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Beyondthesea

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Everything posted by Beyondthesea

  1. Beyondthesea
    Isn't that what a normal man would do?? Yes, remember you aren't dealing with someone even remotely normal. My biggest question is why I even miss this man, and the times we had together, when he was such a big jerk! Will this uneasy, hurt feeling go away? You miss the routine, not the relationship. think about it: do you actually like HIM? who he is? Not a chance! You don't like someone who is mean, miserable and has a horrible temper. No one likes someone like that. You have stayed in too much contact with him for too long hoping he'll finally announce that he was in the wrong or change: guaranteed neither thing will happen Rachel. That is why you are feeling so uneasy. In reality, this is only your 2nd day of no contact. Your anxiety will lessen, but you really do need to go to counseling. You learn a lot of things being in an abusive relationship, wrong things. You learn things like "If I make any mistake, I am unlovable." "I need to walk on eggshells all the time so I do not upset anyone." "Love relationships include domination over one another" etc. They really are there underneath. You will be alright!
  2. Beyondthesea
    How can someone love a person who beats the hell out of them all the time? It's called stockholm's syndrome. You 'love' them because they are very nice and deceitful for the first few months. Suddenly they turn around, and you blame yourself for the change. Then the abuse starts and you focus back on square one: when they used to treat you well and work toward getting that all the time. It's a big brainwashing attempt basically. I've been there, and looking back now, I'm really surprised I stayed so long. But overall I wanted him to admit to me that the relationship wasn't going to work because of him and his problems, not because of me. I just wanted to add too, the moment I got out of the relationship, it was apparent I didn't love him and didn't even like him, but at the time I was so focused on 'fixing things.' It's really weird. If you met me, you would never believe I've been abused. Especially when I met my abusive ex, I was so very confident and outgoing. I truly never envisioned this would happen to me, ever. link removed Go to "articles" then read "identifying losers in relationships" and also "Love & Stockholm's syndrome: the mystery of loving an abuser."
  3. Beyondthesea
    It's pure bull. However, I wouldn't put it past her to have created the account herself and is emailing threats to her husband herself for the drama. Really, I would talk to the police and ask what you can do to protect yourself. She sounds like she's off her rocker.
  4. Beyondthesea
    There I will meet new people and make new friends. Bingo. That's where I've met some great friends, along with in group activities. Never turn down an opportunity to go out and meet people!
  5. Beyondthesea
    Wow yeah she's out of it. To be honest, I would contact the police and get a restraining order. Unfortunately men get blamed in these situations more than women. They are more likely to believe her if she phones to issue a complaint if if you haven't nipped it in the bud.
  6. Beyondthesea
    You know guys, I'm just feeling so discouraged right now. I had actually planned on going back to school in the fall to get a Human Resources certificate (this would also nicely fill up all my elective credits for a degree in psyc). Well yesterday, I went to an agency and the senior person there told me not to do it! She said she rarely places anyone in those roles, and they are more 'work your way into it' positions. Now I'm all confused again. I was originally rooting to go back full time to become a teacher, but it's so expensive to live in the meantime. That's not something you can take part-time unfortunately. So basically I don't know what to do. Hooray for indecision!
  7. Beyondthesea
    I've actually signed up at two hiring agencies, and have been applying for new jobs all over. I'm completely sick of being treated this way. I'm near tears at my desk. The worst part is that I approached the engineers working on the project this morning, and they all told me they received this documentation and they did what they were supposed to do. Then my boss came in here with them and suddenly they deny ever getting their documentation. Since my job is to give them copies of all documents coming in and going out, now all fault lies with me. So unfair!
  8. Beyondthesea
    I have been assigned a new manager (the second time since I started here about 6 months ago) and he is ALWAYS after my department. I am the lead, and have an assistant. We have a few clients who really like to attack us, basically the blame goes back and forth saying we never sent them this, they never sent us that, etc. Sadly this is a big deal in the engineering industry. In any case, my new boss never backs me up. I was taken to a client's place last week and totally masacured by the client and my boss. Then today, that same client is phoning complaining again and my boss is after me again. Unfortunately, the blame always ends up on me, and I swear I'm not doing anything wrong. However it's always easier to blame the people at the bottom *my assistant and I* and I'm absolutely fed up. New job vibes anyone?
  9. Beyondthesea
    am worried that he will self-destruct if he doesnt have me to be there for him. He has always had that instinct in himself. Although he is self-destructing already with the lies that he lives. Rock bottom is a college education. He needs to learn to look after himself, and that if he treats people like dirt they aren't going to stick around. Unfortunately, it's not that his behavior has been bad, WHO HE IS, that's what is not acceptable. Sadly that isn't something that will change, no matter how sorry he is. You just miss the routine, that's all. You know full well within a week of you being friends again he would be back to normal.
  10. Beyondthesea
    Personally I think he's just taking you for granted now that you live together. I'd let him know that you fell in love with who he made out he is, not this new 'no cares' person who lives with you. There's nothing wrong with expecting a present on your ANNIVERSARY!
  11. Beyondthesea
    It's probably because you had enough of your ex. Now you see you didn't really love him, you were just 'used' to him. If you love someone, you won't become attracted to someone else within a small amount of time. I'm so glad you parted ways with that loser!
  12. Beyondthesea
    I'm glad you haven't contacted him B, you really don't need that sort of negativity in your life. Although you miss the routine and constant feeling of having 'someone there', isn't it nice to hang out with a friend and not worry about being ridiculed or told what to do? That's what you need to remind yourself to do...remember why you did this in the first place. You're doing great babe, PM anytime.
