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Beyondthesea

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Everything posted by Beyondthesea

  1. Beyondthesea
    I truly wouldn't let this slide either hon. There's no reason you have to walk on eggshells to avoid arguments, period.
  2. Beyondthesea
    Wow Bethany I'm so surprised at your response! Have you ever been abused? No one can MAKE someone react in any way...we all choose our actions.
  3. Beyondthesea
    Good point T... I feel bad, I have been really venting myself sick to my poor fiance.
  4. Beyondthesea
    I hate my anger and hate the feeling of hating myself for getting into a situation of exploding but I do blame you for that. Point taken. He's definitely abusive to you and you don't need this. I would honestly prepare to leave. This won't get any better, I assure you that. I was like you, constantly trying to 'fix my actions' and take the blame. He has to learn to control himself, that's not up to you. This is not your fault. HE HAS BRAINWASHED YOU. There is absolutely nothing you can do, say or any way you can be that should make someone react to you in that manner, period. Please read that article if you don't believe me. Prove me wrong.
  5. Beyondthesea
    but its not like he is continuously abusive, its only when he really loses his temper and most times my child hasn't even seen it. Hi honey, I dated an abusive man for 7 years, and that's the trademark. Of course he's not continually abusive or you'd drop him flat, right? If he wasn't sweet and kind some times, you would have no reason to stay. This cycle is what keeps women in abusive relationships. link removed Go to "articles" then read "Identifying losers in relationships." I assure you this will not improve, and your child knows full well what is going on. To be honest, my parents were abusive to one another and that's probably the reason I jumped into an abusive relationship. You don't want your child to do the same. The cycle goes like this: Sweet - things are alright, tension is low, he's trying to 'make it up to you' Tension building - things are feeling more tense, you are starting to walk on eggshells to keep yourself safe emotionally and/or physically Outburst - he has an outburst; could be physical or emotional Return to sweet - the whole thing starts again.
  6. Beyondthesea
    Whenever that happened to me, I forced myself to eat little things that I kept with me everywhere...crackers, pudding, etc.
  7. Beyondthesea
    Next Thursday will be my last day here and I'm so glad. I have been feeling so angry and hurt and annoyed with everyone and their treatment of me. Luckily I'll be starting a new job July 31, so hopefully I won't have the same issues all over again. I just hated my job here, asked for new responsibilities and duties, and was promptly ignored. When I did help another department, I was told I wasn't allowed to. Nice. My assistant is horribly gossipy and spread all around how I was looking for another job. Man I'll be glad to get outta here. Yesterday someone else was leaving so I signed on their card, "Bill, hold the door on your way out. Beyondthesea"
  8. Beyondthesea
    Welcome to enotalone, I'm sorry to hear you are having such a tough time right now. Care to offer some insight into the relationship and why/how it ended?
  9. Beyondthesea
    If a man says he isn't ready for marriage and doesn't want to get married, believe him. After 2 years, you have every right to ask if the relationship is marriage worthy. If he doesn't want to marry you, why is he still with you? And he's 26 and too young? Yeah, you're dealing with a commitment phobe here. I would walk.
  10. Beyondthesea
    Been there baby. It's a rough ride spending your every moment trying to get someone to accept you for the way you are...only by the end you aren't you anymore...
  11. Beyondthesea
    Hi! How long of a relationship have you had? How have you been proving to him that you've changed and that your relationship is going to be different than it was? If things were truly as bad as you say, it makes sense that he has pulled away so much and was fed up with how things were going in the relationship. Personally, I would phone him up, ask to talk and tell him you're making positive changes in your life (have proof) and that you are working on your issues, but you need to know if the relationship is still going or not. Are you going to counseling? It sounds like there are some underlying issues there. If you were fighting over nothing, and it was you starting the fights, he's waiting to see changes so he can trust you again.
