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Beyondthesea last won the day on June 14 2006

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About Beyondthesea

  • Birthday 01/02/1981

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  1. It's called Stockholm's syndrome. You feel badly for someone who abused you because they really make you feel that way, trust me. They tell you all the time about how cheated their lives have been, how the world owes them things, and honestly, with my abuser, he was completely useless on his own and couldn't do even the smallest thing for himself. I felt sorry for him and was always doing everything for him. Not only for him, but for me to shut him up so I could have some peace and quiet. You feel like they have to be 'looked after' and somehow it's your job, and it's also 'your problem' that they have had such a 'hard life', etc. It's really a form of manipulation and abusers are very skilled sociopaths on many occasions. In cany case, I didn't feel badly after I walked for the last time. I felt exhilirated, like my soul had been freed. When someone misses someone abusive, it's because they are confused and used to the way their life has been going. They aren't sure how to live anymore, or what's normal. Unless you've been through it, it's very hard to understand.
  2. Guys distrust a girl that is too giving, too nice. So be nice, but play the hard to get card (act busy, even if you're not). It's worked for me. You know, I really think it just depends on the individual you are dating. I was "too nice and too giving" to all the guys I've dated, and that initiated them walking all over me and being very uncaring and unappreciative. With my fiance, it's 100% the opposite. The more loving, caring and giving I am, the more he is the same back to me...I think that's a normal relationship.
  3. Sadly you'll find out more disappointing things as time goes on. He's demonstrating now how much he's 'changed'
  4. If you are repeating the same relationship mistakes over and over again, it's time to look within yourself and see why. Was your father unavailable to you? Were you made to feel insecure in your life? Did you have a lot of relationship problems with your parents, or did your parents have a lot of relationship problems themselves? Laugh all you like, but once you answer these questions, you can answer your own.
  5. Oh my, I am so sorry to hear this. Do talk to your dad, and see what happens. What does he think is going to come of him lying about it forever? Better tell her now rather than later I think. Definitely don't run back to your ex for comfort. This is hard to go through, but it will be alright. My father cheated on my mother years back, but they worked through it and are still together. It will work out as it's supposed to...
  6. I think the internal changes are the most important. I am definitely not the same person I was 7 years ago, that's for sure.
  7. I know what you mean about being in a safe place so it all rushes back...that happened to me too. Very weird. I think our minds won't let us feel all the pain because we just can't handle anymore at the time. Then later it comes back to haunt us. Ugh! Maybe what you need to do is start helping yourself feel more strong...do some new activities, find yourself, free yourself from feeling vulnerable. When I started new activities, found new friends, starting really loving and taking care of myself, my confidence increased and I no longer felt vulnerable or afraid Much love...
  8. With complete honesty, I would walk. It wasn't a one time thing that was completely by accident out of the blue (not that it would excuse it anyway), and she is taking this time to 'decide what to do.'.... I completely understand how much pain you must feel right now. I know how hard it must be for you to decide what to do, but my advice...decide for her. If you did keep dating, not only would you feel untrusting of her all the time, but it would take a LOT of work to repair this relationship. So much, and I'm sorry to say, she isn't playing the regular 'cheater role.' She isn't phoning begging, crying for forgiveness, feeling guilty...she took time off from the relationship. That doesn't show an ounce of remorse, and you certainly don't deserve this.
  9. Don't worry honey, you are doing the best you can and are doing splendidly. Do some activities to make you feel better, or start off your morning with a new routine...go for a walk everyday, do a yoga video everyday, etc...something routine. It will help!
  10. Why don't you just find one good job that pays well enough that you could live on your own? I know your parents won't foot the bill financially but darling, that shouldn't really be an issue in my opinion. You've come so far with therapy and with everything, now is the time to start standing on your own two feet and do what you have to do to be self sufficient. I moved out by myself when I was 19. It was the best thing I ever did. I went to school part time and worked full time. When your parents are too in your space, it's time to move out.
  11. Why don't you get a job and move out? Are you really young? If not, make the change.
  12. Agreed. Sorry but you don't have to feel any obligation to your current employer. In the working world you always have to look out for yourself first.
  13. My job is pretty sweet...I get every 2nd Friday off, TOWP plus vacation...wow. That really encourages personal time!!! In my free time I bake, read, walk, exercise, have friends over, watch movies, visualize my perfect life, talk to family, etc. I always say I would be the happiest housewife on Earth, I always have something I'd like to do. But I also take online university and engage in other activities.
  14. I also second the ER...they can give you GOOD pain medicine that will actually work!!!
  15. I've been both and healed as both. I guess though I was with someone horribly abusive and dumped him, so I was given a LOT of room to grow from that situation. I think if you were in a 'normal' situation it would be harder to grow as the dumpee...
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