  13. Beyondthesea
    Only a slip, nothing to worry about in my opinion.
  14. Beyondthesea
    yesterday her grandmother died back home. So the whole family is upset now she is not so upset but her house has a very depressing mode and she is helping them and all. I haven’t seen her for 3 days now. I mean what is the normal frequency for couples to meet eachother I am new to relationship this is my serious relationship I wouldn't be too focused on not seeing her right now, her family will want everyone to stick together. Even though she says she isn't bothered, she is. Honestly, I just wanted to say that you guys have constant drama, and that's no way to have a relationship. If you two are always arguing and angry after 2 months, break up. You should be in the honeymoon phase for at least 6 months!
  15. Beyondthesea
    So why is this not cheating? Honey you deserve so much better than this! Certainly you can chalk it up to addiction, but I have dated someone who was also 'addicted' and he stopped fine and dandy when I left him. Sorry, but this is a matter of choice. Not only did he continue to stay online and look for other women while dating you, now he cheats on you by his masturbation addiction. Why on Earth are you excusing his behavior? I truly have been there, and justifying it does nothing but continue his behavior. Unfortunately it's ultimadum time. Either his issue goes or you do. If he can't control himself, that's not your problem. This is something you will deal with over and over and over again for the rest of your life. At the moment he's not cheating, but eventually he probably will I'm afraid. Save yourself the years of agony and leave now. It can only be your problem for so long. If he truly wanted to stop, he would.
  16. Beyondthesea
    I really believe it's a society-based thing. In each society there is a standard of what is beautiful and what isn't. In North America, it includes weighing a hundred pounds and wearing a size 0. I went to a place I've never shopped before this past weekend and couldn't find any double digit sizes...I'm a 12 and felt so badly about myself I left there in near tears. Now I'm dieting again. Unfortunately I don't see those ideals going away any time soon. Way back when, a bigger person was attractive because it meant they were rich...they could afford to eat that much food. Now, restraint is what people are attracted to. The less you eat, the more you restraint yourself, the more attractive you are.
  17. Beyondthesea
    The questions and posts will be no more very soon, I promise. Why babe? We're all here to listen. You aren't annoying or bothering anybody. Whenever you feel sad, weak or upset, come on here or email me. You always have us to talk to, promise!
  18. Beyondthesea
    I'm so sorry you're suffering so much friend. You have really had the run around with this woman. Remember her attempts to get back together are a joke, and she isn't the one for you, because she's not. Someone who loves you would never treat you this way. Be strong friend, and move forward. Your suffering has been really prolonged because you allow her to come back again. NC may not be the answer, but keeping your distance besides seeing your children definitely is.
  19. Beyondthesea
    Simply, here is what I'm saying. I have very strong ideas about what is a go or not in any relationship, and also very strong ideas/beliefs about what is normal in my current relationship. When you say "what is normal?" I mean, "what is normal in this particular relationship at this particular time." If you're fighting all the time, obviously you'll feel less secure about the relationship unless you normally fight all the time and are used to it. If you're always all lovey dovey together, and for three months your husband/wife 'works late' and no longer wants to spend time with you or have sex with you, that's abnormal in that relationship. That's all I'm saying. Nothing more or less. I'm not talking about how people change over time or how boundaries become redrawn. That is a normal part of a relationship anyhow in my mind. Point blank: we all have insecurities in our relationships, in ourselves, in our lives. It's up to us to judge whether or not they are serious, or all in our minds.
  20. Beyondthesea
    routine we had for 3 years? I just wanted to point out that this is what you probably are missing. Think about it: Name one occasion that was good. Now name the 25 bad occasions that ruled it out. No matter how much someone is good to you on occasion, if they constantly outweight the good, they are just plain no good for you. Rach love, I really think you should go see a counselor. You are experiencing a lot of anxiety and confusion about everything, and you need to clear your mind before you will heal completely. HUGS BABE!
  21. Beyondthesea
    Rach you just feel so down because he has contacted you so many times. You have done the right thing, and certainly you'll miss the good times (though few) you had together. You will be alright, and things will get better. Chin up babe!
  22. Beyondthesea
    Some people are very insecure and believe someone is cheating on them when they aren't. But then, of course that fault lies within the person, not with the partner. That should be addressed with counseling, etc. I guess what I'm trying to say is that if you are in a normal relationship and suddenly get the 'something's wrong' feeling and you're getting the signs that they are cheating, believe it instead of justifying it. Everybody knows what jives and what doesn't in their relationships, and we should all know enough about ourselves to see if we are insecure or if there's valid reason to be concerned.
  23. Beyondthesea
    Most of us would say "lousy". We would wish we'd snoopped. The point is though, if your partner is giving you signs that he/she is cheating, or you have that gut feeling they are, they probably aren't trustworthy and worth having a relationship with in the first place.
  24. Beyondthesea
    I personally think adultery is the only reason for divorce Agreed. I take marriage very seriously. I'm only getting married once, and if there's a divorce, that's it for me. Marriage is a serious commitment. If people want a relationship they can jump from at the drop of a hat, they shouldn't be considering marriage.
  25. Beyondthesea
    Would changing my cell number this late be of any use? Of course babe, that's why these setbacks are creeping up on you. Any time there is contact of any sort, you will not heal. You're doing great Rach, just give yourself a break but remember not to contact him anymore. He is holding you back with his constant reminders that he is 'still around.'
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