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itsallgrand

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Everything posted by itsallgrand

  1. itsallgrand
    I think that comes down to: some women are teases and merciless flirts! And some men are too. By watching the woman in general in different settings you can get an idea if she is one of these or not. Truly effective flirting, I think, is directed at just one person. I mean: the level of contact and effort will be amped up enough notches that you WILL notice. Some folks seem to enjoy flirting just for the sake of flirting, ego strokes, having lots of guys/girls to choose from or admire them whathaveyou. But with enough observation of how they act around other people, most of the time their true colours shine through. Sometimes flirting hurts...I find. If there's no emotion behind it and it's just a superficial ploy or habit. .....pretty much I'm just rambling on now.....lol. BTW: didn't find you argumentative at all. IF you were directing that post at me even!
  2. itsallgrand
    I wonder why it confused you? This thread is giving me dirty thoughts and memories. Obviously, I like watching too.
  3. itsallgrand
    Hi. I'm glad you have an understanding girl. that's great. From your initial post, i get the idea you may be using masturbating as a stress reliever/calming you down. It sounds a bit compulsive - if you don't feel in control of when and where you decide to masturbate, but feel an almost addictive urge that is hard to fight. People use masturbation for all sorts of reasons. I think learning new methods of relaxing yourself would help a lot. happy humping!
  4. itsallgrand
    Could it be an ingrown hair? Do you shave, wax, or anything else? An ingrown hair can create a lump, redness, soreness and pus.
  5. itsallgrand
    The way I see it is: He may love her, but it doesn't really matter much. He's obviously screwed up and needs to be left to his own devices. So who gives a dam what he thinks?! Harsh, but really.
  6. itsallgrand
    Hi. #1. Don't freak out. It could be anything, so try to remain calm. #2. Make an appt. to your doctor right away. Get it checked out. It is always better to be safe than sorry. I have no clue what it is. Did you just notice it today?
  7. itsallgrand
    This is a very interesting topic and I can't wait to see what sorts of replies you get! I feel I have a tonne to say on this issue; but would like to think it through a little bit. So I'll start off with a few things that immedietly came to my mind. *There is nothing wrong with following traditional values; if that is what makes you happy, and you are a good man in your core. Much of it is a matter of taste and preference. However; I do not define a man by his roles. *What does it mean to be a man or a woman in today's world? Gender roles are bending. There is much ambiguity and change in our social and economic orders. There is no 'right' way, in my opinion, because it is all relative to the values and circumstances of the people *It is ALWAYS great when a man can and is willing to dance! *Personal hygiene and dressing appropriately shows self respect. *What a man is must be created by himself. Each man must define himself in a way that values and celebrates who he is as a human being. A definition which constricts his humanity is a poor one - it should help him to reach his own full potential. that's all for now...will be back
  8. itsallgrand
    Hey, that's awesome! If he wants to quit, that'll make life a lot easier. It may take him a few shots, it's not easy at all even when you want to quit, but at least you guys figured out a way to not let it get between you.
  9. itsallgrand
    Maybe you're missing her companionship as a person a bit? Hey, there must have been good times and good feelings at some point... like iamateddybear said, these things are weird and can come up years later. on occasion, i still have my first love pop up in a dream. Mostly we just chat and he tells me how great I'm doing. They're nice dreams.
  10. itsallgrand
    Thanks fish. That makes a lot of sense. I'm still feeling confused today. As the storm calms down, it is becoming clear that: my emotions aside, what he did was not terribly wrong. It was an ugly communication problem. Whether or not in the end we try again; I do care about this man and want to do everything I can to make things right. Since I'm still confused, I'm going to wait until my head is more level.
  11. itsallgrand
    Yes. I had thought I had made myself clear and we had an understanding, but looking back i'm not so sure if we truly did. I think I may have screwed up. That's sucks. I need to work on my communication skills.
  12. itsallgrand
    Okay. That's my gut feeling too. It would only cause pain on both ends otherwise. Thank you.
  13. itsallgrand
    Great post, great links, thank you! If you have more goodies like that I would love to see them. By the way, congratulations.
  14. itsallgrand
    I don't know. I wish I did.
  15. itsallgrand
    Well, because it may help you, I will say I have been where you are. I understand how devastating it is. What helped me was to hone in practical affairs. I kept constantly busy so that I wouldn't think much at all; I was too tired. Either doing something or sleeping. I'm not sure what is on your plate right now, but there must be something that could use your attention. I spent a lot of time on my body. I got massages. Took a lot of baths. Bought the foods that I loved. I didn't have much of an appetite at the time, so I wasn't eating properly. I made goals. They were quite small and achievable: to go to work on time. To make sure I ate three meals with at least a glass of milk. That sort of thing. And isolation is the worse possible thing right now. Be around other people when you can. i hope that helps in some way.
  16. itsallgrand
    lol. He might be concentrating. Hard to know without knowing him! Some people are quiet lovers. I'm very vocal and love talking, screaming, making all kinds of sounds. But some people just aren't like that. Are you ok with it if it turns out he's just a quiet love-maker?