  12. Beyondthesea
    Welcome to enotalone friend! I am so sorry that this has happened to you, and that you are feeling so unsure of what to do. It's natural to feel so wavery about the entire thing, it's scary and unreal. Of course you want things back to the way they were, but do you really want her back? That's the million dollar question. Will you ever be able to forgive her and trust her again? I was actually quite angry for you when I read that you've been supporting her and she's repaid you by sleeping with someone else. Do you believe the relationship is completely unsolvable? How did you find out that she was cheating? Did she tell you or did you just 'find out.'
  13. Beyondthesea
    Personally I would go see your doctor and ask about it. He/she should have the most updated info on what you can do. It is a 'condition' per say, as it can be dangerous if you walk outside or whatever, but not uncommon by any means. I used to sleep walk when I was a child but grew out of it.
  14. Beyondthesea
    Thank goodness someone around here can give free legal advice
  15. Beyondthesea
    Haha! Thanks! I actually was so angry at my job on Friday that I gave my notice anyway. I'm officially in limbo! I really just don't care anymore though, I HATE my current job so much I'd rather go pound the pavement in two weeks.
  16. Beyondthesea
    The job is just for an administrative assistant but it is SUCH a good team environment! Every person on the administrative team does everyone else's job as well so we all help one another. When someone is really busy, we all pitch in to take the load off. It's really nice and exactly what I'm looking for. You also sign a 'no gossip' policy when you start there and that's also a welcome addition. My assistant at my last job went spreading it around to my boss that I was looking for another job. Very cowardly...she was actually from a temp agency and did this to use as a tool so she'd be hired full time. You'd think she must be young right? Nope. She's nearly 50 years old! What a jerk.
  17. Beyondthesea
    Sorry to say, she would enjoy your smothering if she is in such dire need for attention. You can blame yourself all you want, but she is the one ultimately making the choice here.
  18. Beyondthesea
    Personally I would help your family pay for college. No one paid for mine! I've always had to work and go to school at the same time. What I did is take a small amount and say it is mine to use toward whatever I like every year (AKA vacation fund) and the rest of it goes towards college. At the end of college, if you've spent wisely, you should have enough for your vacation and still contributed to your college. Your family shouldn't have to foot the bill, it's your education.
  19. Beyondthesea
    Just a note: don't ignore stomach problems if they persist. I did, and found out later I was mildly lactose intolerant...yeah, mildly to the point where after I ate I always had stomach cramps. Yuck. In any case, don't worry too much about clashing sex drives.
  20. Beyondthesea
    What's really pushing me for the divorce side, is that he would have left had his mistress not refused to leave her husband. Then, you had to start looking after him so he stayed? Sounds more like he stayed for convenience's sake.
  21. Beyondthesea
    If she's an attention addict, that's bad. She is already giving hints that she could be unfaithful to you. To be honest, I would tell her that sort of behavior isn't acceptable in your mind and if she can't handle that, leave. It's not like she's exchanging info to be friends with someone...she's looking for sexual attention.
  22. Beyondthesea
    Should I be worried that something more may happen? Honestly, he sounds a LOT like my fiance. He is also friends with a great deal of females and it took me a lot of time to get used to it and not feel like he was going to jump on one of them. If he's honest and good-hearted, you don't have to worry. Females love having male friends who aren't about to jump them too, so it's no wonder he's a popular guy. Take it slow with him, at a level comfortable for you, but remember that his actions are showing he's a really lovely man
  23. Beyondthesea
    HR people have other things to do as well.... What? Well good thing I didn't go for HR like I was thinking originally.
  24. Beyondthesea
    Actually I was hired through an agency, and they are waiting to get the letter from my new employer. They should email/fax it to me when they get it, but I'm too impatient to wait
  25. Beyondthesea
    I'm actually the same way with my now fiance. I still constantly ask if he is happy, if he's having a good time, if he is happy with me, etc. It's from being in relationships were you felt 'at fault' all the time, or like things were being withheld from you. It's sad and it's hard. My suggestion: actions speak louder than words. How does he treat you? Then make your decision about his feelings. Also, I write in a journal and that minimizes my insecurities and helps to get some emotional baggage off your back.
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