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Beyondthesea

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Everything posted by Beyondthesea

  1. Stay far far far far away from him at all times. He is not stable and you are finding out the hard way. There's nothing you can do. Tell your friends what happened and that you will not be anywhere near where he is. There's nothing wrong with you, he is very very sick I'm afraid. Stay far away.
  2. Rach, you bet there is someone wonderful waiting for you out there! Enjoy your time to yourself, enjoy who you are and where you're going, then he will come into view Much love, hugs & blessings
  3. You want to know what I think? I think it doesn't matter what he wants. I think he casually tosses out the words "wife" and "marriage" to keep you playing along....and then warns you, "those days are done," to keep you from getting your heart set on something he may not want. Sadly I completely agree. I also dated someone like this, for about 4 years! Finally I had enough. Then when I walked he wanted to get married. So we got back together, then that all disappeared and he told me not to pressure him. So we dated another year, I walked again. Then he came back with an engagement ring. Then i told him to beat it. He had his years of chances! I'm so glad it turned out the way it did!
  4. Tareesaw, if I were you, I would draw the line. Tell him the truth! If things don't change, you are leaving. If you don't show you are serious about the change, then he won't make the effort. He just thinks you're minorly annoyed and are going to forget about it in a day or two. "Make a decision and then forget about it. The moment of absolute certainty never arrives." - remember this. If you are waiting for the heavens and Earth to align and give you the answer, remember that it's up to you. No one is going to make the decision for you. Make your point, tell him the way things need to be for you to be happy. If nothing changes within a month, it's time to walk. You're so unhappy!
  5. You know what? Knowing nothing is wrong is the best feeling in the world southerngirl. Go and get that feeling! I went for an ultrasound a few weeks ago because I have recurrent UTI's. I found out that there is absolutely nothing wrong with me, I'm just prone to have them. Hearing the tech tell me I was fine has calmed me to no end. Definitely go and talk to your doctor!
  6. No contact is definitely the way to go. Every time you contact one another, you go backwards to the very beginning, almost like reliving the break up. In the relationships I've had that ended, no matter who ended it...it was always best to do no contact and move on. 'Friends' never works, and neither does only some contact. You have to get this person away from you so that you can heal completely and move on. Much love, hugs and blessings to you
  7. I certainly wouldn't panic, but if it begins hurting or bothering you, go see the doctor tomorrow.
  8. You know sweetie, the best way to prevent cancer is screening. If you go and get checked out often, even if you do eventually have cancer 1. They will have detailed records of your health 2. They will have test results to compare to 3. You have a MUCH higher chance of being cured because they will catch it early. Go for your peace of mind if nothing else. There's nothing wrong with making sure you are healthy to calm your fears. Much love, hugs and blessings...
  9. I'm sorry to hear you are having such a rough time right now with this guy. Honestly, he sounds like he wants the fun of the relationship but isn't into making the move for you two to be together. what do you mean you started asking "stupid questions." To be honest, this guy really doesn't sound very loving. You've been dating 5 years long distance and no move to be together, and no move for commitment? It really doesn't sound right to me. I would really consider the ups and downs of this relationship and if you see him honestly making the effort for you two to be together. If not, don't waste anymore time.
  10. I truly believe that if you don't know the person is 'the one' while you have them, you either don't deserve them/they don't deserve you, or they aren't the one. I really believe love is a completely magical thing, and when the one comes, you will know. My bf (now fiance) and I talked about marriage within a week of knowing one another. We were engaged within the first year of dating, and our wedding is next year.
  11. Then she's definitely selfish and I'd drop her if I were you!
  12. I think all girls are going to have several positives an several negatives, it's just about finding the right match. That's true. If you really feel you haven't found the right match, then move on. That's an acceptable reason to stop dating someone. If you are mearly looking for greener pastures, I would advise rethinking.
  13. Honey, good for you. It's so hard to do what you have done, but I am sure already in your heart you know you've made the right choice. NC is the best for both of your sakes. He is not your responsibility. From what you have said, he will be lazy regardless, so sticking around trying to save him isn't going to do anything anyhow. You need to take this time and help yourself heal, move yourself forward in life the way you've likely been holding back while spending the past 16 months trying to move this guy. Most importantly right now: take care of yourself. make sure you are eating and sleeping as normally as possible. Write out your feelings on paper, express them to friends, and keep yourself as calm as possible. You have done the right thing.
