noble, selfless role they have taken on without being asked to). What I do find though is that if you start to listen to and feel for others, you recognize in them if they have the same qualities. Finding good friends is somewhat like finding a good romantic partners. Casual friends are fairly common. True, deep running friendship is harder to find and doesn't just happen all on its own most of the time.

Heavens, don't be embarrassed about that. It's very normal!

Sure we'd notice, the post count on eNotAlone would drop drastically ... *grins* Seriously, for excitement it's getting harder and harder to find jobs that don't seem to bog one down with paperwork of one type of another. Of course, most hands on jobs for small businesses could fit the bill and I suspect in general part of the answer may lin in working for a small company rather than a big one. The smaller the better if you want varying day to day challenges. The more different things you have to do, the more interesting it can be.

For sure there's an emotional content too. If you're scared and under stress, then it might be that nothing can happen. If you're exhilarated and under stress then sex can be pretty darned great!