Beyondthesea

Anyone else been in the situation? *Raises hands* Here I am! I was there for almost 7 years. I walked and have never been happier in my life. It was the more horrifying experience of my life. I was severely abused as well...physically, emotionally, thrown out of his place, had no one to turn to, etc. How did I do it? I woke up one day and said to myself "Life doesn't have to be this way." After that, I began planning for my escape. I put away money, put away clothes, etc into a suitcase in case I needed to leave in a hurry. I put up motivating quotes around (my fav: No one can make you feel inferior without your consent). Besides this, you MUST tell someone what is going on so that they can assist you if you need them. It's hard but it's the best thing you can do...sorry to say, the odds of an abuser becoming homicidal towards you in a bought of rage is VERY high. The Jekkle and Hyde thing you describe is exactly what abuse is all about. You wait to see if things will permanently change for the good...they will not, guaranteed. I had left a few times, each time he begged and pleeded and pretended that he would change. He went to counseling, anger management, abuse intervention, etc then came home and abused me. This is how I can guarantee to you there is no changing an abuser, period. Life does NOT have to be this way, and the choice is yours. By the time I left, I was so mentally and physically exhausted and ill that I didn't even recognize myself anymore. I was a very strong person, and was broken down into fragments of my former self. Point blank: you have the choice, choose wisely.

I just wanted to say that I knew someone who was in a FWB relationship, and I was absolutely disgusted by it. That being said, if I found out someone I was interested in ever did the FWB thing, I would no longer be interested. I just feel that if someone has that shallow of feelings for one person, it will continue to others.

Just want to say that I am also curvy and I LOVE IT! Sorry to say, little teeny women can never look the same in a nice dress as we can. Having curves is much better than being flat and straight up and down

That immediately takes my level of interest to the negative level. Especially because you mentioned they are together on a 'sexual level.' I assume that's a FWB type thing...not good. If that's the case, he probably won't want a real, loving relationship the way you deserve. He just wants someone to 'love n leave.'

Nope, don't do it. If you are into friends with benefits, something's not quite right. The moment one of you actually finds someone to date, the other will be extreamely jealous and your friendship will end. OR neither of you will ever date anyone else if the fwb thing spreads around.

Honestly I'm glad you didn't end up with her. She sounds pretty scanky. Sorry to hear you feel shoved aside, but it's just obvious she's not the one for you! And be glad for that!

Honestly I wouldn't bother. I have done the getting back together thing numerous times, and I have never stayed in those relationships. If things couldn't work out the first time, why would they the second? Of course she misses you now...today you told her you're closing the door on her and on the past...that scares her. You are probably a good alternative to no one.... Did she leave you for someone else? I was searching through your posts and couldn't find anything solid...

Definitely praying for you friend. Suicide is always a permanent answer to temporary life problems. Don't let the pain win.

Make sure you do...remember, there's no point in hashing things out again. You know the results. Keep strong and you'll do fine!!!

I just wanted to mention that I was in an abusive relationship for many years, and can guarantee they will not change. There is something wrong inside of them that cannot be altered, especially considering she doesn't want to and sees nothing wrong with her behaviors. I would start planning to leave. There is nothing you can do. To be honest, you probably don't love her. It is called "stockholm's syndrome." Very sick and twisted, but true. Leaving was the smartest thing I ever did, and I also was promised everything under the sun when I left the first time.

You need more fibre in your diet, plus you are probably dehydrated. What you should do (this takes some getting used to, but I've had the same problems for some time): when you first get up in the morning, drink a glass of water before anything else. Make sure you drink at least 6 to 8 glasses of water per day. Eating more fruits/veggies and wholegrains plus water will help you a lot.

Why do people purposely screw themselves over? To play the victim? 100% yes IMO. I hate people who do the 'oh poor me' then ruin other people's lives. How ridiculous. Personally I would leave. I really believe that as soon as he is satisfied he's forgiven he'll be right back on there. You'll always be wondering and chasing after him.

I think you should lose 175 pounds - in the form of your boyfriend! Completely agree.

Honestly, I dated a guy like this once. I was fine for him when we first started dating, then the criticism began. If you weren't attractive then, he would not have started dating you. I'm really p'od for you. Personally I agree with LadyBugg...this isn't about your weight, this is a blatant attempt to be mean to you.

Exactly. I'd say leave. The other thing that comes to mind: you've been together 9 years, have children, and aren't married? I'm so sorry you've been put through this, but I really feel this is unsolvable. It just shows he has no communication skills and doesn't want to resolve things anyhow...he just wants to leave things open so that he can hook up somewhere else.

Personally i would leave...it feels like your whole relationship with him has been a lie. If you two weren't connecting all that time, he would have left. Why hasn't he then?

Ask what specific experience they have related to your child and issues that can arise.

In my opinion, honesty is always the best policy. I would tell your boyfriend the truth. I know no one else will agree with me on that, but I'm someone who needs a clear conscience. I would not go on the date however, that would be a grave mistake.

If you do have an anger problem, why don't you go to counseling? Find a counseling centre nearby and start going to anger management, etc.

RW, I just wanted to add that everyone needs professional help in the world. I don't know of one person who I can think of and say "this person wouldn't benefit from counseling of any kind because there is absolutely nothing wrong with them." AND on a personal note, I LOVE going to counseling! Someone who is completely focused on you, your thoughts, your issues, your problems...you'll never find anyone that attentive to you and who you are. I LOVE IT! They really make a huge effort to help you unravel your thoughts, and give you a clear, unbiased perspective on things when you ask. Facing big issues is tough, but you know what? It's 100% worth it. Letting all those skeletons out of your closet gives some emotional pain at first...then your mind literally lets it go. You deal with it, and you move forward, completely proud of yourself for doing so. You can so do it girl.

If it's a man, pulling away is a normal thing. You just go about your daily routine and literally ignore them. That works every time. It's so stupid it actually works.

Oh yes, I neglected to mention the prostitutes. I would also be veeeeeeery upset about that. That is something that should have come out to you a long time ago in my opinion. Porn I don't have an issue with but prostitutes? Wow. Yes I agree, go seek some marital counseling about this.

If you broke up with him, what does it matter? You obviously didn't want him/like him anyway, so now at least you're guaranteed he won't bother you again.

I don't know if I would panic about this as much as you are. He came out to you now, telling you the truth. He obviously felt guilty about it. If it really bothers you that much, tell him the truth. You appreciate him telling you the truth about it. However, if you catch him in a lie, you will leave no questions asked. On the other hand: why do you feel porn is such a horrifying thing? Have you never watched it yourself? I find it spices things up a little bit, but I would be very angry if my fiance was watching it sans me.

Wow I was really lucky. I had 2 impacted teeth, was sedated, and was eating solid foods the same day even though my gums were sewn up. I had a specialist doing my surgery, maybe that made a difference. I took one dose of the painkillers he gave me simply because I was worried about when the freezing came out, and didn't take anymore after that.