  14. Congrats on how wonderful everything has turned out for you We're waiting to see pictures!!! Remember that the birthing process may be hard and you may feel pain, but in the end you have a beautiful baby and the start of your family Much love, hugs and positive vibes
  15. Sorry to say I wouldn't let it go. So everytime the relationship is rocky he can turn to other women? I dated someone like that once, and it's a real issue. Everytime we fought, everytime we had any sort of conflict, he was online finding new women to replace me with. I replaced his sorry butt and found someone worthwhile. If it's only been 7 months and already he's been doing that, I'd call it quits myself.
  16. It's absolutely normal to be so questioning about his change, that makes sense. Do what you think is right. If you love him and want things to work out, try it...but be very clear in your intention to leave if any of this starts up again. You don't have to be obligated to be his babysitter for the rest of your life either hon.
  17. So here's the problem. She's really the first girl I ever dated. You aren't going to marry her. Not because you shouldn't, but because you don't want to. It doesn't matter if she's the first or the 50th person you've dated. If you really love her, it doesn't matter. To be quite honest, the feeling I get from you is "I haven't slept with enough people." I'm sorry, but you should break up. "I like her"...it's been a year and a half! If you don't love her, if you are thinking of breaking it off, do her a favor and do it. You are living together, etc. Why did you do all that if you don't love her? Why did you push the relationship together so much? You aren't ready for the seriousness of the relationship. Time to break it off.
  18. The technical term for what everyone is talking about is the bystander effect...the more people are witnessing an incident, the LESS likely you will be helped. I know everyone here says that they would run away...remember that it could be you. Would you want people to pass by and abandon you or your loved ones, children, friends? I would stand there screaming bloody murder. Always, I repeat...ALWAYS yell FIRE! if someone is attacking you, if you're in trouble, etc. For whatever reason, the word fire instigates a large emotional reaction in people, much more so than 'help' or even 'rape.' Certainly you should avoid danger, but I would at least start screaming and try to scare them off before bolting myself.
  19. If you are active, you won't gain any weight. I was not so I gained about 10 pounds, but quickly lost it as well. The pill is given out like candy nowadays, I truly wouldn't worry about it. There are benefits of going on the pill too It clears up acne, provides a nice, light period, reduces incidence of cramps, PMS, etc. It also makes sure you have a regular period which is also important, especially when you are ready to have sex It also reduces the risks of certain kinds of cancers. Talk to your doctor about the benefits/risks.
  20. I can't live my life like this..I know a guy friend right now who has the same personality as I have, yet he has a wealth of female friends who have done alot for him..recommended him to jobs, introduced him to their single girl friends, invited him to parties and events, taken dance classes with him, given him advice on the opposite sex, bought him clothes (even though he hasn't bought any girl clothes) and the list goes on. They truly respect him..and they certainly don't feel uncomfortable around him. So what is the difference between you and him? I can tell you right now: HE'S CONFIDENT. You need to boost your confidence. Believe you can have whatever you want, believe you are attractive, believe you are wanted by women and you will attract this into your life. Guaranteed. You need to love yourself 100%. Then others notice and are attracted to that. Don't feel sorry for yourself...do something about it
  21. I think the real mystery is this, how do people who have suffered tremendous losses, whether actual or perceived, remove that from their mind and focus on real happiness. How do you forgive yourself for mistakes, for stupidity, for selfishness, and so forth? They decide to, it's as simple as that. Although I don't believe someone can change overnight, I do believe they can change their attitude over night and thus their life in a matter of moments. KEEPING that frame of mind is why people say no one can change overnight. When you believe you can't, you're right. When you believe you can, you're right. "When you believe it, then you will see it."
  22. Hi love, What you are going through is completely normal, 100% normal. You will question things, you won't feel quite right, you will be upset one moment and angry the next. That's all normal. Be careful now. I'm not convinced he's 'done with you' quite yet. He may change his mind and bother you some more, so be prepared to be firm to keep him away. Love with a real, healthy man is completely possible and will happen for you. Personally I am engaged to a wonderful man, and I believe Hope is as well. As stupid as it sounds, now that you found out what you will not put up with, you'll find someone who is everything you adore. I never believed it either, but as soon as I dropped my abusive ex, my fiance came into view. Life is funny that way
  23. Absolutely everyone goes through what you are experiencing. That's why a lot of people stay in relationships that don't mesh...they think they will never find anyone better. The truth is, there are many many matches to every person. Find the one you're happiest with and that is your life partner I have dated a ton of people in my life, and can honestly say that it's always a matter of 'comparison' to the last person you dated. However, eventually you will find someone to which there just isn't any comparison! You will definitely find someone else, don't worry
  24. The only person in the world who can 'fill the void' for you, is you. RW, you depend so much on others to make or break you, when it's really only you who is able to do that. You need to look inside and find out why you are so dependent on others to make you happy. Then find out why you aren't making yourself happy. Peace love and hugs.
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