  17. itsallgrand
    I know you feel horrible right now. So your mind is probably racing all over the place. That's ok; just let it do its thing, but try to not worry about it to much. You have suffered two big losses right in a row. That is hard for anybody. You may not believe this now: but with each passing day it will ease up just a wee bit more, until you finding yourself thinking about him less, and enjoying things with a bigger smile, and one day you'll be surprised to see how good you feel. Be really nice to yourself and let others be nice to you too. Is there anything special that makes you feel good? You deserve it. Little things like baths, walks, spending time with friends....these things really do help. lots of love
  18. itsallgrand
    I think that's wonderful. Really. You are truly enjoying her and the experience of getting to know her on that level. Don't worry about later. Scotcha said it.
  19. itsallgrand
    I'm so sorry. That guy sounds like such a jerk!! A complete dink! I hope you're well and your recovery is coming along easily. Do you have someone to help take care of you? It's such a difficult time. You made the choice that was right for you: surround yourself with ones that understand that. Please take care.
  20. itsallgrand
    Thanks annie. Yes, the fuzziness of the 'break' i asked for is what keeps me in doubt of whether i am doing the right thing. In my mind, it simply meant time alone as individuals, but with the same level of commitment. I asked for one month. And he was gonna be away. So I guess on my side - I was somewhat insensitive, which I have now come to realize, and that he may not have gotten the same impression that I had. That is the thing that hounds me. I think he does love me; but he was mad or confused and so turned away. I am an hardcore no-cheating, one man kind of woman. He knew that. So he must have known I would leave - which was a move on his part of leaving me first. Don't want to analyze this to death. lol. I think in my heart I love him dearly. I don't think I can or want to commit to him again though. He has poor ways of dealing with troubles; turning outside the relationship. I may be messed up in my ways sometimes - but I do not betray or cheat. lol. thanks annie
  21. itsallgrand
    I'll try to keep this crisp and short. Was seeing a man for many years. Several weeks ago I broke it off. NC. Fine and dandy. Our relationship was strained and unclear prior to the breakup. He left for work for a month; and I had asked for a break from the phone calls and long distance doo-ha. I told him I loved him. Wanted to continue our relationship per our monog-arrangement. The reason I asked for it was to get my head together. He saw another woman during that month, felt like cheating to me, I got upset and broke off. We spoke once after I cut contact. My initiative, I called. It was a call that allowed me to hear his side, and I told mine. He asked for friendship. I declined at the time, the possibility of later still open. Overall we hung up on good terms i thought. I was able to begin to not think of him so much. I have got where I can imagine things without him; it still aches and i miss him, but I'll get through it type of deal. Here is where I'd like some help in seeing the larger picture: He emailed me tonight. He says he realizes now how I do love him and why it upset me (the other woman). he goes on 'maybe we should date??!!' 'sit down n talk??' here's the funniest one 'if you really do love me how about we give it a serious try??' and 'ahhh every since we talked all i do is think of you' And I could think reading it was 'Ohhh poor baby. wah wah. Jerk butt' But deeper than the sarcasm and pissiness, I liked to see some acknowledgement of my side and feelings. I just don't like how he still doesn't get the degree he hurt me, and that he made it sound like Isomehow owe him . I haven't replied. Haven't really decided what i will do. Truth is, I love him like crazy...like crazy! But I don't know anymore if I want to be with him. I don't know that even if I do want to be with him, it would be the best thing in the larger scope. What do you think? I'm sure y'all have seen a million stories like this; so honest insight would be much appreciated.
  22. itsallgrand
    Ok. I read your post twice. Left, and came back. It's a really tough situation. Depression can really hit a person where it counts. Sex drive can just fly right out the window. And the worst thing about it: when you're depressed, you don't feel like you have the energy to do the usual things, you don't feel like doing a whole lot actually. She sounds really depressed. So depressed that she doesn't want to go to the doctor: maybe she has been through a lot of docs/therapists/pills and feeling like it just doesn't help. I'm not sure. One thing is for sure though: she needs to know exactly, in very specific terms, just how big a deal this is to you. It can be very difficult talking to someone with depression. It's hard knowing the balance of being compassionate to their situation and getting our needs accross. You love her and it must be hard on you to be in this bind. I need to think more about this....
  23. itsallgrand
    Dry humping is rubbing up against each others genitals and/or bodies with some sort of clothing in between. The chances of you getting pregnant are very slight, but it is possible. Your period is coming in 3 days? I would wait and see if it comes like usual. It probably will! Try not to worry too much about it til then. If it is late, go pick up a pregnancy test at the pharm. You'll know right away. It's gonna be okay. Just relax.
  24. itsallgrand
    Destiny?.......I don't understand. You feel like outside forces are in control more than you yourself?
  25. itsallgrand
    You should come work with me for a while. lol. Your attitude would change realllll fast or else you'd end up in the pysch ward. Yeah, life can be disillusioning sometimes. It sounds like that is what is happening here. Your expectations and hopes meet the 'real' world. It can blow a lot harder than we ever imagined, and be so much more beautiful too. .....how old are you, anyways?...NM: I checked: 21. Gotcha. blaming politicians...tsk tsk
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